[Denied] Salvantrix's Skrell App!

[Salvantrix]

BYOND Key: Salvantrix

Character Names: Blake Harris, Dillon Naxium, Colt Brusner, Federico Marino, Daniel McArthur and sometimes you'll see my punning around science as YMIR.

Species you are applying to play: Skrell!

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): rgb(77, 255, 77) (Bright Green)

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes'm!

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Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race: To be completely straight I've never played another race so that'll probably be a main reason, to branch out and try new things. Although that being the main reason doesn't make it the most important, I want to play a Skrell because of the race itself. That may make absolutely no sense to most, but for those of you who play other races and have a sense of resonance with whatever race you play, they'll understand what I mean. I read the lore page multiple times, on multiple sites, using different formats and numbers for each and I appreciate all they've done as a race. They're reproduction interests me, how they speak interests me, how they breathe outside of water interests me, they're weird sense of appetite interests me, all of it is so fascinating I can't help but want to play it and understand better. I've seen a few bad people, on other servers of course, play this race and they (excuse my language) fuck it up royally. I mean it's said they can't really express how they feel using the base human language yet you see a CMO Skrell running around shouting and getting emotional... it doesn't work like that. So to recap I want to play this race to better understand the race itself and to bring a good name to those who RP properly as an alien race!

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: Oh boy... this is a loaded question and I could probably ramble on and on and on about the differences between human roleplay and say... Skrell roleplay? First off... humans are humans and Skrell are Skrell. You can't possibly expect to roleplay a race as another, that's another one of those things that just doesn't work. Particularly as a Skrell you're confused by a great many human things: Marriage, monogamy, expressing emotions without singing/dancing, saying your own freaking name without croaking or spitting... Yeah... So... Personally I can see how someone would want to RP human-like as another species, [insert random excuses about why someone would want to do that here.] But the thing is... that's wrong, if you're going to take the mantle of someone who isn't apart of the human race you should act like it, no secret pathways around and no shortcuts. So that's the broad spectrum of what makes role-playing as another species, but specifically for Skrell it's the complexity of everything about them. They're completely different from humans in almost every single way. (Unless of course it's one of those newer Skrell colonies located near human areas, they like monogamy and stuff) They don't even have words... they have spitting and croaking and warbles and yeah... crazy ways of talking to each other that can't even be comprehended by Humans. Now specifically specifically, not just one specially oooooh, the Skrell language has so much depth to it, Humans literally cannot understand Skrell emotion just because of the difference in speech between the two. That's the main reason why most Skrell take up an instrument or sing, is to express their emotion in a way that humans can understand. It's pretty cool when you think about it, changing the way they do stuff just to work around the non-complexity of another's language.

 

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Character Name: Shakapsh Poshmanckpa

(Pre-reading note, the structure described in the intro is the house of my character, I don't go into detail very much because it's not important to my backstory. Have fun! )

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs:

(The date is, April 18, 2428 and Skrellian society has recently come into contact with the Human Race. We look upon the homeworld of Qerr'balak to see a new family being created. Here is the story of the one who lived.) *Noncoherent warbles and croaks...* (In the city of Kal'lo, Qerr'balak, there lies a beautiful resting on stilts, it's surrounded by the large flowing dark blue forests native to the land. On top of the stilted structure rests a newer looking building, one might describe it as 'modern' and here is where we begin our tale.) Starting out as a child for Shak, as he prefers to be called now, was truly a nightmare. Being the weakest and most unintelligent of his two other Qarr-Baqa (Bond-mates) was truly a bane on his existence, both his Qarr-Maqa (Main parent) and Qrri-Maqa (Secondary parent), were not worried for him, as they knew he would not live through to his adult form. But he persevered, he kept on looking at the bright side of all things until one day... tragedy struck the home. You see Shak was born into Qerr-katish (High-Cast) household, therefore his Qarr-Maqa and Qrri-Maqa were in positions of high authority inside of the Skrellian society, although that makes them more prone to attacks on their personal life, which is the current unfortunate event that our character has been apart of. Just as he was changing into his "adult" shape, alone of course, his Bond-mates and Qarr-Maqa/Qrri-Maqa were out enjoying a Skrellian family reunion. Everyone at this reunion just happened to be apart of the Qerr-katish (High-Cast), which made the reunion a perfect place to strike for radical Skrell who believe the Caste system should be put to rest. So here we are... Shakapsh is all alone, in a new unfamiliar form. So, despite the fact he had an underlying hatred towards his family, had them buried with full honors in the society. Now every Qill-xamr(Night of the dead) (September 17th) he takes time to remember them even in the short time he knew them.

