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Lo!


In the year of our Lord 1642, in the name of King John, Grace of God, Defender of the Faith and Queen [reserved for future's gf name], The Blessed One, we company of brave quality-posters hereby claim this bountiful land of 'off-topic' for the nation of Halo. We, upon petition of the King, have come to this land under order to spread the Islamic Faith, tame and civilize the savages of this frontier and to explore and secure the lost treasures buried deep within the continent.


In contemplation and serious consideration whereof, we have sought fit to fulfill our Kingly Duty and to secondly follow God's Will. We shall convert the godless heathens of this land to the Islamic Faith and teach them our superior ways. The lost treasures of tendies and mountain dew, mentioned in the Analects of the Gentleman Robot, will be found by our company and brought back to the nation of Halo for its economy. And for the better plantation, ruling and governing of the new colony, we will ordaine, constitute, assign and appoint our leaders through the guidance of our lords. These leaders shall have full power and authority to give and take GBP at their discretion.


All natives of this wild land are now hereby considered subjects of the nation of Halo and will therefore be accountable to its laws and ordinances.

 

The Law

1. King John is the supreme ruler of the land.

2. Mentions of animaymay or Japanese 'culture' is punishable by flagellation and death by explosive diarrhea.

3. No social contact; any and all social contact is punishable by death or a form of torture, depending on severity of contact.

a. Eye contact is punishable by slow removal of eyes.

b. Verbal greetings is punishable by slow removal of tongue, toenails and fingernails.

c. Physical touch is punishable by mutilation of limb(s) and waterboarding.

d. Brofisting or High-Fives are punishable by death by crucifixion.

4. Friendzoning is punishable by death.

5. Being a chad is punishable by death.

6. Trousers with pockets are illegal as to not let spaghetti fall out of one's pockets.

 

May God provide his providence over this new colony and the nation of Halo.


In Witness, The Eighth Day of November, In the Sixty-Ninth Reign of the Kingdom,


A Humble Subject of the nation of Halo

 

pilgrims_landing.jpg

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