Coalf

I hope you allow critique on this short little story because so far, it's good but the few small mistakes widdle on me. One, I love the coloring and formatting of the text, it's very lively and gives the text itself a much richer feeling. I like how you used it to identify the main characters, giving it a purpose and helping us identify who is who without having to bog down each line by saying their name, very nice I like that a lot. However, it also ends up making the middle part a bit hard to read as my eyes automatically jump to the colored highlights. The story itself is good. It's an interesting concept and although the characters I feel like are a bit basic, they work as a carrier for the reader's viewpoint. The exposition is a bit on the nose, I feel like in the case of Phory forgetting the mission you could have used the green text crawl from the prologue, which would detail the mission objective instead of just stating they received one. Also, not a fan of the initial part where you prop up the (literal) Chekhov's guns. I am guessing their precise number is going to play a role later. I personally like to describe things like that during the action so I have free space to maneuver in case something doesn't go the way I imagined in my head. But that's a matter of taste I think. Speaking of personal taste, I believe when characters are using direct speech they should express numerals in words, not numbers. I.e "experiment number one" instead of "experiment number 1", personally it takes me out of the story, but that's like I said a matter of personal taste. One thing I was confused about was the Helmsman's office, is it a literal helm like a helmet on his office door or does he like have a picture of the ships helm on his office? Felt a bit extraneous, mainly when he walks out the door like right after. But anyways this is so far good, I don't have anything really negative to say about it and I hope you finish this soon.

Kinda breaks the whole skrell mindset towards xenos T B H. However, you are right that Unathi could pull it off as we've seen they can do anything they want without much opposition and the hierarchal system on-station would be interesting on the server. Although they'd most likely abandon the strict structure very soon as liberal-socialist ideas spread extremely fast in the Sol/Tau Ceti systems, it would be an interesting subversion. I think it would be a great change short-term as we could dust-off Fowl's PR and reduce the pay of all women to 70% according to Unathi traditions, which would subvert our current equality of genders, as well as restricting them to service roles besides only a very few, for whom we could make a specific whitelist to apply for as Unathi do allow some women to subvert tradition if they can prove themselves. Although the question of Aut'akh arises since they're heretics and removing them right after being added would be very subversive. On the other end, removing CCIA's would be a bit unfair to that entire department since they're linked specifically to these issues. Having lore writers moderate all of the lore infractions would also require lore writers to play the game, again a bit unfair to the people on the team who play on different servers and don't engage with the community at all. Also, we would have to let in a bit more Unathi players as right now they're nowhere near the level needed to actually oppress humans, which I speculate is why you also picked skrell to co-op this. Overall very controversial, very not safe for work, very subversive, I like it as a temporary idea for maybe a month as an Antag event.

I am glad that I could help and wish you good luck in the current and future works.

It was regarding the fanfiction subforum and the few fictions you submitted. However that is a bridge under the water, you have answered all questions well and I wish you good luck in your endeavors.

Well, I don't think much will change in regards to Paradoxe's behavior in lore_writers right now if he just changes camps. No real issues with him, he has a very distinct kind of enthusiastic energy he brings to the table even if he jumps to conclusions quite often. Any other day I would have wholeheartedly recommended him, however, he has many contestants and so I'll digest his work in a vacuum. First your experience with writing wiki articles shows, compared to everyone else you have a more consized, direct and information packed essay. Everything mentioned is critical to the context of the story itself, it isn't bogged down by unnecessary names or flowery wording. Direct and to the point. I like that. Regarding the sexual activity and dating, I believe that topic is a little too detailed. Mainly the mentioned of "Sex as a very good hug", while funny once you start actually examining phrase it turns skrell into pretty drastic perverts. Mainly when you start realizing that when a skrell calls themselves a "hugger" it means someting completely else. Otherwise I have no issue with the work itself. It's clear you have much more experience in regards to writing your wiki and it is one of the better writen works even if the topic isn't the most exciting for most. However I'd like to ask why you're deciding to migrate from Vaurca lore to Skrell lore, if it's not much trouble or uncomfortable. Good luck in your application.

This work is less of an actual written work and more of general criticism and thinkpiece. The questions and points leveled are coming from the right place but they do little to actually help reach an answer. It's true that you have done "all four" of them, but compared to the applicants you haven't done much at all. In fact, I feel like you have done the least in the regard of whitelist applications. Yes, questions are important and yes some solutions were proposed but all of them were extremely vague and not really explored in any meaningful capacity. You covered everything but in a very shallow way and I feel like this is the weakest essay out of all of them, in my opinion. But as a person, I know you're dedicated and hardworking. As I said previously, the questions and criticism come from a correct place because I know you've cared about skrell lore even from an early time when it was nearly completely inactive in regards to development. I feel like this gives you a competitive edge as most of your competitors seem to have only started to take a deeper interest in skrell recently. Plus your old work is quite large. Anyways, good luck with the application.

The entire is well done and reads very well, I had no issue going through it even though it passed from "wiki material" to "in-game book material"- You've picked perhaps the most boring topic you could have and I have to say I'm impressed you actually made me interested in reading about a calendar of a fictional species. But I'd say the description of the holidays goes on a bit too long. While the short stories added to the holidays were well written they were a bit boring and didn't overall add much to the holidays besides a lot of names that almost made me skip the whole thing. I feel like the conscience parade could have been shortened considerably without any loss to the importance of the holiday or context of it. The second-holiday example was more entertaining, but again the longwinded historical and contextual description felt a bit too much and could be shortened and shrunk. Requirement said "The longer the better" so do keep in mind this is my personal opinion and I understand that as an author you could have struggled with something as boring as a skrell calendar and so I am quite impressed by what you've done with it. In the past you've had issues with criticism, while I consider that mine was completely objective you've taken quite an affront to it. People change and time heals all wounds, so don't take this criticism as my request to accept everything I say but merely my opinion. However your reply and defense of your work would be highly valued. Good luck with the application.

