kj16609 Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 (edited) BYOND Key:KJ16609 Character Names:Saul Martinze Species you are applying to play:Tarjar What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt):a wheat kind of color ( like the sec guard in the picture here http://aurorastation.org/wiki/index.php?title=Tajara Have you read our lore section's page on this species?:Yes Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question Why do you wish to play this specific race:I have a lot of fun with it and also the language they speak in is awesome and also they are kinda weird in a way where people don't normaly understand and also it gives you a chalange to play as a tarjar because of different things that are not like human Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:you need to Role your R's but not to much! like this He wants to go to the role of enginerrrr and also they speak in 3rd person even harder! so its a very hard thing to play as because of just their normal culture is so much more different then a humans normal culture like the names and so much more it takes most of my study time for school but eh who needs school XD sorry getting of topic but it is a very hard race to play as Character Name:Saul Martinze Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs (im going to role my r's here kinda like a story he is saying himself Saul Marrrrtinze also known as Solas Matona he took over the name of Saul Marrrtinze because NT and other people could not say his name corectly is a young 27 yearrrr old man he is a tarrrjarrr and he is very good at engineerrrring and also has a small amount of training in forrrrcenetics for securrrrity planning to become a securrrrrrity detective one day but then he saw how good of a engineerrrr he could be and whent on the engineerrring track instead of the securrrity track after that he got a small amound of head trrrraining trrrrying to become a chief engineerrrr also but he never got enough trrrraining and failed his class he is still trrrrying to become a head that is his main goal in life Saul martzine's family was killed in the great war of the tajara and the humans it was a very bloody way and NT has kidnaped him and forced to work for labor until after the way he was adopted by a new family and has been away from human life then he started school and was learning a little about security then quit school after it was in a lockdown and ERT had to come in and capture a killer on the school after that they had to get tranquilizers just to put him down cause tazers where not working on his fur they way he had it all up and stiff after that he was suspended then whent back to school What do you like about this character? he is very how do I say this odd in a way his family is never spoken about and about his childhood is never spoken about so he is not very talkative about his past other then that he is very loving and caring How would you rate your role-playing ability? 6/10 Notes: Security record start: caution put in a suspenseful way if ERT or a military team is required to enter the station Saul Martinze's parents was killed during the great war and saul martinze also known as solas montona will go wild and need to be shot with a advanced tazer or a tranquilizer dart approach with caution! Edited November 18, 2015 by Guest
Killerhurtz Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Okay I actually laughed at 'Tarjar'. One of my characters is TOTALLY going to pick up on that. Otherwise - I don't entirely know you, but your application is almost-but-not-quite: 'Being good at it' is entirely subjective, and so is not really a reference, but that might just be me. The 'what makes it different' part is a little lackluster. I'm not sure the name fits well for a Tajara aboard the Aurora. Are you sure you've read the lore? Backstory is short and bland, it would be great if you could expand upon it. 'Being mysterious' isn't going to cut it. It's a term that's too vague and that allows for too much leeway. Fix all of this and I'll +1 just because 'tarjar'. In case you weren't joking, the proper name is Tajara. Same name for one or multiple individuals, and it's the name of the species.
kj16609 Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 OH my god its not tarjar O_O I have been saying that my entire ss13 life like I was thinking it was tarjar idk why and I will fix it now :3 but ima leave the tarjar part XD
LetzShake Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 You seem to have a basic interest which is good but it's really important you read the lore. I recommend you start with - http://aurorastation.org/forums/viewtopic.php?t=340 And also http://aurorastation.org/wiki/index.php?title=Tajara and http://aurorastation.org/wiki/index.php?title=Adhomai To get an idea of what the Tarjars are all about. There's more to Tajaran than being a cat that talks in third person and rolls their rs. Also, it's worth dialing it back on the Rs. Don't overseason your writing with it, and more importantly don't do it in narration. Maybe occasionally as a joke (my Tajaran sometimes labels pill bottles as 'Derrrmaline') but less is more, to be sure. Tajaran tend to have more arabic-sounding names. Not always, but that's the most common naming convention for them. Also, keep in mind that Tajaran subspecies affect what color they are. An orange Tajaran working on the station is quite unlikely because that color is a genetic trait of the Njarir'Akhran, which are Tajaran nobility. The backstory could use work. I like the idea of a security officer who decides he wants to go to engineering school, but you should write more about him as a person, too. What was his life like before? What led him to where he is today, that kind of thing? This is lacking, but it's definitely not hopeless, I think you just need to really sit with it and put some real effort in. A part of that will also be to write more carefully, proper grammar and spelling, and that sort of thing. If you have any more questions about Tajaran, feel free to ask, I'm sure our Tajara loremaster Sue checks these threads, among others, so I'm sure you can get them answered. Edit: Okay you added a little, but there's definitely more to the species than a speech pattern! Oh and I'd definitely remove the whole part about cuddling. Trust me, you don't want to go down that path here. It will only lead to bad responses from people.
kj16609 Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 oh an also the part about more of his past is kinda a thing he does not like to talk about but I will put it anyways if it makes you happy Edit: all fixed
kj16609 Posted November 19, 2015 Author Posted November 19, 2015 I have edited this :3 I hope I get accepted soon!
Susan Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 I'm sorry, even after LetzShake's very good pointers, your backstory is still incredibly lacking - too edgy, and just doesn't fit with the lore. I'm not confident in your ability to roleplay Tajaran well. Denied.
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