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Tomiix's Unathi Lore Deputy App [Declined]


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Ckey/BYOND Username: TomiixStarslasher

Why are you interested in applying for a Unathi Deputy position?: Unathi are the species that I am solely engaged in, and that I deeply care for. I am a former Unathi Lore Deputy, and feel I am able to resume the position in some capacity. I have pretty big ambitions for the different factions, and having worked on and helped develop some of them, I would love to resume that position.

What will you want to focus on if we take you on? Why?: I would love to develop slice of life pieces, and fluff about the culture of the different factions. Develop and design characters in the different factions. Make the world slightly more richer, and give people things they can add to their backstory. How exactly does Oss work? What shenanigans are the Si'akh up to this time? Rebellious Ouerean anti-hegemonic playwrites encouraging heresy? All things that can be played with. A lot of factions have themes they can hit more often, and I could help with those goals. Some factions need serious reevaluation, and refining and fine tuning. I am seeing complaints on a regular basis of places where timelines don't make sense, or things don't seem practical. Dominia I am looking at you. I have already begun reading their entries and determining solutions. It requires an eloquent and thought out approach, as disenfranchising that player-base is the last thing we would want to do. The goal would be to make things more consistent with the timeline of the rest of the galaxy, and to help Dominia fit in better with the lore at large. After which these goals are achieved could we move on to some genuine development of their story at large.

What is Unathi lore to you? What niche does it fill for our setting?: The Unathi on the grand stage of the galaxy of bluespace capable races are often looked at as the most primitive. While some may view this as a weakness, I view it as a great potential to explore issues that affect us in the current day in a different context, providing perspective that we may not have outside of game. They also have great potential for callbacks to classic struggles of feudal societies. They have a great deal of mysticism surrounding them as well, which leads to creative science fantasy writing.

Do you have examples of past commitments for creative works? (Hosting or playing in a DnD setting or otherwise proving you can devote time to the position): I am a frequent D&D dungeon master, and am taking classes on play writing/acting. I recently wrote a ten-pager on my main Unathi character, of which I posted here on this forum. (Y'all should read it... please... somebody.)

Sometimes our community can be very aggressive in response to lore developments; can you feel easily defeated by hostility towards your work?: I still play Azala Guwan/Huz'kai after years of flaming from multiple people. Developing her lore and writing stories about her. You tell me.

Additional Comments: I look forward to the opportunity. Please DM me your favorite lizard. For extra credit and to gain my favor, your favorite crack lizard ship.

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Guest Marlon Phoenix

Hello, thank you for your application!

On 24/01/2020 at 00:20, Tomiix said:

Some factions need serious reevaluation, and refining and fine tuning. I am seeing complaints on a regular basis of places where timelines don't make sense, or things don't seem practical. Dominia I am looking at you. 

Can you expand on this? You said factions plural; what other factions other than Dominia do you want to see reevaluated and what have you already evaluated? Where would you improve these factions? Where on these timelines do you see issues?

What do you think about the Grim Compact, and our Wastelander factions, as well?

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22 hours ago, Marlon Phoenix said:

Hello, thank you for your application!

Can you expand on this? You said factions plural; what other factions other than Dominia do you want to see reevaluated and what have you already evaluated? Where would you improve these factions? Where on these timelines do you see issues?

What do you think about the Grim Compact, and our Wastelander factions, as well?

I'll start with Dominia, and move forward. As Dominia is kind of easiest to pick on, and was the one I focused on the most.

Firstly, the biggest egregious thing about Dominia, is that it proclaimed itself an Empire after Unathi raiders invaded the planet in 2437. A year before Unathi developed the capacity of space travel, before the contact war.  Either first contact with the Unathi needs to be moved back a bit, or Dominia needs a reworking of it's origin story. I also find it extremely surprising that this empire was able to proliferate as largely as it did, over the course of twenty-five years. I find it very odd that Unathi who before never had contact with the technology went from being slaves, to being able to control an entire fleet and dominate a planet. To then that planet resolving the tensions fast enough to unify the world, to then get so many other planets into it's rule and start effecting the global stage so quickly.

The concept of Primaries, Secondaries, and Tertiaries don't make sense to me. 

"the colonial overseers implemented the rationing programs that required large family sizes for food ration cards. This first generation of neglected exiles formed the Primary generations. Children born as Primaries were held in high regard, for they were considered the future of the colony, being born into a rugged and inhospitable environment that gave rise to a spirit of ruggedness and perseverance. The rationing programs did not relax until 2195, when life on Dominia was no longer a brutal struggle to survive. The people born in this generation form the Secondaries."

