[Accepted] Jupiter Storm's Unathi Whitelist

Jupiter Storm · September 8, 2019

BYOND Key: Jupiter Storm

Character Names: M.I.St.R.E.S.S. / Sooty / Elijah Kraay / Storm Surge / Oksana Al'Mhuzharri

Species you are applying to play: Unathi

What color do you plan on making your first alien character: Red (Obviously)

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?:

It was honestly what got me hooked on Unathi in the first place, in spite of my uneducated and unenlightened self having felt rather 'meh' about them in the past.

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+ INSPIRATION FOR PLAYING UNATHI +

~~because i want an inside pp~~

Typically my characters are either innately malicious (read: Mistress / Kraay) or easy-going and job oriented (Storm / Oksana / Sooty). I want to try something new, a 'Feudal-esque' character with very real traditional values that define a large portion of their personality, and who portrays themselves as a sort of 'knightly / religious figure'.

It was actually discovering this wish that led me to Unathi, as I decided that trying to play an IPC or a Human with these values would be very... Well, cheesy, it would be out of place with the setting. Whereas for Unathi, this is their bread and butter, it's what they live for! Warrior traditions, honour, traditional values, these things all form the basis for Unathi culture.

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+ KEY ROLEPLAYING NOTES +

Spoiler

With reference to the traditions and honour system which I outlined as the main aspect of this race that appeals to me, the behaviours and responses of an Unathi are more rigidly determined; There are a number of mannerisms typical of humans for example, which might offend an Unathi character (the use of first names, being spoken to disrespectfully by a woman, being accused of cowardice, etc) - something that might bring them more frequently into conflict with certain colleagues. Oh, and that's without noting the unfettered hatred for any Unathi going by 'Guwan', refusing to interact with them at all - and, to a lesser extent, Aut'akh due to their mechanical modifications being largely frowned upon by characters who would hail from within the Hegemony.

There are also the expressive quirks unique to Unathi to consider. Members of this race feel emotions in much the same way a human would, but with a different cue. When feeling fear or anxiety, they might sample the air more frequently or utter a low hiss. Heights of emotion like anger or excitement would be characterised by a thump of the tail. Amusement or incredulity could be expressed by a laugh - or, more specifically, the 'chuff'... And a laugh itself would likely sound more like a series of short barks.

As an addendum, roleplaying Unathi also comes with a certain responsibility - mechanically, you're much stronger in a fight (particularly with a pike in hand), and the race is culturally more welcoming of confrontation. You have to toe the fine line between responding to danger in the way that an Unathi should, and abiding by the server rules on self-antagging and valid hunting. It's important to note that it is considered equally honourable to end a confrontation without bloodshed, using words to placate your opponent.

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+ CONCEPT AND BACKSTORY +

Character Name: Gwain Stohesz

Age: 26 yrs || 03 : 01 : 2435

Role: Shaft Miner >>> (Possibly, with development) >>> Xenoarchaeology

Clan Stohesz (and Early Life):

Spoiler

Translating very loosely to 'little stomper', the Stohesz clan had always held a proud tradition providing scouts and pathfinders to the Izweski Nation. Those of their number serving in the Nation's military during periods of conflict were often deployed as lighter foraging divisions mounted on Threshbeasts (Azkrazal). Indeed, the Clan's heraldry consisted of a Red / Yellow banner divided into quartets, declaring their allegiance to the Izweski Nation, while overlain on the right half were crossed hunting spears and the emblazoned head of an Askrazal.

Gwain was barely the eldest of a clutch of two hatchlings - the second being his sister, Ghizla - born in the latter months of Travakh, the 'winter' season. A male of his clan, Gwain would be destined to follow in the footsteps of his father as a huntsman, while his sister would be raised as a proper Unathi woman, learning to prepare food and clothing brought back from the clans' hunts, and maintain an orderly, domesticated household in the hopes of being married off to improve the standing of her family.

Many exciting and turbulent events surrounded Gwain's childhood - the year of his birth saw the development of Moghes' first nuclear fusion plant, while two years later the Izweski Space Program would be founded, and the first attempts at extra-terrestrial colonization made. Unfortunately he was too young to fully appreciate these things, though the rising tensions between clans loyal to the Izweski and those loyal to King Azarak (following the famous 'Broken Oaths' speech made at the Firebrand Summit) would have a decisive impact on his development as a young Sinta. Particularly with the rising momentum of the Contact War.

