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[Denied]Bigdogagent007-Tajaran application (character transfer from another server)


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BYOND Key: Bigdogagent007

Character Names: Lenny Sandford, Andreovitch Poupov, Arnold Richards (Arnold Richards is new, but I think I like this one a little more)

Species you are applying to play: Tajaran

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Kochiba (RGB 107, 68, 35)

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?:Yes



Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question


Why do you wish to play this specific race:

I wish to play this specific race because I am moving from another server and would like to take my most notable character with me. My character's name is Wamahrir Hadii, and while she was accepted by the old server, I /do/ realize that I will have to change her up for this server. I have had this character for a really long time (around 3 years of being my main go-to character), and I would like to not leave them behind if at all possible. The server I am trying to leave is Apollo, which I feel is a mere shadow of its former self now. I am trying to jump ship while I still have my character info saved, so I don't lose it forever.

I realize that I have not played on this server as much, but like I said, I am trying to just get my character out while I still can. I am willing to accept a temporary hiatus on the use of this character, but I would at least like to be able to move them over in the mean time. The ability to move them over would make me feel a lot more comfortable.


Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:

The Tajaran speak in third person, and are much more conservative than most other races. They tend to focus more on hard work, almost to a spiritual sense. They tend to favor trades, such as engineering jobs, janitorial duties, mechanic roles, mining, etc. They are able to conduct great acts of intelligence, but tend to feel exhausted both mentally and physically afterwards. Their circadian rhythm is very different from most other races, as their sleep cycle is a lot longer. Changing this sleep cycle tends to have adverse effects on a Tajaran's health in the long term, with the Tajaran feeling lethargic, upset, irritable, and paranoid.

 



Character Name: Wamahrir Hadii

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

I would like to note that this backstory was developed and formed over 3 years of playing this character. While I am willing to change some parts of it, I would like to keep the generality of it intact if I can.


Wamahrir was born to a wealthy family in the Hadii clan after the Great War. Her parents, fearing for their child's safety, decided to have Wamahrir learn at a Nanotrasen installation that was close by and well guarded. While she was taking her studies with the children of other wealthy Hadii families, she begin to show a personal interest in fossils and archaeology. After leaving the installation at the age of 18, she decided to go and advance her schooling elsewhere, against the wishes of her parents, who wanted her to stay. Growing up in such close proximity to humans has made her more open minded than standard Tajaran, yet her hard-headed tendencies that heir from the Tajaran culture get her in trouble more times than not. Her deciding to continue her education off of Ahdomai put stresses on her family, and put pressure on the relationship between her and her parents. Eventually, Wamahrir got her doctorate degree in anomalistic studies, and returned to Ahdomai for a short time, where finding work was difficult, as Ahdomai did not have a large push for any form of archaeology, other than through Nanotrasen. She ended up finding a job planet-side, but after completing the excavation project she was working on, Nanotrasen presented Wamahrir with the choice of staying on Ahdomai, or moving station-side with the excavation team. Wamahrir chose to go with the excavation team, putting further strain on her relationship with her parents. She went into a slight depression for a short time when they did not come to see her off when she left Ahdomai with the team.


While working for Nanotrasen, she gained various bits of other R&D training, and eventually, after multiple years of hard work, she was awarded the position of Research Director. While working on the station where she got her Research Director position, she met an Unathi by the name of Koagris Issarik. After months of working together, a friendship begin to form, which quickly turned into a relationship. She attempted to keep it a secret from her parents, but eventually they found out and promptly disowned her. She still is a property owner on Ahdomai, having built a small cottage like building in a mountain range. She tends to visit it for a form of vacation as she attempts to patch up the ties with her aging parents. Eventually, a strain was put on her and Koagris's relationship, as Nanotrasen saw their needs elsewhere and stationed them on different research installations. She is currently trying to salvage what she can, regain her Research Director position, which she lost in the station transition, and get Koagris stationed with her again.


What do you like about this character?

This is a character that I have been developing for around 3 years, give or take. I have put a lot of time into her, and she has become my go-to character. It has gotten to a point where she is almost like a piece of me, which I know is a bit odd, but after playing her so much, it would be upsetting for me to leave my current server without her. She has survived longer than any other character I have created, and as I said before, it would really not be the same to leave without her.