Fast forward through his years growing up with his Maqa’lak (Basically an Aunt/Uncle) in a new cast, the Malish-katish (Caste of the Mind). This is where he truly thrived, he wandered around to different places trying to fully grasp the complete understanding of the brain and how it works. Then after many a time waiting, he finally entered the Keri-Gloa, the Ongoing Enlightenment, to find what he truly wanted to do. All throughout his life he'd been waiting for the day to truly pick up the pace and learn with the rest of his race. (BARS!) It put him on the track to finding his one true passion, the thing in which he wanted to do for the rest of his days. Then one day, three years later, he made a choice. To leave the enlightenment process and become a low-class worker, because he never did end up finding the one profession in which he was happy. He tried it all... from Xenobiology all the to Prisoner Management. But something happened on that day... on his way back to the small dormitory at the academy he went to... He was walking along the windy plant infested path and came across something truly interesting, a bird. But not just any bird, a bird that was completely encrusted with some sort of black parasite. He gazed upon that bird with such curiosity you'd of thought he'd of died immediately. He picked it up and held it, looked at it, felt it, breathed in it's essence. At that moment in time something changed, he thought about everything he's ever done. From being the weakest of the bond, to his family tragedy, to him becoming a low-class worker. All of that in the blink of an eye and he said, "*Series of warbles, croaks, and other gross noises.*" Then from there he rushed back to the academy library and found a small well-worn book in the cob-web littered back corner of the library titled, "Diseases and why they occur in nature." He probably read that book 2 million times before he finally finished his enlightenment period at the age of 25. He had finally done it, he had become Qerr-Mog, a fully-fledged Skrellian mind, expert in his area of work. In Shak's case it was Virology. He had mastered whatever his home world could on the concept and what it meant. From there he left Qerr'balak in search of something to do now... He had finally completed his long term goal and had no interest in his world's politics. So he searched, and searched... and searched. His travels took him all across the galaxy, meeting new people, making new enemies and friends alike. Finally after five years of travel he came across a Bluespace Technician, in a bar. Still to this day he remembers what the man, Issac Longhorn, said to him, "Hey kid, why don't you come with me eh? Nanotrasen could use a lad like you in our ranks." From there it's history, Shak had made his way through space to a career in Virology aboard whatever vessel Nanotrasen has for him at the end of his basic training.

( A/N: Okay... I honestly didn't mean to make it that long.. So yeah if I need to shorten it or change some stuff lemme hear about it please!)

What do you like about this character: Personally I really like his drive and how he went on an emotional roller coaster to get to where he is today. I really didn't go completely in-depth (Although it may seem like it) on his character and the array of emotion he has locked away from the hardships of his childhood. I mean he lived in the highest order of Skrell, yet was extremely weak and unintelligent by their standards.

(Didn't see it so I'll just add it here?) What do you dislike about this character: I dislike how he gave up near the beginning of his life, Skrell live for a long time and giving up at 18 is just ridiculous... If that bird wasn't there at the right time he would've wasted away as a Janitor and done absolutely nothing with his life... That's just not cool.

How would you rate your role-playing ability: I think it depends on the situation, at least for me. For example if I was having the time of my life playing a medical doctor I would get hella immersed and stuff, like I would be just in there with roleplaying... acting as if I was the character. But if I'm just sitting back in Medbay doing nothing for an extended round, I might have to do something a little outrageous to get the metaphoric blood flowing if you know what I mean.

