LordRaven001's Unathi Application

[LordRaven001]

BYOND Key: LordRaven001

Character Names:Night That Shatters Days, Akero'Ceyta Veeta'Pleat,Keta'Ceet Ple'Teh, Arthur Whitemane, WHITEMANE (Cyborg), Whitemane(ERT), Archon (AI), Archon (Cyborg), Archon (PAI)

Species you are applying to play: Unathi

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Albino

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yep

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Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race: I want to play Unathi because of the characteristics and mannerisms, diet and appearance getting no nutrient from plants will be interesting as there is normally no chef. The culture. Their history is fascinating, The asthetic the way they walk and talk and the mechanics are also pretty interesting, Minor reduced damage from heat but increased reduced damage from cold will make them a challenging species to play,

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: They hiss there words due to the difference in body and facial structure, As well as there tongues that can grow a substantial amount of length The Unathi code of honor has them frown on ranged weapons, with many Unathi preferring melee combat, The Clan and Fuedel system makes it an interesting thing to roleplay out.

 

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Character Name: Azeir Ssinzar

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

Azeir Ssinzar was hatched into the Moghean Culture in the untouched lands he was born with a quite rare skin color, He was a White Unathi, People called him a side effect from The Contact War said he was useless a good for nothing a defect, Some even tried to kill him, His Mother and Father were red, Nobody knew why their son was white, They didn't much care, His father was working for a company called Nanotransen and was stationed on the NSS Aurora and his mother was staying in the Untouched lands to watch over him, When he turned five years old he was sent to learn the ways of the clan, at that point his mother and father started planning an arranged marriage for him when he reaches fifteen years of age, When Azeir was learning the ways of the clan he was also learning being educated on the status and state of the Izweski clan, At ten years of age he had completed his schooling and knew some ways of the Izweski, He continued pursuing knowledge on a security role for Nanotransen he wanted to do what his father was doing. Upon the age of fifteen he was set to marry Ssneir Chzis, They had known eachother for quite awhile she had been the one who comforted him when he was put down by his fellow Male Unathi, they had a deep bond of friendship, Until on the day that marriage was suppose to be on, Ssneir Chzis was brutally mutilated by a spearman from an enemy clan, When news reached Azeir he told his mother he would be going out for awhile, He was gone for one week. He returned to his small home in the Untouched Lands with a head, A sand colored head, It was the head of the spearman who murdered his betrothed his white scales spattered with red, His mother ran and told the Clan Leader S’kresti Izwesk and instead of punishing like the mother had thought, He encouraged it, So Azeir was brought to S’kresti Izwesk and recruited to be a warrior for the Izweski Clan, Upon reaching the age of twenty Azeir had fought many battles his build tall and muscular, his voice deep and authoritative, until his father had come home to visit him, Azeir returned to his small home were he greeted his father and his mother, His father was called back home by his mother to tell Azeir that he should stop fighting and think about applying for a security cadet role at Nanotransen's Station NSS Aurora, Azeir was getting tired of fighting and so Azeir, His mother and his father, Begged the clan leader S'kresti Izwesk to relinquish the duty of clan warrior from Azeir, Though S'kresti Izwesk did not like one of his best going, He allowed it for the many years of service he had given, Today he left for nanotransen.

Azeir went with his father and mother to Nanotransens Command Station NSS Odin were he applied to be a security cadet, With a little note of reccomendation from his father who was Wardening at NSS Aurora Azeir was placed as a Security Cadet on the station, He worked as a Security Cadet for three years until he was promoted to Security Officer, his father was so proud of him, There was a biohazard outbreak closing the station for two weeks, During the leave his father and mother had decided to return back to there home world of Moghes leaving the warden position open on the station, Azeir spoke with the Head of Security and got himself transferred to Warden. When the time of two weeks was up, He sent a message to his parents telling them that he had gotten a position as Warden, So he walked into Work that day fresh off the shuttle with his new uniform, Ready to work.

What do you like about this character?: His determination as well as his personality.

How would you rate your role-playing ability?9/10

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Notes:

Edited January 30, 2016 by Guest

[Filthyfrankster]

He worked as a Security Cadet for ten years until he was promoted to Security Officer

 

Ten years as a cadet, I'm pretty sure if a cadet is needing more than two years of cadetship, Something is probably terribly wrong with their performance and should probably not be considered an ideal candidate for an actual officer due to their inability to learn AND graduate from the rank.

And with a grimdark backstory from what I can gather, him being the warden position would end up with harmbatoning of rowdy prisoners because PTSD.

My advice is probably change his cadetship years and whatever you think might need some tuning up.

