[Denied] Sparky_hotdog's Vaurca Warrior Whitelist Request

[Sparky_hotdog]

BYOND Key: Sparky_hotdog

Character Names: Audrey Catleay

Species you are applying to play: Vaurca

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Green (as in the unbound K'lax colour)

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes

Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race: Because I think it would be interesting to role-play a species with a hive mind and that has some challenging flaws

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: Because their only reason to get up every day is the dream of one day being plugged back into the VR paradise they came from.

Character Name: Za'Akaix'Won K'lax

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs: Za'Akaix'Klax Zo'ra had everything. The perfect body. The perfect house. The perfect house. The perfect life. He never thought that anything could be different. He was wrong. He was sunbathing on the top of his house when everything went dark. He felt a sharp pain in the back of his head as something was removed from it. Then he heard someone whisper “Follow your destiny”. Then he opened his eyes.

He stepped out of the chamber he was in and looked around. He saw lots of creatures do the same as him, except they were ugly, unlike him. He looked down at his hands to reassure himself of this and screamed. He was ugly too. He fell to his knees. “This must be a dream, this must be a dream” he told himself. Then a light came from the end of the platform he was on. “This is not a dream. This is reality. Your past life was a dream. If you want that again, serve us.” Zaw, as he had been called for short in his apparent ‘dream’ knew he would do anything to go back. “What is my destiny?” He asked I unison with the others. “To be warriors.”

What do you like about this character?: Probably the fact that he thought he was special and unique, and is now realising that he is far from that. He is also very open to lots of jobs.

How would you rate your role-playing ability? 5/10? I've only been playing SS13 for a couple of months, but Aurora was one of the first servers I joined. I have also played a couple of other roleplaying games such as Deus Ex and Wow (on an RP server obviously).

Edited April 30, 2017 by Guest

[Sparky_hotdog]

I'd Like to change the Backstory.

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs: Ka'Viax'Won, or Ka'V as the short name he quickly developed, was always different. Not that anyone noticed, but he was more passive than the other Warriors, yet he was physically better than the workers. This was only revealed when an unbound was visiting one day. Even after advanced augmentation, nothing had changed, so he was pulled aside, and for no reason known to him, thrown out of the hive.

A NanoTransen recruiting party was nearby and saw potential, so took him on, and he was sent on the first shuttle to the NSS Exodus, after they had updated his augments of course

[Wiebman]

Eh, I don't mean to discourage you, but I don't think you're going to get accepted with that backstory, maybe you're going to have to put a bit more time in it, work on it some more, until it's a bit longer, and more elaborate, because now it's really kind of simple and short.

[LordFowl]

BYOND Key: Sparky_hotdog

Character Names: Audrey Catleay

Species you are applying to play: Vaurca

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Probably a Grey/Black colour

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes

Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race: Because I think it would be interesting to role-play a species with a hive mind and that has some challenging flaws

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: They can only eat two foods and they can communicate with others through a hive mind. They also have a language that nobody else can speak

Character Name: Ka'Viax'Won K'lax

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs: Ka'Viax'Won, or Ka'V as the short name he quickly developed, was always different. Not that anyone noticed, but he was more passive than the other Warriors, yet he was physically better than the workers. This was only revealed when an unbound was visiting one day. He was pulled aside, and for no reason known to him, thrown out of the hive. A NanoTransen recruiting party was nearby and took him on, and he was sent on the first shuttle to the NSS Exodus

What do you like about this character?: He's a bit of an outsider, and yet he doesn't even know it. Though he can't play some roles, he is pretty open to most employment plans

How would you rate your role-playing ability? 5/10? I've only been playing SS13 for a couple of months, but Aurora was one of the first servers I joined. I have also played a couple of other roleplaying games such as Deus Ex and Wow (on an RP server obviously).

 

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Probably a Grey/Black colour

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes

If you had read the wiki, you would've known that "Grey/Black" are unacceptable colours for Vaurca.

 

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: They can only eat two foods and they can communicate with others through a hive mind. They also have a language that nobody else can speak

Note that this asks what makes roleplaying the species different, not playing them. Do not merely list off mechanical changes.

 

Ka'Viax'Won, or Ka'V as the short name he quickly developed, was always different. Not that anyone noticed, but he was more passive than the other Warriors, yet he was physically better than the workers.

Insert "Marty Sue was always different to the other Mary Sues, but he was pretty good anyways.". 'Always different' is a very bad motif to start off on, and to be so boldly stated - espcially in a species that values similarity between individuals - indicates a snowflakeness to the nth degree that is not offset by a quality character, since the rest of your backstory is lacking quality.

 

He was pulled aside, and for no reason known to him, thrown out of the hive.

Being ejected from a hive, especially as an Bound, is not likely. If you were physically or mentally deformed, you would simply be killed and your augmentations repurposed. If you were ejected from the Hive as a Bound, you would not survive - Bound Vaurca depend on Unbound Vaurca for motivation, and would be purposeless without a Hive. Unbound would probably go crazy without one.

 

A NanoTransen recruiting party was nearby and took him on, and he was sent on the first shuttle to the NSS Exodus

NanoTrasen would probably not recruit an individual Vaurca. Any Vaurcae that work on NT stations do so because of work-trade deals manufactured between the parent hive and NT, in which Vaurcae employees are hired in bulk.