To Gwain, those Unathi dwelling outside of the Hegemon's domains were little more than backward savages, and he would often play symbolic games with the other whelps of his clan - loyal soldiers of the Izweski chasing after snarling, bestial creatures and wrestling them to the ground. Unfortunately, Gwain's relatively small size for an Unathi often saw him picked to play the 'bad guys', fanning the flames of resentment and the development of an over-compensating competitive streak.

Throughout the war, the adult members of the Stohesz Clan were frequently called upon to serve - Gwain's father was no exception to this - and thus the provision of a formal education was difficult. The young Sinta, and other boys his age, were gathered together by the elders of the Clan in 'clutches' known as the Whelpling Scouts. They would not learn to read and write, but rather be trained in a paramilitary fashion through the use of various 'games', such as hunting, camping, hide-and-seek, survival and martial arts. Though, relatively isolated in his social commune, often referred to as a 'runt' or even 'Guwain', the boy would instead find distraction in his curious pursuit of hidden places, forging off on his own and collecting shiny things dug up from the dirt - spoons, coins, crystals, etc. Often times he would like to pretend they were quests - and he, an adventuring templar seeking lost treasures in the name of Sk'akh.

Middle Years on Moghes (and Post-War):

Spoiler

The progress of the Contact War hurled the Stohesz Clan into a more nomadic lifestyle. Zkii-Baandr, where they had dwelt for much of their history, had been relatively protected from the unrelenting nuclear strikes across Moghes, yet against the mobile Coalition Infantry Forces - who were able to easily out-pace the unwieldy, sluggish armies of the Hegemony - they were all but defenseless. The clan would retreat upon their convoy of Threshbeasts, at first making their way west. Sadly, they would see themselves turned away by the defenders of cities whose gates were closed to refugees (and thus, potential spies and saboteurs). Yet not all was lost; returning members of the Clan, having initially feared the worst, would begin to filter back - including Gwain's father- and carried with them news of an outpost which lay on untouched soil across the deserts of the Wasteland.

Fully eight months, and many casualties of radiation, hunger or bandit raids later, the weary Stohesz would find themselves fully established at Camp Integrity. Many of the elders did not survive the gruelling journey, and thus the Whelpling Scouts were dissolved, replaced by a somewhat more organized form of education delivered by wounded and retired soldiers.

Gwain would be able to spend more time directly interacting with his father, who taught him letters and numbers for the first time. Though an excellent teacher, his father was not particularly creative and did not support Gwain's fantasies and adventures, nor understand why the young boy struggled with his friendships. In his early teen years, this led to heated arguments between Gwain and his father - who would often sell the things that were found without asking. 'A man'sss obligationsss are to glorify Sssk'akh and provide for hisss family, before himssself.' he would say.

He was fourteen when the war came to its inevitable conclusion, and Gwain - diminutive by Unathi standards - saw his chance to prove himself in the eyes of those who had looked down upon him all but vanish. He was an angry juvenile, and would often prowl the decrepit streets of Integrity seeking any possible reason to start a brawl; sinners were in plentiful supply, with the only source of food being that delivered on shuttles which was often claimed by the strongest - something that did not quite sit right with a (relatively) morally-indoctrinated young man. The result? Gwain's father would often spend long nights treating wounds that his son incurred in futile conflict, berating him for his stupidity while secretly applauding his courage.

Once Gwain was nineteen years of age (and his promise to conclude his studied fulfilled), his father secured him a place among the Clan's division of foragers. They would go together into the Wastelands for weeks - sometimes months - at a time, seeking unrecovered food stores from pre-war shelters (or those erected during the war, and later buried), as well as subterranean water sources that would remain comparatively clean. Other times, they would encounter pockets of refugees yet making their way across the wasteland and serve as temporary guides and / or escorts. This, however, was a double edged sword; the strain placed upon cities and fortresses by the constant influx of post-war refugees required more intense rationing measures; or they were simply bundled onto a shuttle and dispatched to Ouerea.

Over time, as the issue became more profound, the Stohesz pathfinders would, on occasion, look on helplessly as those they had rescued from the desert were simply turned away, forced to make their way south as the already-limited resources and infrequent shuttle traffic around Camp Integrity could simply not support their number. This would stir the beginnings of a change within Gwain who, already having borne witness to the injustices of food brawls within the Camp itself, now felt even more powerless to assist those outside of it. But what difference could an under-sized, unspectacular Sinta make, in the grand scheme of things?

For the most part, the pathfinders rarely crossed paths with refugees however - precious little survived in the wilderness of the Wasteland.