I know FurryCactus is quite an avid player who can get quite invested into whatever he's exploring/enjoy now. I believe he would be a good addition to the team as a person and would have some new and interesting ideas. However to criticize the work itself. In my opinion, it is weak. I felt bored through the entire first quarter, the text went on and on about terms that seemed to have zero attachments to them as for example Revealed and Obscured, which if memory serves were not mentioned again after their first introduction making it kinda redundant. The idea of SROM and people growing up with it is rarely explored, sure we get a few notes on how skrell interact in it and how parents regard it and the idea of it being skrell puberty was cute. But it gives us a lot of very generic, unimportant information like who was the youngest to achieve it, the oldest, what kind of party skrells throw. I'd rather be told how this impacts society itself. After all, would that mean teenagers feel even more detached from society because of their inability to reach SROM and talk to the adults? I feel like there is a lot of interesting societal questions you avoided answering to flesh out things that really didn't need to be fleshed out. The other half was considerably better. I liked the comparison of SROM-abled and normal human dreaming but again it was bogged down with unnecessary types when I would actually appreciate calling these by actual disease names instead of "type a" or "type b". The punishment of prisoners was also interesting and hinted on what COULD be done with the whole essay but was buried underneath technicalities and very meaty and thick explanations of considerably non-important things. In short, if your entire essay was as well done as the second half I would give it a wholehearted plus one but right now I'd like to see how you can take this criticism Keep trying and good luck.

To avoid accusations of "You are trying to make your posts look prettier", no I've said some bad things during that and I've been called out by Garn for a good reason. If anyone wants to look up what was said during that entire discord conversation search for: "Dronz, Kobold Enthusiast08/27/2018 Maybe you should fix drinking food before you try to do anything with chef @(((Burger" (without the brackets after @) That is where the entire argument starts. I'm not going to screenshot the ENTIRE DISCORD because it was a gigantic conversation with multiple derailments and like 10 people joining into it.

Don't take this as a "haha got u ;)))))" post, I am simply clearing up the events which transpired. The actual argument originated from the Lunchbox PR, where you began calling every single argument in the thread "shitposting" regardless of who posted it and how they worded it, if they were shitposts is for everyone who reads the PR to interpret, it is still in the suggestion archives. At the time during the argument, NortonDK called you "Autistic". After this, you pointed out that this is against the rules and I gave NortonDK a strike. After that, you kept complaining what whenever you point something out it keeps being ignored, even after NortonDK was specifically struck after you pointed out he called you autistic. At that point, I got angry and called you "A Nini", as in my opinion you simply wished to keep the "I am the victim" train going. See image: Admittedly I went off to assume a lot of things, for example, I assumed that the only reason you wanted to change AI to a 30% spawn was that you started playing borg and kept complaining about the fact that AI's keep telling you to do things, which you voice a dislike of. Or I even accused you of only wanting to remove lunchboxes because you played a chef for a week. After this train of thought Garn, not Aboshehab but Garn told me to "Calm down Coalf, Jesus." Then later I was warned by Aboshehab that if this would continue, action would be taken against me. Again this isn't a callout post but just clarification, as I was specifically named as an example of someone that has been doing much worse things than you and never get punished for it. I am not able to provide the warning message itself as I believe I was warned specifically in the admin/mod channel to which I do not have access to.

Yesterday during the "jokey pokey artillery and chill" adhomai round I interacted with your character. Even though it was technically non-canon I'll presume you acted as your character will act in the future. You played your character accordingly to what you say here. Thus while I personally am not a fan of this character archetype you have (merely a personal opinion and preference nothing objective) I can safely say that you'll be able to keep in-character and I was glad to see that you were one of the very few people in the town square who actually reacted to things by emoting and talking, instead of clicking. Thus I give a whole hearted +1.

I've worked with Kyres extensively in the past months and I can say that he's essentially been carrying the entire synth team in regards to creations and additions. It would be frankly a crime if he weren't added as the synth developer. He's responsive to feedback, (Could do away with the sheer amount of unnecessary self-criticism and self-doubt), he has experience, he has developed about like 60% of the current lore, he has been the person who has pretty much lead the interaction during any kind of event. +1

Possible Cure for Vicejaw Found in Ha'marr Mountains 08. 03. 2461 Vicejaw, a viral disease which causes jittering, tensing of the facial muscles into an uncomfortable grimace and eventual death through exhaustion via muscle spasms. Readers might be asking what a cave would have to do with this disease, gripping Tajara-kind since the beginning of time. Well, the caves of Ha’Marr have been thought to be done with long ago, having been mined out by Zhan workers employed by the Old Kingdom of Kaltir government. However the turbulence on Adhomai caused a recent cave-in which has revealed a cavern complex multiple kilometres deep. Ever since then the caverns have become a geological hotspot, literally as the caves have a mysterious source of heat keeping their temperature as high as 70 Celsius in certain areas. And this is exactly the kind of environment Ye’et Obtropica thrives in, a small round pod-like plant which helped Dr. Ilya Mysilov work on a cure for Vicejaw. “The flora present within these damp and moist caves functions as a potent muscle relaxant which could help us in treating and even curing Vicejaw,” says Dr. Mysilov. “This is thanks to the snails which live in these caves, as the muscle relaxant causes diarrhea within these snails, leading to propagation of the seeds undamaged.” While the initial tests had undesired effects, the animals treated with the remedy present in these plants seem to show signs of improvement. “It’s only a matter of refinement,” ends Dr. Mysilov.