Mental Health, Community, and You: A Crash Course in Not Ruining Things for Everyone Else

[CourierBravo]

Hi, I am BejewledPot, also known as CourierBravo more commonly. You might know me for such gems as "Stick your head into the ground and ignore your community. I’d be surprised if you’re peaking 10 players by next New Years Eve." among many others. Since the last time I said such inflammatory statements, I've been on an 8 month break to figure some things out. What I figured out after all of that is: mental and social health is incredibly important and should not be ignored. Disclaimer: My topic here is largely an effort to prevent others from making the mistakes I have made. It is not a pity party. I am going to try to remain as objective as possible. I dont want empathy, I want this to not happen again. Especially for myself. Though this is also very much an incomplete set of information, and may not be useful to you. It is also not fully nuanced and complete, as I am only one person and I am not a professional in mental health.

When You are the Problem:
Often times, problem interactions happen. Obviously, that's why this community has rules and moderation staff. It's when these become commonplace that a problem begins to form, along with a pattern. Sometimes, its a topic that is the problem. Politics, for example, is a section of conversation that people are very emotionally connected with. Though more commonly this might be a set of mechanics or a pattern of play. Other times, its you that is the problem. And the common thread isnt the topic, but the person. The common link between all of these tiffs is you. That happens. But when that happens, you have to step back and start evaluating the situation objectively. And that starts how it started for me: Taking a 1 week break. Which quickly turned into 8 months.

Self reflection is a genuine skill that many lack, myself included sometimes. It is also a skill that flies out the window when you're emotional.
When you're doing a hobby or playing a game, its important to ask yourself "Am I having fun?", "Is this worth doing?", and "Is this causing me or others distress?" Not asking yourself these questions can lead to feeling a sunk cost or bitterness. Then, that the thing you're enjoying cannot be given up, and must be what you care about. You become irritable, prickly, or outright hostile when you encounter parts of this hobby you dont like. And you lash out at the people around you. This does nothing good for you, and hurts the very community you're supposed to be apart of and supporting. This is where the one week break comes into play. When you start to put time between yourself and the last incident, and let yourself cool down, you can begin to look at things more objectively. If you're still becoming emotional and irrationally angry, a longer term break is likely required. Or seeking help to process these emotions.

I stepped back, and realized that I was still emotional about everything. So, I stepped away. Which was the right choice to make.

Moving on and Getting Help:
After I left, I found new hobbies instead of just the one hobby. I strongly recommend that you, dear reader, to have at least one hobby not remotely Aurora related. Having multiple hobbies is important, especially when one of these hobbies has a serious amount of social interaction and cohesion. Working out, hiking, playing table top board games, collecting a thing, making art. These are a few examples of things that are not Aurora you can do instead of playing Aurora. These are also things that you can do with little money or none at all. Working out and making art are two things you dont even need to leave your room for. Though leave your room, please. Its good for you.

Making friends outside of Aurora is also important. I genuinely believe that my current friend group is one of the best things to have had happened to me. Being able to separate yourself from what is causing so much distress is incredibly important for being a happy human. You can join another discord, frequent the same bar, frequent a local games shop, or start a new hobby that has a group element to it. Like a sport, fabric/fiber crafts, or something else.

Talk to your doctor. Or get a new doctor. Most of you are adults, or in the USA above the age of 14. Which means you have a large amount of control over your physical and mental healthcare. You absolutely can ask to see a different doctor. Or if you're with a therapist you dont like, get a new therapist. If you think your doctor doesnt care, or their care is subpar, you can leave them. You dont owe them anything. Once you're with a doctor, therapist, or psychiatrist that you feel comfortable with the care of, talk to them. I spent the last several months figuring out that I have some trauma that I've started working through. I found out that my hormones are out of whack from the lifestyle I lead. And I found out that I really need some mood stabilizer medications to feel like my old, normal, pre-covid self. I now sleep at minimum 7 hours a night, or else I feel awful and angry and bad. I now eat way cleaner. Less takeout, more home made food. I drink water, because i was severely dehydrated almost constantly. I make sure I get at least 1 hour of exercise a day, even if its just walking or using a standing desk that I bought for myself. Your physical and mental health effect how you treat people so much. And now, I'm not angry like I used to be. I'm a much better person, I feel completely different.

Stepping Back In and Consequences:
When you inevitably decide you're ready to embrace your old hobby again, you need to know going back in that not everything will be okay. You should be prepared to notice immediately if what was causing you grief before is making a return. If it is, just walk away. Its okay to just walk away. Hopefully by now you've learned what life is like without this hobby, and you can be fine just never doing it again.

And, you've hurt people. Maybe just a couple, maybe a lot. Expect to be given some amount of grief. Expect people to not want to trust you. Expect that all these things you've done are going to bite you in the rear. As they should. You did that. You hurt people, sometimes a lot. You can apologize, and maybe they'll forgive you. Its okay if they dont forgive you. You might not know how to apologize. I dont know how to apologize. You'll have to eventually. But if you're like me, despite it all, you have a deep love for what Aurora is. Love that got corrupted by awful thoughts, shitty takes, and being a bad person. It happens. You have to choose if you're willing to move on and accept it, and learn to live with feeling embarrassed sometimes. Or you cant live with it. And you just have to leave. It sucks. But you can hopefully learn a lot and take that into the next community you join. Almost no one in this world is truly irredeemable. It starts with forgiving yourself, and being okay with people never forgiving you.

Finally,:
I want to thank you for reading this. If you see yourself in this article, please get help man. For Americans, you can go to Psychology Today to find help, a therapist who can start to guide you down the right paths. You can schedule an appointment with your primary care physician. You have the power to do the things you have to, so you can be happy. And way more importantly, so you can stop hurting people.

[Melariara]

This is a fantastic post. I'm just coming in here to drop links for Australian's that may be having mental health issues as well.

 

Beyond Blue - Mental Health Free Hotline, depression and anxiety.

Blue Knot Foundation - Trauma and abuse hotline

Kids Helpline - For children aged 5-25.

Lifeline - Crisis Counseling.

 

More places can be found at the Australian Government's Mental Health Hotline, I merely linked a few.