Bhorze, the Pious:

Spoiler

A turning point in Gwain's life was but a single, fateful day forever etched in his memory. 28 : 03 : 2459. His life as a scout progressing much as it had for the past 5 years, the young Stohesz had begun to take up his old hobby, and with his growing experience (coupled with his lackluster size and performance), his absence was oft noted by very few. While visiting one of the many underground complexes he'd mapped out in his mind prior - leftover from the Contact War - he came upon a curious sight indeed; a bulky, broad Unathi warrior - his scaled gnarly and ridged, placing him well within his fifties - bound by chains, half-starved and ranting sanctimonious curses which echoed through the tunnels. Gwain stooped low, peering over the warrior's injuries which were, largely thanks to his size, superficial. He asked after the warrior's name, to which the Sinta replied; 'Bhorzhe Saa'Izweski'.

This greatly surprised him; Gwain, like many other excitable children raised on tales of propriety and honour, had heard of the ancient order of the Kataphrakts. Yet there were so few of them remaining in this day and age - or, perhaps, they were returning? How fortuitous that fate should thrust him into direct contact with such a hero!

The scout had little time to inquire further as a band of what he recognized to be Si'akh Reavers approached from the gloom, carrying torches, spiked clubs and ramshackle ballistic firearms. They explained that the warrior was a heathen, a mercenary hired by the Maraziites to hunt and persecute followers of the Messiah. Deeply indoctrinated under the faith of Sk'akh, Gwain held little sympathy for their plight, yet he would note that he was armed only with a spear, not to mention outnumbered. Instead, he would attempt to dissuade them with what rhetoric his father had taught him prior - failing rather miserably. If anything, his words seemed only to raise the ire of the Si'akh Reavers, who immediately began to thump their tails and brandish their weapons.

A truly shining moment for Gwain then followed - a rare moment indeed where he decided this was a battle he would actually lose (a typical pattern when alone, facing Unathi larger than himself). He roared in anger, thrusting his spear between one of the supporting beams of the tunnel, rewarded with a groan and then a rumble within the overhanging stone. Fearing its collapse, the Reavers would flee, leaving the two followers of Sk'akh to their fate. Gwain turned to the Kataphrakt, Bhorze, painstakingly dragging him deeper within the complex to a more stable shaft. From there, he was able to use a cutting tool over the course of several hours to free the Unathi warrior, and together they took an alternative exit.

Once free and sighting the scout's Threshbeast and tent, the Saa'Izweski rounded on the far smaller Unathi, stating with a narrow-eyed gaze: 'In all my yearsss, thiss wass the worssst attempt at negotiation I have ever ssseen, and your grasssp of the Great Ssspirit'sss teachingsss iss narrow-minded at besst.' Bhorze explained that he had actually been doing the same as Gwain's clan - out in the Wasteland, many disparate groups of Unathi still eked out a living, yet fell easy prey to stronger bands of raiders. It was a Kataphrakt's duty to protect the weak and the innocent, and punish injustices done against them. The Si'akh whom had captured him, had mistaken the warrior for a Maraziite - and he, in turn, had initially thought them to be a party of renegades. 'Ssstill, you have done me a good turn... Ssshameful as thiss iss, you have my gratitude. Now... I'm going to do you a very bad one, whelp.' He threw a heavy fist for Gwain's snout, and the Stohesz knew no more.

He awoke amidst the pathfinders' caravan, his father and the Kataphrakt discussing a matter at the food of his bedroll. Both explained that while Gwain had saved the Kataphrakt's life - to which the warrior was obligated to pay a debt of honour - he had also shamed him. As recompense for this slight, the young Unathi would be bound in service to Bhorze, who would educate him properly in matters of honour and martial prowess. 'Teach my ssson to be a real man, where hisss father hasss failed him.'

Journey of a Kataphrakt Hopeful to Tau Ceti:

Spoiler

Gwain never saw his father, mother, or Giszla again - though he would often write to them of his travels, and they in return. His first journey was to Skalamar, at the Kataphrakt's side, where his official status as a Zo'saa would be recognized before a council of Guildmasters. From there, he very much kept his mouth shut, indulging in the warrior's lessons with great enthusiasm and gusto. Yet Gwain's eagerness to prove himself better than a runt was, as ever, a hindrance. 'You have the patienssse of a juvenile Hegeranzssi, and it'sss intellect. Perhapsss I sssshould ride you inssstead, until you learn sssome humility.' - Bhorze would often threaten. As punishment, Gwain would be forced to carry his baggage, like a pack-threshbeast, for many leagues at a time. Yet all this was by design, to improve the aspirant's strength and educate him on proper maintenance and cleaning of weaponry and armour.

