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ForgottenTraveller, Gollee

Guest Marlon Phoenix

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Guest Marlon Phoenix

BYOND Key: Jackboot

Staff BYOND Key: ForgottenTraveller, Gollee

Reason for complaint: Failure to communicate, Abhorrent abuse of power. ((Any references to Sierra are a mistake, ForgottenTraveller is who is meant))


The round has taken place on 2/29/2016, around 5:00pm Mountain Time Zone, USA. I made this complaint after the crew transfer shuttle docked and I logged off from extreme irritation, and it took a few minutes to write this up so I believe the round had ended when it came live, but I don't know. I hope that's acceptable to not count as IC in OOC with the round still in progress.

In the staff discord chat, I PM'd Gollee, head of the DO's, if I could board as a Hegemony representative. I have frequently boarded as lore individuals before. Gollee cleared it with his CCIA Walters.


Today at 3:18 PM

ma yi board gollee-chan


Today at 3:18 PM



Today at 3:18 PM

May I board as unathi ambassador gollee-chan if I ask admins? Or tajara representative depending on which species has most crew


Today at 3:18 PM



Today at 3:18 PM

thanks fam

I also asked in staffchat if it was clear with Admins, since my ahelps were not responded to. It was cleared by Dea.

I then board the station as a Visitor and for the next few hours the round goes on uneventfully. I have several dialogues with members of the crew, including Roy Wyatt, a Vaurca who's name I forget, Vira Taryk, the Captain, etc etc. I took up office in the vacant office and made it into the temporary Embassy. This is standard as has been done before with no problem. I spent quite awhile waiting for an NT escort to arrive, taking the time to remodel the office. One never showed up, so I shrugged and moved on, assuming they'd show up...... Eventually.

Near the 2 hour mark I go hold a discussion with the Captain over being allowed access to records from particular sinta'unathi. My ambassador Izweski requested it for lore-reasons specific to the unathi in question. The Captain refused, and Izweski requested (once, politely, while stuffing the captain's donuts in his satchel) that he appeal to Central Command for the final word. The Captain accepted, and sent a fax along with an attached statement by the Izweski.

The fax from CC was:

The diplomat in question has not be authorized onto the Exodus or any part of our employees files. No Odin protection detail has been dispatched with him as well. At this time we are sending a security force to apprehend the violator of sovereignty currently aboard the Exodus.

The fax was sent by Sierrakomodo.

The reasoning cited is that I am not allowed to board without an NT escort. However, I had already gotten clearance from Gollee IC and OOC, but when the fax was sent I was then told IC that Walters sent ERT to come arrest me for not being cleared to board.

The ERT pointed weapons at my diplomat when he reentered his office to collect his papers and they opened fire when he began burning sensitive documents of the embassy, understandably presuming that if NT was being this bewilderingly eccentric that they'd gleefully take his documents away as 'evidence'. And that was proven correct when they shot him over it and said "7 counts of destroying evidence".

I told Gollee of my irritaiton at how heavy handed it was, and called the situation retarded. He responded by saying that I was not supposed to board without an NT escort, a condition of the Unathi reps boarding. My issue here is that the fax could have easily said "oops we don't have an escort with him let us send one now by the way no he can't access records without consent" but instead Sierra chose to do the most heavy handed and bewilderingly terrible decision of claiming a diplomat visiting the station cleared by the head of the DO Division and administration wasn't cleared to board by CC. What?

I told Gollee that they made their choice and now had to run with it but now Gollee is telling me that the round isn't canon, despite no antagonist action having taken place or spurned the series of events, because



Today at 5:47 PM

This is remaining canon. You shot a visiting diplomat for trespassing after he was cleared to board because CC forgot the escort.


Today at 5:48 PM



[5:48:25 PM] Gollee Truesight: And I am the one who decides if rounds stay canon for DO action.

[5:48:27 PM] Gollee Truesight: Not you.[/i]


So not only did they decide to shoot and arrest a diplomat they cleared to board the station, but he won't even accept the IC consequences for doing it. You do not do this. It's obstructionist and soured the entire round. This discredits the entire point of joining as visitors and clearing with admins and DO's if you're going to open fire and detain them dramatically when they forget something that's easily amendable by sending the escort you said would be sent when you cleared it in the first place. I am not responsible for no one sending an escort when admins and DO's cleared it and you do not get to retroactively say the entire visit was a violation of NT's sovereignty and shoot me because you forgot, then declare the whole thing non-canon.

