Flying.loulou

Just a short message to give my feedback since they've been kind of lacking (another understatement, I know) : I've had the chance to play alongside Gromnax, especially with Ebere Ijeoma and I can say that she's pulling some quality RP and I'm having some good times playing with them. Their characters have some interesting depth behind them, and they do feel particularily "real" and "here" (don't know if that's clear), which I particularily appreciate. That's it, I'm sure they'll make a good command player, good luck for the app

Alright, I have gone through the app again and tweaked many things taking into consideration the above comment. Mohranda is now part of the coallition and has earned its independancy during the 2nd great depression as many other frontier collonies. I'll try to answer the concerns raised above in this post. I first created a Bieselite character when moving from bay to here not so long ago, after what I decided to come up with my own backstory, and since I got dozens of unplayed backstories I made up for Bay, I decided to pick up a Mohranda'ade engineer (Jane Vizsla) I never played and adapted her on Aurora. After some rounds I received a few cheers and good feedback of my char's backstory over LOOC so I thought I would just apply the faction to official lore so other people may choose it. I'll be honest I'm never confident when I'm setting population sizes, so I've just distanced myself from hard numbers as well (I didn't know this was okay). Let's just say it's a middle-sized colony. Well that was my idea to justify the collonisation of the system when I first thought of writing this faction. I found it original and interesting so I went along with it. The Alliance itself did. If it needs to be clarified further I'd vouch for them being dragged out of Europe, mainly out of the Caucase and preferably among former Cossack communities, with some additional people eventually picked up some mountainous regions such as the Alps for example. These clans were basically a conglomerate of people living within the Luggust System and its neighborhood, allying themselves with the intent to move away from the Alliance's rule. While its origin comes from some discutable underworld organisations, it later became a broader movement with many people sticking to it. Any citizen of Mohranda is considered as a reservist of the fighting corp, so they wouldn't need much training. The housing was... well their home as they were defending their own territory, and the equipment is provided by one's clan. Indeed while it's said in a sentence in the text, this obviously didn't happen over the course of a day, and probably took time to get everyone set. [Question 2 and 3 here are irrelevant following the changes I made to the submission]. I didn't think of it but that's been changed now. Thanks for the really good advice. Well I'm found of diverse universes with enough matter for people to work with, so I wish to add my stone to this by proposing some more diversity, and hopefully many cool ingame interactions will come out of it over the course of the time. I've taken my inspiration in many real and unreal cultures, may it be from the antiquity (Greece and Roma mainly), from the Cossacks, the Bushido, but yes I have taken some inspiration of the Mandalorians, mainly for the naming paterns (the suffix 'Ade is from there for example), even though I steered away from it a bit as suggested by some on Bay. For the clan bit, well, I initially wanted to call it "legion" but that felt way too "military" so I picked the designation from mandalore as well. I have also taken a few ideas from other universes, for example the whole "the parents give a traditionnal knife to their child and nothing else" idea comes from the star citizen's Vanduuls. And to finish I would like to thank you for taking the time to write a constructive and structured feedback on the application, cheers for that !

Edit : I've proof-readed the whole thing once, added 2 paragraphs (see the above discussion for details), and I've finally managed to get the culture section in thanks to @Peppermint's help (big thanks). I'm still open to suggestions indeed, but this is readable and "reviewable" I'd say.

Many thanks for the input ! It indeeds feels more consistent this way.

Well this was already the case with this line : 2381 : In order to stabilize its economy and consolidate its power, the consul decides to allow anyone, human or not, to live and work on Mohranda. One may acquire citizenship. If he doesn't, he can work in Mohranda'ade space but only for Mohranda'ades, in exchange of what the Consulate promises protection, stability and freedom for anyone working in their space. But since I found it interesting to develop on that, I've slightly nerfed the power of the invading party, and added the following paragraphs to the narrative :

Well this is a fair remark. To start with I would assume that because of the war the alliance's army was at least a litttle worn out. On top of that we could assume that the alliance, unable to afford an entire battlefleet for the matter during this time, would've sent only a reasonable fraction of their forces to deal with what they believed to be a bunch of quirky frontiersfolks. Also when I mean they have been completely destructed, I did mean that they have been sufficiently damaged to be forced to withdraw, unable to efficiently fight back anymore. It's needless to say These combats didn't leave the Consulate's army unharmed either. I will clarify this a little and edit this post once I'm done.