The Hopeful looked upon these punishments as a blessing, in time, accounting each act of sufferance he endured as a sacrifice to Sk'akh, cleansing him of sinful thoughts and deed. Yet, again, the Kataphrakt was cunning, curbing Gwain's development of a self-righteous streak by forcing him to take up one vice of his choosing. The Sinta chose wine, and soon developed a reliance upon butanol as he was forced to drink daily. 'Thisss visse, isss to remind you that you are only mortal, asss sssinful and unworthy ass the ressst of usss,' the Kataphrakt stated, '... Yet you will alssso learn to control thisss craving, and in three yearsss you will give it up, through forssse of will and ssself-ressstraint. By thisss time, you will be ready to take your trialsss of assscenssion.'

His preliminary training complete, it was time for Gwain to follow Bhorze across the stars on their first true adventure. Within the system of Tau Ceti, Gwain would purposefully be exposed to an entirely unfamiliar culture, one which was rife with corruption and loose morals. He would enlist as a Shaft Miner with the NanoTrasen corporation, to pay his own way and indulge in a dangerous and unpredictable career, living out of District Eleven of Mendell City with his master. But why District Eleven? Simply put - it is the poorest, and the weak are dominated by the strong, who group together in various gangs or criminal syndicates. The perfect place to put into practice the values of protecting the helpless, and supporting those laid low by injustice. Gwain was readily able to draw some parallel between this, and his earlier life on the streets of Camp Integrity - and later, being forced to do nothing while refugees were turned away from its gates.

All of this would transpire during extended periods when Gwain was not on-shift, including evening university tuition within the Kataphrakt's home. For longer holiday periods, they would travel further afield, to practice hunting and survival in the wilder parts of Biesel, and beyond.

General Description:

Spoiler

Standing only at a height of 6 feet and 1 inch, Gwain is considered rather short, if not 'dwarfish' by Unathi standards. Extensive muscular development in his adult years - as well as regular beatings - have left his frame decidedly 'broad' and 'stocky' in appearance, capable of bearing heavy loads and - by necessity - enduring prolonged physical punishment.

His scales are red, with a ridged crest of short, under-developed horns and darker shades above a malformed and dislocated snout. A heavy-set, puffy brow overshadows beady, serpentine yellow eyes typical of most Unathi.

Below the jaw, a second bony ridge protrudes, framing his face in the same manner an adolscent's beard might.

Personality wise, Gwain is easily excitable and prone to accept any challenge placed before him; sadly, he is also impatient and lacks the refinement to truly consider whether this task is plausible or not, often to leading to injuries or ridicule; the desire to prove himself - and uphold his own under-developed understanding of the code of honour - superceding any process of forethought.

Conversely, however, Gwain retains much of his experience and teachings in the field of giving aid to those less fortunate. Any member of crew requiring assistance will, inevitably, receive it. Any promise made by the Hopeful will be upheld to a fault, regardless of whether the task consumes the entirety of his time... And Gwain is not yet savvy enough to know when to say 'no', or decide that a promise would not be prudent at the time. Again, his lack of experience with the Kataphrakt's code has a propensity to get him into trouble, biting off more than he can chew at any given time.

As a traditional Unathi, he would see all women as objectively inferior, frowning upon those who take to more 'masculine' roles. This would naturally lead to conflict between co-workers if the issue should ever escalate. Indeed, his lack of tact with carefully-placed words acts as a catalyst to this.

Religion and morality are central to Gwain's lifestyle; he is seen to consult or reference the Great Spirit before any undertaking - whether praising a coming meal or asking for protection on the outset of a journey. Again, his lack of tact leads to a propensity to 'look down' on others who partake in various vices of the flesh.

... Ironically, however, he has a heavy reliance on Butanol, never able to say no to a freely-offered bottle of Sarezshi Wine. To work, he carries a flask filled with the drink, though frequent consumption has led to a fortified resistance to it... Leading to visits to the Bar with increasing regularity.

When not striving to complete orders of minerals, Gwain far prefers to trek out across the asteroid and hunt for shiny things, re-living his childhood 'quests' in search of ancient treasures and artifacts. More often than not, this exposes him to greater dangers still - which in truth, suits the Kataphrakt Hopeful just fine.

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What do you like about this character?

I think the amount I have written by now probably outlines better than any explanation I can offer as to why this character will surely be a favourite of mine. I have spent a great deal of time developing the backstory, reading through the rich Unathi lorebase and immersing myself fully within the concept. I don't -usually- play male characters, but for the concept of a wandering squire hoping to become a true knight, as per ancient medieval legends, it just fits far better!

How would you rate your role-playing ability?