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Notes: Feedback is always welcome! I know I kinda suck as a write because I ramble on a lot, but if you see something wrong about lore or something LET ME KNOW! I take feedback very seriously to improve both myself as a person and as a writer, so don't hold back people. Trust me I can take some stern verbal feedback

Edited August 4, 2016 by Guest

[Fire and Glory]

Finally after five years of travel he came across a Bluespace Technician, in a bar....

TL;DR, and I can't really judge off a Skrell app, but this caught my attention as I was skimming.

BST's aren't really a Thing, they are mysterious people working in strange ways and noone knows jack about them, the fact that they don't have any actual (public?) lore around them makes them unsuited to incorporate into a story.

Although you can generally assume that because they're so rare, they're not going to chill in a bar somewhere.

In personal experience, while a BST can certainly show up wherever they damn well feel like, they certainly aren't stopping to chat at any point in time.

Also writing down dislikes is only required for a Head of Staff app but whatever you like.

[Salvantrix]

Finally after five years of travel he came across a Bluespace Technician, in a bar....

TL;DR, and I can't really judge off a Skrell app, but this caught my attention as I was skimming.

BST's aren't really a Thing, they are mysterious people working in strange ways and noone knows jack about them, the fact that they don't have any actual (public?) lore around them makes them unsuited to incorporate into a story.

Although you can generally assume that because they're so rare, they're not going to chill in a bar somewhere.

In personal experience, while a BST can certainly show up wherever they damn well feel like, they certainly aren't stopping to chat at any point in time.

Also writing down dislikes is only required for a Head of Staff app but whatever you like.

 

Ah yeah I was wondering about that BST I threw in there, I remembered an old tale from someone on a previous server (Was long and convoluted, but it got the point across that bluespace tech's are freaking weird) and doing it this way sounded interesting to me. I can understand the complete mystery shrouding their being and I probably should've put something along the lines of an upper tier Security officer, but hey an entire universe can hold different types of people in it and I really wanted to embrace the challenge of it being a bluespace tech instead of just some Sec officer on a random Nanotrasen station.

[Loow]

Hey hey. This is Loow.

I'm gonna go ahead and give you some feedback. People like feedback.

First off, this applications leans pretty heavily on the baystation lore. It makes sense, the two have quite a few similarities. Qerrbalak, Jargon, the fact that the race exists at all.

Buuut I'm gonna go ahead and suggest that you give our lore on the Skrell a read and see what you can do with that. It's not perfect and the guy who oversees it really has a long road ahead of him, but it's a little different from the Baystation Lore for Skrell.

I know what you're probably thinking. "Oh no! I've written based off of the wrong foundation! Now I'll never warble with the Skrell Metaclique!" Worry not, my friend! There's always the chance to apply again in the future. Getting denied isn't necessarily a "Game Over."

More like a "Continue?"

If this app doesn't work out, I'd suggest taking a while to spend more time RPing around the server, getting to know the people, and generally having a good time playing however it is you like to play. Hone your inner space man.

Now about this application as it stands!

I don't see a reason to remain completely silent on this app as it is now. Let's see if I can make some commentary and drum up a nice conversation about this character, the lore, the questions and maybe even the app as a whole.

What I'm getting from all this is that Shak was born into nobility, was bullied by his family, was the victim of prejudice because of his family's high position in society, hated his parents, was not allowed to go to a party, and became the last living member of his immediate family when that party was attacked by radical elements.

That's pretty far out, my dude. Like, it's out there.

Then he picked up a disgusting bird covered in parasites. That's the high point of his life. Rough times.

It was mentioned before that the BST part couldn't happen, so I won't get into that.

In my opinion, the idea that he seems to show absolutely no drive to do anything until something happens to him by chance is pretty not-great.

The way this story looks here:

- He does nothing to improve his standing with his close family until they are all killed.

- He can't pick a career despite having apparently gained experience in many complex fields such as xenobiology and "Prisoner Management."

- He's brought out of his slump by a passing experience with a sick animal, yet doesn't seem to gain much inspiration from his previous life experiences.

- His journey to becoming an expert in virology is described as reading the same book many times. (seems a little too simple)

- Shak considers his life goals to have been completely met by reading this book and does not seek to do anything else with his life. (Then why do all that work?)