Type (e.g. Planet, Faction, System): Faction Describe this proposal in a single sentence (12 word maximum): A new faction for people to pick up. How will this be reflected on-station? Well, a new possible backround, probably enforced by some loadout items just as any other factions are (I can make some/most of them if this application goes through). Does this faction/etc do anything not achieved by what already exists? I hope it offers a new greenfor faction, who is not alligned with any superpowers for people to pick up. Why should this be given to lore developers rather than remain player created lore? To share it among the community so the people can choose it for their character. And also because this would allow me to settle some events that would probably be known by the people. Do you understand that if this is submitted, you are signing it away to the lore team, and that it's possible that it will change over time in ways that you may not forsee? Yes Indeed. And I'm open to suggestion if some things need to be tweaked. Long Description: The Imperial Consulate of Mohranda Faction : The Imperial Consulate of Mohranda (independent) System name : Luggust Population : A middle sized colony with 65 to 70 percent of its population being actual citizens of Mohranda Region : Between the light's edge region and the badlands The Luggust system was first colonized in 2198. It was at the time the only system that contained two naturally habitable planets, Mohranda, and Lohrene, which are currently both controlled by the Consulate of Mohranda, a member of the coallition. The Luggust system is located about halfway between Zaurghis and Aemaq, in the Light's Edge region, close to the Republic of Elyra. History The Sol Alliance first discovered artifacts of a now-extinct species in the Luggust system in early 2195. After three years of preparation, a vast colonization program of the system is launched. In 2198, the colony is first established on Mohranda, the largest habitable planet of the system. Soon, the discovery of additional artifacts on Mohranda's sister planet led the colony's expansion to Lohrene. After decades of peacefull research, during the year 2258, the security on the colony of Mohranda was incrementally being disturbed by a loose collection of clans led by Mark Mangh, also known as “The first Consul”, with the goal to create a new nation free of the to Sol alliance's rule. In 2265 after 7 years of guerilla warfare, taking advantage of the grudge growing against the Sol Alliance's taxes and taking advantage of the great depression hitting the Alliance, the Imperial Consulate of Mohranda declared it's independence from the Alliance. Soon after the split, scientists and xeno-archaeologists working on Mohranda either fled to Lohrene, or simply left the system. Over the course of years, the Consulate strengthened it's grip over Mohranda, and instituted a warrior-based culture inspired by many ancient Earth cultures such as the Bushido, some ancient Greece factions or even the roman empire, with the goal to prepare itself against any invasion coming from Sol or Lohrene. The First Consul established “The Creed of Mohranda”, which dictates the Mohranda'ade way of life. As an answer, and to preserve the Sol alliance's foothold in the system, The First Republic of Lohrene was established on Mohranda's sister planet, Lohrene, thereby formalising the presence of the Sol alliance in the system, and officially claiming the planet for themselves. The Republic of Lohrene was led by a congress and a government, both directly elected by the people. However, in 2275, Mark Mangh's successor and former right hand man, Luc Valar, elected as the new Consul in 2269, takes further advantage of the great depression paralyzing the Alliance by violently instigating a war with, and eventually conquering the peaceful Republic of Lohrene. Because of the Grudge against the Alliance's taxes growing across the frontier, the Mohranda'ades troops are often welcomed with open arms by the inhabitants of Lohrene. During the years to come the Imperial Consulate of Mohranda would progressively branch out across the entire Luggust system, and develop a mining and recycling based economy heavily dependent on ancient technology left behind by the now-extinct species that once occupied Mohranda and Lohrene. During the First Interstellar War, approached by representatives from the Alliance and the Coallition, the Shae Skitara, the 3rd Consul finally accepts to join the Coallition. The Mohranda'ade Fighting Corp is often seen fighting along the other members of the coallition during the First Interstellar War, during which the Mohranda'ades have earned a reputation to be excellent commandos, easily creeping around their ennemies, and then using the advantage of surprise to take on bigger, better equiped units. In the mean time, using the war to its advantage, the Consulate spreads across multiple (mostly uninhabited) systems around its neighborhood. Over the course of the 24th