I wouldn't call myself a role-player so much as a writer. I love to create narratives and settings, and support an interesting story for both myself and other people. With that said... Probably a 7/10. >_>

Notes:

I wrote much of this in a complete daze, as I've been procrastinating over this app for a long time and I just wanted it finished today. I welcome feedback in spades to allow me to better refine the story if it doesn't quite check out. Now I'm going to rest my brain and leave the matter in your hands!

Edited September 12, 2019 by Marlon Phoenix

VisVirific · September 9, 2019

While I am personally not as well-versed in Unathi lore, I fully believe and trust Jupiter's ability and quality roleplaying to bring this character to life and show others more of their culture (and training) by simply being himself. There's certainly something incredible about Gwain's concept and knowing Jupiter will be at the helm does inspire confidence he'll be amazing, just like the rest of Jupiter's other characters.

+1

September 9, 2019

I am replying to this tonight.

September 10, 2019

Hello,

Thank you for your application. I have some comments and questions as I go over it.

The early life section is very nice. Good writing that is good at portraying the character. You show good knowledge of the events of the time. There's not a lot to say here because I really liked it!

The middle life actually brought up a problem on my end as a dev. Camp Integrity, and the other camps, were not habitable until very recently (this year) during the terraforming efforts. However, since there wasn't anything about that written down on the wiki and they're just sitting there on the map without context, I'm going to make edits on my end and say that they were on a smaller scale still safe outposts in the wasteland so that your backstory in this section does not need any adjustment and still fits.

Quote

Yet for those still dwelling within the Wasteland, it was expected that they should never make it to the cities... And it was decreed that these sub-Sinta wretches who would only invite further suffering and depravity should meet the mercy of Sk'akh - at the end of a spear.

What do you mean by this? Was he slaying refugees, unarmed people, violent bandits, or? Overtly slaying the helpless would be a severe stain on his honor and the honor of the Lord who gave such a decree. Evicting the wretched refugees or chasing them away from the camp is one thing, and killing them is another thing entirely.

The pious is another interesting section. Kataphracts were a mostly defunct order until earlier this year when Not'zar revived them (when I OOC created them ;P), and finding a still living one like he did is totally something that would be very formative in his life. And the guy punched him in the nose LOL.

Normally it is the Guwandi who seek a warrior's death in battle, to seek redemption for crimes that they committed that they feel only an honorable death can absolve. The Kataphract being so fussy about being rescued is slightly unusual, but I'm going to take it since it's still something I think is reasonable given the context.

When I get to Journey of a Kataphrakt Hopeful to Tau Ceti is where I feel like his path is slightly different from the expectation I was having from the earlier sections. His zealotry remains, and his views in general have not changed too much. To me it seemed like a natural flow to become a Maraziite, and so becoming a Hopeful was surprising. Kataphracts are fanatically sworn to defend the innocent and helpless and to uphold the unathi code of honor to a fault. I portrayed this in a recent news arc where they defied orders from a Lord to commit a dishonorable act and up and abandoned service to the Lord. In this section to better get across that he is buying in to the Kataphract ideals i think it would serve a lot of good for him to have a reckoning or self reflection with the dirty stuff he did in the past; even if it was nonlethal, he still committed harm against the helpless that were seeking refuge at Integrity and instead of taking up any manner of helping them (donating food, clothes, assistance etc) he eagerly persecuted them instead.

General

Quote

Personality wise, Gwain is easily excitable and prone to accept any challenge placed before him; sadly, he is also impatient and lacks the refinement to truly consider whether this task is plausible or not, often to leading to injuries or ridicule. His ire is thus quick to rise in response to perceived slights against his personal honour, the desire to prove himself superceding any process of forethought.

This is a bit of a red flag. It's the stereotype of Unathi, and in the past Unathi mains would get into really violent brawls over being slighted. Please be careful if you go with this aspect of his personality because it can very quickly get a unathi whitelistee in trouble either with me or administration/CCIA.

I also wonder why you refer to him as a runt when in the provided image he is a massive muscled hunk. In what WORLD does a runt have those BICEPS?

I think that is all of the areas of conversation I wanted to bring up.

Edited September 10, 2019 by Marlon Phoenix

Jupiter Storm · September 10, 2019

Thank you for the reply! I am actually really glad you were able to pick out parts of the story because I definitely did finish and flesh it out in a rush after so much procrastination. xD

4 hours ago, Marlon Phoenix said:

I'm going to make edits on my end and say that they were on a smaller scale still safe outposts in the wasteland so that your backstory in this section does not need any adjustment and still fits.