Additional remarks:

I am not doing lore visits anymore if this is the kind of behavior I can expect from these players. I had expected them to be able to cooperate and try to work out ways of being subtle or owning to a mistake on their end, not dropping such a heavy hand in such a dumb way.

The fuck-up was not on my end, yet I was punished for it. And then the mistake of not sending the escort in the fist place was not owned up to. They've made terrible decisions here and are refusing to accept any sort of consequences for it. This behavior is shameful. I am an adult, not a chucklefuck. You should treat me like one and not throw around stern sounding faxes demanding I be arrested then scold me for not following your procedures when you're the one that messed up.

Edited by Marlon Phoenix
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As a note, the fax was sent by ForgottenTraveller, not myself. I refrained from handling the fax in any manner as I have an active incident report up against his character. It was also Gollee who decided to have us take that route with what the fax said. This was also talked over with TableSpoon/TishinaStalker (At least one of the two, I tend to get them mixed up). I'll leave the rest up to Gollee to respond to.

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Due to several issues with you coming close to self-antagging as your diplomats; Skull put down a ruling that you specifically must have an NT escort when you board the station, as well as admin and CCIA permission.

I gave you the CCIA permission, and you asked for admin permission. It is in no way my responsibility if you didn't get an escort; I have no way of getting you an escort, it is simply not within my power. You are well aware of the fact that you need an escort, and have been told several times; in fact, this is the second time you have joined without an escort; the first time, fortunately enough, Dea spawned in Jboy20000 as an escort for you. This time, you decided to just go ahead and ignore that fact.

It came to the attention of staff, and every member of staff on at the time, which I believe was Me, Sierra, Forgotten, Tablespoon, Tenenza, and possibly another ( I forget, it's 1am here.) all agreed that you needed to be removed, because you knew that you needed an escort, and you had not gotten one. A group of troopers moved onto station to take you to Odin, and you started burning all the paperwork in front of them, so they took you down; simple as that.

I declared the entire event non-canon because of this:


I am in charge of canonising rounds related to CC, not you; and I am not going to allow you to canonise something out of anger because you didn't get your way; simple as that.

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Guest Marlon Phoenix

If you+admins clear me to board, you're (you+admins) the one that has to arrange an escort or idk tell the station to attach someone to me. What am I supposed to do? I have to spawn in eventually, and the NT escort arrives afterwards. I was waiting for someone to show up and go "CC sent me". No one showed up so I rolled with it. Would you rather I sit in the arrival shuttle and pretend I'm not on the station yet?

I followed every expectation and the only violation was continuing onward when I wasn't given a babysitter. That's on your end, not mine. My only crime was continuing to exist.


As a note, the fax was sent by ForgottenTraveller, not myself.




Today at 5:50 PM

You were shot for burning all of your papers.

I think it is Sierra, but if you have a problem, put the complaint against me


I apologize for accusing you Sierra, Gollee said it was you. I will be editing the title of this complaint and those involved.


I don't understand what about this makes it non-canon. The documents were sensitive fluff-documents for people to catch glimpses of, or steal if they're antagonists.

The Troopers sprinted into the office and opened fire when he started burning the copies in the filing cabinet because of this very same fear. I don't know why this requires going "no it didn't happen lol" so you can get out of the consequences. If you don't want to make a decision and roll with it and the consequences for it then why did you make the decision. I would have happily kept the reasoning for opening fire canon.

I mean, it's a dumb reason to shoot an ambassador but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I guess.

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Right to clear this up.

I faxed you.

I shot you.

We checked with Garn and Table no PMs were sent. I have also checked the discord by scrolling up a bloody mile. You just said Gollee said it was okay. Dea only said I guess after you said Gollee check it off. THIS DOES NOT SKIP PAST THE REQUIREMENT FOR ESCORT of which you had none. When admins were contacted on Discord and PM initially no one was aware you had permission.

After we got the following fax.



I replied thusly


As given you had no escorts you were illegally on the Exodus. As a diplomat attempting to act as an embassy in an official capacity it is a violation of the sovereignty of the territory you set yourself up in.