How would you rate your role-playing ability?

I like to think my role-playing ability is decent. I have been playing SS13 since 2012, but I do realize that I have much to learn in that regard.



Notes:

Like I said before, I realize that I am new to this server, but I just want to get this character over before I lose them. When worst comes to worst, I want to make sure I can still play Wamahrir. I am still getting used to this server and it's map/code. Again, as I said before, I am more than willing to take a hiatus until the staff feels I am not an ass-hat, and can handle the role-playing responsibility of playing an alien race.


Thank you for taking your time to read this through, and I hope you will consider white-listing me for this race.

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Guest Marlon Phoenix

Hello,

I'm the loremaster for Aurora. Mofo is the one that handles Tajara apps, but I noticed a few major red flags that you will want to address and I thought I'd jump in early.


Njadrasanukii Hadii is the name of the President of the People's Republic of Adhomai, and their family. It may be wise to change the last name to avoid the relation.


https://wiki.aurorastation.org/images/7/71/Hadii.jpg


Second, it's asked of applicants that they have some play time on the server before making an application - have you played for at least a week?


The third issue at hand is that we don't know what side of the three-way civil war she supports, if any. It's important for an applicant to show they grasp at least the very basics of the conflict engulfing Adhomai.


The final major red flag is a love affair with a Unathi. Both races as a whole take an extraordinarily dim view of inter-species relationships. Can you justify what this represents for her character? It's really icky, and that Unathi would no doubt be an outcast themselves.

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Hello,

I'm the loremaster for Aurora. Mofo is the one that handles Tajara apps, but I noticed a few major red flags that you will want to address and I thought I'd jump in early.


Njadrasanukii Hadii is the name of the President of the People's Republic of Adhomai, and their family. It may be wise to change the last name to avoid the relation.


https://wiki.aurorastation.org/images/7/71/Hadii.jpg


Second, it's asked of applicants that they have some play time on the server before making an application - have you played for at least a week?


The third issue at hand is that we don't know what side of the three-way civil war she supports, if any. It's important for an applicant to show they grasp at least the very basics of the conflict engulfing Adhomai.


The final major red flag is a love affair with a Unathi. Both races as a whole take an extraordinarily dim view of inter-species relationships. Can you justify what this represents for her character? It's really icky, and that Unathi would no doubt be an outcast themselves.

 

Running down the list, if it is really a problem, I can change it, but from what I understood, Hadii was more of a clan name. More to do with heritage than direct family ties, which is a thing from the old political system. All it is saying is that while, yes, she is probably distantly related to him (and there is no guarantee at that), it more just means that during the slave-master period, her family was among this group of masters. (please correct me if I misunderstood that bit of the lore, this was just from my understanding. Like I said, if it is a problem, I can change it.)


For the second point, I have been playing for around a week in total time spent on server. I played about half a week around a month ago, and have been playing for the last couple days. (currently going to ECPI University, and I have been having to take my gaming hobby and set it to the side, as I was preparing for one of my term finals.)


For the third issue you brought up, Wamahrir is not supportive of any side. This is partly because of bleed-over from her fallout with her parents, who support the People's Republic. She wants to support her clan, but her anger at her parents has made it hard for her to agree with them (anger bias). With all that said, though, on paper she supports them because of Nanotrasen, and really nothing else.


And as for the final issue you had, the Unathi was another player, and the affair happened on the server I am leaving. I hope you understand, but I do not want to speak on their behalf for that subject. When I say that Wamahrir is trying to get Koagris moved to this new station, by that I mean that im trying to convince them to come over too. If they in the end deciding not to move over, than I will just RP that the relationship dissolved due to them being too far apart. (A note: I am not all that familiar with the Unathi lore, so I am unable to comment too much on that part either). As for what it represents for her, it represents a form of rebellion, and while, yes she build up a relationship with him, it ruined the one she had with her family and most other Tajara. She realizes there is no going back now, but would at least like to make peace with her parents before they grow too old and eventually pass.

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Hey there. Loow here.

I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd leave some feedback.


I'm here to be real, give some possibly useful feedback on your app, and hopefully leave a few tips to help this application and/or any future apps you make down the line.