This part, I really appreciate you doing that, and I feel a bit embarassed now. I earnest I chose it slightly suspecting it wasn't exactly habitable, which is why they had the scouts going outside looking for underground water sources and old pockets of food stores - and it seemed like (from what was written) the camp had been in-use since the war albeit on a smaller scale.

4 hours ago, Marlon Phoenix said:

What do you mean by this? Was he slaying refugees, unarmed people, violent bandits, or? Overtly slaying the helpless would be a severe stain on his honor and the honor of the Lord who gave such a decree. Evicting the wretched refugees or chasing them away from the camp is one thing, and killing them is another thing entirely.

THIS part, I am going to outright change and I'll post the changes. I have too much of a habit of going 'dark' with my favourite character stories. It was based on at the time, from what I'd been reading, a misinterpretation of how the Hegemony viewed refugees given that they were always too willing to turn them away or just shoot them off into space and never worry about them again. In retrospect, it makes absolutely no sense, and I think it will help to provide better context for later in the backstory if the work simply entails actually giving refugees relief and guiding them towards the camp where they can be shuttled off to a more major starport.

4 hours ago, Marlon Phoenix said:

Normally it is the Guwandi who seek a warrior's death in battle, to seek redemption for crimes that they committed that they feel only an honorable death can absolve. The Kataphract being so fussy about being rescued is slightly unusual, but I'm going to take it since it's still something I think is reasonable given the context.

I actually didn't know they'd been added very recently, sorry about that! I will definitely change the wording here, from a 'warrior's death' to something that suggests more... 'Embarassment' and 'impropriety' at someone of a higher social standing being seen to 'require rescue' from somebody far weaker than themselves. The debt of honour is still there, but alternate language is used to cover up the fact that Bhorze is actually very grateful - a personality quirk for a more bombastic knight rather than a rule of thumb.

4 hours ago, Marlon Phoenix said:

In this section to better get across that he is buying in to the Kataphract ideals i think it would serve a lot of good for him to have a reckoning or self reflection with the dirty stuff he did in the past; even if it was nonlethal

Given that I'm going to iron out the story earlier to something that makes a little more sense in the context of Unathi culture, I will edit it to focus on him buying into the ideals of self-sacrifice and protection of others, rather than being interested in glorifying himself - it will be a journey of self-acceptance rather than redemption, with someone who is essentially fighting the urge to overcome the 'shame' of having been considered weak in the past, trying to come to terms with 'other' reasons for helping others. Which leads me onto...

4 hours ago, Marlon Phoenix said:

This is a bit of a red flag. It's the stereotype of Unathi, and in the past Unathi mains would get into really violent brawls over being slighted. Please be careful if you go with this aspect of his personality because it can very quickly get a unathi whitelistee in trouble either with me or administration/CCIA.

I completely understand that! So I have a better idea, for that part. He will NOT get into fights, with other crew, so frequently (unless they literally, go really hard and say something absolutely offensive), instead he will be practicing the OTHER honourable tradition of using words to placate others. (Which is something the story mentions he failed miserably at in the past). When I mentioned this aspect of his personality, I actually had good intentions in mind - the potential for hilarious practical jokes on him with people setting him ridiculous tasks that cannot possibly be achieved. So all that angry energy would be transferred into being so utterly determined to achieve the task, rather than used against others. But I will edit this part too and specify that!

Instead of focusing on physical challenges, I will add another aspect of his personality where he cannot refuse aid to any member of crew asking for assistance - for example if they need money, they get money from his pocket. If they need something given to them (which wouldn't be illegal for them to have) then he'll go out of his way to find it. It would also make for a nice piece of exploitable information, allowing antagonists the potential to 'recruit him' if they are able to portray themselves as somebody on the run, in dire need of shelter. As long as they don't roleplay it all shady and the like.

4 hours ago, Marlon Phoenix said:

I also wonder why you refer to him as a runt when in the provided image he is a massive muscled hunk. In what WORLD does a runt have those BICEPS?

I know right? xD No, but seriously, that's only a recent appearance having over the last two years had access to a proper diet and training program making him kind of look, 'dwarfish'. Because at the end of the day, even small people can grow 'out', they just can't grow 'up'.

As I said I'll be making all of the above edits to the story very soon and hopefully it'll be a-okay! I'm very glad to have such detailed feedback because it helps me to feel like a have a more fleshed-out character too!

Edited September 10, 2019 by Jupiter Storm

Doxxmedearly · September 10, 2019

Great answers, great RP, great player. No doubt you'd do well with a whitelist and understand Unathi enough to play one on station. Also I can't believe you made me enjoy a character with Hatsune Miku flavortext. What even.

