[Approved]DasFox Alien Whitelist Application - Tajara (UPDATE)

[TheSleepyCatmom]

BYOND Key: DasFox

Character Names: Lana Mikkael, Ariana Kuster, Aileene Aldamman, Amanda Lawrence, Henry Ray, Riley Woollard, Erika Lauffer

Species you are applying to play: Tajaran

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Blue-Gray

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?:Yes

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Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race: I personally feel that Tajara are a more interesting alternative to Humans and I prefer their way of being. I’ve played the Tajara before on different servers but never with this type of lore and so I’m really interested in seeing how it differs and to see them from a new perspective. Beyond this, I'd like to experience actually RPing the culture I've read up on.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: They can see well in the dark; their claws mean that they must wear modified gloves and footwear. They are more susceptible to warm environments and thus tend to wear less layers. They require modified hardsuits designed specifically for Tajara. They also prefer hot foods. Beyond basic information like this, they have a unique and extensive culture that differs greatly from that of humans.

 

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Character Name: Izzat Njarir

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs A 32 year old noble born in the New Kingdom of Ahdomai’s Capital, Kaltir. His parents were wealthy aristocrats, and spoiled Izzat greatly, however his first nannie was abusive, and mistreated him, causing a stammer to develop. Only with intense training in his early 20’s was Izzat able to overcome the stammer which occasionally rears its ugly head during times of utmost stress. His abuse also led to his short temper.

Throughout his time on Ahodmai, Izzat served in several local hospitals after completing basic first aid training, treating the NKA’s soldiers, he heard many of their tales of the war, and Izzat longed to be on the front lines, treating the wounds of soldiers as a medic. After several months of rigorous testing and training, he was enlisted and deployed to the Kaltir Front as part of the 75th Brigade.

The war however, very quickly changed his views, back in Kaltir, he treated the more fortunate lads, out on the front lines however, the wounds were very different, the things Izzat saw sobered him up and soon destroyed his naivety. He attended the Biesel Institute of Medical Sciences wherein he studied medicine to become a surgeon.

What do you like about this character? I like the fact that his story is written, however most of his life is still in the dark so it gives me an opportunity to RP him as I see fit with his personality tweaks. Beyond this, I am very into the medicinal fields of SS13 and love to experiment with them, so this can help me sate my curiosities and learn the Aurora-Med system.

How would you rate your role-playing ability? Above average, probably around 6-7/10, I like to keep my characters fairly simple and I think that by making this character a bit more in depth and complicated, I can expand my own role-playing abilities.

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Notes: I updated the story, please give it a read. <3

Edited October 19, 2017 by Guest

[Coalf]

Eggcellent.

Meow it looks presentable, you've changed the format, answered the questions and filled out the backstory and all aligning with the wiki.

I find the content of the backstory to be a bit barren myself and for my tastes so I'd like to ask a few questions to elaborate.

Like the criminal record, is it hidden along with the millitary record?

And if not, what were the crimes? No need to elaborate just need the severity of them as NanoTrasen wouldn't be likely to hire serious criminals howerever desperate they might be.

Otherwise I met a few of your characters and they were acceptible, nothing out of line, nothing memorable but nothing overly bad or horrible about them either. Plus you actually reworked it instead of just rewording.

Overall not bad.

[TheSleepyCatmom]

I updated the story. Feedback would be appreciated.

[Mofo1995]

Wait, was this actually posted on the 12th?

[TheSleepyCatmom]

Yeah. I posted it a long while ago.

[Mofo1995]

Ah! I'm so sorry I didn't notice it sooner. I'll post my review tomorrow!

EDIT: ETA late tonight, got called into work :/

[Mofo1995]

BYOND Key: DasFox

Character Names: Lana Mikkael, Ariana Kuster, Aileene Aldamman, Amanda Lawrence, Henry Ray, Riley Woollard, Erika Lauffer

Species you are applying to play: Tajaran

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Blue-Gray

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?:Yes

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Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race: I personally feel that Tajara are a more interesting alternative to Humans and I prefer their way of being. I’ve played the Tajara before on different servers but never with this type of lore and so I’m really interested in seeing how it differs and to see them from a new perspective. Beyond this, I'd like to experience actually RPing the culture I've read up on.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: They can see well in the dark; their claws mean that they must wear modified gloves and footwear. They are more susceptible to warm environments and thus tend to wear less layers. They require modified hardsuits designed specifically for Tajara. They also prefer hot foods. Beyond basic information like this, they have a unique and extensive culture that differs greatly from that of humans.

