Character Feedback: Marcus Zhao

[LordPwner]

Been getting a feel for Marcus over this like month and a half and was just curious if people were enjoying them or any tips/advice/whatever on them. 

 

Appreciate it! ❤️

[Sniblet]

2 positives

-Extremely consistently absolutely Imp, all my characters who don’t like Dominicans have found their own ways into teeth-clenched narrow tolerance of him as god intends. Konstantyn, Pierre and Aelia do not act the same part that Marcus does

-Stylin loadout. That’s it. Good in grey.

2 negatives

-The flavor text goes REALLY hard. A whole 12-point Times New Roman page capped off with something something flame of change, man I just wanna know what he looks like.

I’ve actually never read it in full, but tip: if you’re describing the minutiae of facial structure or something in there, don’t. Actually never do that in any written medium, the reader never retains it and seldom reads it. You have better luck with overall impressions and giving his appearance a personality: “1880’s German officer” draws a complete picture in one breath, or for something more general, “young bushy-faced aristocrat,” “uncanny facial symmetry,” whatever. You can almost always get someone near enough to your level with a character description in one or two breaths if you need to, and everyone reading your FT is in the middle of a game, so KISS.

-Exploitables. If you don’t know what to put there, nobody needs a novel: where his family lives, who his friends here are, what organizations potentially wouldn’t like him, who he’d have interesting interactions with, what he tends to do in a crisis.

-Stop being HMR. I also hate Dominicans

Edited March 7, 2023 by Sniblet

[dessysalta]

I like Marcus's depth of character a lot. You can really feel the emotions and impacts he has and thinks about before finally doing, and with little moments telling me (or my characters) how much he holds back in order to appear polite and formal, I can tell he has a lot of love and care put into him.

I'm curious to see what you do with him as a Consular, now that he is one. I hope you have a very hands-on approach with him, because he feels like a very hands-on person.

[LordPwner]

On 07/03/2023 at 00:28, Sniblet said:

The flavor text goes REALLY hard. A whole 12-point Times New Roman page capped off with something something flame of change, man I just wanna know what he looks like.

Yeah, I worked on it a bit, there is still a good bit of text, but I've tried to paint the picture more and not be overly 'MAKE ART IN MIND' So thanks for pointing that out. I've added the exploitables, will add more as I can think of them/events happen.

And yes, Imp bad

On 11/08/2023 at 06:03, dessysalta said:

I like Marcus's depth of character a lot. You can really feel the emotions and impacts he has and thinks about before finally doing, and with little moments telling me (or my characters) how much he holds back in order to appear polite and formal, I can tell he has a lot of love and care put into him.

I'm curious to see what you do with him as a Consular, now that he is one. I hope you have a very hands-on approach with him, because he feels like a very hands-on person.

Yeah! I appreciate the words, warms my heart! Hopefully I can make some fun RP for everyone as a Consular- it's been pretty fun so far. Hunting people down with a smile and going 'Visit Empire? Yes or Yes?'

[Duthco]

Wow! Until I read this, I didn't realize that Marcus was a newish character when I first started playing on Aurora in February.

He was one of the first characters my first guy met back when Marcus was a Bridge Crewman sitting in what I assumed to be his favorite spot at the end of Lyric Valana's bar. It's been pretty cool to see him climb to being an XO and now as a Consular. 

His co-hosting Cmdr. Montaigne-Rammstein's Ezerat, listening to his commentary throughout, and watching Marcus slowly develop an... appreciation for Kvass ever since has been splendid. 

Echoing what the others have already said, I get a sense of multi-dimensionality in my interactions with him, and that he not only says things with nuance, but also thinks and believes things that aren't necessarily said, but inform what is. 

Having been accosted already, I really enjoy the newest member of the Dominian Tourism Board.

Just, overall great work. I wish I had actionable feedback for you.