[Denied]Prowler963's Tajaran Whitelist Application

[Prowler963]

Code: Select all

BYOND Key: Prowler963

Character Names: Nathan Moberly

Species you are applying to play: M’sai Tajara

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Wheat (RGB: 205, 186, 150)

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes

---

---

Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race: I enjoy playing anything that’s not human. Human are ubiquitous (and logically so) in so many settings that it’s almost boring to use them all the time. The tajara specifically caught my eye because I have a love of cats and they have an interesting lore.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: The tajara were, until a few decades ago, a backwards people by galactic standards and they still carry ways of thinking that are different from those of humans. Anatomically they can’t wear the same clothing so they have to have accommodations, which could be a point of annoyance for humans who have to order or alter gear for their use. The most fun quirk (for role play at least) is the almost complete lack of personal pronouns.

 

---

---

Character Name: Innushka

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

Being born in an outlying town far from the nearest city of Orul Innushka spent her formative years without knowing of the strife that now embroils her people. She was ten when the fighting broke out between the People’s Republic of Ahdomai and the Ahdomai Liberation Army. She had seen how those who were not fortunate enough to live in the cities lived lesser lots and when her village was swept up in the conflict she joined up with the ALA, idealistically hoping to bring the gap between those less fortunate and those well off closed.

Unable to be a soldier on the front lines, but determined to aid the war effort, Innushka signed on with an artillery brigade. She helped set up mortar positions, set up artillery batteries, and perform maintenance on the equipment that her teams carried. On one mission her crew was ambushed by Republic paratroopers. Not being a full soldier herself when the well trained soldiers descended upon them the entire crew was either killed or taken captive. Innushka, having some skills useful to the Republic’s Nanotrasen allies was shipped off planet to be “reeducated” and absorbed into NT’s every growing workforce.

What do you like about this character?

How would you rate your role-playing ability? I would say that I have a fair proficiency with it. I’ve done some writing for fun and have several weekly sessions of table-top RPGs to keep the skill sharp. But I’ve always sort of developed stories beyond the immediate. Immersing myself in the position of the character makes their actions that much more visceral; their successes that much sweeter and their shortcomings impactful. Space Station 13 has been a real treat to have a new outlet for RP and to expand the exposure to other people’s styles.

---

---

Notes:

[Guest Marlon Phoenix]

Hello!

Sorry for the delay.

Now,

You show an understanding of the conflict currently engulfing Adhomai, but your character's motivations for ending up in Tau Ceti are a little strange. Currently the PRA claims all Tajara all over the galaxy, and Tau Ceti in particular is a location where a Tajara can find themselves suddenly deported back to Adhomai if they're found to be embarrassing to the PRA or otherwise being outwardly subversive.

Why would this rebel be sent to a foreign nation to be in their work force? What skills does she have for NT? Tajara are popular for cheap labor, but you don't describe why she'd end up on the Exodus. Such backstories tend to lead to characters that are brooding, violent, prone to outbursts, or generally VERY vocal and confrontational.

Your application can be made stronger if you elaborate on why they'd let a dangerous rebel agent emigrate and work for NT. What prevents her from catching the first smuggler's freighter out of Tau Ceti into the frontier, or back to Adhomai to rejoin the war effort?

Becoming a collaborator to the PRA government, and selling out her friends and comrades to save her own skin, would immediately make her an incredibly stronger character. Cutting a deal like that would let her keep her general aesthetic and give her a better reason to be shipped off to work - though such a deal would be very fragile and she knows she could be deported at any moment and put in a labor camp if she steps out of line.

That's just an example of a way you can improve her backstory. Her motivations are hazy and need to be made a bit more clear for the application as a whole to be acceptable.

[Mofo1995]

Hello, I would like to echo the thoughts of my loremaster bossman and say that everything he has said in his post is true. You've given me a story of what your character is, an artillery soldier who was captured in battle and (for dubious reasons which should likely be modified) sent to go work for NanoTrasen.

But you haven't given us anything about who your character is. What does Innushka like to do? What are her interests? How did she come to believe that the ALA would "bring the gap between those less fortunate and those well off closed?" What's her full name? Tajaran have surnames and come even have clan names as their middle names.

I will say that you have knocked the identification of what makes roleplaying a Tajara differently from humans out of the park. "The tajara were, until a few decades ago, a backwards people by galactic standards and they still carry ways of thinking that are different from those of humans." is by far the most sublime response anyone has given in this section where most people just magnify mechanical differences.

"The tajara specifically caught my eye because I have a love of cats," is a concerning statement, if it were up to me they would be snow yetis or wendigos. Either way, wanting to play a race because of earth animals they share a visual aspect with is usually a very weak reason, but you also said interesting lore so it balances out a bit.

Take three days to give us a better rounded and more complete story of Innushka, her hopes and dreams, her interests, her family, really anything that can make her more of a person rather than the cardboard cutout of one this application makes her seem. Also, please take that time to gather feedback from other players in the community by advertising your application once a round in OOC chat, or by possibly posting it from time to time in the Aurora discord. Good, strong feedback on not just your application but your personal roleplaying abilities can put a strong wind in your sails when it comes to the strength of your overall application.

Lastly: What do you like about this character? You haven't answered this question on the application.

[Mofo1995]

Well, without any edits or peer-review feedback or responses, I'm afraid this application does not meet my standards for Tajara play.

Application denied. Feel free to apply again when you're ready.