Pauls4eva Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) BYOND Key: Pauls4eva Character Names: Bob Dolf Species you are applying to play: Tajaran What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Orange Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes, a while back, I will re-read it to touch up if I am asked any questions lore specific or if it is accepted Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question Why do you wish to play this specific race: I am used to being whitelisted to tajara on other servers Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: Accents, lore, most gameplay functions Character Name: Aminullah Baha' al-Din Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs An elder tajara, living at age 67 , remembers the first news of humans. Aminullah seemed to like them at first, but this removed him from his family. He hasn't seen his children or wife since age 45. Aminullah is now highly opposed to the human race, but decided he would help NT out to get a decent job. He used to work in trade, knowing how the economy works. NT eventually decided they would let him work on the new station, NSS Exodus. Aminullah didn't hesitate, wondering if he could end his life at well relations with NT as he is nearing old age. What do you like about this character? I think it has a decent backstory, which allows me to roleplay better How would you rate your role-playing ability? Medium Notes: I hope to get +1's, and I totally forgot to add the war to his lore... so I may edit this, give a second chance with the backstory pls Edited February 12, 2017 by Guest Link to comment
Lohikar Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Your responses are a bit, uh, short. Can you add more detail to your answers? There's not really much here to show that you're fit for a whitelist. Link to comment
Fire and Glory Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Similar to Lohikar, I find your application is very, very lackluster. Why do you wish to play this specific race: I am used to being whitelisted to tajara on other servers Fair enough, the application calls for some elaboration in the form of a paragraph, however. Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:Accents, lore, most gameplay functionsPlease, elaborate on this as it is one of the most important questions of the application, compared to humans, how is Tajaran behavior and lore different? And how would this be shown in their interactions on the station? Character Name: Aminullah Baha' al-DinPlease provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs An elder tajara, living at age 67 , remembers the first news of humans. Aminullah seemed to like them at first, but this removed him from his family. He hasn't seen his children or wife since age 45. Aminullah is now highly opposed to the human race, but decided he would help NT out to get a decent job. He used to work in trade, knowing how the economy works. NT eventually decided they would let him work on the new station, NSS Exodus. Aminullah didn't hesitate, wondering if he could end his life at well relations with NT as he is nearing old age. This is very underwhelming, very short, and I have some questions and thoughts that should be answered and incorporated into the backstory. 60-67 is an odd age to be working, even more so in human space, what occupation would Al-Din be in, working on Exodus? Humans and Nanotrasen should just be one point to center your backstory on along with several others, and definitely shouldn't be at the start of the story, Al-Din is orange, yes? This probably makes them a Njarir, and more importantly, such an age puts them firmly before the first revolution for their youth, just how was their life changed after the revolution? How did they survive, where did they end up, etc, I imagine things would be very unpleasant for such a Njarir. Does Al-Din bear grudge against the Hadii and the People's Republic of Adhomai for assisting with the downfall of the nobility? Are they rooting for another faction to win the current war? Summary of suggestions:Elaborate and clarify on Al-Din's past as a Njarir, clarify on just why he's working in human space at so old an age, put down his thoughts on Adhomai's current government and war. Notes:...I totally forgot to add the war to his lore... so I may edit this,Please do. You may want to look at accepted Tajaran applications in the archives for some guidelines on what your backstory looks at, currently I cannot support this in the state it is in. Link to comment
Mofo1995 Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Hello! I let this sit for a few extra days to see if it would get more feedback, but it looks like none have come in yet. Please take a few more days to try and get more people to weigh in on both your application and how you yourself are. Remember to advertise and your application once a round in the OOC chat and to ask for input on your abilities or your application! Link to comment
Mofo1995 Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 All righty, well, it's been a bit short of a week since my last post. This application has all the appearances of a fire and forget missile, and you haven't really responded to anyone's criticisms or requests. Still, I'm going to provide feedback in case you decide to make an application in the future. I'd prefer to provide some content to make this at least somewhat productive. What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Orange Off to a decent start, a Njarir-Ahkran Tajara, otherwise known as "The Blood Rulers" for their long history of being the ruling nobility. But uh... there isn't much acknowledgement of this in his story. He's 67 years old (which by the way, is decrepit and venerable for Tajara!), which means he was alive for the violent anti-nobility communist revolution which saw many Njarir slain. I'll get back to that when I get to the story section of your application, this is just the color section after all. Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question Why do you wish to play this specific race: I am used to being whitelisted to tajara on other servers Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: Accents, lore, most gameplay functions I appreciate the bluntness and honesty here, but this just doesn't cut it. Normally this section is a formality of sorts in that many of the responses may as well be copy pasted, but this does not meet the requirements I'm expecting of this section. Firstly, the elephant in the room: "One paragraph minimum per question." I would accept even three sentences as a paragraph if they were informative enough. I appreciate that you're honest about wanting to be a Tajara on this server because you are on others, but we have a lot of mechanical and cultural differences for our Tajara as compared to Tajara on other servers. The sentiments and characters aren't always transferable between servers if you want to keep in line with each server's respective lore. As far as what makes roleplaying the species different, you've listed three concepts. You're going to have to elaborate on the details, as this is usually the filter question to determine if someone is going to roleplay the species as a anthropomorphize'd human cat, or if they're only after it for said "most gameplay functions." It's important here to actually specify what is different in about a paragraph's detail. Character Name: Aminullah Baha' al-DinPlease provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs An elder tajara, living at age 67 , remembers the first news of humans. Aminullah seemed to like them at first, but this removed him from his family. He hasn't seen his children or wife since age 45. Aminullah is now highly opposed to the human race, but decided he would help NT out to get a decent job. He used to work in trade, knowing how the economy works. NT eventually decided they would let him work on the new station, NSS Exodus. Aminullah didn't hesitate, wondering if he could end his life at well relations with NT as he is nearing old age. Okay, so, going back to what I was saying in the color section-- Please be aware that a 67 year old Njarir-Ahkran Tajara is 1.) Veeeeery old and unable to do physical labor and 2.) Has lived through a violent anti-monarchist revolution. You said the war wasn't in your backstory and that you'd like to go back and re-edit it, but that was all the way back in your initial post. Since then you haven't responded to anyone or edited it. So, I'm going to give you some trust in that I shouldn't hit this story so hard since it isn't the full story. I will say this though, it's extremely vague. When I read this, I know almost nothing about Aminullah. It appears that, for some reason, humans removed him from his family and refuses to let him see them? Then he decided to work hard for them so they put him on the Exodus and now he hopes at the end of his life he'll be on good terms with NT? I can't really dig at the backstory because it's so nebulous and vague that I'm not entirely sure what story it's telling me. If there is a future application, be sure to elaborate better and to include the war(s) in your backstory. It's important to remember that the primary purpose of a whitelist application is to demonstrate not just knowledge, but also understanding of the lore. This doesn't mean scouring every single lore page and reading every single word to the letter, but it does mean showcasing general awareness and adherence to the thematic elements which all my mad writings are meant to reinforce. Keep this in mind when making applications in the future. I'm going to have to deny this application. Link to comment
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