First thing's first. Player feedback and discussion on your app go a LONG WAY toward making it more viable. You've responded to every comment so far, so that's a really good start!

BUT

What really helps is when people who've interacted with your character on the station share their thoughts on your previous roleplay and app. Remember, you can advertise your application once per round on the server's OOC chat! This at least helps generate traffic and might lead people to respond to the app. Worded simply: Keep the conversation going and remember to post a link to your app in OOC! Feedback (be it good, bad, or just constructive) goes a long way.


Then there's people like me who tend to leave their thoughts on your app and character design. This is, in my opinion, just as important as comments about previous rp and characters on the station.


This is your first go, and it looks like you might not be getting much feedback on your app or roleplay. To say this bluntly... Don't be discouraged if this application doesn't get approved! Learn what you can, spend time on the station, and continue enjoying the game. You can always apply again later. There's no hard-rule about time limits between apps, but I'd suggest giving at least a few weeks to a month. Again, this is advice in case this or any other app of yours is denied.


I'll offer a few words and reference the lore for help.


https://wiki.aurorastation.org/index.php?title=Tajara


Stuff to think about and my own comments:

"Growing up in such close proximity to humans has made her more open minded than standard Tajaran, yet her hard-headed tendencies that heir from the Tajaran culture get her in trouble more times than not."

I don't really think of being a Tajara as something that causes someone to be inherently troublesome. It seems like she may have been a wild child herself. Especially if she's getting into trouble "more times than not."


"Her deciding to continue her education off of Ahdomai put stresses on her family, and put pressure on the relationship between her and her parents."

Your app mentions that her location put stress on her relationships. Why? How? It might be interesting to hear more about this character's thoughts feelings (and character), and this might be an angle that gives us some insight.


"She ended up finding a job planet-side, but after completing the excavation project she was working on, Nanotrasen presented Wamahrir with the choice of staying on Ahdomai, or moving station-side with the excavation team. Wamahrir chose to go with the excavation team, putting further strain on her relationship with her parents."

Why wouldn't the excavation team be in a camp or something?


"While working for Nanotrasen, she gained various bits of other R&D training, and eventually, after multiple years of hard work, she was awarded the position of Research Director."

Your app mentions that she lost the position of RD in her transfer, but I don't know. The whole "I'm a department head, it's in my backstory" angle just doesn't feel right to me. Could just be me.


"...Wamahrir got her doctorate degree in anomalistic studies, and returned to Ahdomai for a short time, where finding work was difficult, as Ahdomai did not have a large push for any form of archaeology..."

You say she worked in archaeology multiple times, but her degree involves studying anomalies. That degree doesn't quite fit the job.


"She attempted to keep it a secret from her parents, but eventually they found out and promptly disowned her."

This part actually makes sense to me. It's established that (many) Tajara don't even like marriages between different races, let alone species.

To quote the Tajara main page:

"Because of the Tajara's history as a repressive, conservative species, they have not grown too open-minded or liberal - unlike humanity's progressive views for example. Overt displays of affection and especially homosexuality among Tajara are looked down on and treated as a deviancy. There exists discrimination and bias against other races of Tajara - particularly against Zhan-Khazan for their purported low intelligence and rebellious tendencies. As a result, Tajara generally avoid interbreeding between races. An extension of the racism which prevents Tajara from breeding outside of their race can be found in the general public's extreme revulsion to notions of relationships outside of the species, an act which is considered an intolerable fetish to most."

Being in a relationship with an Unathi would be, to the perspective of her parents, disgusting and downright disturbing. It's not surprising to hear that she'd be disowned. In fact, it's more surprising that she entered such a relationship at all, let alone quickly.


I can understand wanting to bring a character from an old server to a new one, but it oftentimes doesn't work out that well.


I hope you continue to have a good time on the station, but I'm just not feeling this character design. It either ignores or goes against most aspects of the Tajara narrative. That's not a crime, but it's just not something that appeals to me.

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Hey there. Loow here.

I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd leave some feedback.


I'm here to be real, give some possibly useful feedback on your app, and hopefully leave a few tips to help this application and/or any future apps you make down the line.


