@ReadThisNamePlzThanks for stepping in.
Did you buy your computer from someone? Is it used?
Nope, it's a recent custom build.
Do you use a public wifi network, like a dorm, or barracks?
Nope, I pay for the wifi, and it's only my girlfriend and I on it. (She doesn't play SS13, I checked!)
I'm at a loss, to be honest.