[Declined] Xxxretroxgears3's Unathi Race App

[Retro]

BYOND Key: Xxxretroxgears3

Character Names: Hudson Greenwood, Hudson Grabberman, John Cox, John Mitch, John Rickets

Species you are applying to play: Unathi

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Blue

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes

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Please provide well-articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race: I wish to be this race because everyone takes Tajara and IPC no on ever wants to pick Skrell or even Vaurca anyone more. I also find Unathi one of the most interesting races on Aurora because they are quiet but usually deadly and everyone who plays as them RP'S pretty good. Next, in real life I just like lizards so I relate to this race fairly well.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: When role-playing as human your a human and theirs no buffs/debuffs and there are no voice changes.((unless you want to use an accent.)) no "third person" or any crazy speech patterns such as the Vaurca. Finally, when being an alien you need to act and talk like one ((it may get 2-3 rounds to get used to))

 

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Character Name: Slazar Appendiss

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs Slazar Appendis is an Oureaeann Unathi of the Youthnosheneeis clan located 50 kilometers from the city of Isoz . The clan has been around for a very long time but the name has changed before and has gone through radical changes during the years. Since then they have calmed down has gone under smaller changes. Since the new hegemony, the clan has tried to avoid them, keeping in contact with the Sol Republic looking for a chance to leave. The Appendis family rules because the family has been around the longest and is the fairest, honorable, and strong. Usually, the strongest clan members are black dark red or crimson but once in a while, there is slight variation and the rare Blue, Albino Unathi is the strongest the clan has known. The 10 strongest Males and Females grant the most power to the family in the clan the higher up and more powerful the more influence and if multiple kids are the strongest it's, even more, influence the clan has. NT knows this clan very very well and has been keeping tabs on them wishing to recruit these clan members. Most people of the Youthosheneeis clan are hunters of a sort, fishing, hunting, or bounty hunting, but that is rare. During Slazar's father's time as a child, NT, and the Sol government came to their tribe, they were careful but opened up, and many tribesmen went to work for these people, rather than stay where the Hegemony is taking over, and everything around is going through chaos.

Slazar Appendis was born in the clan Youthnosheneeis. When he was born his father Shizku Appendis was the leader of the clan or at the top in the election. His mother was a fighter who taught Slazar at the age of 7 how to be a warrior and hunter teaching him proper manners. His farther the strongest of the clan, his scales were pure black and showed how he could be deadly and blended with the shadows. when Slazar was born he was the 4th child of Shizuku but he was in the top 3 strongest male children by the time he was 13 also it was round . Slazar wished to be a Sol government navy trooper one day and trained very hard because he generally opposing his ages training sneaking into the elders. Around the age of 15 Slazar was the 5th strongest male in the entire clan along with his loving sister who ranked 8th in the strongest females in the clan. At 18 Slazar left his clan to join the Navy along with 6 others, his father very proud, he wished his son . On their travels, they told stories, traveling to the nearest city. The following month he found an NT navy officer landing in Isoz and was accepted into the Sol military academy for the gifted and graduated when he was 23 years old. 10 years later he left the military after his service time was up. After he became a security officer on the NSS SanQuan. Currently, he is looking at a job on the NSS Exodus and may plan to move here.

What do you like about this character? I like who even among his clan, he wanted to do what he wanted, his ambition made him where he is, overcoming his challenges and made his own tracks on the ground.

How would you rate your role-playing ability? Decent, I work on it, and I am not always the best, I just need to get into the groove, and make a personality for everyone.

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Notes: Unathi can be dark blue, check the wiki. Also, if you have a question or concern just PM me on the forms or discord, my discord is my forum user name. Retro.

Edited November 11, 2016 by Guest

[Muncorn]

This looks like a fairly good app, and though I do note know much of Unathi lore, there is a few notes I want to point out.

- It's always a good idea on an app to indicate your characters opinions on current or past events concerning their race, such as Glorsh for Skrell, the Civil War for Tajara, or the ongoing tension between Unathi and Skrell for, well, Unathi and Skrell. So, some kind of indication of his stance on the matter, whether it be neutral or opposed in some way, would be appreciated, but not necessary.

- Why does Slazar want to work for NanoTrasen? Also, why did he want to join the Sol Navy out of all things? An honourable Unathi warrior; which is what you seem to have made; would not be inclined to leave Moghes apart from for war, exile or for better work, but it's very, very unlikely he would go into the Sol Navy, even less so as a first job, so why?

- The name Appendiss looks like Appendix. Not a problem, it's just a little bit silly.

- This app has an awful lot of spelling mistakes. Not a massive difference, but it makes a larger impact on how well it's accepted than you may think. This mainly boils down to the repeated use of 'Sense' instead of 'Since'. I understand that English may not be people's strong suits, nor even a first language, but a good check over always does you good.

But, if these are addressed, I'll happily give this a +1. Good work man.

[Retro]

This looks like a fairly good app, and though I do note know much of Unathi lore, there is a few notes I want to point out.

- It's always a good idea on an app to indicate your characters opinions on current or past events concerning their race, such as Glorsh for Skrell, the Civil War for Tajara, or the ongoing tension between Unathi and Skrell for, well, Unathi and Skrell. So, some kind of indication of his stance on the matter, whether it be neutral or opposed in some way, would be appreciated, but not necessary.