First thing's first. Player feedback and discussion on your app go a LONG WAY toward making it more viable. You've responded to every comment so far, so that's a really good start!

BUT

What really helps is when people who've interacted with your character on the station share their thoughts on your previous roleplay and app. Remember, you can advertise your application once per round on the server's OOC chat! This at least helps generate traffic and might lead people to respond to the app. Worded simply: Keep the conversation going and remember to post a link to your app in OOC! Feedback (be it good, bad, or just constructive) goes a long way.


Then there's people like me who tend to leave their thoughts on your app and character design. This is, in my opinion, just as important as comments about previous rp and characters on the station.


This is your first go, and it looks like you might not be getting much feedback on your app or roleplay. To say this bluntly... Don't be discouraged if this application doesn't get approved! Learn what you can, spend time on the station, and continue enjoying the game. You can always apply again later. There's no hard-rule about time limits between apps, but I'd suggest giving at least a few weeks to a month. Again, this is advice in case this or any other app of yours is denied.


I'll offer a few words and reference the lore for help.


https://wiki.aurorastation.org/index.php?title=Tajara


Stuff to think about and my own comments:

"Growing up in such close proximity to humans has made her more open minded than standard Tajaran, yet her hard-headed tendencies that heir from the Tajaran culture get her in trouble more times than not."

I don't really think of being a Tajara as something that causes someone to be inherently troublesome. It seems like she may have been a wild child herself. Especially if she's getting into trouble "more times than not."


"Her deciding to continue her education off of Ahdomai put stresses on her family, and put pressure on the relationship between her and her parents."

Your app mentions that her location put stress on her relationships. Why? How? It might be interesting to hear more about this character's thoughts feelings (and character), and this might be an angle that gives us some insight.


"She ended up finding a job planet-side, but after completing the excavation project she was working on, Nanotrasen presented Wamahrir with the choice of staying on Ahdomai, or moving station-side with the excavation team. Wamahrir chose to go with the excavation team, putting further strain on her relationship with her parents."

Why wouldn't the excavation team be in a camp or something?


"While working for Nanotrasen, she gained various bits of other R&D training, and eventually, after multiple years of hard work, she was awarded the position of Research Director."

Your app mentions that she lost the position of RD in her transfer, but I don't know. The whole "I'm a department head, it's in my backstory" angle just doesn't feel right to me. Could just be me.


"...Wamahrir got her doctorate degree in anomalistic studies, and returned to Ahdomai for a short time, where finding work was difficult, as Ahdomai did not have a large push for any form of archaeology..."

You say she worked in archaeology multiple times, but her degree involves studying anomalies. That degree doesn't quite fit the job.


"She attempted to keep it a secret from her parents, but eventually they found out and promptly disowned her."

This part actually makes sense to me. It's established that (many) Tajara don't even like marriages between different races, let alone species.

To quote the Tajara main page:

"Because of the Tajara's history as a repressive, conservative species, they have not grown too open-minded or liberal - unlike humanity's progressive views for example. Overt displays of affection and especially homosexuality among Tajara are looked down on and treated as a deviancy. There exists discrimination and bias against other races of Tajara - particularly against Zhan-Khazan for their purported low intelligence and rebellious tendencies. As a result, Tajara generally avoid interbreeding between races. An extension of the racism which prevents Tajara from breeding outside of their race can be found in the general public's extreme revulsion to notions of relationships outside of the species, an act which is considered an intolerable fetish to most."

Being in a relationship with an Unathi would be, to the perspective of her parents, disgusting and downright disturbing. It's not surprising to hear that she'd be disowned. In fact, it's more surprising that she entered such a relationship at all, let alone quickly.


I can understand wanting to bring a character from an old server to a new one, but it oftentimes doesn't work out that well.


I hope you continue to have a good time on the station, but I'm just not feeling this character design. It either ignores or goes against most aspects of the Tajara narrative. That's not a crime, but it's just not something that appeals to me.

 

Thanks for the feedback. I'm going to start with the first comment as to lack of traffic. I would be advertising it more, but I am only on at night most of the time due to work/school. If this app gets declined, I can always just play a month and retry.