[Jennalele]

I'm kind of wary about this. You already have a serious habit of quick violence on your other whitelists, and this seems like the /perfect/ excuse to get into it more. Though I have had decent RP from you, experiences have left me with mixed feelings. Your tendency to radically job-hop with any possible excuse, as it would seem, as well as, earlier mentioned, the apparent observation that most of your whitelisted characters, Night That Shatters Days in PARTICULAR, are VERY quick to antagonize and threaten/break into actual violence over.

This isn't the kind of thing I want to see on an Unathi, especially one that looks like they'll have serious traumatic issues.

[LordRaven001]

I'm kind of wary about this. You already have a serious habit of quick violence on your other whitelists, and this seems like the /perfect/ excuse to get into it more. Though I have had decent RP from you, experiences have left me with mixed feelings. Your tendency to radically job-hop with any possible excuse, as it would seem, as well as, earlier mentioned, the apparent observation that most of your whitelisted characters, Night That Shatters Days in PARTICULAR, are VERY quick to antagonize and threaten/break into actual violence over.

This isn't the kind of thing I want to see on an Unathi, especially one that looks like they'll have serious traumatic issues.

 

Gotcha, Ill rewrite the backstory making it more fit for Security Officer, As well as work on my habit of quick violence in order to abolish it entirely, Also Night That Shatters Days was retired after the Vox Hiest round last night (1/29/2016) as he left to join the "Band of Traders", Thanks for your feedback it really helps.

 

He worked as a Security Cadet for ten years until he was promoted to Security Officer

 

Ten years as a cadet, I'm pretty sure if a cadet is needing more than two years of cadetship, Something is probably terribly wrong with their performance and should probably not be considered an ideal candidate for an actual officer due to their inability to learn AND graduate from the rank.

And with a grimdark backstory from what I can gather, him being the warden position would end up with harmbatoning of rowdy prisoners because PTSD.

My advice is probably change his cadetship years and whatever you think might need some tuning up.

 

Ok Ill rewrite that section remove the father and mothers death as well as the cadetship for ten years, Thank you again for your feedback it helps me out.

[Guest]

Right-o, I'll just go over a few things from your application.

 

diet and appearance getting no nutrient from plants will be interesting as there is normally no chef.

This is something you'll probably have to rp out as I've not seen any mechanics for Unathi not receiving benefits from different food types. Just a note really.

 

Albino

Now personally I don't like the idea of Albino Unathi simply because I've never seen one played right. Albino Unathi's are supposed to be the lowest in Unathi society (It was like that on the old Unathi lore. Not really seen anything mentioned in regards to it with the new Unathi lore.) They'd generally be considered a "black shell" which is generally used on Unathi's who are outcasts or "not-normal" in a sense. It's an insult that would hurt the honour of an Unathi and make them feel belittled.

However I have hope that you can pull it off;

Azeir Ssinzar was hatched into the Moghean Culture in the untouched lands he was born with a quite rare skin color, He was a White Unathi, People called him a side effect from The Contact War said he was useless a good for nothing a defect, Some even tried to kill him, His Mother and Father were red, Nobody knew why their son was white, They didn't much care

I feel like you could give him more character in regards to his Albino trait rather than have it something that was just there and kinda shrugged off. Whilst I'm not trying to say make him have a 2edgy4me life because #AlbinoRebels, I would like to see him have characteristics showing that its something that he's clearly been affected by. This isn't really something you have to update in your backstory, more of a keep in mind thing when you play him?

I can't really pitch in on other people's views of your character's being aggressive because I've not really observed your characters, though I've had interactions here and there. What I will say is that you would have to understand that Unathi's aren't the stereotypical "Blood! War! Honour! Kill! Death! Sacrifice!" as people make them to be. It's not really how they should be played. (If Jackboot say's otherwise then he's a terrible person)

I think that's all I have to really say. Good luck.

[LordRaven001]

Gotcha, Thank you so much Pump for your feedback, If I do get whitelisted I will take your suggestions into the RP, Later today I will update my backstory to include some of the struggles in his life due to his Albino skin trait, Thank you again Pump.

[Jennalele]

Tentatively +1ing this pending improvement and rewrites. Raven is great with feedback and is proving more eager to improve than a self-learning AI. I'm actually vaguely impressed.

[Guest Marlon Phoenix]

The application worried me, but your revisions show that you're happy to adjust your writing and improve yourself.

Albino Unathi seem to be popular lately, and I added a little piece on them on the wiki to justify the trend. Albinoism is dangerous for Unathi on Moghes, because the depleted ozone.

Fighting directly under Izweski is a big honor. Most Unathi fight in his name while still a warrior of their specific clan - he was basically knighted! One could say that working on the Aurora is quite a demotion.

Otherwise I see that you have an interest in Unathi and are willing to explore the species and your own roleplaying styles, and I'll be happy to give you a chance with the species. Application accepted!