[Denied]Smiley's Tajaran Application

[TheSmiley]

BYOND Key: TheSmiley

Character Names: Willow Young, Lorin Coss, Freya Chunley, KIRBY, Isabella Owen

Species you are applying to play: Tajaran

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Wheat (RGB 205, 186, 150)

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Of course.

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Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race: I believe the Tajaran has a really interesting lore, which can bring up a great RP.

Following that, the tajara community currently has a very interesting development and I would love to be a part of it.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:

The Tajara is more tolerated to cold, than humans because they came from Adhomai. They have a big coat of fur, and claws that can deal more damage than usual human hands. Their vision is better than humans vision in darker situations. They like hot and heavy foods, and talk in a third person aspect. Most of the Tajaran has more than one language to speak too.

 

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Character Name: Njadra'sanukii Al-Shirani

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

Njadra'sanukii, was born of a noble family, M’sai, her dad was a head general in the military before the uprising, which made him get good money and establishment. She was born right in the middle of the uprisings, the revolution. Her parents and her family who fought for the nobles, were brutally murdered by the force of the rebels when she was 5 years old. One of the rebels who was a big follower and worked under the service of Al'Mari Hadii, have noticed her as a kid, and raised her. And passed it's thoughts to the child. As she was living with her rebels, her mom worked in the goverment together with Hadii. Njadra was home schooled, learning the basics of what all the other Tajaran learned in the academy, but in addition she also was taught about the current era's politics and about communism, not to forget, to worship the great god S'rand'marr. They were a big believers of him, and so did Njadra. In addition to that, her adopting mom taught her everything she knows about combat, and the history of how she fought in the war.

Finishing her studies, around the age of 20, the woman who adopted her told her everything about the day she was moved to live with them. It was a big trauma for her, and it made her question her life with her "family."

When she turned 23, she decided to run away from the people she thoughts are her family. She ran away to an isolated neutral village, where a male Tajara she met, named Al-Shnkaihi'r, introduced her to the NanoTransen's research stations. She decided to take the chance, to explore the universe as she was curious about it, and see what it has to offer.

What do you like about this character? I like in her that although the big changes in her life, downwards and upwards, she still gained her independence as a normal Tajaran, learning how to get along in the world. She calm, swift, and knows how to act in action, yet inexperienced and eager to learn about life.

How would you rate your role-playing ability? I can't actually rate myself. I've gotten in to role playing not long ago, around half an year ago, but I'd say I'm doing pretty good. I enjoy roleplaying a lot.

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Notes: ))

[Sebbe]

Alright so i dont usually vote on applications but i fell like i need to for this one: -1

Reasoning: your english is a mess, which is fine as the mistakes are minor and not extremely important over your ability to roleplay.

But your backstory is a huge mess, contradicting itself and being a general mess in how it's written.

You wrote

Her parents and her family who fought for the nobles, were brutally murdered by the force of the rebels

and two sentences later you write;

her mom worked in the goverment together with Hadii

I understood you were talking about the follower after reading through the paragraph a couple of times but it still came as a mess.

Generally your story seems rushed and it feels like you don't care for what you typed here overall, I don't know how Tajara work that much as i feel like they are more there for furries to enjoy (I have roleplayed with Tajara and i find them interesting and enjoyable to roleplay with, i'm just giving my thoughts here)

Anyway that's my thoughts on your application, thank you for reading my feedback.

-Sebbe

[TheSmiley]

Alright so i dont usually vote on applications but i fell like i need to for this one: -1

Reasoning: your english is a mess, which is fine as the mistakes are minor and not extremely important over your ability to roleplay.

But your backstory is a huge mess, contradicting itself and being a general mess in how it's written.

You wrote

Her parents and her family who fought for the nobles, were brutally murdered by the force of the rebels

and two sentences later you write;

her mom worked in the goverment together with Hadii

I understood you were talking about the follower after reading through the paragraph a couple of times but it still came as a mess.

Generally your story seems rushed and it feels like you don't care for what you typed here overall, I don't know how Tajara work that much as i feel like they are more there for furries to enjoy (I have roleplayed with Tajara and i find them interesting and enjoyable to roleplay with, i'm just giving my thoughts here)

Anyway that's my thoughts on your application, thank you for reading my feedback.

-Sebbe

 

Heyo, I respect your answer, thanks!

My English is a mess indeed. I just want a clear a point about that second sentence. I didnt mean it was the mom who died, but the Rebel who adopted her as she had seen her as a mom. Maybe I was not clear there.

[tbear13]

I'm gonna give this a +1, Freya Chunley is one of my favorite characters to roleplay with. I expect that this character will be fun to play with as well, the backstory isn't the best, but still better than just any anything I can come up with.

[SodaPopBob]

+1 from me as well, i'm not familiar with her other characters, but Freya has always been a great character, and one of the few good sec in my opinion. I've seen smiley via freya involved in some great role play, never witnessed any power gaming, and the player herself is beneficial to the community.

[Candelaio]

+1 from me, Amazing OOC person, and her Characters are always just amazing. I have had amazing rp with her characters, Lorin Cross, Freya Chunley and KIRBY.

[Brutishcrab51]

I've grown to know several of Smiley's characters very well. Notably, Freya Chunley, and I talk to her often on Discord as well. She has a serious mindset when it comes to characters, an in-depth relationship with most characters she interacts with - mine, Halstere, for example -- and can certainly handle a Tajaran character.

Applications tend to be based on whether or not you have the mindset to play a Xeno-character, and if you know the lore. Smiley does well on both regards. That's why I'll shamelessly plug in a +1 for her.

[Mofo1995]

I will be reviewing this application tomorrow.

[Mofo1995]

For now, I'm going to deny this application. I can't really put my finger on it, maybe it's the very rough English, but I wasn't really left with a sense that this passes our standards. It's kind of hard to give a thorough criticism on it given the state it's in, but I'll see what I can point out. I think the first and foremost one is the fact that her father was one of the head generals of the nobility's forces. Well, it's entirely possible I suppose that he could've been a general in one of the monarch's service. It's worth noting that while Adhomai was de facto globalist prior to the communist uprisings, it took the revolutions for it to actually become a single-state planet. Each nation did have their own militaries, but going even further beyond, most retained a mostly fuedal-like system with local nobles maintaining their own private armies which were called into service by their corresponding superior nobleman. So there's a lot up for interpretation there to justify Al-Shirani's father's occupation.

The application also isn't very clear about what Al-Shirani was educated in, as well as what her occupation on the Aurora would be. I'm not sure if I'm reading it right, but my guesses would be that she learned combat and military history and wants to become a security officer?

At any rate, I don't mean to trash your application, but it is a bit difficult to understand in its current form. You have received a lot of feedback endorsing your roleplay, so that's great, but at the moment an understanding of Tajara lore is what needs to be proven through the application process. I say give it two weeks to build up even more playtime on the server, grammar workshop a new application when you get around to making a new one, and try again. I think you can do it.