Hearty +1

Jupiter Storm · September 10, 2019

Edits to the Backstory:

I have done several already, the rest I will do when I get home. I hope these work better!

Middle Years on Moghes (and Post-War):

Spoiler

The progress of the Contact War hurled the Stohesz Clan into a more nomadic lifestyle. Zkii-Baandr, where they had dwelt for much of their history, had been relatively protected from the unrelenting nuclear strikes across Moghes, yet against the mobile Coalition Infantry Forces - who were able to easily out-pace the unwieldy, sluggish armies of the Hegemony - they were all but defenseless. The clan would retreat upon their convoy of Threshbeasts, at first making their way west. Sadly, they would see themselves turned away by the defenders of cities whose gates were closed to refugees (and thus, potential spies and saboteurs). Yet not all was lost; returning members of the Clan, having initially feared the worst, would begin to filter back - including Gwain's father- and carried with them news of an outpost which lay on untouched soil across the deserts of the Wasteland.

Fully eight months, and many casualties of radiation, hunger or bandit raids later, the weary Stohesz would find themselves fully established at Camp Integrity. Many of the elders did not survive the gruelling journey, and thus the Whelpling Scouts were dissolved, replaced by a somewhat more organized form of education delivered by wounded and retired soldiers.

Gwain would be able to spend more time directly interacting with his father, who taught him letters and numbers for the first time. Though an excellent teacher, his father was not particularly creative and did not support Gwain's fantasies and adventures, nor understand why the young boy struggled with his friendships. In his early teen years, this led to heated arguments between Gwain and his father - who would often sell the things that were found without asking. 'A man'sss obligationsss are to glorify Sssk'akh and provide for hisss family, before himssself.' he would say.

He was fourteen when the war came to its inevitable conclusion, and Gwain - diminutive by Unathi standards - saw his chance to prove himself in the eyes of those who had looked down upon him all but vanish. He was an angry juvenile, and would often prowl the decrepit streets of Integrity seeking any possible reason to start a brawl; sinners were in plentiful supply, with the only source of food being that delivered on shuttles which was often claimed by the strongest - something that did not quite sit right with a (relatively) morally-indoctrinated young man. The result? Gwain's father would often spend long nights treating wounds that his son incurred in futile conflict, berating him for his stupidity while secretly applauding his courage.

Once Gwain was nineteen years of age (and his promise to conclude his studied fulfilled), his father secured him a place among the Clan's division of foragers. They would go together into the Wastelands for weeks - sometimes months - at a time, seeking unrecovered food stores from pre-war shelters (or those erected during the war, and later buried), as well as subterranean water sources that would remain comparatively clean. Other times, they would encounter pockets of refugees yet making their way across the wasteland and serve as temporary guides and / or escorts. This, however, was a double edged sword; the strain placed upon cities and fortresses by the constant influx of post-war refugees required more intense rationing measures; or they were simply bundled onto a shuttle and dispatched to Ouerea.

Over time, as the issue became more profound, the Stohesz pathfinders would, on occasion, look on helplessly as those they had rescued from the desert were simply turned away, forced to make their way south as the already-limited resources and infrequent shuttle traffic around Camp Integrity could simply not support their number. This would stir the beginnings of a change within Gwain who, already having borne witness to the injustices of food brawls within the Camp itself, now felt even more powerless to assist those outside of it. But what difference could an under-sized, unspectacular Sinta make, in the grand scheme of things?

For the most part, the pathfinders rarely crossed paths with refugees however - precious little survived in the wilderness of the Wasteland.

Bhorze, the Pious:

Spoiler

A turning point in Gwain's life was but a single, fateful day forever etched in his memory. 28 : 03 : 2459. His life as a scout progressing much as it had for the past 5 years, the young Stohesz had begun to take up his old hobby, and with his growing experience (coupled with his lackluster size and performance), his absence was oft noted by very few. While visiting one of the many underground complexes he'd mapped out in his mind prior - leftover from the Contact War - he came upon a curious sight indeed; a bulky, broad Unathi warrior - his scales gnarly and ridged, placing him well within his fifties - bound by chains, half-starved and ranting sanctimonious curses which echoed through the tunnels. Gwain stooped low, peering over the warrior's injuries which were, largely thanks to his size, superficial. He asked after the warrior's name, to which the Sinta replied; 'Bhorzhe Saa'Izweski'.

This greatly surprised him; Gwain, like many other excitable children raised on tales of propriety and honour, had heard of the ancient order of the Kataphrakts. Yet there were so few of them remaining in this day and age - or, perhaps, they were returning? How fortuitous that fate should thrust him into direct contact with such a hero!