 

---

---

Character Name: Izzat Njarir

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs A 32 year old noble born in the New Kingdom of Ahdomai’s Capital, Kaltir. His parents were wealthy aristocrats, and spoiled Izzat greatly, however his first nannie was abusive, and mistreated him, causing a stammer to develop. Only with intense training in his early 20’s was Izzat able to overcome the stammer which occasionally rears its ugly head during times of utmost stress. His abuse also led to his short temper.

Throughout his time on Ahodmai, Izzat served in several local hospitals after completing basic first aid training, treating the NKA’s soldiers, he heard many of their tales of the war, and Izzat longed to be on the front lines, treating the wounds of soldiers as a medic. After several months of rigorous testing and training, he was enlisted and deployed to the Kaltir Front as part of the 75th Brigade.

The war however, very quickly changed his views, back in Kaltir, he treated the more fortunate lads, out on the front lines however, the wounds were very different, the things Izzat saw sobered him up and soon destroyed his naivety. He attended the Biesel Institute of Medical Sciences wherein he studied medicine to become a surgeon.

What do you like about this character? I like the fact that his story is written, however most of his life is still in the dark so it gives me an opportunity to RP him as I see fit with his personality tweaks. Beyond this, I am very into the medicinal fields of SS13 and love to experiment with them, so this can help me sate my curiosities and learn the Aurora-Med system.

How would you rate your role-playing ability? Above average, probably around 6-7/10, I like to keep my characters fairly simple and I think that by making this character a bit more in depth and complicated, I can expand my own role-playing abilities.

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Notes: I updated the story, please give it a read. <3

 

Massive improvement! Let's dig in.

 

Izzat Njarir

 

His last name is "Blood." At first I thought, "man that's dumb." But when I really think about it, no way dude. It's actually really cool. He's a Njarir'Ahkran, and he's a battlefield medic turned surgeon. He's dealing with blood all the time. I dunno if that was intentional, but either way, I give it a free pass for rule of cool.

 

A 32 year old noble born in the New Kingdom of Ahdomai’s Capital, Kaltir. His parents were wealthy aristocrats, and spoiled Izzat greatly, however his first nannie was abusive, and mistreated him, causing a stammer to develop. Only with intense training in his early 20’s was Izzat able to overcome the stammer which occasionally rears its ugly head during times of utmost stress. His abuse also led to his short temper.

 

N-NANI!?

This is a very strong paragraph. His childhood isn't something which is just thrown in to make him seem like a more well rounded character. What I strongly appreciate is the causality which this establishes linking his development as a person to experiences in his childhood. His naivety stemmed from his parents' spoiling, ultimately blossoming into disillusionment when his world view was broken by cynicism. His ability to study medicine from his family wealth. His stammer in times of stress and short temper from his abusive nanny.

 

After several months of rigorous testing and training

 

The only unbelievable part of the application. The Imperial Adhomian Army is the least trained and most inept of the three armies on Adhomai, save for the untrained guerrilla fighters of the ALA. It's more likely they would've just thrown him in with minimal instruction. Does that mean this has to be changed or retconned? Absolutely not! Maybe he used his family influence to get the full education treatment before shipping off. He's a noble, after all.

 

The war however, very quickly changed his views, back in Kaltir, he treated the more fortunate lads, out on the front lines however, the wounds were very different, the things Izzat saw sobered him up and soon destroyed his naivety. He attended the Biesel Institute of Medical Sciences wherein he studied medicine to become a surgeon.

 

The only thing that stands out here as jarring is the sudden jump from becoming jaded while still in the service to being on Biesel studying to become a surgeon. But this transition in general has often been a challenge to write through, even for me. Even so, I would like you to attempt to make that jump. My go-to suggestion is utilization of the rampant smuggling operations on Adhomai to get off planet. There are also some other questions I wouldn't mind answered. Do Izzat and his parents still get along? Are they still even alive?

[TheSleepyCatmom]

Originally it was written as a republic character, but I changed it around a bit and left some minute things that I Didn't change. ^.^"

Izzat got offworld by spending the majority of his accumulated wealth on a smuggler, whom got him into biesel space. Beyond this, Izzat keeps contact with his parents, but they don't approve of his leaving Ahdomai. His training to become a Surgeon was moreso to advance his current medical knowledge so that he could get a higher paying job within NanoTrasen.

"Several months of rigorous testing and training" was meant as a part of the Republic's army, as he was originally a Combat Medic for the Republic, however I changed it to the NKA to fit the nobility thing.

Anymore questions? Feel free to shoot them at me! <3

[Mofo1995]

It all checks out, then! Checking the web interface, you're no slouch on playtime either, which clears the last condition. Application approved.