[Denied] SuddenRush12G's IPC Application

[CovertFurtive]

BYOND Key: SuddenRush12G

Character Names: Alayna Hujsak & Logan Connor

Species you are applying to play: IPC

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): N/A

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes

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Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race:

Specifically playing as a race that revolves around mechanics has always sparked a interest in me. Generally, one would expect a functional machine who is self-conscious to obtain some what of a dry humor. I also find that the abilities that the IPCs procure to be quite overpowering in many situations compared to humans.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:

Many find IPCs essentially way more different than humans, one key difference that is clearly noticeable to many is how emotionless IPCs are. While there also being many upsides in becoming an IPC. There are also some challenges that their counterparts wouldn't usually have to worry about. One of them is having to constantly be agonizing about their surroundings and current situations taking part on the Station, EMP Blast specifically along with being way more valuable to the vacuum of space and in situations of extreme heat. Not to mention having to maintain their battery.

 

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Character Name: EDI 1050

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

EDI 1050, originally designated to a research outpost to originally help aid in the medical department of the outpost. The outpost was assigned to store more in-depth the resources and the mysteries that the planet Adhomai holds. Unfortunately one day the outpost was invaded by Syndicate Agents wanting to retrieve the rich minerals deposits that the outpost holds to further progress their goals by using the rich minerals to do so. While EDI 1050 was preforming surgery on a patient and unknown of the current attack that was to soon devastate his outpost, an EMP blast strike was known to hit leaving EDI 1050 in poor condition physically. Luckily a nearby doctor retrieved EDI 1050 and brought him to the robotics for fixing. In a matter of no time EDI 1050 was back up and functioning. Quickly he hurried towards the escape pod as instructed by the robotics while the intercom alerts all crew that Evacuation procedures are in effect. Unfortunately, he was stopped in his tracks once Nitrogen Oxide was dispersed in the air. His fellow peers was seen laughing than dropped to the ground asleep. HAL 1050 was left unaffected as he didn't need to intake air. HAL 1050 continued his journey to the Escape Pod while dragging the robotics that had save his life. With his battery nearly drained he grabbed onto a nearby APC and absorbed it's power. As he made his way to the escape pod he heard a loud noise that he resembles as a sound of a bullet. He turned his head in a swift motion and notice a bullet shot in the robotics chest. Now bleeding he took out a syringe and injected his shell. Fluids started coming out that he had once stored inside of him, he then injected Bicaridine and Paracetamol in the robotics body with the syringe. He alerted the AI using robot language over comms that he is approaching the Escape Pod and requested that upon entry that he launched it intermediately as they were currently being chased. With just enough luck he managed to escape. Seconds later, he went blank... Traveling for decades with an unknown coordination that the AI set for them was suddenly interrupted with a loud noise. The robotics grabbed hold of his gun and pointed it at the airlock. The airlock open with a tall 6'2 man feet who has a shirt labeled "Captain, NSS Exodus 231". HAL 1050 was dragged off to robotics. Upon arrival the Robotics opened up his control panal only to notice that he was created in 2458, which happened to be the latest model for IPC units. He was placed into the cyborg recharge and minutes later he had awoken. Fast forward a few days and he was assigned to the Medical Department to help assist on the NSS Exodus. To this day he proudly serves the NSS Exodus with pride and dignity while trying to make a few friends here and there...

What do you like about this character?

What I really like about IPC are the many role playing paths that you could take with it due to it's unique backstory. Not to mention the cool abilities it obtains. Should be exciting...

How would you rate your role-playing ability? I'll rate my role-playing ability decent. I have a few mistakes here and there but hopefully I'll progress as a role player as I go.

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Notes: No, but thanks for considering my app! I'll also like to point out that I was a bit iffy on how I should narrate my backstory as I didn't know if I should explain EDI backstory as a whole or just one specific scene that was life changing to him. Took a look at a few apps but couldn't get a grasp on what to do.

[CakeIsOssim]

Thank you for applying! There are some criticisms that I would like to give you about this application.

You seem well-versed in the basic mechanics of the IPC, and I do not doubt your ability to create a solid character off of such. However, you seem to be lacking in the field of realistic and good narration, as well as the inclusion of very snowflake historical points and the inclusion of a cliche and backstory-wise illegal memorable event. For this, I do not think I reconsider this application by itself, so I will have to deny it. Do not let this discourage you from applying again, however. I encourage you to hear out my criticisms so that you may improve upon your second attempt.

I won't critique your form of writing because I'm not an author and I don't teach English (you begin to call your character by the wrong name halfway through your backstory). I will say, however, that your backstory is very cliche and has crossed the line of acceptable content. We consider characters that have been through such horrific and overpowering situations that tend to play out like storybook tales unrealistic. Unrealistic characters are not encouraged by the server rules, and as a member of the lore team, I personally do not like them, either. The whole thing pans out as... unrealistically plot-like.

1. IPCs have existed for roughly 20-odd years.

Your character, assumed to be an IPC as it is not particularly mentioned, drifted through space in an escape pod for decades, which would make them decades old. However, it is mentioned that the character was made in 2458, which as of writing this, the current in-game year is 2459.

2. One cannot have a confirmed Syndicate attack in their records.

Well, in theory you can I guess, but I don't allow it in most situations because that usually means the character is a snowflake. "An attack by mysterious assailants" is much better, leaves much more room for creativity.

3. Unrealistic events in the backstory.

An escape pod could not drift from S'rand'marr to Tau Ceti in mere decades. The two systems are many light years apart. The likelihood of this happening is astronomically small, as well as the likelihood of an escape pod being captured by a research station and then almost immediately put to work as an employee. Additionally, your character has someone it is dragging directly shot (at) and their first reaction is to begin immediately treating them with no regard for any attackers that may still be in the area. I do not think this is nitpicking because if the attackers were willing to gas and shoot at random unarmed people, I see no reason why they would stop shooting if they were to see a robot treating someone they literally just shot.

I strongly suggest you continue playing on the server, reading more lore pages (any of them, seriously, they are all good examples of how our universe works), and reading the news reports on our forum news section. And once again, I do highly encourage you to attempt the application again once you have done what I suggested for a while (a month, maybe). You can PM me on discord (Cake#4864) or the forums here if you ever have any questions. Thank you, and lastly, I apologize for the great delay in your application process.