[Accepted] JamOfBoy's Unathi Whitelist Application

[JamOfBoy]

BYOND Key: Jamchop23334

Character Names: Tulip Muta, Skyler Blue, Hayden Briggs and a couple one-offs.

Species you are applying to play: Unathi

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Orange-brown - 'sand coloured'

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes, on Aurora's wiki, and on Baystation, about three times each.

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Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race:

Its the only race I haven't really bothered to look at, or appreciate. Up until now, all I saw in Unathi was 'hyper aggressive lizard people'. What I see now is traditional, honour and code bound lizard people. And that works for me. I love the concept of a code of honour, and warrior traditions - which the Unathi have. I particularly like 'Guwandi' and Guwan parts of their culture - the sharing stories and then fighting to the death is just awesome to me. I also love their 'act now, think later' style of space warfare - the ram and breach seems to really sum them up for me.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:

The obvious one is their speech impediment - they draw out their 's's, and if their accent is thick enough, they tend to go like thixs. Basic is (basically) never a Unathi's first language and thus this explains their speech issues. The next is their social behaviour - Unathi thump their tail on the ground when irritated, much like how a human would stop their foot. They also chuff, or bark, or rattle, which I find to be quite amusing. Much like snakes, Unathi sway, rattle or hiss when worried or anxious.

They refer to superiors by their extended name of command. For example - in a squad called Delta, you would call the squad leader Delta.

Intimate gestures include the twining of neck and tail or touching muzzle and forehead. Exposing the neck to someone could be seen as the most meaningful expression of trust, or an expression of shame.

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Character Name: Eosisei Guwan

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

Eosisei was destined to grow up as a healer, in a small, poor, nomadic clan clutching to old traditions and following Th'akh, but a feud with another clan cut his training short. Eosisei's clan were secluded from politics - being small and poor they had bigger problems. Other clans didn't like this, and refused to trade goods - even going to the extent of raiding their already poor supplies. They didn't have enough able bodies to cover doing everything - so they had to lack in their number of dedicated fighters to be able to survive. At 14 years of age, during a sandstorm, most of his clan was killed, including his parents, and multiple buildings and resources were destroyed. He and his friend managed to survive, along with a handful of other people. They had about a week before the next party from the other clan arrived. They stayed with what they had left, unable to part with the ground their clan had claimed - fearing ancestors would bring them downfall and sorrow - and so, he and his friend were taken as prisoners. Eosisei, a couple years later, was freed, and returned to his starving clan, without his friend. Eosisei was deemed a coward for returning alive, and starved, unworthy of food.

Combat between these two clans had settled down considerably - both were tired and didn't want more blood on their hands. An incident regarding a female lead to tension and anger - and war was declared. Eosisei was one from five capable warriors. The clan didn't have many weapons, and what weapons they did have, were damaged, low quality, and outclassed. Eosisei was deemed unworthy of a weapon, and was sent into battle with nothing but his claws. Eosisei was the only survivor. The ones that survived the initial fight had too grave wounds, and died from their injuries. Among the dead was Eosisei's childhood friend - slain by Eosisei's own claws. When Eosisei returned to his clan, he saw a graveyard of dead families and ruined buildings. Eosisei had nothing to return to, and thus, took the name of Guwan.

Eosisei roamed the wasteland for most of his life, his luck only seeming to worsen as memories of his friend, his clan, and the battles and tradgedies he had to witness torn his mind apart. Politics, battles, and the state of the universe seemed to pass by. Eosisei was eventually found by NT as most Guwan are. Being deemed a 'half-baked medic', Eosisei was sent to an industrial facility as a stand-by doctor, healing workers in mines and factories. Eosisei eventually became a full time industrial worker in a ore processing factory, climbing ranks and eventually being signed up to work on a Research station.

What do you like about this character?

Done literally nothing heroic and got shut down/turned away. Was born into a pretty poor and small clan at war. Classic story of an underdog, and should make for some interesting RP, hopefully. Mental issues from his ordeal.

How would you rate your role-playing ability?

I struggle with rating myself, so I'll go with a modest 6/10. In words, good, but could be better (which is why I'm applying for a race.). I trust myself with creating interesting characters.

