[DEFERRED] faye & ryders DOMINIAN FENCING EXPAC DLC (in HDR where available)

[ryder]

Type: Lore expansion

Short Description: Written by both Faye and I, this is a detailed exploration of Dominian fencing and dueling, careers in the fields, and a more intricate proposal of Imperial innovations in the sport.

How will this be reflected on-station?: Players already frequently tie in fencing to their Dominian characters, who they are, and how they grew up. See, for example, the many many Morozians you might see on station with a ceremonial scar beneath the eye, Strelitz or not. It will also help enable more of those playing Secondaries and Ma'zals to explore the sport, and even accredits Ma'zals with a prominent style.

Does this addition do anything not achieved by what already exists?: Yes. Unique concepts have been invented that pertain to each Great House, including Unathi, regarding the types of leagues and societies one might encounter in Dominia. Additionally, the effects of honor are explored, nobility versus non-nobility, and how one can even be ennobled through the sport (in adjacency to legitimate dueling) with time and care. There is even a celebratory time of year posited that might be associated with fencing. This will help create a foundation of understanding for an important cornerstone of Dominian culture.

Do you understand that the project may change over time in ways that you may not foresee once it is handed over to the Lore Team?: Yes.

Long Description: Click Here

First time submitting lore! Thanks for any potential feedback.

Faye's notes on the document are as follows: RED highlights are likely to be removed pending possible acceptance. GREEN highlights are new content added to the document.

Edited January 22, 2022 by ryder
clerical errors; small footnote

[Granodd]

I dig it.

[Myphicbowser]

That is an exceptional change and it adds much needed flavor (in my biased opinion)

 

So I'm a big fan of it, I also love the styles you've suggested to give it even better variety and the entire leagues thing. I'm just a big fan and I'm struggling to compliment an entire document so i'll leave it at that.

[NG+7 Gael]

More Dominia lore!!

Well, overall I definitely like it. It would be really nice to have some lore representation of dueling considering how common a talking point it has become for a lot of Dominian characters and otherwise. Specifically, I really like the inclusion of rankings and dueling styles, as I think it adds a lot of flavour to what is otherwise entirely unexplained. I also very much appreciate the insertion of honour into mainstream dueling, as well as the stated differences between what you might typically find in a Morozian duel and a duel in the frontier. It's also really nice to have all of the Great Houses included in some way. Obviously, there's a lot of fluff, and I'd not be surprised if a good chunk of it would be cut down if implemented, but I do hope the overall general spirit of it remains the same, because I think it adds some nice needed depth to an important yet entirely unexplored part of Dominian society. I feel like it was pretty well thought out and had a lot of effort put into it.

My only real "suggestion" at the moment is that maaaybe considering the effects on one's honour (and especially on a House as a whole) from dueling to last "generations" might be a bit excessive? I'm not really sure, I don't particularly mind the idea of it, but I figured it might be worth considering.
Edit: Also, maybe a small bit on gun dueling would be nice? Maybe mention the Kirihide style being developed as an alternative to dueling with guns or something.

+1

Edited January 22, 2022 by NG+7 Gael

[Captain Gecko]

AH YES, now that is really good. More Dominia lore is always great (I am extremely biased), and this looks like a great addition to me. Now I have a few notes:

- The title names sound a bit goofy. I don't mind them being literal french words, but:

-- Nouvelles for “Novice”, is not incorrect, however, it could be... Better. First there's the fact that since French is a latin language with no neutrally-gendered word, we have to choose one. Naturally, it would've been "Nouveau", which is male-gendered (however "male words" are also used in generalities, for when there is a plurality of genders being represented, or when we don't know who's in). Otherwise, we might also choose better words. "Novice" is also french, and is simply more fitting ("Nouveau" means "new" on paper, it could be about anything), there is also "Débutant" which is "Beginner". Finally, you don't need to add an "S" at the end, since as a title it shouldn't refer to multiple people, the three other titles below do not seem to be in their plural form either.

-- Classe de Maître, “Masterclass”, is not clumsy, it's nearly wrong. "Classe de maître" here means "class of masters", which is not a title you'd give to someone, it would be like naming someone with a PhD "Class of Doctor". "Maitre", simply for "master", could work, then there is, more fitting for the world of fencing, and I believe, much more fitting: "Maître d'armes" or "Master of arms" in english, which refers, in current year and in the past, to experts and teachers in fencing.

- Shouldn't the title "His Imperial Majesty’s Royal Fencer" be called "His Imperial Majesty’s IMPERIAL Fencer" instead since we're an empire?

- There's a bunch of cases where Academy is writter Académie/Acadmie, don't know if it's a typo or not, but it just looks at tad weird. If you truly want to stick to the french-sounding names, then Académie is good, not Acadmie.

