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Excerpts from my DnD campaign

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DM (Eragong)

Eladrin Cleric/Paladin: Varen Karynn (Me)

Dwarf Barbarian Miner: Morgran Fireforged (College friend)

Human Warlock: Morn Duskhand (College friend)

Human Cleric: Shiirak Everron (College friend)

Dwarf Bard: Ziram Fireforged

Bear: Mr Bear (Morgran's semi-trained brown bear)

Displacer Beast: Avasha (Varen's Paladin summoned mount)



*The caravan the heroes are guarding is attacked by mutated wild animals, and a bear.*

Morgran: I'll take the bear, Morn, you take out those big lizards.

Morn: Sure, I'll use Shatter.


Morgran: Morn.... You... You... You just blew up my cart! My donkey is in a billion different pieces!

Morn: Killed the lizards.

*The bear rips off an NPC's arm. Morgran rolls a nat20 to calm it.*

Shiirak: Kill the bear!

Morgran: Not now! We've bonded! I need something to fill the hole in my life left by Mr Donkey! You shall be called Mr Bear!



*Party is fighting their way through a goatman and drow infested dwarven mine.*

Varen: Ziram! Watch out!

*A Drow warrior goes to attack Ziram*

Ziram: I got the bastard!

*Ziram Fireforged rams his magical flute deep into the Drow warrior's ribcage, before blowing a pure note through the gore-drenched instrument, rupturing the internal organs of the unfortunate fighter.*

Morn: Ziram! THE FUCK!

Ziram: Got the bastard.



*The Party is fighting a Drow Gladiator, and an injured Drow wizard in confined corridors.*

Varen: I need some help over here!

Morn: Fireball.

Varen: We are in a tight corridor you dumb -

*The fireball disintegrates the mage, knocks the gladiator prone, and wipes out 90% of Varen's health.*



*Shiirak and Varen are interrogating a captured Drow gladiator.*

Varen: Tell us everything you know! (Nat20)

Drow: We got in there by accident! We went through a portal in the underdark.

Shiirak: Bullshit.

*Shiirak Everron casts silence on the bound Drow Gladiator, then slams his hammer down, bursting the Elf's left testicle. The drow screams silently, then passes out.*


*Shiirak rolls a nat20 for his religion check, testicular crushing is now a legitimate punishment for his religion. The Drow gets healed.*

Shiirak: Now tell the truth you dirt-

*The Drow casts darkness and levitation, and attempts to levitate himself out of the window.*

Varen: By the light of Marduk! After him!

*Varen gets blinded by dancing lights*

Drow: Stupid heroes! You will never catch me now!

Shiirak: Dispel magic.

*Shirrak Everron dispels the levitation enchantment on the bound Drow, causing him to fall 30-feet, landing headfirst on the ground, then a heavy stone chair landing on top of him. Messy.*

Varen: Oh god... He looks like an accordian....

Shiirak: Yup.


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DM - My friend, Misho.

Elven Sorcerer - Kailar Valkrae (Me.)

Human Rogue - Vhandis Len (Skype friend.)

Human Bard - Melinda Byrne (Skype friend.)

Human Warrior - Mleza Priebe (Skype friend.)

We're in a tavern that's owned by my NPC wife, and we hear some strange noises from the basement. A troll busts through the door, screaming and yelling. I immediately try and magic missile the thing to oblivion. It deflects the missile with a nat20. Our bard immediately attempts the most logical option. Beating it to death with as many musical instruments as physically possible. Meanwhile, The Rogue decides to fuck off to the upstairs. The Warrior attempts to elbow drop the Troll. The Troll punches him in midair.

This goes on for a bit, with me trying my hardest to keep everyone somewhat healed. The Troll eventually drops to about two health. Guess who comes in for the KS? THE ROGUE.

He jumps from the stairs, and stabs the thing, killing it, and taking the EXP. We then stare at him, in awe. The bard walks over to him, and smacks him in the head with a drum. Nat20. We then rob him blind, and strap him to the trolls corpse, and leave.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So... In another Campaign I am running, we have a Dragonborn Monk, (For those who aren't DnD savvy, a Dragonborn is a humanoid, wingless dragon, not Dovakiin), and when entering a torturer chamber, and seeing the piles of mutilated innocents, he grabbed the closest goblin torturer, shoved him into an iron maiden, and opened and closed the door repeatedly.

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A prophecy my players will find in the campaign I am currently DMing.

Speak the ritual in lifeless tones,

Blood of innocents tenscore under lie,

The Herald of Death takes wing and flies,

E're the darkening of the skies,

And the dead shall feast upon our bones.


If, without aid, our heroes try,

Then woe upon us, the end is nigh,

The Herald of Death will soon fly,

And all shall die, all shall die,


On the rise of the Herald of Doom,

But one hope can pierce the gloom,

One face, split apart,

Shards to heal a lonely heart.


The land shall weep tears of red,

Upon the hand that raised the dead,

The endless ocean will cease it's roar,

To only stand and watch in awe.


The sun will fall on bended knee,

For before this light, all will flee,

An ancient one, free at last,

The greatest strength will be cast.


Shining white, and blood-red gold,

Only one can be so bold,

To break the chains of the fallen one,

Returned to life, the battle is won.

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