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How do I learn to love the Reaper?


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This is a topic that I've been thinking about writing since the cult round at around the mid-morning of the 27th (GMT) where I feel like I was left genuinely distressed by the events that took place even though I had spent the round from start to finish as an observer and wasn't myself under any threat.

It sounds silly to say that I've had nightmares about that round and it seems to have quite seriously affected me in a way that I really didn't anticipate, to the point where I'm wondering if I should stick around SS13 at all because this kind of antagonist threat is really the basis of the experience a lot of the time.

The main problem I've had with the game is that I've been feeling in most antagonist modes that somebody could burst in the door at any moment and horribly murder my character, that thrill of being potentially hunted is part of what made the game initially so compelling, but I think that it's crossed over to a point where it's no longer fun for me anymore.

Possibly I'm taking the loss of my character too seriously, it's only for one round after all and what would the game be without the scenarios that it has? I think I'm too connected to my characters, perceiving a threat to them as if it were a genuine threat to my own person. That has lead to some compelling roleplay, like actually taking my character getting injured in the way that actually takes it seriously... perhaps too seriously.

It seems really silly to me as somebody who's roleplayed for a long time in various forms that I would feel this way. I don't generally feel that way in PnP games, I take the punches as they come because that's the game. But in SS13 I've found it especially psychological in a way that no other game has managed to accomplish for me, mostly because I'm horror game averse to the extreme being a self admitted coward.

I actually don't find roleplaying trauma to be at all enjoyable, which is probably what makes the cult rounds so especially distasteful for me because the trauma and brutality is a large part of the theme which makes it quite possibly the most unsettling scenario.

I'm wondering then how to deal with the problem I'm having and learn to enjoy the game whatever happens to my character.

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Seasons don't fear the reaper. Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain.

someone please get this reference

In all seriousness, it's not something that you really learn. Those who don't want to die usually become super robust in attempts to keep that from happening, and you'll find that that's a lot less fun than dying and things of the sort.

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Death is probably the most dynamic element of SS13. It can completely ruin one's round, or it can become something so memorable that you can't help but make it canon.

Some people don't like the death or brutality that the game allows for. If so, it's probably not the right game for you, as deaths can come quick and cheap and from all directions. Like a bukakke of mortality.

However, if the allure of RP outweighs the repulsion of death, then you'd probably learn to live with it, and then come to love it for what it is.


Also, nightmares are the best kinds of dreams, normal dreams are way too fucking boring for my tastes

Also keep in mind that I may be borderline psychotic as I have a hundred ways lined up to kill my own characters and other peoples' in various gruesome ways

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I'm thinking at this point that I at the very least need to take a break from the game. I'd been playing obsessively since the 22nd when a friend of mine introduced me to the game so it would probably do to take some time off. Then I'll see if I'm still feeling up for it.

Also I had Blue Oyster Cult in mind when writing the title, mostly because it also tied in to my extra special phobia of cult rounds :P

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  • 2 weeks later...

Let me tell you, I get actual Stress while playing Captain in this game. As someone who's employed, if I ever got asked if I would like to work on Aurora IRL, answer would be a loud "NO."

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