ProfessionalNoob Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 (edited) BYOND Key: ProfessionalNoob Character Names: BRAIN, John Matthew, Aaron Bennett, Emily Reed, George Schofield Species you are applying to play: Tajara What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Dark Grey (RGB 30, 30, 30) Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes, I have. Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question Why do you wish to play this specific race: I like their behaviour and attitude towards the ones they love and care about. I have seen people play as this race, and I think it can be challenging and fun at the same time. Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: They have a different opinion on everything as well as behaviour, they talk about themselves in third person and you have to extend R wherever it is. Also you have to deal with racism from other races. Character Name: Hamirr Ja'Khelir Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs Hamirr Ja'Khelir was born in the year 2415 to a Zhan-Khazan family. Hamirr and his family lived on a farm in a village. Hamirr was a very curious cub, he loved adventures and was amazed by all the stories of good rebels fighting the evil. His parents tried to protect him from influence of both the rebels and loyalists. They were successful at it until the year 2430 when rebel troops were advancing through their village. Hamirr, thanks to his curious nature wandered around his heroes and was even more convinced that he wants to join the rebels and help them win the fight against loyalists. He wanted to fight on the frontlines, together with all the heroic freedom fighters he heard and read about. However, he never was a fighting type and he didn't understand weapons. Simply said, he was a terrible shot. Thanks to this, he was assigned to a guardpost near a rebel fortress. It was a boring job that had nothing to do with his visions and dreams. He only checked coming people if they were authorized to enter the area behind the guardpost. One day, after hours of mind numbing boredom when not even a person came to go through the checkpoint. The fortress was attacked by a small number of loyalist troops. It was one of the last resistance act from loyalists as they were crushed by the rebellious spirits of the insurgents. The fortress had no serious strategic value and therfore the personnel serving there wasn't highly trained and were just placeholders so there could be atleast someone guarding it. As expected, loyalists cut through weak rebels like knife thorugh butter. Guards scattered and tried to run, many were killed in the process but some managed to escape. Hamirr tried contacting the radio operator in the fortress but when he got no response and heard distant gunfire and explosions, decided to run as well. He managed to escape with only minor injuries and decided he needed to learn how to properly wield weapons. He was training profoundly until the end of the rebellion in the year 2431. The same year he decided to leave Adhomai to seek better training options and fulfill his adventure dreams. He sought out a group of smugglers who already had some experience with leaving Adhomai unnoticed, and after a long time of talking, they decided they will take him with them. While he was travelling, he saw a lot of posters about NanoTrasen and talked a lot with people working there. Hamirr decided to travel back to Adhomai in 2438. He returned to his family and helped them maintain the farm. Tired and weak from the travelling, he thought that he had enough of adventures for quite a while. After 4 years of maintaining the farm, his parents died because of old age. He was working at the farm alone for another 2 years, until he decided his life needs a change. No longer a young Tajara, Hamirr was tired of fighting. With nothing holding him on Adhomai anymore and with the new conflict rising, he planned on leaving the Adhomai once again. He wasn't proud of himself, but when he saw an opportunity to run from Adhomai once again, he took it. When he left, he didn't know what he should do. With nowhere else to go, the first thing that popped up in his mind was his last travels. He remembered the posters and the people he talked with, and thought of contacting NanoTrasen. After a while of trying to contact NanoTrasen, he succeeded. Thanks to his training, he was hired to work in Security aboard NSS Exodus. Still a rebel at his heart, he supports what the rebels are doing on Adhomai, though he doesn't like to talk about it with other crewmembers to not start a conflict. What do you like about this character? I like his wanderlust and his curiousness, whenever he has a chance he goes and tries something new. How would you rate your role-playing ability? 8.5/10 Notes: Edited July 28, 2016 by Guest Link to comment
hivefleetchicken Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Just to help your backstory, leaving Adhomai legally for a reason other than working for NT is a very tough task, and in that middle part he seems to just take off from Adhomai to achieve his wander lust naively during an actually very catastrophic period. The original conflict was between noble's and rebels and you NAILED that, good work. How does he feel about the new war? Is he still a rebel? Will he take the conflict to the Expdus Hmmmmm??????? All interesting things to ponder while the verdict date draws nearer. I really like this app though, it just needs to be a bit more opinionated towards the second civil war and needs a better explanation of how he basically just up and left during the treaty of Versailles of the Tajaran race (a period of EXTREMELY fucked up shit post-war) for me to be completely satisfied. Other than that, nice work. Link to comment
ProfessionalNoob Posted July 26, 2016 Author Share Posted July 26, 2016 Just to help your backstory, leaving Adhomai legally for a reason other than working for NT is a very tough task, and in that middle part he seems to just take off from Adhomai to achieve his wander lust naively during an actually very catastrophic period. The original conflict was between noble's and rebels and you NAILED that, good work. How does he feel about the new war? Is he still a rebel? Will he take the conflict to the Expdus Hmmmmm??????? All interesting things to ponder while the verdict date draws nearer. I really like this app though, it just needs to be a bit more opinionated towards the second civil war and needs a better explanation of how he basically just up and left during the treaty of Versailles of the Tajaran race (a period of EXTREMELY fucked up shit post-war) for me to be completely satisfied. Other than that, nice work. Thanks for the feedback! I have edited some parts, though it is often just one sentence, it should explain alot. Link to comment
HouseOfSynth Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Backstory seems good and I have had no problems with you OOCly or ICly (although I have not really RPed with your chars) +1 from me.. Good luck! Link to comment
Coalf Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Alright so I finally smelled my way over here, and what do I see, a Tajaran app, well another Tajaran app with another was backstory where someone joins the rebels again. Alright I know I'm not here to judge the originality of this story but hey it's solid, it fulfills what it wants to fulfill and that's the main thing, it's boring but you can only get so far with a Tajaran story, I guess the rest of the story will have to be told aboard the station. Talking about the station, why the fuck is here there? I mean we know that he's there because he saw a lot of posters but what got him to join NanoTrasen when he could have joined so many other megacorporations? Also one has to wonder how the fuck did his family farm survive all this time he was gone, I guess his parents are still alive? Would be nice if you wrote about that a bit more. But you're a capable role-player and the rest of your characters are acceptible So a +1 from me Link to comment
ProfessionalNoob Posted July 26, 2016 Author Share Posted July 26, 2016 Some parts of the story were added. Link to comment
ProfessionalNoob Posted July 28, 2016 Author Share Posted July 28, 2016 Final edit, I'm not messing with it from now on Link to comment
hivefleetchicken Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 Good to hear you've locked it in! I'll give you my thoughts since it's the third day. I really love this application! It really has a lot of what I'm looking for, and makes me want to accept this app just so that I can personally meet your character on station. I like that you included his guilty conscience about leaving Adhomai. That's something I want to see on every application. I really don't have much negative things to say - your edits really drove this application home and you improved upon everything I could point out, so, congrats! This application is accepted! I hope you enjoy playing rebel catbeast hamer jakerliro. Link to comment
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