When the troopers arrived. You first action was to book it to your office and then remove everything from your cabinet after being told to face the ground and then proceeded to burn everything inside it. You were then verbally warned by name. You continued to burn documents without word. And were then shot and arrested. Given your fax had to do with acquiring NT documents, 7 counts of destruction evidence were given as it seemed reasonable that they were NT files at the time.

Tpr Lake says, "Face to the ground."

After a few attempts, Ziariuz Izweski manages to light the the cheap lighter.

Ziariuz Izweski holds the cheap lighter up to Census 2457, it looks like it's trying to burn it!

Ziariuz Izweski holds the cheap lighter up to Yinzr Guwan Proposal, it looks like it's trying to burn it!

Ziariuz Izweski holds the cheap lighter up to IR-0293-Yinzr, it looks like it's trying to burn it!

Ziariuz Izweski burns right through Census 2457, turning it to ash. It flutters through the air before settling on the floor in a heap.

Ziariuz Izweski burns right through Yinzr Guwan Proposal, turning it to ash. It flutters through the air before settling on the floor in a heap.

Tpr Lake says, "Mr Izweski."

Ziariuz Izweski holds the cheap lighter up to IR-9283-Vokimok, it looks like it's trying to burn it!

Ziariuz Izweski burns right through IR-0293-Yinzr, turning it to ash. It flutters through the air before settling on the floor in a heap.

Ziariuz Izweski holds the cheap lighter up to INT-R-0228-2458, it looks like it's trying to burn it!

Ziariuz Izweski holds the cheap lighter up to Ourea Progress, it looks like it's trying to burn it!

Ziariuz Izweski burns right through IR-9283-Vokimok, turning it to ash. It flutters through the air before settling on the floor in a heap.

Tpr Lake aims an energy gun at Ziariuz Izweski!

Ziariuz Izweski burns right through INT-R-0228-2458, turning it to ash. It flutters through the air before settling on the floor in a heap.

Ziariuz Izweski holds the cheap lighter up to Ourea Progress, it looks like it's trying to burn it!

Tpr Lake fires the energy gun!

Ziariuz Izweski burns right through Ourea Progress, turning it to ash. It flutters through the air before settling on the floor in a heap.

Ziariuz Izweski holds the cheap lighter up to IR-0293-Yinzr, it looks like it's trying to burn it!

Tpr Lake fires the energy gun!

Ziariuz Izweski holds the cheap lighter up to IR-0293-Yinzr, it looks like it's trying to burn it!

Ziariuz Izweski burns right through IR-0293-Yinzr, turning it to ash. It flutters through the air before settling on the floor in a heap.

Tpr Lake fires the energy gun!

Ziariuz Izweski screams!

Tpr Lake fires the energy gun!

Ziariuz Izweski slumps to the ground, too weak to continue fighting.

Tpr Lake is attempting to put handcuffs on Ziariuz Izweski!

Tpr Lake has put handcuffs on Ziariuz Izweski!

Tpr Helosi asks, "So what was all that stuff he just burned?"

Now you tried to claim it as property of the embassy. The vacant office is not an embassy especially if you are there illegally. The only document recovered was this:


Finally the fuck up was on your end. You blatantly ignored the specifications set up for you to conduct these things AGAIN. As for heavy handed. A criminal busts into a room and wordlessly burns everything as you try to arrest him. You ask him to stop he continues. Respond how? I will admit a mistake in not scrolling up a bloody mile to find a two lines in casual banter which end in 'I GUESS' to which you then ignored every other specification you had and did exactly what you were told not to do. The consequences of which you were told would be handled as they were. By you being arrested.

No escorts = YOUR FAULT. Me not finding your admin approval = MY FAULT.

No escort = here illegally = criminal = NOT AN AMASSADOR

You broke the rule set for you. I missed seeing you jump one hoop.

Edited by Guest
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Guest Marlon Phoenix

I ahelped at the start of the round three times at the start of the round to no response. I was given clearance by Dea in the discord staff chat. You don't seem to have scrolled up far enough, but thank you for assuming that I lied.


Today at 3:28 PM

also no one is responding in game but gollee said it was ok to board as a lore rep

ahelp someone pls

Inquisitor Shadow

Today at 3:29 PM



Today at 3:29 PM

@Inquisitor Shadow - There are 3 admins and mods on the server.