The scout had little time to inquire further as a band of what he recognized to be Si'akh Reavers approached from the gloom, carrying torches, spiked clubs and ramshackle ballistic firearms. They explained that the warrior was a heathen, a mercenary hired by the Maraziites to hunt and persecute followers of the Messiah. Deeply indoctrinated under the faith of Sk'akh, Gwain held little sympathy for their plight, yet he would note that he was armed only with a spear, not to mention outnumbered. Instead, he would attempt to dissuade them with what rhetoric his father had taught him prior - failing rather miserably. If anything, his words seemed only to raise the ire of the Si'akh Reavers, who immediately began to thump their tails and brandish their weapons.

A truly shining moment for Gwain then followed - a rare moment indeed where he decided this was a battle he would actually lose (a typical pattern when alone, facing Unathi larger than himself). He roared in anger, thrusting his spear between one of the supporting beams of the tunnel, rewarded with a groan and then a rumble within the overhanging stone. Fearing its collapse, the Reavers would flee, leaving the two followers of Sk'akh to their fate. Gwain turned to the Kataphrakt, Bhorze, painstakingly dragging him deeper within the complex to a more stable shaft. From there, he was able to use a cutting tool over the course of several hours to free the Unathi warrior, and together they took an alternative exit.

Once free and sighting the scout's Threshbeast and tent, the Saa'Izweski rounded on the far smaller Unathi, stating with a narrow-eyed gaze: 'In all my yearsss, thiss wass the worssst attempt at negotiation I have ever ssseen, and your grasssp of the Great Ssspirit'sss teachingsss iss narrow-minded at besst.' Bhorze explained that he had actually been doing the same as Gwain's clan - out in the Wasteland, many disparate groups of Unathi still eked out a living, yet fell easy prey to stronger bands of raiders. It was a Kataphrakt's duty to protect the weak and the innocent, and punish injustices done against them. The Si'akh whom had captured him, had mistaken the warrior for a Maraziite - and he, in turn, had initially thought them to be a party of renegades. 'Ssstill, you have done me a good turn... Ssshameful as thiss iss, you have my gratitude. Now... I'm going to do you a very bad one, whelp.' He threw a heavy fist for Gwain's snout, and the Stohesz knew no more.

He awoke amidst the pathfinders' caravan, his father and the Kataphrakt discussing a matter at the food of his bedroll. Both explained that while Gwain had saved the Kataphrakt's life - to which the warrior was obligated to pay a debt of honour - he had also shamed him. As recompense for this slight, the young Unathi would be bound in service to Bhorze, who would educate him properly in matters of honour and martial prowess. 'Teach my ssson to be a real man, where hisss father hasss failed him.'

The rest soon!

Jupiter Storm · September 10, 2019

Final Edits to the Backstory:

And, as promised, here is the rest (edited in the original post, but highlighted here for clarity).

Journey of a Kataphrakt Hopeful to Tau Ceti:

Spoiler

Gwain never saw his father, mother, or Giszla again - though he would often write to them of his travels, and they in return. His first journey was to Skalamar, at the Kataphrakt's side, where his official status as a Zo'saa would be recognized before a council of Guildmasters. From there, he very much kept his mouth shut, indulging in the warrior's lessons with great enthusiasm and gusto. Yet Gwain's eagerness to prove himself better than a runt was, as ever, a hindrance. 'You have the patienssse of a juvenile Hegeranzssi, and it'sss intellect. Perhapsss I sssshould ride you inssstead, until you learn sssome humility.' - Bhorze would often threaten. As punishment, Gwain would be forced to carry his baggage, like a pack-threshbeast, for many leagues at a time. Yet all this was by design, to improve the aspirant's strength and educate him on proper maintenance and cleaning of weaponry and armour.

The Hopeful looked upon these punishments as a blessing, in time, accounting each act of sufferance he endured as a sacrifice to Sk'akh, cleansing him of sinful thoughts and deed. Yet, again, the Kataphrakt was cunning, curbing Gwain's development of a self-righteous streak by forcing him to take up one vice of his choosing. The Sinta chose wine, and soon developed a reliance upon butanol as he was forced to drink daily. 'Thisss visse, isss to remind you that you are only mortal, asss sssinful and unworthy ass the ressst of usss,' the Kataphrakt stated, '... Yet you will alssso learn to control thisss craving, and in three yearsss you will give it up, through forssse of will and ssself-ressstraint. By thisss time, you will be ready to take your trialsss of assscenssion.'