"Growing up in such close proximity to humans has made her more open minded than standard Tajaran, yet her hard-headed tendencies that heir from the Tajaran culture get her in trouble more times than not." I guess I could rewrite this line a lot better. Maybe chopping off the second half, after the comma would be fine.


""Her deciding to continue her education off of Ahdomai put stresses on her family, and put pressure on the relationship between her and her parents."

Your app mentions that her location put stress on her relationships. Why? How? It might be interesting to hear more about this character's thoughts feelings (and character), and this might be an angle that gives us some insight."

I see what your saying. I will have to put some more thought into that. I agree with you that I could put more info here.


""She ended up finding a job planet-side, but after completing the excavation project she was working on, Nanotrasen presented Wamahrir with the choice of staying on Ahdomai, or moving station-side with the excavation team. Wamahrir chose to go with the excavation team, putting further strain on her relationship with her parents."

Why wouldn't the excavation team be in a camp or something?"

Yeah, but when the excavation team is done with their current dig-site, they are going to than move on. It would be, in this situation, that the excavation team was being reassigned to the station. Yes, while stationed planet-side they would be in a camp, but this can be packed back up and moved out. She just chose to follow them.


"You say she worked in archaeology multiple times, but her degree involves studying anomalies. That degree doesn't quite fit the job."

Searching for anomalous artifacts. A lot of the skills between the jobs are quite interchangeable, but she was there more to focus on her bit, with an internal team. The anomaly crew could also act as a support crew for the archaeology crew, should they find something anomalous.


Again, thanks for the feedback, I await more with bated breath!

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BYOND Key: Bigdogagent007

Character Names: Lenny Sandford, Andreovitch Poupov, Arnold Richards (Arnold Richards is new, but I think I like this one a little more)

Species you are applying to play: Tajaran

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Kochiba (RGB 107, 68, 35)

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?:Yes



Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question


Why do you wish to play this specific race:

I wish to play this specific race because I am moving from another server and would like to take my most notable character with me. My character's name is Wamahrir Hadii, and while she was accepted by the old server, I /do/ realize that I will have to change her up for this server. I have had this character for a really long time (around 3 years of being my main go-to character), and I would like to not leave them behind if at all possible. The server I am trying to leave is Apollo, which I feel is a mere shadow of its former self now. I am trying to jump ship while I still have my character info saved, so I don't lose it forever.

I realize that I have not played on this server as much, but like I said, I am trying to just get my character out while I still can. I am willing to accept a temporary hiatus on the use of this character, but I would at least like to be able to move them over in the mean time. The ability to move them over would make me feel a lot more comfortable.


Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:

The Tajaran speak in third person, and are much more conservative than most other races. They tend to focus more on hard work, almost to a spiritual sense. They tend to favor trades, such as engineering jobs, janitorial duties, mechanic roles, mining, etc. They are able to conduct great acts of intelligence, but tend to feel exhausted both mentally and physically afterwards. Their circadian rhythm is very different from most other races, as their sleep cycle is a lot longer. Changing this sleep cycle tends to have adverse effects on a Tajaran's health in the long term, with the Tajaran feeling lethargic, upset, irritable, and paranoid.

 



Character Name: Wamahrir Hadii

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

I would like to note that this backstory was developed and formed over 3 years of playing this character. While I am willing to change some parts of it, I would like to keep the generality of it intact if I can.


Wamahrir was born to a wealthy family in the Hadii clan after the Great War. Her parents, fearing for their child's safety, decided to have Wamahrir learn at a Nanotrasen installation that was close by and well guarded. While she was taking her studies with the children of other wealthy Hadii families, she begin to show a personal interest in fossils and archaeology. After leaving the installation at the age of 18, she decided to go and advance her schooling elsewhere, against the wishes of her parents, who wanted her to stay. Growing up in such close proximity to humans has made her more open minded than standard Tajaran, yet her hard-headed tendencies that heir from the Tajaran culture get her in trouble more times than not. Her deciding to continue her education off of Ahdomai put stresses on her family, and put pressure on the relationship between her and her parents. Eventually, Wamahrir got her doctorate degree in anomalistic studies, and returned to Ahdomai for a short time, where finding work was difficult, as Ahdomai did not have a large push for any form of archaeology, other than through Nanotrasen. She ended up finding a job planet-side, but after completing the excavation project she was working on, Nanotrasen presented Wamahrir with the choice of staying on Ahdomai, or moving station-side with the excavation team. Wamahrir chose to go with the excavation team, putting further strain on her relationship with her parents. She went into a slight depression for a short time when they did not come to see her off when she left Ahdomai with the team.