Inquisitor Shadow

Today at 3:29 PM



Today at 3:29 PM

Current player list:











Ryan falco









Sleepy Wolf





Dea Tacita








The flying banana gaming





Inquisitor Shadow

Today at 3:29 PM

Dea or Ten

Preferable Dea because Ten probably doesn't know about the visitor policy

They didn't answer your ahelps, ye?



Today at 3:32 PM


I thoguht admins only had to be aware

gollee said it's k

Inquisitor Shadow

Today at 3:32 PM

@Dea @Tenenza


Today at 3:32 PM

Aren't you an admin inquis

Inquisitor Shadow

Today at 3:32 PM



Today at 3:32 PM

cant you just

say yes

or no


Today at 3:32 PM


Inquisitor Shadow

Today at 3:32 PM

I dunno what gamemode it is.

Jb wants to join as something


Today at 3:33 PM

If Gollee said yeah, then I guess. It is Vamp however


Today at 3:18 PM


Emphasis added.

Also, thank you for not searching a diplomat, I guess. He had several other documents on him of similar fluff-importance. The ones in the filing cabinet were copies.


No escorts = YOUR FAULT.


ok well i guess i better get power to spawn people in as escorts

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I did not assume you lied.

I checked via PM with current admins.

I check with Gollee on discord if you were allowed on without an escort. He said no.

I asked all admins including Dea over discord. if you had approval

Dea did not respond and no one else was aware of you having permission.

I later found out you did ask. But you did not ask for an escort or make the basic attempt to get one.

I made a mistake in not searching a tonne of chat history as those who I viewed as able to inform me. And with PM access. WERE NOT AWARE YOU WERE OKAYED. I TOOK THEM AT THEIR WORD. I did not check your word. As you keep pulling this shit.

It is not one or the other with approval and escort. IT IS BOTH. You failed to meet the criteria for you to be aboard as that character.

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Guest Marlon Phoenix

As I said before. The assumption was made that the escort would end up showing up, since I was cleared on every front. It's not my responsibility to babysit my babysitters. If anything the CC fax should have been a wake up call that you forgot to send one. Instead of, you know, assuming an elaborate con was being pulled and sparking an intergalactic incident. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And I didn't 'pull' anything in the round. It was completely uneventful and no regulations were broken, unless making a request and accepting its denial is a crime.

The last two times the unathi ambassador was involved in an incident was with a tajaran streaking in his office and with a cadet beating his face in. The only time he "self-antagged" was the very first time he boarded and took photos of sensitive areas. And that ambassador was deported are replaced with who we have now. Who has now been arrested at shot at.

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Guest Marlon Phoenix

It's not my fault that there was a failure of communication on your end. I upheld my end of the bargin. The only thing I did wrong was continue on and wait. I apologize for assuming that your end of the bargain was going to be held. I apologize for assuming that you'd have someone sent, even after you realized that you had made a mistake on your end. I apologize for assuming that you would own up to the fact that a miscommunication lead to an incident being a lot more dramatic and ridiculous than it had any business being.

I can only repeat my stance that I did not break the agreement by waiting. I wanted to enjoy and participate in the round and assumed that the people that literally gave me permission to board would have some sort of arrangement set up to send the escort that was their responsibility to send. The only concession I can make is by saying I could have mentioned how weird it was that the NT escort was so late. But I imagine that even then you would have called in an ERT. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And shooting someone with a taser is still shooting them.

And you arrested someone for a mistake on your end. Catch-22 is terrible.

Edited by Marlon Phoenix
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I apologize for assuming that you would own up to the fact that a miscommunication
Me not finding your admin approval = MY FAULT.

You broke the rule set for you. I missed seeing you jump one hoop.

And you did break your agreement by waiting and participating in the round. It is well within you or anyone else's powers to contact the correct personnel to set up an escort and wait until an escort is set up so you can spawn at similar times.

But I imagine that even then you would have called in an ERT.


Also please stop breaking the forum rules

[*]Do not use ad hominem. This means do not attack a person's character (character in this case meaning the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual). You are expected to argue the presented ideas, not the person. If someone were to attack you, don’t take matters into your own hands, report it to us.