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Notes:

Don't get me wrong, I understand this isn't the best app for a race, but it is my first go, so give me a chance. I'm tired and ill right now, but I really like Aurora's portrayal of Unathi and I think I could carry that as a character. As I understand, whitelisting works where I give you trust that I can create characters worthy to play, and in return, you let me play those characters. I'm willing to improve and will probably have to. Thanks for taking the time to read through this mess I conjured up at the middle of the night.

The character -

Believes in Th'akh - fears angry ancestors brought bad luck to his life

6'7, male, sand-coloured scales, average body size, couple scars, notably a couple scales missing around the base of the skull/nape of the neck and a small scar just above the left eye.

Edited August 6, 2016 by Guest

[Youbar]

BYOND Key: Jamchop23334

Character Names: Tulip Muta, Skyler Blue, Hayden Briggs and a couple one-offs.

Species you are applying to play: Unathi

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Orange-brown - 'sand coloured'

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes, on Aurora's wiki, and on Baystation, about three times each.

 

I haven't seen any of these characters, but everything else checks out.

 

Why do you wish to play this specific race:

Its the only race I haven't really bothered to look at, or appreciate. Up until now, all I saw in Unathi was 'hyper aggressive lizard people'. What I see now is traditional, honour and code bound lizard people. And that works for me. I love the concept of a code of honour, and warrior traditions - which the Unathi have. I particularly like 'Guwandi' and Guwan parts of their culture - the sharing stories and then fighting to the death is just awesome to me. I also love their 'act now, think later' style of space warfare - the ram and breach seems to really sum them up for me.

 

You find them interesting, and you've explained what parts of them you find interesting. It means not only do you show an appreciation for the species, but you also understand the core ideas behind playing them, which means you can apply this knowledge to create a nicely conceived roleplay character.

 

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:

The obvious one is their speech impediment - they draw out their 's's, and if their accent is thick enough, they tend to go like thixs. Basic is (basically) never a Unathi's first language and thus this explains their speech issues. The next is their social behaviour - Unathi thump their tail on the ground when irritated, much like how a human would stop their foot. They also chuff, or bark, or rattle, which I find to be quite amusing. Much like snakes, Unathi sway, rattle or hiss when worried or anxious.

They refer to superiors by their extended name of command. For example - in a squad called Delta, you would call the squad leader Delta.

Intimate gestures include the twining of neck and tail or touching muzzle and forehead. Exposing the neck to someone could be seen as the most meaningful expression of trust, or an expression of shame.

 

These are all correct. However, I think you misinterpreted how they say things with a thick accent. Ex-ample has a hissing sound between the two parts of the word, which can be exaggerated to represent Unathi speech. Other examples are xss-ray, exssotic, exssact, exssecution, and so on. To summarise what you've said, Unathi are largely tribal creatures, and utilise tribal customs which are reflected in how they act around others, and you've provided reasonable evidence to show that you understand that.

 

Character Name: Eosisei Guwan

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

Eosisei was destined to grow up as a healer, but a feud with another clan cut his training short. At 14 years of age, during a sandstorm, most of his clan was killed, including his parents, and multiple buildings and resources were destroyed. He and his friend managed to survive, along with a handful of other people. They had about a week before the next party from the other clan arrived. They stayed with what they had left, unable to part with the ground their clan had claimed - fearing ancestors would bring them downfall - and so, he and his friend were taken as prisoners. Eosisei, a couple years later, was freed, and returned to his starving, tiny, clan, without his friend. Combat between these two clans had settled down considerably, but an incident regarding a female sparked another feud.

Eosisei was one from five capable warriors. The clan didn't have many weapons, and what weapons they did have, were damaged, low quality, and outclassed. Eosisei was deemed unworthy of a weapon, and was sent into battle with nothing but his claws. Eosisei survived - barely - at a great cost. The party sent by the other clan was small - it consisted of the remaining prisoners from the same clan as Eosisei, one of which was his friend. They were forced to fight. A sandstorm surrounded them, and in the confusion, Eosisei killed his childhood friend, an orphan, like him. After the fight, Eosisei was unable to cope, and thus took the title of Guwandi. He roamed, with nothing but a crude spear, until he found another Guwandi from a distant tribe - a healer, untrained in combat. The healer had an untreatable illness, and was an easy kill. Eosisei had no real drive to kill this poor soul, but did, nonetheless. Their request for their remains was for two bone hooks, cultivated from each thigh bone, to be crafted and offered to the winner's clan leader.