While working for Nanotrasen, she gained various bits of other R&D training, and eventually, after multiple years of hard work, she was awarded the position of Research Director. While working on the station where she got her Research Director position, she met an Unathi by the name of Koagris Issarik. After months of working together, a friendship begin to form, which quickly turned into a relationship. She attempted to keep it a secret from her parents, but eventually they found out and promptly disowned her. She still is a property owner on Ahdomai, having built a small cottage like building in a mountain range. She tends to visit it for a form of vacation as she attempts to patch up the ties with her aging parents. Eventually, a strain was put on her and Koagris's relationship, as Nanotrasen saw their needs elsewhere and stationed them on different research installations. She is currently trying to salvage what she can, regain her Research Director position, which she lost in the station transition, and get Koagris stationed with her again.


What do you like about this character?

This is a character that I have been developing for around 3 years, give or take. I have put a lot of time into her, and she has become my go-to character. It has gotten to a point where she is almost like a piece of me, which I know is a bit odd, but after playing her so much, it would be upsetting for me to leave my current server without her. She has survived longer than any other character I have created, and as I said before, it would really not be the same to leave without her.


How would you rate your role-playing ability?

I like to think my role-playing ability is decent. I have been playing SS13 since 2012, but I do realize that I have much to learn in that regard.



Notes:

Like I said before, I realize that I am new to this server, but I just want to get this character over before I lose them. When worst comes to worst, I want to make sure I can still play Wamahrir. I am still getting used to this server and it's map/code. Again, as I said before, I am more than willing to take a hiatus until the staff feels I am not an ass-hat, and can handle the role-playing responsibility of playing an alien race.


Thank you for taking your time to read this through, and I hope you will consider white-listing me for this race.

 

 

You seem really enthusiastic and receptive to feedback. This is very good! However, I do have problems with your application. As your backstory stands, Wamahrir Hadii is very... detached from everything. As it currently stands, she could be rewritten as a human from an ATLAS-loyal family on Mars, and really it would all still work. To the Tajara, Wamahrir may as well be a human, and therefore alien. With nothing tying her to Adhomai, there's really no reason for her to be a Tajara. While it's fine to have a wealthy character, being a Hadii is a bit questionable. It's the most powerful noble dynasty on the planet which turned the tide of the first revolution with their defection and sits atop in command of the People's Republic of Adhomai. I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable with a character being related to someone of such stature as noble dynasty aren't exactly large in size following the revolutionary killings of the early 25th century. But, last name was something you said you were willing to change. In the context of contemporary Adhomai, Clan is synonymous with family and a clan name is just a surname.


I didn't have a problem with Wamahrir being from a wealthy family, but her life is a bit toooo sheltered for a planet experiencing its second world war. It's kind of a big deal which determines the fate of her race's entire future. I understand the draw to being an apolitical inoffensive centrist, but consider the severity of the situation and how feckless and carefree this stance paints your character. Not every backstory needs to contain "orphaned war survivor, been through the 'nam man!" but it should have a more tangible bearing on your backstory. Another thing to note is that the war did not break out until 2449 (if you count Azunja silently rallying conspirators for the New Kingdom as the start) or 2451 (if you count the massive increase in violence following the coup attempt by the Adhomai Liberation Army). The current in-game year is 2459, and your character was a research director which requires them to be at least 30 years of age. The decision to have Wamahrir immediately be sheltered and rasied off Adhomai as a small child doesn't really make sense, since the interwar period of 2432 to 2449 was known for its unnatural stability. Al-Mari Hadii was a very popular leader and even now the two biggest of the three factions both claim to be the successors to his legacy following his vision.


At any rate, you don't seem like a bad roleplayer in any sense, but the way Wamahrir is written, there's really no reason to applying for a Tajara whitelist to play her. She is lacking in anything distinctly Tajaran in nature and would fit far better as a human in our setting.


Application denied.

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