[Accepted]DronzTheWolf's Tajaran Application. Kitter Kibble Beware

[DronzTheWolf]

BYOND Key: DronzTheWolf

Character Names: Richard Evans (Formerly), Eric Karson, Drake Costle

Species you are applying to play:Tajaran

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Blue-Grey/Dark Grey

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes, and I plan to continue reading it until I have it memorized well.

---

---

Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race:

I've played Tajaran on another server, and I plan to make it on this one as well. They provide an interesting dynamic on the mix, and will give an interesting change in the gameplay for me. I hope, mostly, to provide more fun for others and help to change my RPing ability. But mostly, I want to get out of the human mindset and get into something else, putting an emphasis on the different wordings, forgetting words in Ceti Basic sometimes, and overall making a better quality character than most of my humans. It'd make an interesting dynamic for me. Tajaran come from a war-torn world with extreme weather conditions, a very flawed government, a flawed revolution, and next to no viable solutions for it's problems. From the Tajaran perspective, they live in a new government with more freedom and education, or fight for a just cause against a terribly corrupt government, and their solutions are absolute. The perspective will lead to an interesting change in how I deal with different situations on-station.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:

Tajara are different for a few reasons, their referring to themselves in third person and other linguistic oddities. They have different social classes that are socially and ethnically different. They are often seen working lower ranking jobs, but are also often seen in command positions. They have a sense of individuality and togetherness that most races lack, but they also have a deep socio-economic rift driving them apart. The dynamic within their own races, as well as the interactions with those outside their race are rich in opportunity.

---

---

Character Name: Arenu Mala'Karan

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

Born in a village at the southern tip of the Nraz'i mountain range, Arenu is a Zhan-Khazan Tajaran. His early life was one of working with smaller things, such as help around the house and the like. His family hadn't taken a side in the war, nor did he. Their village was under Republic control and they'd live a hard, simple life. He'd gone to the capital a few times, and the technology never ceased to amaze him at a younger age. Into adolescence, he'd began doing some harder jobs. Splitting firewood, mining, and he'd began going to the capital to take lessons in Tau Ceti basic. His family was having hard times, and he wanted to be able to help.

Once he had an understanding of the language, he applied to work for NanoTrasen. Eventually, he secured a position on one the planet-side mines. The money was good, and he learned from the experience. His family appreciated the money. At the age of twenty, he applied for a work visa to go and work on a mining station off-planet. The money was better, his family could live comfortably. He was denied, and so he began applying for better training to become a better worker to apply again. At the age of twenty three, he applies for a work visa to be a miner at one of NanoTrasen's off-planet facilities. He is accepted, and is thrust from the planet to a new and different lifestyle he is trying to adjust to.

What do you like about this character?

He is struggling to further life for himself and his family.

He has lived a life of struggle and keeps hope.

He has avoided the war and fighting, and hopes to claim a life of peace.

It is possible to sympathize with him, yet still alienate him as well.

How would you rate your role-playing ability?

7/10 Not the best, but not bad either.

---

---

Notes: The last time I played a Tajaran was on Prospector station, so I'll be a bit rusty.

[TheIncredibleRory]

I've seen Dronz RP, and play a wide variety of characters. So if it matters, I think he deserves a +1!

From Jemmy Ehret!

[Guest Complete Garbage]

Yet another Zhan miner, automatic -1

In all seriousness, I liked Evans and I like Costle, despite never really being able to roleplay fully in-depth with either. The first section of the application looks fine to me, though I wish the character was a little more fleshed-out. Overall, +1, good luck.

[Coalf]

I have to say I disliked Evan's as a character very much and always considered you an alpha level powergamer.

That's why I'm pleasantly suprised how much you've turned around, it seems you got your head straight and checked yourself before you shreked yourself, Costle is actually a very normal person and you yourself actually roleplay decently, so playerwise I have no issues.

But the backstory is so beatiful, it's just so amazingly generic it's like you tried to make it as generic, vanilla and boring as possible.

Now don't mistake me for someone who has to be spoonfed backstory or absolute protector of snowflakes, but this backstory to me just seems like you making a character and running it through checkmarks.

Family? Check

War? Check

Learning basic? Check

NanoTrasen? Check

Visa? Check

We don't know so many things and many more don't even make sense.

This character clearly wants to avoid fighting, alright that's a task of many people so maybe we should see how exactly he did that?

Your character appears to just be living a normal life of a dumb farmer Zhan village boy, how in the hell did he avoid conscription? There is no description of him hiding, inflicting wounds on himself, dressing as a girl or just plaing old pretending to be insane (All of these things did happen in order to avoid conscription and get a blue book), no instead he works, goes to the capital, THE CAPITAL somehow avoiding every single officer, policemen or rat with zero issues.

