[Declined] DeadLantern - Unathi application

BYOND Key:

DeadLantern

Character Names:

Harald Ivar, Lazlo Vasaly, Monty Gravehead, Siv Felas, Wesley Nedry

Species you are applying to play:

Unathi

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt):

Orange colored, sandy

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?:

Yes.

Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Understood.

Why do you wish to play this specific race:

I like playing a race that abides by a strict honor code and are not so extremely mechanically restricted or overpowered. They are unique from most other species, with a variety of different personalities as Unathi which is great for the players, rather than a strict set way on how they act. The ritualistic society of the Unathi remind me of the Uruk'Hai from Lord of the Rings, which I love.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:

Most Unathi abide by a strict honor code and are militarist in nature. They slur their S's and a variety of roleplaying ways will be different compared to a human depending on what kind of Unathi you make. A guwan Unathi would probably be more submissive to people above their rank and more socially awkward than compared a regular Unathi. Female Unathi are also heavily restricted in what they can or can not do, and even on the station, they may still abide to the teachings they were taught long ago. Other Unathi would also treat them as property/child bearers, rather than another Unathi. This sexism may also extend beyond Unathi females, expecting human or other females to have more home-oriented jobs.

Character Name:

Fotkûrz Lus'horn

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

Perhaps it was eons ago a small village family on the outskirts of a now large space faring town settled, to hunt the average family that dared step on their premises. After generations, one Unathi, by the name of Fotkûrz Lus'horn was born. He, like his other 21 siblings, shared the same care for the Unathi traditions of old. To only speak Sintha'Unathi and to practice the rituals that the same family that settled yonder in time did. Lus'horn practiced this with unyielding efficiency and enthusiasm, to the very way he held a sword and slashed his victims in the military, clad in a breacher suit--To the very subtle tones of how he spoke to others and women. It was this he upheld to fantastic regard, much more than his family. He upheld these traditions with almost a religious purpose, nothing like anyone in his family saw. To the very way he stabbed enemies he emanated glory for the Unathi.

It was now time for Lus'Horn to take up spreading these traditions much farther than just Moghes--He heard tales of Unathi who ran away from Moghes just to practice their own heretical practice--Oh, how he despised this Unathi. He then heard of Unathi who upheld the tradition even when they were light years away from their homeland. Perhaps he could take on the mantle of spreading his tradition and re-convincing his very own Unathi. This was the life he wanted--To spread the great tradition of the Unathi.

What do you like about this character?

He is warrior based yet forced to be unwarrior like on his eventual landing on the Aurora. The spreading of his tradition will play a part in his antag and normal life on the Aurora, too, and I know that'll generate interesting RP. And there's always of course the treatment of women. I just like how he is going to be different.

How would you rate your role-playing ability?

6/10

Notes:

Hello, I'm the overseer of the Unathi species. Thank you for your application! I thought i would jump on this pretty quickly due to a major concern I developed reading it.

You answered to the questions about what makes Unathi different, and even what you like of Unathi, by citing their traditions and codes of honor. Yet the character you are applying with is the polar opposite.

Guwans are meant to be an avenue of roleplaying a subversion of the expectations of Unathi in an in-universe way, with the cost of being shunned by their society.

However, there are limits. You have not presented a subversion of the Unathi society and playstyle, but a psychopathic serial killer. I don't understand how he was able to escape town guards or anyone else on his spree of brutal murders. There are NO means by which this character could EVER board the station as anything other than a raider. NanoTrasen vets its employees at some basic level and while you could easily justify a past or current life of underhanded scheming and thievery while working in cargo or a low-intensity job, it's something else to have such a psychopath get on the payroll.

He never intended to let out anything. But in one singular moment, he did, and he committed a crime. It was the crime where most would panic, but with Fels'kar, he did not care. He murdered a fellow female Unathi in cold blood, using the family sword. He merely gazed upon the lady walking with a young Unathi, and waited in the dunes nearby.

...

Of course, the first other Guwan he met, he slaughtered in cold blood--For he cared not of the rules.

Your application has an extremely shaky start here. I would strongly suggest that you work on editing your character's backstory to make this application stronger. Take what you said you enjoy about the species - their honor, rituals, and society - and form a character based on that.

Hello, I'm the overseer of the Unathi species. Thank you for your application! I thought i would jump on this pretty quickly due to a major concern I developed reading it.

You answered to the questions about what makes Unathi different, and even what you like of Unathi, by citing their traditions and codes of honor. Yet the character you are applying with is the polar opposite.

