Guest Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I feel like I'm driving over a broken bridge, one that cuts short at one point and sends you diving into the cold waters bellow. Why, since when, how? I don't remember. I think it started somewhere around twelve years ago, during my transition into teenage years. Maybe someone put me on this path for some reason or no one cared to warn me. Maybe no one knew, no one ever took it so curiosity took me down this path. Either way, I've been driving on it so long that I've completely stopped paying attention to stop signs and warnings. After all, what are stop signs on a sacluded road, where there no police, no one to run over or thing to hit, just occasinal wreck of people who were careless. "I can take it, I can finish the road.", you tell yourself, completely oblivious to where the road leads. When you see a million stop signs, and never meet your end, they start to lose their meaning. Useless. Untrue. Pointless. You think to yourself that somewhere near here there is an exit of the bridge, hoping that the thing has to end somewhere and in a good way. If it's a bad way, you trust yourself you will know when to stop. You don't care to remember how long you've been on the path, how many stop signs you've missed. Even viewing the cities and naturein the distance, the one you've been detached from so long, becomes a distant dream. You can't get there, so why wish for it? The salty air, the birds, the blue around you, all become boring to watch. You've also stop watching the road. You can just set your hand wheel to drive straight, because, you know you can't hit anything. There is nothing to hit. Even the occasianal fellow road traveler you meet and exchange kind words with are only an obsticle. You complain about the sun today, the bumpy road, ask each other why you're doing it. None of you remember way. You have fun and you ask yourself if maybe you should try enjoying the road again, slow down and match their speed, so you can talk while driving. But no, you remember you have to reach the end of the road. This makes people that come in the opposite direction seem stupid. They do not see the road as it is, they cannot reach the end, so they try and change it. Cowards, all of them. However, you think about turning around and trying to ask why they gave up. You never do it, you just see that they gave up. In the end, there is nothing to do and return into yourself. Ponder, develop your inner worlds while the time passes. What's outside does not matter anymore. The terrible truth strikes you; those are not end signs, they are milestones. One after another, you lose count. Each a chance to turn back before the end hits. You don't even want to think about how long it's been or how many of those cursed stop signs you've failed to see. Anxiety. Panic. Is it too late to turn? Go through the whole path again, path you've seen once and don't think there is anything interesting to see. Will you run out of gas before you get back and have to walk the way? Is there really something to return to right now? Questions strike you. Is it the best thing to do, simply to turn sharp left or right and drive off the bridge? End the constant questions. Aurorans, friends, fellow drivers, this is not pondering of suicide. I will not do it, because driving of the bridge would not be quiting, it would be throwing it all away. A greatest sin in the eyes of gods existant or non-existant. I ask you, because, at the apex of my life, where the longest most important bit was spent in mindless driving, where you cannot see the begining or the end of it, I do not know which way to carry on. Do I simply continue ahead with both my best friend and worst enemy, Hope, thinking that everything will be okay and the bridge is not broken? Or do I turn back and sludge the road, trying to reach the end before I run out of fuel? What do you think, those of you who drove the path, who avoided it or are still driving? What does one do with their life? Edit: I've once again failed to describe what depression feels like, but the question still stands. Don't be afraid to give advice, you cannot really ruin my life more than I'm doing it myself. Quote Link to comment
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