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GF WANTED


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Hello, ladies.


As you all may or may not know, I'm halorocks22, handsome gentleman and prodigious forum poster extraordinaire.


Due to the recent tragic disappearance of my waifu, you lucky damsels have a chance to engage in a relationship with me.


Yes, that's right. You're not dreaming. Pinch yourself just to make sure. Now go on, read on.


First off, here's a little information about me for the uninitiated:


I'm 650 pounds of pure, sexy muscle. How did I get this buff? I've been eating Kentucky Fried Chicken everyday for the last 15 years for protein and I've been working out for a long time by walking up and down the staircase of my residence once a week. I have white hair - not from age, mind you, but from dyeing my hair so that I can look just like my role model Inuyasha. I'm only 36 years old, haha. I'm currently unemployed (I believe that working is something that should be avoided as it is something that only serves to support the corrupt elitist society in which we live in) and reside in my roommate's (EDIT: My roommate is my mother. She made me put it in here, just ignore.) basement. My favorite meal is chicken tendies and mountain dew and my hobbies include practicing with my superior hand-forged Japanese katana, watching anime (Boku no Pico to be specific), and going to Comic-Con conventions. I am a confirmed atheist (with some Muslim beliefs) and although some people believe me to be unintelligent due to my D-grades in high school (I didn't try in school, of course), I have an IQ of 221, greater than that of Einstein. I'm also a proud feminist, and believe that gender roles should be reversed in society. As a direct result of that, I will be expecting whoever manages to hook up with me to pay for bills, take care of me, etc,.


Are you salivating yet? I bet you are. My mommy tells me that I'm the goodest boy in the whole wide world.


If you're interested in me, which of course you are, here are my expectations for a partner:


Tall, strong and beautiful (former supermodel experience is suggested). Of Aryan descent (preferably Nordic master race) with blue hair and blonde eyes. Educated and intelligent, with at least a Ph.D in Japanese Studies (or Japonology) and 130 IQ. No children, must be a virgin. Wealthy, with at least $5,000,000 in the bank and $20,000,000 in assets, and powerful (at least two relatives in positions of power). Kind and accepting, with a good aptitude for cooking my favorite meal. Willing to stay at my side 24/7 365. Ability to talk in Japanese with a kawaii voice. Good personality.


So, how do you get your hands on me, you wonder? If you happen to meet my expectations, go ahead and post below! I'll carefully review your case and decide whether or not you're worthy of becoming my next waifu.


Act fast, ladies. This is a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Women want me and men want to be me. I'm limited edition.

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Dearest Bakagaijin,


I would like to inform you that this post is indeed not a supposed "shitpost".


It is a serious proposition, and as a result, it warrants serious inquiry.


I take mild offense at the fact that you suggested that I am a "shitposter" or that this is a "shitpost".


Yours truly, halorocks22

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