Guwans are meant to be an avenue of roleplaying a subversion of the expectations of Unathi in an in-universe way, with the cost of being shunned by their society.

However, there are limits. You have not presented a subversion of the Unathi society and playstyle, but a psychopathic serial killer. I don't understand how he was able to escape town guards or anyone else on his spree of brutal murders. There are NO means by which this character could EVER board the station as anything other than a raider. NanoTrasen vets its employees at some basic level and while you could easily justify a past or current life of underhanded scheming and thievery while working in cargo or a low-intensity job, it's something else to have such a psychopath get on the payroll.

 

He never intended to let out anything. But in one singular moment, he did, and he committed a crime. It was the crime where most would panic, but with Fels'kar, he did not care. He murdered a fellow female Unathi in cold blood, using the family sword. He merely gazed upon the lady walking with a young Unathi, and waited in the dunes nearby.

...

Of course, the first other Guwan he met, he slaughtered in cold blood--For he cared not of the rules.

 

Your application has an extremely shaky start here. I would strongly suggest that you work on editing your character's backstory to make this application stronger. Take what you said you enjoy about the species - their honor, rituals, and society - and form a character based on that.

Sorry! Maybe this character would be better.

Hello again!

I let this application sit for some time to hopefully gather feedback. That hasn't happened but I don't want this to sit for any longer so I am going to rule on it now.

Perhaps it was eons ago a small village family on the outskirts of a now large space faring town settled, to hunt the average family that dared step on their premises.

I am still not sure why your Unathi comes from a place that is so bloodthirsty. The Unathi live in a feudal society - but this clan seems to operate as fiercely isolationist tribals.

After generations, one Unathi, by the name of Fotkûrz Lus'horn was born. He, like his other 21 siblings, shared the same care for the Unathi traditions of old. To only speak Sintha'Unathi and to practice the rituals that the same family that settled yonder in time did.

This is a subtle note but it's still a positive one. Sinta'Unathi is the language of the hegemony - and the languages of other unathi are seen as inferior. The arrogance on display here is good, it just seems tempered with the bloodlust of the general application.

Lus'horn practiced this with unyielding efficiency and enthusiasm, to the very way he held a sword and slashed his victims in the military, clad in a breacher suit--To the very subtle tones of how he spoke to others and women.

You make an effort to reference his mannerisms to others and women, but they are very generalized. WHAT are these subtle tones being referenced? You seem to gloss over matters that don't, again, directly relate to fighting. But you also do not mention how his Clan was able to be given a breacher suit. They are described as being rather rare, and they are top of the line weapons that turned the tide of the Contact War. How did he fight before his clan was commissioned their beacher suits? Was his clan a dedicated clan of warriors? What did they do in times of peace? Breacher suits, rifles, cannons, swords, spears - these are all details. The important thing I always look for is how a unathi character responds to their entire world being turned upside down, because the the main theme of the race is holding onto their ancient systems of honor and ways of living despite being radically antiquated to the alien arrivals.

It was this he upheld to fantastic regard, much more than his family. He upheld these traditions with almost a religious purpose, nothing like anyone in his family saw. To the very way he stabbed enemies he emanated glory for the Unathi.

How? Which Unathi? The Hegemony? Did he ever question what he was doing? Did he ever consider his Lord dishonorable?

It was now time for Lus'Horn to take up spreading these traditions much farther than just Moghes--He heard tales of Unathi who ran away from Moghes just to practice their own heretical practice

Which heresy? What religion does Lus'Horn follow? There's no mention of how his Clan survived the war or the fact his homeworld is slowly dying and only now (in 2459) is there any hope of his homeworld being habitable for more than a century.

Oh, how he despised this Unathi. He then heard of Unathi who upheld the tradition even when they were light years away from their homeland. Perhaps he could take on the mantle of spreading his tradition and re-convincing his very own Unathi. This was the life he wanted--To spread the great tradition of the Unathi.

What traditions? How strongly does he still hold onto them even in the fallout of the Contact War?

As a whole your application still has a lot of red flags. Like your first character, this new character is focused entirely on fighting, and it's very bloodthirsty. I have accepted warrior based applications in the past - there is always a surge in a certain unathi lifestyle for applications - but this one is very superficial. Unathi are more than lumbering, bloodthirsty killers always seeking a fight. You seem to have taken the stereotypes of Unathi at face value for character creation.

For that reason, and with the lack of positive feedback that would give me a better reason to give the benefit of the doubt, I am going to have to decline this application. I encourage you to reapply when you feel ready.