century and to further its expansion efforts, the Consulate of Mohranda incrementially built a fleet of long-range reconnaissance crafts to scout its nearby systems, and eventually started colonising these. However, in late 2375, fearing the expanse of the Imperial Consulate, the Republic of Elyra attempted via several strikes to weaken the Mohranda'ade Fighting Corp. As a result, the Consul called all Mohranda'ades to arms in early 2376, thereby growing his Army's ranks from a few million soldiers to almost a billion people, starting a three-years-long stand-off against the Republic in the process. In June 2379, after three years of standoff, Elyra makes an attempt to invade the core of Mohranda's space : The Luggust System. The elements of the Republic's Fleet engaged in the operation however found themselves pushed back after their landing on Mohranda. Taking advantage of the newly-gained initiative, and tirelessly harassing the Republic's elements, the Mohranda'ade Fighting Corp managed to sufficiently disorganise Elyra's army over the course of the month, forcing them to retreat out of Mohranda's space in early July. After two months of negociations, the Republic of Elyra accepted to sign a peace treaty with the Consulate of Mohranda : the Imperial Consulate is allowed to keep all of its territory, in exchange of what the Consulate accepts to not spread further towards the Republic. In order to recover from the damages caused by the war against Elyra, and in order to stabilize its economy and consolidate its power, in 2381, the Consul decides to allow anyone, human or not, to live and work on Mohranda. One may acquire citizenship by going through the Mohranda'ade mentorship, and by swearing the Creed. If he doesn't, he can work in Mohranda'ade space but only for Mohranda'ades, in exchange of what the Consulate promises protection, stability and freedom for anyone working in their space. While the Consulate's economy has greatly recovered from the crisis, and is now stable and powerfull, the war has strengthened the ties among the Consulate's society. Stories of the Great Elders, bravely standing up together against the invasion are often told to the younglings, reinforcing both their faith in their culture and their mistrust of the Republic of Elyra in the process. To this date Mohranda is a fledgling 2nd rank power within human space. Some of it's clans remain idle, protecting their farms and industries, while others deal in bounty hunting, providing mercenaries throughout the frontier, or expanding the Imperial consulate's control over the nearby systems. Through the Coallition, they are well-known for providing protections to the Coallition's most remote collonies, and the tales of the Mohranda'ade Fighting Corp bravely owning its independance before valiantly fighting against the Alliance among the coallition army are well known by many. For example, it isn't rare to see a gadpathurian inviting a Mohranda'ade to a drink or vice-versa just because of their origins. 2198 : The colony is founded on Mohranda. 2201 : Lohrene's colonization begins. 2258 : Several clans form, and Mark Mangh declares himself "First Consul or Mohranda". 2265 : The Consulate of Mohranda (or more formally : the Imperial Consulate of Mohranda) declares it's independence, and slowly becomes a clan based warrior society. 2265 : Creation of the "First Republic of Lohrene", as part of the Sol Alliance. 2269 : Death of the first Consul, Mark Mangh. Luc Valar is elected as the new Consul and becomes the leader of Mohranda. March 2275 : Taking further advantage of the Second Great Depression paralyzing the Alliance, the Consul Luc Valar leads a campagin to invade Lohrene. Within 3 weeks, the planet is seized and Lorhene surrenders. The Consulate of Mohranda is victorious, and the First Republic of Lohrene ceases to exist. 2275-2276 : The Imperial Consulate permanently establishes itself over Lohrene with no reaction of the Sol alliance because of the Second Great Depression. 2276-2278 : The Empire of Mohranda spreads through the entirety of the Luggust system. 2277 : The Consul establishes the current education system, based on mentorship. 2278 : The Consul is approached by representatives from the Alliance and the Coallition, and finally accepts to join the Coallition. The Mohranda'ade Fighting Corp is often seen fighting along the other members of the coallition during the First Interstellar War, during which the Mohranda'ades have earned a reputation to be excellent commandos, easily creeping around their ennemies, and then using the advantage of surprise to take on bigger, better equiped units. 2278-2287 : Taking advantage on the Interstellar war, and while fighting for the Coallition, Mohranda spreads across multiple (mostly uninhabited) systems around its neighborhood. 2295 : Mining operations start in the Consulate controlled space, in response to resources on both Lohrene and Mohranda becoming scarce. 