And if we're on the capital thing, we know his family is very poor, how does he get there? "Learn basic," what does that mean? Farmer's, in villages especially, would often make their children skip school so they could help on farms plus these Adolescence Tau Ceti Basic lesssons, how? Where are they getting this money? Is he using everything he makes in his waging to pay for those? How did he get accepted? Is this some kind of school or a tutor?

Also "Village did not take side in a war," no, not really this is not how it works, they're under the republic control, they fight for the republic you can't say no to superiors, hell you could have described why the village is skipped over with the drafting system.

Same with these "bad times" what happened? Papa got injured? Mom is sick? Timmy fell down a well? Bad times don't just magically appear, there are reasons to these things, again something you could have described, bringing us closer to the character.

ALL THESE THINGS, are interesting and tell us how this character managed to survive for so long, yet you use none of them, just kinda put them there.

The second part has a reason to be boring, it is boring.

It's just paperwork and formalities that's why I'm glad you kept it short but again how did he find out about NanoTrasen? What drew him to NanoTrasen from other firms? Why exactly NT a completely alien company that will most likely send this dumb, poor, Zhan village boy somewhere into a galaxy far far away? On that note WHY did he learn Tau Ceti basic anyways instead of something a lot useful like agriculture, smithing, drilling, etc.?

As a player, I respect you but this backstory is just lacking in descriptions and facts, this just feels like you were nervous about getting the whitelist so you made the least offensive, checklist oriented and vague backstory.

So no, I don't dislike this but PLEASE elaborate.

[AllyBearsley]

Well I'm going to be the bad egg and disagree with others. I do not think Drake Costle is a good character, at least right now. Drake Costle's character seems to change from round to round and from how Dronz is currently feeling. Sometimes he is a perfectly acceptable quatermaster. Sometimes he's a pretty princess who needs to nab/order costumes and play dress up with his best friends. Sometimes he's a heroic saviour to his less fortunate friends.

He also seems to be a character who pulls random skill sets out of his rear. Now I understand that certain characters have deep histories which can give them a wide set of skills. However, when Drake pulls out combat/engineering skills it seems more random and less genuine. I believe a character should have a limit on what they know, which is often times less than the player.

I wish I could feel the character was more on a solid lock down on who they are. I believe Dronz is working toward that now, but I do not feel they are fully deserving a whitelist. -1 as of right now.

Edited June 1, 2017 by Guest

[DronzTheWolf]

As a player, I respect you but this backstory is just lacking in descriptions and facts, this just feels like you were nervous about getting the whitelist so you made the least offensive, checklist oriented and vague backstory.

So no, I don't dislike this but PLEASE elaborate.

 

I'd like to thank you for your criticisms and your overall message. I've looked over it and you're correct, it is vague and unoffensive. I'll likely think of more and flesh it out as I have time to think about this, and update the post fittingly. Nervousness really got to me here and I got a bit sloppy. I'll flesh it out a bit and get more ideas.

[DronzTheWolf]

Well I'm going to be the bad egg and disagree with others. I do not think Drake Costle is a good character, at least right now. Drake Costle's character seems to change from round to round and from how Dronz is currently feeling. Sometimes he is a perfectly acceptable quatermaster. Sometimes he's a pretty princess who needs to nab/order costumes and play dress up with his best friends. Sometimes he's a heroic saviour to his less fortunate friends.

He also seems to be a character who pulls random skill sets out of his rear. Now I understand that certain characters have deep histories which can give them a wide set of skills. However, when Drake pulls out combat/engineering skills it seems more random and less genuine. I believe a character should have a limit on what they know, which is often times less than the player.

I wish I could feel the character was more on a solid lock down on who they are. I believe Dronz is working toward that now, but I do not feel they are fully deserving a whitelist. -1 as of right now.

 

Yet another post of legitimate criticisms. Thank you as well.

[Mofo1995]

I will be responding to this on 3 June, after the requisite three days have passed. I live in EST, so keep that in mind when considering times for response.

[Mofo1995]

I love it! Without going into too much detail for once (as I often do) I mostly want to comment on how this doesn't beat the reader over the head with "war is hell." Your character has clear ties to Adhomai rather than being completely insulated from it, and by taking an approach which emphasizes how the everyman is put down by the war by economic means rather than always military, you've made this application stand out pleasantly as original and creative. I love that Arenu Mala'Karan's character motivation is to send money back home to his family. The idea of NT contracted cheap labor sending parts of their measly paychecks back home where their money is worth far more is one that I've always liked to think was very common, since it would be unrealistic that everyone moves to Tau Ceti with their whole families, but this is the first time I've seen it manifested in an application.

Approved.