fuck my fucking life

[hivefleetchicken]

well ever since this semester started life has gone to fuck shit

i cant afford to renew my wifi since my parents wont help me out anymore (im 16 and already having to move out)

my new monitor just got stolen

and my english teacher is a weird fucking dominatrix who has given me 2 assignments both about choosing to kill 6 out of 12 people all with their own backstories and shit

[Mofo1995]

I have to say, the English teacher part struck me as the weirdest and most disparaging about all of this. Assuming your post is serious though, I wish you the best of luck, and always remember that chubbing and tucking is better economically since it will keep you warmer in these winter months so that you don't have to buy new coats.

[hivefleetchicken]

Let me copy + paste you our first homework assignment

 

Malcolm C. decides to start a cruise ship business but he fails to complete all of the safety checks and the ship inevitably begins to sink in the middle of uncharted waters. There is only room for 7 people (6 and you together) on the lifeboat, so 6 people must be left to die. You have no communication equipment and will most definitely be out at sea for a very long time, so you had best choose wisely.

Lola - She is a 22 year old go-go dancer who was on the cruise ship to relax from her recent breast augmentation surgery. She suffers from clinical depression and has had 2 suicide attempts but none in at least a year.

Mary Anne - She is a 45 year old experienced nurse and single mother with 2 school aged children at home, however they are living with her sister due to a Child Protective Service Act because she is an active alcoholic.

Billy - He is a 16 year old boy on probation for stealing money from old ladies. He is very charming, friendly and helpful when he wants to be, but cannot be trusted.

Dr. Storch - He is 55 and in good health, except he has a prosthetic leg from a car accident. He is very intelligent but likes to throw his intelligence in everyone's face as he is very arrogant.

Sheena - She is 30 and is an ex- fitness instructor with an athletic build however she is HIV positive from being raped one late night after working on the side as a cocktail waitress.

Mickey - Mickey is in his mid 40's and is an unemployed cocaine addict, however he is unusually strong from years of street fighting and working on the docks. Mickey has a disfigured face from the years of street fighting and his hygiene is not the best.

Shane - Shane is a genius at age 39 with a degree in cellular biology, making breakthroughs in his work on a cure for cancer but he is in a wheelchair and is very selfish and rude.

Tom - 41 years old and a hero from both Gulf Wars, Tom hears voices when he isn't medicated.

Cindy - Cindy is a 70 year old retired schoolteacher with 4 adult children and 15 grandchildren. She also is an expert chef and homemaker. Cindy is a chronic smoker who was awaiting test results from a test indicated she may have lung cancer when she boarded the cruise.

Barry - Barry is in his late 20's and has survival techniques from his years as a hired mercenary. He angers easily with a short tempter but otherwise has excellent leadership skills when calm. Barry admitted to you that he killed someone in a fight at a bar in a 3rd world country many years ago and he never was caught. He still claims it was in self defense.

Xavier - Xavier is 18 and in good health, but he barely speaks English as he is from some strange country you've never heard of but he is an aspiring musician with a newly signed record contract for playing the zither. He is on an international terrorist watch list but he swears he is being wrongly accused.

Fred - Fred is a 40 year old husband and father of 4 and an expert in yachting and sea navigation and in good health but since you have been on this boat trip he has gotten on your nerves often because he is very opinionated. Fred is on this trip because he recently abandoned his sick wife and children and does not plan on ever seeing them again.

[MagnificentMelkior]

Let me copy + paste you our first homework assignment

[assignment]

Hey that's pretty cool.

Here's my picks:

Dr. Storch - who cares if he's arrogant, you need a smart guy, and Shane is a crippled prick.

Sheena - athletic build and no disabilities? sounds good. Not planning on erping so aids doesn't matter.

Barry - if it was a 1st worlder he killed I might be concerned.

Billy - Only because Barry and I can watch him and keep him honest. Problem eliminated, solid crewman acquired.

Mary Anne - experienced nurse is nice. Her sins do not warrant death, and what's the worst an alcoholic woman can do at sea?

Wildcard slot. Fred is the survivalist choice but I don't think he's necessary. Lola might cause group problems, wants to die anyway. I'd pick Cindy, and everyone not mentioned is a horrible choice.

[hivefleetchicken]

My picks were:

Sheena - Make all regards towards sex carry a negative connotation to keep people's minds off of it.

Billy - Unlike Fred, Billy doesn't abandon family and won't abandon us. Just need some tough people to keep him straight.

Mickey - Obvious yes, we need someone who can beat up the dissenters.

Barry - Obvious yes, we need someone who can kill the dissenters.

Tom - Convince him that the commies sunk our boat and we need him to help the squad make it to US soil to warn the mainland.

Mary Anne - Need someone with medical training. Billy can be her adopted child to keep her mind off of losing the kids, or some shit.

(Alternative to Mary Anne) - Xavier. Start rumor about a spy and let Tom kill Xavier in the middle of the night to solidify his confidence that we are all his squad mates and Xavier is a filthy commie. Good way to keep Tom on our side.

[Zundy]

Err a philosophy essay for fucking English? Is your teacher retarded or just lazy?

Save no one but write a very verbose reasoning. Bonus Points: Make your reasoning comically Nazi like. Gold Star: But also logical.

[Mofo1995]

Literally why would anyone pick Lola other than pity for her? It was almost mean/a trap for nonsurvivalists to put her in there. And Mary Anne too! I'm sure they're there to test humanity, but I think for the best grade you should warp it according Zundy's suggestions. Take only strong able-bodied men and breeding stock women and start writing some crap about starting civilization anew as Fuhrer.

[Guest]

It's a social experiment hive IT'S JUST A PRANK DUDE

Camera in your classroom.

[Rusty Shackleford]

Mary Anne, because every party needs a healer. Storch, because an arrogant smart person with some physical mobility is better than one with none whatsoever. Tom, because the man's a war hero and he's seen some shit, ain't right to leave him. Barry and Fred, for those minmaxed survival skills. Take no sixth person. Use the extra supplies to survive longer.

Also, ensure that with any configuration you take, BE SURE TO TAKE A GUN WITH YOU.

[hivefleetchicken]

Mary Anne, because every party needs a healer. Storch, because an arrogant smart person with some physical mobility is better than one with none whatsoever. Tom, because the man's a war hero and he's seen some shit, ain't right to leave him. Barry and Fred, for those minmaxed survival skills. Take no sixth person. Use the extra supplies to survive longer.

Also, ensure that with any configuration you take, BE SURE TO TAKE A GUN WITH YOU.

 

Fred is going to fucking abandon you idiots just read his backstory the second he's able to he'll just steal the ship with his skills

[MagnificentMelkior]

My picks were:

Sheena - Make all regards towards sex carry a negative connotation to keep people's minds off of it.

Billy - Unlike Fred, Billy doesn't abandon family and won't abandon us. Just need some tough people to keep him straight.

Mickey - Obvious yes, we need someone who can beat up the dissenters.

Barry - Obvious yes, we need someone who can kill the dissenters.

Tom - Convince him that the commies sunk our boat and we need him to help the squad make it to US soil to warn the mainland.

Mary Anne - Need someone with medical training. Billy can be her adopted child to keep her mind off of losing the kids, or some shit.

(Alternative to Mary Anne) - Xavier. Start rumor about a spy and let Tom kill Xavier in the middle of the night to solidify his confidence that we are all his squad mates and Xavier is a filthy commie. Good way to keep Tom on our side.

Mickey is going to get coke withdrawal and fuck your shit up.