- To wrap is all up, he joins NanoTrasen because a stranger in a bar suggested it.

His story, as it stands, could use polishing.

You've got passion.

You've asked for critique.

You say you can take verbal feedback.

With that in mind, I couldn't just let the application go by without at least mentioning what stuck out about this character's design. I hope that helps a bit.

That said, this application is pretty starved for feedback and appears to have been written without much consideration for Aurora Lore... Aurlore? .... Our lore.

You've got a good attitude and a desire to improve! This application may not work out, but don't let that completely discourage you from pursuing an Alien Whitelist in the future.

This app is probably going to stay open for... another 24 hours or so? Feel free to respond if you'd like.

Also remember that you can post a link to your application in OOC once per round. It might help you get more feedback if people click it impulsively while playing their space game.

[Salvantrix]

Loow, let me be the (the probably not first) and (probably not last) person to say I love you. You're feedback has been extraordinary and to be honest I've read it about 12 times in the past ten minutes alone. Now onto my response to your beauty. To be fair I did base this off of Baystation lore, then when I was already done I made the wonderful not-mistake of finding the small little box in the forum that says, "HELPFUL LINK." I was all like... fack, they actually have a completely separate lore that isn't related to Baystations nearly enough for my app to pass off here, so I kinda just said whatever. I'd rather have feedback on a completely hopeless app than to edit it all over again to make it fit the lore of Aurora. Don't get me wrong this isn't out of spite or hate or any other negative emotion... I just wanted to see what people thought of my character to start out. Trust me when I say that all new characters are never perfect and it should go without saying that mine definitely needs work (as gay as it sounds I write fanfiction for a few different things...) I fucked up on a few things and now that I'm reading over my story again I see those errors push the character out of even being somewhat game ready. Although I am somewhat disappointed that happened, the joy I'm feeling is completely overshadowing it. You got what my character was all about even from the measly three-legged description I gave for his life, (I'm actually working on writing a story on it to better help me understand him fully ) and that's brilliant. Another thing, you pointed out how far out his life has been so far, i.e. his families hatred for him and his lack of no drive, and that's something I know needs to be ironed out but... I was actually going for that. I've read a whole ton of applications for whitelisting here on the forums. As in I literally read about 20 pages of both denials and acceptances to get an understanding of what you guys are looking for and what is expected of me and something I noticed was somewhat of a commodity, don't get me wrong some of them were just epic, was how basic the character depth was. Now that isn't a slight against those who accepted the applications that I read, it was just something I picked up on as I read. However it got me thinking what I could do to make something stand out a little more, so I got the idea to have a noble Skrell hated by his family for being weak and unintelligent, which (at least by baystation xD) puts a bad mark on the family. Now as I said earlier reading back on it kinda frustrates me... I went about that completely wrong and now I probably am going to have to do what I didn't and change a bunch of stuff, but that's all okay. As the great Major Lazer says, "It's all apart of the journey." Once again Loow, I greatly thank you for the feedback and you've helped me understand all issues and even a few good points about my character.

P.S. Sorry for the big blocky text. I know it hurts.

P.S.S Love you too Fire.

[Loow]

Glad I could help out a bit.

The way I see it, every time we try to write something, character or otherwise, we take something away from the experience. As easy as it could have been to just say "Not enough feedback. Not our lore." it wouldn't have given you anything to work off of. Sharing ideas gives us a chance to learn provided we either revisit the work or seek feedback. That said, the writing experience itself is a fun time. I hope your projects go well and at the very least least give you a fun creative outlet to experiment with.

The application clearly has some heart put into it. You really did well with the building blocks the Bay people provided. You're clearly a creative sort, and hopefully something in our wiki piques your interest just as much. We've got quite a few pages, so feel free to take the time to read on whatever catches your eye.

On the other hand, do remember to take some time to play human characters and interact with the crew as you can for now. If you rush straight into another Alien Whitelist application, you might find that you're still not getting much feedback.

Follow your own judgement. Make the characters you want to make. Read lore if you have an interest. Keep on keeping on.

Application denied.