2304 : The Imperial Consulate of Mohranda builds several long-range patrol craft in order to scout it's borders as well as the nearby frontier systems, with the desire to expand to other systems. 2375 : Fearing the Expanse of the Imperial Consulate, the Republic of Elyra attempts via several strikes to weaken the Mohranda'ade Fighting Corp. 2376 : The Consul Calls all Mohranda'ade to arms, fearing a massive invasion of the Alliance. As a result, the Mohranda'ade Fighting Corp sees its rank grow from a few million to almost a billion soldiers, from all ages and Genders. June 2379 : After three years of standoff, the Republic of Elyra makes a disastrous attempt to invade the Luggust system. Entirely pushed back after only a month of combat and despite its apparent technical superiority, their attack fleet is almost entirely disorganised, and finally pushed back. October 2379 : After the disaster of June, the Republic accepts to sign a peace treaty with the Consulate of Mohranda. Said treaty allows the Imperial Consulate to keep all of its territory, but the Consulate accepts to not spread further towards the Sol Alliance. 2381 : In order to stabilize its economy and consolidate its power, the consul decides to allow anyone, human or not, to live and work on Mohranda. One may acquire citizenship. If he doesn't, he can work in Mohranda'ade space but only for Mohranda'ades, in exchange of what the Consulate promises protection, stability and freedom for anyone working in their space. 2385-Present Day : The Economic strategy established in 2381 has permitted the Imperial Consulate of Mohranda to seriously stabilise its economy and expand its territory. It isn't rare to see a Mohranda'ade patrol craft when crossing the badlands or the Light's edge regions, or even protecting the Coallition's borders. Many establish themselves within the consulate, moving away from the megacorporations rule and seaking protection. These persons are generally refered to as "metic" by the Mohranda'ades, as a reference to the foreigners living in an ancient Athens. Mohranda Because of the damage caused by both the now-extinct species, and the frequent wars that once occurred within the Imperial Consulate of Mohranda after its creation, the planet has been reduced to a vast, gray savanna. The ground of the planet is mainly a gradient of beige and gray, coated by a short (20-50cm high) and tough, pale grass, as well as some low to medium sized vegetation. While huge seas and oceans are very rare on the planet, the vast, savanna-like lands are crossed by many rivers and lakes. These allow, despite a rather dry and rigorous climate, a sustainable natural irrigation of the planet's flora. Urban hubs are generally constituted of massive, dome-shaped arcologies, holding thousands of individuals, around which most factories and mines can be found. Lohrene Smaller than it's sister planet, Lohrene is also further from it's star, Luggust. Lohrene is a more natural world crossed by many mountains on its northern hemisphere, while its southern hemisphere is mostly constituted of vast seas, half of which are frozen, mainly closer to the southern pole. Most habitats are domes, similar to Mohranda’s, which are generally found close to the equator, to protect their inhabitants of the lower temperature found across most of the planet, especially during the winter, because of its distance to the Luggust star. Culture and society The culture of Mohranda is based heavily on their past wars and infighting and oriented towards expansion. Once a child reaches the age of 17, he or she chooses their orientation between many possibilities offered by their elders, such as engineering, medicine, combat, piloting, and many others. They are then given a traditional knife, and nothing else, by their parents. They are then trained for 2 to 5 years by a mentor, which instructs the youngling on how to do their job, their nation’s history and culture, as well as the basics of weapon and close combat tactics. This instruction is rough, and sometimes, cruel, as about 5% of the apprentices die or give up during their five years of training. After their training is complete, and only if they are deemed competent, the novice acquires the title of Mohranda'ade, which makes him an actual member of his or her clan in the eyes of their peers and elders,as well as a citizen of the Imperial Consulate of Mohranda. The new Mohranda'ade then swears the creed and is given space worthy armor, as well as gears in accordance with their occupation. The most identifiable symbols of the culture of the Empire are the knives they are given by their parents, as well as the shape of their helmet visor largely inspired by antique spartan's helmets. While they do not carry their armor around in peace times, a Mohranda'ade is often seen carrying his helmet when working, as these are customized for their wearer's job. The Mohranda'ades are led by a Consul elected, generally amongst the active elders of the Fighting corp. Accepting the title of Consul, is both a gargantuan responsibility