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I will also point out that I had a medium-length discussion with the Izweski Ambassador during this shift, I was Erransis Tup'Fedranin, the Skrellian HoP, I also kept tabs on him frequently, as my Skrell does not trust the Unathi as far as they can throw them, I saw in no way no how, any evidence that Jackboot was self-antagging as this Ambassador. We had a discussion regarding the Jargon-Hegemony conflict in the Unathi system after the ceding of Ourea, and future relations between Skrell and Unathi, and then he went about requesting those records again to command. He did nothing at all wrong this shift, and I was actually extremely content with how he was playing this out, the Duty Officers absolutely ruined these interactions and massacred the Loremaster's attempt to bring the lore to the server to make it feel alive.

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Xander. This is not about self-antagging.

But due to past self-antagging, rules were set in place on ambassador visits and agreed by all parties. (Admins, DOs, Jackboot Skull)

Jackboot has very precise criteria in which he can join as an ambassador. He failed to meet them.

Jackboot had information on what would happen if those criteria were not met. The arrest was part of that. (Arrest was approved by admins due to none of the current ones knowing that he was approved, AND he lacked escorts.)

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Guest Marlon Phoenix

We're arguing in circles here. You are telling me that I should have synchronized my watch with my escort and ensured we spawned in at the same instant. You are telling me that, despite repeatedly having it told to me that DO's cannot act on OOC information, I should have brought it to your OOC attention that you forgot to do something IC. I did something like that before and I got whined at for it.

I did nothing wrong in spending time remodeling the vacant office after getting the required clearance and waiting for the escort.

I did nothing wrong in accepting visitors despite the escort having not yet arrived instead of pretending to not exist and going "LOOC: no go away im not escorted!!!!"

It is your fault that you did not:


  • 1) Ask me if I was cleared to board IC and/or OOC in the staff discord chat that all staff have access to.

    2) Ask why I interacted with the station without an escort IC and/or OOC. Perhaps in the discord staff chat.

    3) Apologize IC for the escort being so late once you received the OOC information and actually send one. IC and/or OOC. Perhaps in that staff discord chat.


You acted on bad evidence, bad communication, and without making any attempt to clear up the issue before responding with a DO-typical iron fist. You made no questions in the staff-chat about it, and considering I managed to find the information you needed within seconds of looking for it that probably would have been a necessary step for you to take. We all migrated to discord for a reason, and that was to avoid the situations that we now find ourselves in.

Let's look at the cost/benefit of this.

If you had just sent the escort (or even spoke to the discord general staff channel to verify literally anything) you would have:

  • 1) A minor embarrassment for the hiccup.

    2) A finger wag at the ambassador for not telling NT his escort was late.

    3) Learned a lesson about better communication in the future.

    4) An appropriate level of response to something so unimportant.

Any or all of these would have been perfectly fine and evidence that we're mature adults.

Now we have:

  • 1) Soured my entire experience with the visitor mechanic to ensure I never use it again, or at least for a very long time if this complain ends to my satisfaction.

    2) An intergalactic incident. wait no you rendered it non-canon unilaterally

    3) An obliteration of the last remaining shred of trust I had in the DO organization, who have been literally the only group being obtuse about the whole visitor thing.

    4) Escalated this entire affair to unreasonable levels.

I can't say what this makes us look like without sounding rude.

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I was legitimately confused as my head of security when the DOs sent a fax forward to have the ambassador arrested by an Odin strike team. He did literally nothing wrong aside from asking for private personal information of on-station employees. In which, yes, that could lead to some problematic instances of what is/isn't allowed in terms of giving a Hegemon official personal employee info, but that was going to be resolved in IC. I feel like I should've explained to the diplomat that the strike team was coming, and at least to be a meatsack standstill between the line of fire to force the troopers to hesitate and roleplay the situation out and justify some explanations. Guess it's too late now.

What I do not understand is as to why the DOs felt it necessary to send in a strike team for a diplomat, stun guns blazing. It defies any level of sense and civility that one particular DO likes to preach to security round after round in IC announcements.

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The reason was the ambassador was there when he was not supposed to be not any other action. Guns blazed when he started burning documents

Duty Officers are not your escorts. Those set by admins are. The Duty officers have NO REQUIREMENT or ABILITY to set up your escorts.


You have been a DO and you know full well we cannot do what you are blaming us for not doing.

This was not unimportant this is the third time since the rules were in place to my knowledge that you have gone in without meeting the criteria. To get those criteria you self antagged at least 4 times, and murdered someone. Finger wagging has been done and done.