 

Otherwise I approve of this app, +1

[Alberyk]

Eight pages over a single subject like this is too much. I think that having a single page about a single sport for one of the factions is over the top.

[ryder]

6 hours ago, Captain Gecko said:

I don't mind them being literal french words, but:

But that's how I make things sound fictionals-

In sincerity, I'll go through and make some of these changes. The rankings were more so something a little indulgent when creating this, and I may remove them all together and opt for the Master of Arms title you've suggested.

6 hours ago, Captain Gecko said:

Shouldn't the title "His Imperial Majesty’s Royal Fencer" be called "His Imperial Majesty’s IMPERIAL Fencer" instead since we're an empire?

I think it's important to remember that the Keeser's are defined as royalty in standing Dominian lore. Royalism and Imperialism aren't mutually exclusive and can go hand in hand, I think; much like there's also an aristocracy with the Great Houses.

6 hours ago, Captain Gecko said:

There's a bunch of cases where Academy is writter Académie/Acadmie

I'll let Faye answer this, as the specific academies are her writing, but thanks for the heads up.

 

Should have fact-checked my google translate. :')

 

Re: Alb: when I have time I'll sit down and trim more fat off of this to reduce the amount. If you have any suggestions whatsoever, they're welcome. Some things might be redundancies / things that can be safely presumed as canon (the reputation of House Strelitz).

[Faye <3]

11 hours ago, Captain Gecko said:

- There's a bunch of cases where Academy is writter Académie/Acadmie, don't know if it's a typo or not, but it just looks at tad weird. If you truly want to stick to the french-sounding names, then Académie is good, not Acadmie.

i wrote this bit a little tired, those responsible will be sacked...

[ryder]

6 hours ago, Alberyk said:

Eight pages over a single subject like this is too much. I think that having a single page about a single sport for one of the factions is over the top.

I've parsed down some sections, cut off some fat, etc., as well as compressing a few things like bullet point lists and formatting.

[Lucaken]

The concept and the document as is are fine - for someone's first submission, it is succint and well-written. That said, I do have some pointers/issues. Most of these are negative, but I do want to make it clear I like this submission, especially the school sports, frontier differences and patronage parts. Those have a lot of potential, even after edits.

I don't really like the concept of non-geneboosted individuals competing against geneboosted ones for the simple reason that it just seems unrealistic. Not in a fencing way (I know next to nothing about it from an IRL perspective). but in a conceptual way. I view it as the noble class' ultimate way of triumphing over the masses - they quite literally create babies with superior genes, going above and beyond to show off the powers of nobility. They would have very little reason to allow things like mixed tournaments, unless it's about reinforcing their image of superiority. In a similar vein, I don't think Kirihide is a good idea - not just because techniques only go so far with an individual who is stronger, faster and sturdier, but also because (in my experience) when you write down an edge-case or exception in lore, it quickly becomes the norm for players. I get what you were probably trying to do - having a method in which non-geneboosted individuals can fight back is great for conflict, but with the current iteration I promise you that every single non-geneboosted character will be a master of Kirihide, and use it as an excuse in every duel. You can put as many restrictions and requirements, people will abuse it. I have seen this sort of thing play out even worse with Star Wars Lightsaber Forms back in the day. I would suggest keeping the grappling/more wacky characteristics, but losing the non-geneboosted element.

In terms of patronage, while I am a huge fan of the concept, I do think the idea of being uplifted to a noble through dueling should be less lax. While I understand that it would provide players with a way to rise and thus get some character development, I don't think it would be that easy, nor should it be. Enoblement should be a much, much harder task usually done by exceptional individuals - and while that could be accomplished through duels, I think it should be emphesized how rare that is. Then instead of enoblement being the norm, you can expand on the benefits (social, personal, political) of being a family's personal champion. That's a much more varied and interesting position than simply being uplifted to a noble, I think.

Lastly, I was going to comment on length, but you responded to Alb's feedback faster than I thought. I still think this is a little bit too long to slap onto another Dominian page and I think Alb is right in saying this isn't likely to have its own page. My advice is to cut down on the Royal Dueling Tournament as much as possible. As nice as that fluff is, I think people can guess what it means by the name alone. Still, as I discussed with Faye in DMs, it technically isn't your job to trim things for the final edition, so I would be conservative with what/how much you remove. The writers will ultimately decide what they want to keep, it's really just about setting your expectations for when it is changed for the final submission. That's really just advice from one contributor to another, not a definite way of doing things.

Edited January 23, 2022 by Lucaken

[The7thLain]

Hello, and thank you for your submission. After much debate within the human lore team we have to decided to accept your addition, however in a very trimmed down fashion. It will be implemented on the main Dominian wiki page and will have some significant reductions in content. The idea of Dominian fencing being canon and some of the lore you have written around it is being accepted.