and an honor. Following the invasion of Lohrene, most, if not all Consuls, directed the efforts of their people towards expansion to prevent any further infighting within the various clans of Mohranda, and therefore preserve their culture. Despite their pride and thirst for expansion, Mohranda has never attempted to directly attack any major superpower since the treaty they signed with the Sol Alliance, which is perceived by some as a mark of weakness, and by others, as wisdom. Honor, Dignity, and respect are the key tenants of the Imperial Consulate of Mohranda, and each Consul has thoroughly stressed on these during their rule via various means. Traditions and customs [sorry for the picture, I didn't find any other way to put this here, as for some reason the forum decided to not let that one paragraph through🤷‍♀️] The Code and the Creed The Consulate of Mohranda has a set of laws composing the Code. This code lists all prohibited actions that shouldn’t be taken by a Mohrandade, as well as the potential punishments when applicable. For example, a Mohranda'ade shouldn’t lie, steal, or generally act against his own kind, or against the Consuls directives (This isn’t an exhaustive list). The Creed is the general text sworn by any Mohranda'ade, which dictates loyalty to the Code, the Consul, and more generally to the culture and way of life of Mohranda. The Banner The black fill represents the unity shared amongst all, punctured by the yellow trim of pride, following the red daggers representing the blood spilt for the nation. The pride and blood are all heading towards, hoping towards that little star in the middle that is only made up with those four daggers coming together. Economy and technology The Empire's economy is based mostly on mining and recycling what has been left behind by the now-extinct species on their homeworld, and the surrounding planets. Their technology is generally ahead of what may be found throughout the human frontier, but eventually a little less advanced than the top-notch equipment one may find in the core worlds. Because their resources are starting to falter, the Empire is currently encouraging the installation of mines on smaller moons and asteroids throughout its controlled area. Relations with other factions and species Mohranda is, overall, neutral in regards to the galaxy’s politics. It values its independence proudly, and has slowly expanded its territory towards frontier system unclaimed by any major powers in the past 80 years. Adhomai/Tajaran: Rarely encountered, overall neutral. The ICM (Imperial Consulate of Mohranda) has generally kept away from Adhomai as it doesn't want to be involved in the politics of a foreign system. Sol alliance: Leery. Mohranda fears an invasion from the Sol Alliance. The Mohranda'ades are generally mistrustfull towards Solarians. Coallition of Colonies: Similarily to the Alliance but to a lesser extent, the Consulate is mistrustful in regards to the Coallition, fearing its interference within their own territory. Mohranda'ades however tend to have a natural sympathy and understanding of the Gadpathurians mainly because of the similarities shared by the two cultures. Republic of Biesel: Mohranda'ades are known to despise mega corporations, and the Consulate has avoided dealing with Biesel itself, trading with Elyra instead. The Consulate doesn't really fear Biesel as they do not share any common border. Republic Of Elyra: Neutral. If Mohranda considers the Republic of Elyra as highly utopic and may frown upon them with some disdain, the Consulate has never had any notably "bad" interractions with the Republic itself, and has even opened some lucrative trade routes to Perispolis Skrell: Rarely encountered, overall neutral. Sinta'Unathis/Izweski Hegemony: Respect. the Empire of Mohranda sees the unathi culture as respectable, and somewhat comparable to theirs. Dionaea: Neutral. The empire of Mohranda sees the dionaea as hardly relevant. Vaurca: Similarily to the Skrell : Rarely encountered, overall neutral. The Empire of Dominia: While located on the other side of Tajaran space, the Imperial Consulate of Mohranda considers the empire of Dominia as a potential rival. Mohranda'ades tend to see the Dominians as lacking autonomy, initiative and freedom. Military The military, called the Fighting Corp, is in fact an assembly of all the clans military units. Because of its eclectic nature, the Mohranda Fighting Corp prefers light and medium sized ships, with commando-like tactics over massive employment of capital ships and large armadas, as these are significantly more expensive to assemble, maintain, and replace. Currently, about 15 to 20% of the Mohranda'ades are active members of the Fighting Corp. However, the Consul can call any Mohranda'ade to arms, no matter their current situation, age, or gender. The Mohranda'ades weapons of choice are generally carbines, pistols, and long-range rifles shooting plasma bolts from a plasma cartridge holding 20 to 50 shots. While the