Eosisei travelled back to his clan, and offered the hooks as an offering to persuade the leader to let him rejoin the clan. However, the clan leader mistook the offering for a threat, and exiled Eosisei. Eosisei, eventually, was taken in by NT and offered a place at Aurora, and here we are.

 

First thing I did here was check the length of the story, and it was 382 words. That's fairly good. However, I have a few issues with it. My primary one is that I feel it doesn't show a strong understanding of the lore shown in your answers above. Things like religion, tribalism, and politics are left out, which are the driving forces behind conflict on Moghe. It'd be nice to give a few indicators about how this might have been relevant to Eosisei's upbringing, but you spend the majority of your time explaining two conflicts. I feel like the conflicts could be summarised into one, with Eosisei losing the pivotal battle alongside his clan, and having to flee from the raiders, giving him an opportunity to observe religiously motivated killings, and having him lose his friend. This leaves space for additional information about the lore, and gives you a chance to have Eosisei having a proper reason for joining aboard the NSS Exodus, such as learning medical skills at an industrial center healing coal and factory workers.

 

What do you like about this character?

Done literally nothing heroic and got shut down/turned away. Was born into a pretty poor and small clan at war. Classic story of an underdog, and should make for some interesting RP, hopefully. Mental issues from his ordeal.

 

Nothing wrong with an underdog story, but from what I saw, he goes from losing his family and friend(s), at a 0, to signing up with Nanotrasen after giving a clean leader some relatively worthless bones, which is a 100. Flesh out that part of the story a bit more.

 

How would you rate your role-playing ability?

I struggle with rating myself, so I'll go with a modest 6/10. In words, good, but could be better (which is why I'm applying for a race.). I trust myself with creating interesting characters.

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Notes:

Don't get me wrong, I understand this isn't the best app for a race, but it is my first go, so give me a chance. I'm tired and ill right now, but I really like Aurora's portrayal of Unathi and I think I could carry that as a character. As I understand, whitelisting works where I give you trust that I can create characters worthy to play, and in return, you let me play those characters. I'm willing to improve and will probably have to. Thanks for taking the time to read through this mess I conjured up at the middle of the night.

 

This is a very modest and honest opinion of yourself, and it holds true: this isn't the best Unathi application I've read, but it's something, and I know the fact that you were willing to invest time into this is enough to show me you want to play Unathi, and you understand the background behind them somewhat. There's merit behind the words you have said. I'm very, very reluctant to give you a solid +1. You just need to flesh out your story lore-wise, and show to both me, and the person who will accept this that you'll be able to create a character true to the lore of the species.

For now, I stand on shakey ground, but I'll give my partial support, a sort of +0.5, but once you redo that backstory a bit, you'll definitely see this being accepted.

[JamOfBoy]

Thank you for some feedback - it is very much appreciated. I'll head back to my rough notes, see what I can put together to improve my backstory - and hopefully clean it up a little.

[JamOfBoy]

Well, I've tried to add more depth, cleared up some stuff I felt wasn't right, and simplified some parts of the backstory. Not sure what direction I've stepped in with this change, but I feel its much more streamlined and detailed.

[Guest Marlon Phoenix]

Hello! I read your PM, sorry for the delay in responding.

As the whole your application is good. There are a few minor things pointed out by the poster above, such as the speech issue.

The tale of two feuding villages is a common trend in applications for underdog Unathi. Often it's something you need to watch carefully as it can be used by certain players to have an excuse to explode at a moments notice due to 'PTSD'. I don't see that here, and no one has posted any concerns about your playstyle or behavior. You also show a good understanding of the other concepts of the Unathi. I'm glad that I was able to convert another human to the glorious reptilian shadow government.

Eosisei Guwan will be an interesting addition to the cargo department. Application accepted!