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One (s)hell of a religion.


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Seeing as I have a new, fake religion, I may as well tell you guys about it.

(Name pending) is the brand new belief system of Homer Reichard, a chaplain I created just because I wanted to do stupid shit with him. It works on the principle that all of everything is part of a system of five layers, in which layers below can effect layers above them. Lower you are, the more power you have over things.

1. The top layer is the universe as we know it, space, stars, physics, all that. It's the only universe in which time and physics, and most other things actually exist.

2. The first layer is held up my thirteen bearded giants. While they can interfere with the universe, they often don't, as they are too busy arguing about trading cards. These giants also created sentient species, long before trading cards existed. The eldest of the giants, whose name was Thermefdegluh, created the first sentient species, and it was perfect, but it made the other giants jealous, so they each made their own species. Humanity was created by the youngest, whose name was Berdengrasd, and oh boy, did humans suck. All other sentient species in the galaxy are not creations of the giants, but came about on their own. Some sects of this religion are biased against them because of this, but some aren't.

3. The third layer is composed entirely of bricks. Everything in it is bricks. Up is bricks. Down is bricks. Left and right are bricks. Most bricks are even made out of smaller bricks. Some theorize that many sentient species invented bricks through the use of visions to this layer.

4. The third layer is held up by two snakes, who are both evil, and cruel. They often meddle in the universe for their own amusement, and attempt to usurp the power of the layer below them. The only thing that keeps them from succeeding is the fact that neither will allow the other to succeed.

5. The bottom, and most powerful layer, is occupied by the Great Turtle, a being of immense power and compassion. The Great Turtle loves all being in the universe, and all things in the layers, even the bricks. The turtle has great influence in the universe, and will often attempt to assist those in the universe, however, it cannot control the actions of the other celestial beings. It instead must react to the snakes machinations, and work where the others have not acted. It is believed that only the Great Turtle is capable of communicating with the universe directly.

As a parting, I give you a reading from the Book of the Great Turtle, "And Yosef, Denny, and Viasmat sat down, and they feasted on three pheasants, some dates, and ice-cold cola, and they praised the Great Turtle, and the Great Turtle spoke down onto them and said. 'Share the dates, Yosef hasn't gotten any,' and they shared, and life was good,"

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