damages dealt are comparable to the human’s laser weaponry, the plasma bolts possess mass, and therefore possess greater stopping power than laser based weapons. However, they lack the ability to go through windows. The Fighting Corps, similarly to Mohranda's society doesn’t hold any actual structure on the "national" scale. The size of their units goes from small teams of 3 to 4 individuals to larger groups containing up to 200 to 300 warriors depending on the unit’s clan, and their targets and missions can be decided by their clan’s head as well as by the Consul. They have, however, a simplified unified rank system : One's rank is denoted by a cape he is wearing on a daily basis. Generally, the cape is a shorter one worn on the shoulder, while longer, wide capes are more likely to be only worn during ceremonies. The armor itself can be coloured to one's clan colours, and bear distinctive signs of their occupation. The Rank and Colour code is organised as follow (the formal rank designation is bolded) : No cape : Youngling, a trainee who hasn't completed his apprenticeship and hasn't sworn the creed yet. Dark Blue Cape : Mohranda'ade, who has sworn the creed. Blue Cape : Senior Mohranda'ade, an experienced Mohranda'ade generally leading smaller teams of 2/3 Mohranda'ades. Some Senior Mohranda'ade also have some speciality training. Green Cape : Chief, a group leader, leading 6 to 10 Mohranda'ades (a group generally contains 2 to 4 teams). Black Cape with blue trim : Lieutenant, a section leader, commanding 20 to 40 Soldiers (generally 2 to 4 groups plus a small command team). Black Cape with red trim : Captain, a company leader, in charge of 80 to 200 fighters. Some Captains are in charge of some ships. Black Cape with yellow trim: Commandant, A rather high ranking officer in charge of several companies. These are generally organising several clans for larger operations. Commandants are trustworthy and experienced officers. Violet Cape : Commodore, The highest rank in the army under the Consul himself. A Commodore is generally given the charge of an entire planet or larger area, or works in the government as military advisor. Violet Cape with a gold trim : Consul, The Consul himself, boss among the bosses. Generally, people bearing the rank of Lieutenant or above are full-time active soldiers of the fighting corp to ensure the consistency of the Mohranda'ade army. That being said, some rather rare reservists have been able to reach this rank. Law Enforcement and Crimes In the Mohrandade culture, a major violation of the Code is perceived as a major violation of the Creed. Therefore, criminals are banished from Mohranda (or eventually simply executed), and demoted from their Mohranda'ade title. The Code and the Creed are enforced by the Operators, which are chosen among the most loyal fighters of the fighting corp for their ability to hunt, and potentially, kill one their own kind. The Operators generally work in teams of 3 to 4, and can also be used by the Consul for intelligence missions outside of the Empire’s space. The Operator’s methods are comparable to our modern covert operations teams. The Mohranda'ades did not deem necessary to build a penitentiary system. Therefore, punishments can range from fines or seizure of personal property, to banishment, or even execution. These sentences are generally decided and carried out by the team of operators who found and captured the culprit, along with the culprit’s clan leaders when the situation allows it. This Barelly existent judicial system has been judged by many external observers as unjust and unfair, but it hasn't evolved ever since the creation of the Consulate. Extra - Roleplay tips You are a peaceful person fleeing Mohranda, which you perceive as tyrannic. You will probably do anything you can to keep your freedom and never, ever, go back to the system Luggust. You probably seek for a more democratic system for you to call "Home", as well as for a more peaceful way of life. You are working out of the Luggust system, but are a loyal Mohranda'ade. Stoïc as your training taught you, you’re not here for trouble, and remain neutral as long as possible in any conflict, but you do not hesitate to do what has to be done so long as it doesn't go against the supreme interest of Mohranda. You show respect to anyone as long as they deserve it, and act with dignity and honor. You probably don’t really care about foreign politics, and get your job done without much side considerations. You are Metic who lives in Mohranda but you are not a citizen of the Consulate. You probably went there to flee wherever you used to live before, seeking for the Mohranda'ades' protection and for somewhere to settle. You don't really occupy a place on the cultural and political scene of the Consulate, but you do know that so long as you do not cause trouble, you will always have somewhere safe to be, and somewhere to work. I hope this is good enough, if you have any feedback or suggestions feel free to let me know.