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Guest Marlon Phoenix

I'm going to sit on this complaint until more staff come in but that last post was wew lad levels of misinformation.

idk where you get your information from but

my visitors have never murdered anyone. you can check the logs. the cadet i bet you are talking about lived to see round-end. And the assault was after the cadet flashed him without warning and stomped his face in.

I have self-antagged once. The very first time. And it was borderline and I accepted it as too far. The ambassador in question was deported. it was handled ic.


The reason was the ambassador was there when he was not supposed to be

except he was allowed and you said he was in trouble for not having an escort so which is it


This was not unimportant this is the third time since the rules were in place to my knowledge that you have gone in without meeting the criteria.



the first time it was pointed out in discord staffchat and i apologized and an escort was sent and no further issues were had. Which is why i made sure to ahelp and then ask in the staff discord chat for clearance which i then got.

I've also repeatedly joined as tajara and skrell representatives with no incident. be wary in assuming the worst because by nature of your job you only tend to hear of the bad things.

You have been a DO

and i was fired based on hearsay. when someone threw a fit out of the blue. when no one communicated anything despite me accessing every proper channel trying to communicate. you could say this is a theme.



and i applaud you for this however the way you responded was terrible and unreasonable.

now i am going to do my best in allowing this complaint to sit, hopefully without further incidents of what i sincerely hope are only minsinformations and hearsay.

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Please note. I will not be posting in this forum anymore unless requested by an admin.

I'm done. Completely done. My resignation is probably going in at the end of this complaint. I am sick of the personal attacks, and I am sick of you and a few notable others just going fuck the rules. And the unfounded claims of bias and constant bitch fitting of others over every single thing even those I nor the Corp are involved in and laying it entirely at our feet.

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I think you're both being kinda dumb here to be honest. It has been established that jackboot had permission from gollee as well as dea to come aboard as an ambassador. Admins being the only ones capable of spawning escorts puts this in a bit of an awkward spot. Dea should have probably made sure some escorts where spawned in for you, you also could have and should have communicated in ahelps about it)WhERez MAh EsC0RTSSS). Thats really as far as your blame in this goes jackboot. I think jackboot has a point in that DOs chose the most serious response. That is to send in a team and have him forcibly removed and arrested.

Why couldnt it have just been like "oh...you dont have an escort, oh well guess they got tied up in bluespace! heres some now! (poke an admin)". thats....really as far as this situation should have gone. From what i observed of the round jackboot was actually creating some pretty interesting roleplay,

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A more serious response was considered necessary, and approved by the admins on at the time (We can't spawn the ERT alone); because this had been the second time in three days that Jackboot had gone in without an escort, and hadn't told asked anyone for one.

The group sent in was to escort him to CC, it escalated when he started burning papers in front of them; which is top-tier suspicious.

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but /why/... This is supposed to be about the roleplay, from what i saw in the round roleplay was happening. Why couldnt the team sent in have been his escort instead? why couldnt it have just ended with a "yo wait for us next time" and then jackboot could be like "you're right that was my bad". instead we have one duty officer threatening to quit and a huge argument over a very very simple miscommunication.

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Guest Marlon Phoenix

No I didnt. I was waiting for an escort and just assumed youd eb sending one. This wasnt a violation except I didnt bring it up. This is on you guys for not just sending an escort after confirming I had permission.

Skull said it was literally only a condition for izweski. No other visitors.

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I think this entire situation is blown way the fuck out of proportion and there's no real way to fix what happened.

I'm not asking either side to be the bigger man and apologize or anything, but I think for the sake of getting this wrapped up concisely, you guys need to consider how you're going to run things like this in the future in tandem with each other. Because otherwise this thread will only develop in terms of semantical arguing and back-and-forth.

So, a few questions to pose:

DOs; how do you expect to organize with Jackboot regarding lore-related visits in the future? What are the conditions and expectations you'd lay down for a political visitor+ambassador to the station?

Jackboot; do you anticipate being able to set up a more predictable time-table for your lore visits so that the DOs aren't immediately caught by surprise when you PM one of them? Because, "Hey, can we do it now? Ok we're doing it now" is not always going to be sufficient nor efficient if an online DO is only on because they have to be and not because they want to be.

Both; Will you talk out and discuss issues+details with each other more in-depth? Will you both try your best not to interfere with the other end of the spectrum and allow each other some personal space without having to be at each other's throats all the time?

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