Okay, so those who had bigger families had more access to food because they were given higher ration allotments... because they had to split it among themselves more. That doesn't necessarily mean they were better off eating, nor would that make you suddenly held in high regard. Who dictated where the rations were handed out? What kept people from fucking a lot to have more kids to become a 'primary'. What does being part of a big family have to do with being the future of a colony, besides the parents just helping population size? Why are bigger families incentivised in times of food struggle? Furthermore, when food starts being abundant again, the children of this generation were called the secondaries. Yet... descendants of the primaries are still called primaries, so which is it? 

I think one of the confusing things, was they use the wording 'born in this generation'. What would make sense is that, people who qualified for the rations under the new program became the 'secondaries', but again the premise of this program makes no sense.

I feel like a better way to do this, is to emphasize the importance on faith, and call the primaries the faith founders. Since people found comfort in faith, those who had popular religious ideas, found claims to family members who performed holy deeds, and otherwise were favored by the people or whoever was in charge of rationing were given the tools needed to survive. 

I also feel like the emphasis on ruggedness should be reversed. If you received a lot of special treatment, and were given rations so that you could peruse educational or theocratic pursuits, while others had to focus on cultivating food to survive, the primaries should be the less rugged, while as you go down to people being included in the government food program get lower in class but higher on the ability to survive. Since it took longer for them to get the assistance. It would also make the whole 'debt' thing make more sense. As the primaries were the ground breakers and took on the intellectual pursuits required to form their governance, while those who labored for themselves could only help themselves.

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My next target is the Grim Compact. 

My major criticism with the Grim Compact is less to do with potholes, and more so with 'why?' The faction is very 'extra' with societal terms and a culture based around these two personalities. I should start with the fact that the characters created are really neat, the story by itself is cool at most points, but it being a major faction doesn't make sense. I don't like that the Hegemony gets a free pass by essentially sponsoring and benefiting from a major terror organization that steals from the citizens of other governments. Why hasn't the Sol Alliance, Biesel, or anyone else protested or threatened the Izweski over the actions of these pirates? Why does a religion with a large focus on removing chaos from the world in favor of order sponsoring pirates? Because Unzi needed to get out of a tight spot one time? I am very surprised that half of Sk'akh faithful are cool with these guys.

Why does this need to be a faction? Personal anecdote time, I haven't seen a single unathi from the Grim Compact on station. Why would someone who was a former pirate, who is unapologetic for their actions, work for Nanotrasen? I can see Unathi being from the planet that is being abused by these pirates, and how they have to struggle with a banana republic of sorts. I can also see a Unathi being repentant for their actions, but this is less believable as apparently at least half of Unathi society accept them, so they could just as well turn home to where they would be more comfortable. What stopped this person from making their character from just saying they were a pirate? If the Grim Compact take up a slot in our 'faction allotment' I feel like they could be made a lot more minor of a role then they are now. Instead of trying to be it's own culture it should be a opposing force for the Hegemony. A plot-point about a planet that the Hegemony is trying to reclaim, and instead a faction be made to either explore something priorly unexplored, that is a major difference from the normal unathi flavor. The grim-compact feels like the Hegemonic structure but pirates, and it shows it's shallowness very clearly.

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I like the Wastelander factions, and think they can be expanded upon more.

The Reclaimers are cool, but not a lot separates them from Star War's Jawas. A lot more can be done to talk about how they are merchants, or archaeologists. Discovering relics from the old world. They could set up interesting tendencies like how they preserve things, or create odd devices through scraps of old tech. More can be developed. Like the american natives, they have settlements that are ment to be moved. Where do they move and why? Do they have a pattern? Perhaps the clans of the Reclaimers circle between the untouched lands and other wasteland settlements, and drive a global economy of sorts.

Clan Gawgaryn does not read well on the wiki. I am mega confused about what the fuck they are so repentant about. They simply don't make a lot of sense to me and could be restructured to be traditionalists that committed war-crimes during the contact war. This doesn't feel very well thought out, and like it's a work in progress. Very under-cooked idea.

The Spirits of the Oasis is non-offensive, and can be used to play up the story of the Diona-Unathi relationship. They make sense but again are very open ended, but in this way I feel like that is a positive. As they aren't trying to present a different style of Unathi play, but simply a way to play a non-hegemony loyal unathi, who still plays like a basic traditionalist coalition unathi.

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Thank you for the good question, and letting me get out my initial thoughts. You have a lot of good candidates to choose from. You should definitely pick one or two that you feel could be great assets to your creative efforts, and make things easier for yourself.

Edited by Tomiix
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