[Denied]Ezuo's Skrell App

[Ezuo]

BYOND Key: ezuo

Character Names: https://i.imgur.com/CDMP6ud.png

Species you are applying to play: Skrell

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt):

Body: 100 180 225

Headtails: 65 160 210

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: No, but I have comissioned an OC picture linked in the notes section.

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Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race: I want to expand my borders into playing a new species, and reading the lore has made me really interested in Skrell. I also want to powergame with those sweet no slip feet mechanics.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: Well there is of course the general speech manerisms that Skrell display when speaking languages other than Nral'Malic. That is, somewhat emotionless and leaving out grammar in favor of being more efficient. They are also reknown for being rather prideful, and not rising to the insults of others. They also place value in logic above other pursuits.

 

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Character Name: Xerei Quexan'Lii

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

Xerei Quexan was born on Qerrbalak in the year 2371 to a world still crippled after the downfall of Glorsh-Omega. They had no siblings, and spent their early years watching the continuing rebuilding of her fractured race. Every year brought the news of another contacted colony, and another group of Skrell stranded in the nearby cosmos. At the age of seventeen, in an event she still remembers to this day, Xerei was able to be a part of a newly founded Federation across Skrell space. This unification brought Xerei much hope for a brighter future, and made her determined to be a part of the many dedicated towards the healing the old wounds of synthetic opression.

As a part of this resolution Xerei began to dedicate herself to the study of medicine and genetics. First came the knowledge of the body itself, how it functioned and what could disrupt those functions. Next game the picking apart of each cell, observing and learning from the very building blocks of life itself. Then, the changing of those building blocks via direct radioactive manupulation, or the usage of viruses as a vector for gene manipulation. But Xerei knew that all these avenues had been gone down before, and that there must be another way to reverse the genophage. The answer came to her as she was mixing a compound for feeding viruses. Chemistry.

The road to mastering chemistry was not as easy as it was medicine or genetics, however. Xerei's advanced classes and projects were lead by an old professor by the name of Liixanri Klip-Weirun. Liixanri was a follower of Weishii, and brought certain views and ideas into the lessons that Xerei disagreed with. While Liixanri saw their work as a spiritual endeavour, Xerei saw Weishiian spirituality as inefficient and a waste of precious time. It seemed irrational to her that time that could be spent on peer review and extra testing was instead invested in small ceremonies and giving thanks to famous scientists of old. It was not until the submission of her final paper that Xerei made an important realisation, that the knowledge and skills gained from her professor were still valuable, even if she did not agree with some of their beleifs.

This epiphany brought with it much wisdom, and made Xerei greatful for all knowledge Liixanri had brought her, be it chemical or otherwise. She took the first part of Liixanri's name and attatched it to her own, symbolising to herself that even partial agreements can bring with them much knowledge and mutual benefit. That one does not need to totally agree with someone before accepting their advice, and to keep an open mind to those around her in order to not have her ideas and ideals stagnate. She parted ways with her professor as Xerei Quexan'Lii, naming Liixanri as her most valued Quualt'Xizos.

At the age of 41 Xerei began her work as a researcher proper in the year 2412. Luckily the Extranet was created in the very next year, allowing her to expand the limits of her research further than she ever could have imagined. Two and a half decades passed in the pursuit of her ultimate goal, the usage of chemicals in the body as a catalyst for safe and reliable genetic change in an effort to reverse the genophage. At the end of this time period she published her master thesis, conclusively proving the basis for the usage of chemicals to alter genetic structure, and paving the way for future researchers to continue her work in this vein.

After the completion of her thesis in 2437, Xerei found herself somewhat lost on what path to next take. After some deliberation she decided that she would strive to step out into the cosmos, and continue to unravel the great mysteries of her field in a new enviroment. Given Xerei's extensive experience and aptitudes she had no difficulty securing an employment contract with NanoTrasen, and was appointed as Research Director aboard the NSS Redemption. It is here that her skills in leading a team of researchers were refined, as she faced the challenges of learning to read the emotions of and command other species from around the galaxy. After years of dutiful service she was offered the position of captain, an offer she accepted. Not only did she see this step up as something she deserved, but through the years Xerei had grown more and more accustomed to stepping back and directing the efforts of others instead of directly taking part in research activities.

What do you like about this character?

