Gollee Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 Characters: DM (Eragong) Eladrin Cleric/Paladin: Varen Karynn (Me) Dwarf Barbarian Miner: Morgran Fireforged (College friend) Human Warlock: Morn Duskhand (College friend) Human Cleric: Shiirak Everron (College friend) Dwarf Bard: Ziram Fireforged Bear: Mr Bear (Morgran's semi-trained brown bear) Displacer Beast: Avasha (Varen's Paladin summoned mount) *The caravan the heroes are guarding is attacked by mutated wild animals, and a bear.* Morgran: I'll take the bear, Morn, you take out those big lizards. Morn: Sure, I'll use Shatter. Varen: FOR THE CROWN! Morgran: Morn.... You... You... You just blew up my cart! My donkey is in a billion different pieces! Morn: Killed the lizards. *The bear rips off an NPC's arm. Morgran rolls a nat20 to calm it.* Shiirak: Kill the bear! Morgran: Not now! We've bonded! I need something to fill the hole in my life left by Mr Donkey! You shall be called Mr Bear! *Party is fighting their way through a goatman and drow infested dwarven mine.* Varen: Ziram! Watch out! *A Drow warrior goes to attack Ziram* Ziram: I got the bastard! *Ziram Fireforged rams his magical flute deep into the Drow warrior's ribcage, before blowing a pure note through the gore-drenched instrument, rupturing the internal organs of the unfortunate fighter.* Morn: Ziram! THE FUCK! Ziram: Got the bastard. *The Party is fighting a Drow Gladiator, and an injured Drow wizard in confined corridors.* Varen: I need some help over here! Morn: Fireball. Varen: We are in a tight corridor you dumb - *The fireball disintegrates the mage, knocks the gladiator prone, and wipes out 90% of Varen's health.* Varen: FUCKFUCKFUCK! WHY! *Shiirak and Varen are interrogating a captured Drow gladiator.* Varen: Tell us everything you know! (Nat20) Drow: We got in there by accident! We went through a portal in the underdark. Shiirak: Bullshit. *Shiirak Everron casts silence on the bound Drow Gladiator, then slams his hammer down, bursting the Elf's left testicle. The drow screams silently, then passes out.* Varen: WHAT THE FUCK! *Shiirak rolls a nat20 for his religion check, testicular crushing is now a legitimate punishment for his religion. The Drow gets healed.* Shiirak: Now tell the truth you dirt- *The Drow casts darkness and levitation, and attempts to levitate himself out of the window.* Varen: By the light of Marduk! After him! *Varen gets blinded by dancing lights* Drow: Stupid heroes! You will never catch me now! Shiirak: Dispel magic. *Shirrak Everron dispels the levitation enchantment on the bound Drow, causing him to fall 30-feet, landing headfirst on the ground, then a heavy stone chair landing on top of him. Messy.* Varen: Oh god... He looks like an accordian.... Shiirak: Yup. Quote Link to comment
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