Altogether, this application will need a lot more work. You may find it easier to write an application for an Unbound Vaurcae, as they are more familiar to our human ways, and thus it is easier to write a compelling and lore-appropriate application for them.

[Sparky_hotdog]

I've edited it o fit with the first of your suggestions, and I'm writing a better backstory a the moment. I took on your advise about the unbound

[Sparky_hotdog]

I've submitted a better backstory too, I hope you like it more than the last

[LordFowl]

BYOND Key: Sparky_hotdog

Character Names: Audrey Catleay

Species you are applying to play: Vaurca

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Green (as in the unbound K'lax colour)

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes

Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race: Because I think it would be interesting to role-play a species with a hive mind and that has some challenging flaws

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: Because their only reason to get up every day is the dream of one day being plugged back into the VR paradise they came from.

Character Name: Za'Akaix'Won K'lax

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs: Za'Akaix'Klax Zo'ra had everything. The perfect body. The perfect house. The perfect house. The perfect life. He never thought that anything could be different. He was wrong. He was sunbathing on the top of his house when everything went dark. He felt a sharp pain in the back of his head as something was removed from it. Then he heard someone whisper “Follow your destiny”. Then he opened his eyes.

He stepped out of the chamber he was in and looked around. He saw lots of creatures do the same as him, except they were ugly, unlike him. He looked down at his hands to reassure himself of this and screamed. He was ugly too. He fell to his knees. “This must be a dream, this must be a dream” he told himself. Then a light came from the end of the platform he was on. “This is not a dream. This is reality. Your past life was a dream. If you want that again, serve us.” Zaw, as he had been called for short in his apparent ‘dream’ knew he would do anything to go back. “What is my destiny?” He asked I unison with the others. “To be warriors.”

What do you like about this character?: Probably the fact that he thought he was special and unique, and is now realising that he is far from that. He is also very open to lots of jobs.

How would you rate your role-playing ability? 5/10? I've only been playing SS13 for a couple of months, but Aurora was one of the first servers I joined. I have also played a couple of other roleplaying games such as Deus Ex and Wow (on an RP server obviously).

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: Because their only reason to get up every day is the dream of one day being plugged back into the VR paradise they came from.

I would seriously advise expanding on this question, particularly because your assertation that the only reason Vaurca exist is to one day rebuild their VR paradise is mostly wrong. Vaurca have a lot more goals than simply reforming as a virtual society.

 

Za'Akaix'Klax Zo'ra had everything. The perfect body. The perfect house. The perfect house. The perfect life. He never thought that anything could be different. He was wrong. He was sunbathing on the top of his house when everything went dark. He felt a sharp pain in the back of his head as something was removed from it. Then he heard someone whisper “Follow your destiny”. Then he opened his eyes.

"Za'Akaix'K'lax Zo'ra" is the very opposite of an appropriate Vaurca name.

I understand that it is perhaps unfair to critique your perception of VR, due to the fact that VR in practical terms is not really a large topic explored on the wiki, but I feel safe in asserting that this is ridiculous - VR society would at least follow roughly Vaurca society. A highly authoritorian race would not have an egalitarian VR, and a purely subterranean race would not consider sunbathing on the roof of their suburban two-story house to be paradise. Vaurca don't even much like the sun. Then we get onto a problem that you seem to have repeated - your character is really approaching some cliche "Mary Sue" levels of backstory. Who exactly would be whispering to a random low-ranking warrior to "follow their destiny"?

 

He stepped out of the chamber he was in and looked around. He saw lots of creatures do the same as him, except they were ugly, unlike him. He looked down at his hands to reassure himself of this and screamed. He was ugly too. He fell to his knees. “This must be a dream, this must be a dream” he told himself. Then a light came from the end of the platform he was on. “This is not a dream. This is reality. Your past life was a dream. If you want that again, serve us.” Zaw, as he had been called for short in his apparent ‘dream’ knew he would do anything to go back. “What is my destiny?” He asked I unison with the others. “To be warriors.”

This is also very problematic. VR does not make you forget what you are - Vaurca in the VR understand that they are Vaurca. Also, why would a species consider themselves ugly? Just because Vaurca are ugly to us does not make themselves ugly to each other, although as a genderless society I would consider it highly unlikely Vaurca care too much about physical attraction. The whole Matrix "It was all just a dream, Neo! You live in the simulation!" thing does not work with Vaurca. They understand exactly what they are. To add onto that, warriors would obviously not forget what warriors are. Also, why would he be called Zaw? Why does your Vaurca have three different names?

 

What do you like about this character?: Probably the fact that he thought he was special and unique, and is now realising that he is far from that. He is also very open to lots of jobs.

I dunno. He seems pretty unique with that whole "Follow your destiny" spiel.

I am not really seeing a great deal of improvement in this application. Should you continue to apply, please try next time. While the wiki may be flawed, it strikes me as if you only skimmed it due to the serious misunderstanding you have about Vaurca society.

[Sparky_hotdog]

I've decided that I will continue to play humans for now until I have a better understanding of this race, then re-apply

[LordFowl]

Very well. Application denied by applicant request.