- Why does Slazar want to work for NanoTrasen? Also, why did he want to join the Sol Navy out of all things? An honourable Unathi warrior; which is what you seem to have made; would not be inclined to leave Moghes apart from for war, exile or for better work, but it's very, very unlikely he would go into the Sol Navy, even less so as a first job, so why?

- The name Appendiss looks like Appendix. Not a problem, it's just a little bit silly.

- This app has an awful lot of spelling mistakes. Not a massive difference, but it makes a larger impact on how well it's accepted than you may think. This mainly boils down to the repeated use of 'Sense' instead of 'Since'. I understand that English may not be people's strong suits, nor even a first language, but a good check over always does you good.

But, if these are addressed, I'll happily give this a +1. Good work man.

 

Slazar wants to join NT and SOL, he is not on a Moghean, he is Ouerean, due to the Hedgmoney taking back, the planet is unbalanced, they alligned them selves with Humand and Skrell cultures, they do agree with some of these things, but to extent they do not like the Hedgmoney. Slazar, really just does not want to be involved, and to better himself as a warrior, but to better his future, and mind. TO answer question two, please re read the backstory (paragraph one) near the end, the Youthos were contacted by them when Slazar's father was a child, they were cautious, seeing how they might try to buy their land, or hurt them, but soon became friends, many of the other clan mates decided to work for NT, SOl, and other companies out there.

EDIT: Fixed my grammar, thanks for pointing it out.

[Jennalele]

Unfortunately, I am going to have to -1 this. My experiences with you, mostly as John Rickets, have shown very poor RP, borderline metagaming and validhunting tactics, and generally, /very/ poor Sec play. I do not think you have the standard that it takes to play a whitelisted species responsibly.

[Retro]

Unfortunately, I am going to have to -1 this. My experiences with you, mostly as John Rickets, have shown very poor RP, borderline metagaming and validhunting tactics, and generally, /very/ poor Sec play. I do not think you have the standard that it takes to play a whitelisted species responsibly.

 

Ok, thanks for your opinion, I see how I have "bad rp" then again I have not RP'd in about 4 months, sorry, I had issues, and I could not play 24/7. Borderline metagaming? I see my self slip up once in LOOC then I have never (intentionally) done it again. also valid-hunting, come on, usually when I play sec officer, I sit down, patrol, wait, respond. If your going to claim this, at least prove it, and as a secondary adminastratior, if I am doing all these bad things, should I have not received a warning, ban, or anything of the sorts? You kinda just proved you are not competent. ((No offense)) I understand that, yeah I am not the best of players, who is? I have seen shitty RP from everyone, most likely you to. I just created John Rickets, we really has not done anything bad in my eyes.

[Guest Marlon Phoenix]

Hello! Sorry for the delay.

In your responses to what makes Unathi different you don't actually say anything about Unathi. You just say what humans don't talk like.

In your actual backstory there are several glaring issues.

You mention that the Ourean clan is a very old, venerated clan, despite Ourea only being settled a mere 19 years ago, in 2439. You also mention a New Hegemony, but I don't know which one you are referring to. The current Hegemony is ruled by the Izweski, who have been in power since the 1990's. Your clan couldn't exist on Ourea pre-dating Unathi space flight, so I don't really understand the context there.

You further go on about them being the oldest and most honorable clan - but again, Ourea has only been around for 19 years. I'll assume it's supposed to reference their clan's history when they still lived on Moghes? This still causes issues since your clan apparently doesn't like the Izweski, yet joined their space program...

I also take issue with the family being filled with albino and blue and pure black unathi. These are meant to be rare exotics; a blue or albino female would be more like an extremely rare, expensive vase that you charge people to come gawk at - an object, not a person, and definitely not someone able to gain wealth or power within or outside a clan structure. There's just no consistency to their color scheme - are they inbreeding to retain these recessive traits?

You also make his mother a "fighter", which is another massive stumble. The clan's general emancipation of women would make them extremely bizarre and outside tradition and even the law - strong women can exist, but they must fight with every ounce of their strength to climb every rung on the social ladder, and if they climb too high they'll be reliably smacked down.

You also call them a tribe when NT comes to recruit from them. Ourean unathi are not primitive, their entire aesthetic is being almost exclusively modern. If they were one of the first 350 unathi to settle Ourea and not a later migration then they would be the best of the best available, not some tribal foreigners.

You also repeatedly reference the human government as the Sol Republic, when it's the Sol Alliance. I mean technically I can argue you're right and it would be really pedantic to hold it against you, but it's a minor thing that adds to the pile of issues that I feel need amending.

His backstory in the Sol navy would be fine, but you have an NT recruiter get him into the Sol Navy. NanoTrasen is a private corporation and does not have influence in the Sol Alliance navy. He would also need to be a citizen of the Sol Alliance. I could squint and let it slide if it was the Republic of Biesel's tiny little navy, since getting Biesel citizenship is easy-peasy, or even just join the unathi police and be a beat-cop on the streets of New Skalamar.

In all, you seem to heavily rely on stereotypes, yet at the same time bizarrely going contrary to the very essence of unathi culture. This application would require an extensive rework and at that point it would be better to reapply, so I'm going to decline this application.

I encourage you to reapply when you feel ready.