Well, I put a lot of effort into the backstory, and that surely counts for something. But I also like how their long lifespan allows me to add a lot more detail to their past. The culture and customs of the Skrell were fun to weave into the character, and I feel like they have grown and changed from all of their experiences.

How would you rate your role-playing ability?

Is roleplay that thing where I get to explode people's heads with shotgun slugs? I'd rate myself pretty highly on the roleplay scale.

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Notes: https://i.imgur.com/DyS3fur.png

[Loow]

Hey there. Loow here.

I see you're taking a somewhat cheeky approach to the app. That's nice. Really japed and jived.

Make sure you advertise the app and get feedback.

[MattAtlas]

And another one joins the team.

On a more serious note, I like this application. I have no doubts of Ezuo's roleplay abilities, and he's a pretty cool guy OOCly too. I've seen his RP and it's really good. I like the character he's built here - they reflect the Skrell values pretty well, and doesn't feel generalized or stereotypical. I can tell from the backstory itself what kind of character Xerei is, and that's a good thing. I also don't see any errors or things I'd like clarified at first glance, so, this is a definite +1 from me. Good luck with the whitelist.

[Mwahahahaha]

+1

It seems to me that there is a lot of detail put into this and a lot of thought placed in for this character — that information is quite abundant here already. I think they'd be a very interesting addition to the game and the narratives that could present themselves within. I've had several interactions with their characters before and I must say they've always held up quite well.

Yeah I'm not entirely sure what else to say. It's solid. Solid.

[Pratepresidenten]

Jumping onto the practically least played species eh? Would be interesting to see how you'll make this character work. Wrbl wrbl :^)

Best of luck on your apparoo!

[Loow]

I encourage anyone who plans on responding to this app from now on to actually read and respond to some aspects of the app's biography. Nothing is more frustrating than seeing so many people spring up to endorse an application without saying anything about the specifics of the applicant's character design.

I value feedback, detailed feedback, much more highly than what I call "blank +1's" who don't tell much. That said, I'd like to thank [mention]Datamatt[/mention] and [mention]Mwahahahaha[/mention] for giving some insight into Ezuo's previous RP. Even if there wasn't much feedback about his character design. If anyone reading this has a detail about this app or bio they'd like to talk about, I encourage them to bring them up here.

So let's talk about the character design for a moment.

The character's name and the story behind it really jumped out at me. Xerei Quexan'Lii is quite the name, and it looks pretty good. I like what you have here about a professor teaching her a life lesson. In light of this, I have to make sure you know you have another option. Rather than just taking "Lii" as an addition, she could take the entire name. This would make her Xerei Quexan'Liixanri. This would be a perfectly reasonable name, and it would get across a huge honor to her professor. Just letting you know that's a valid option. That said, the whole "partial name for partial agreement" angle is a really strong story. I like this. A lot. A name addition with a story behind it that a Skrell feels strongly about? Good form. Very good form. You could say it's even the very intention of the name addition system.

I really like how you've developed the character into her job as well. You seem to understand and enjoy working with quite a few themes in the Skrell lore. There's more to be said about this app, and I'd love to get some more perspectives on this character design.

[JMJ_99]

From what I have played with Ezuo, they are a great roleplayer and I believe he will be able to make this character work. I feel that more could be added to other sections of the application. For the backstory I really like the amount of development and attention that has been given to it, my knowledge of Skrell may not be fantastic but I can't find any faults in it. I like the professors significance to her and way that the name addition is added to it to express that, I believe it works well and is unique. A overall good application and a +1 from me

[Mofo1995]

BYOND Key: ezuo

Character Names: https://i.imgur.com/CDMP6ud.png

Species you are applying to play: Skrell

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt):

Body: 100 180 225

Headtails: 65 160 210

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: No, but I have comissioned an OC picture linked in the notes section.

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Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race: I want to expand my borders into playing a new species, and reading the lore has made me really interested in Skrell. I also want to powergame with those sweet no slip feet mechanics.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: Well there is of course the general speech manerisms that Skrell display when speaking languages other than Nral'Malic. That is, somewhat emotionless and leaving out grammar in favor of being more efficient. They are also reknown for being rather prideful, and not rising to the insults of others. They also place value in logic above other pursuits.

 

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Character Name: Xerei Quexan'Lii

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

Xerei Quexan was born on Qerrbalak in the year 2371 to a world still crippled after the downfall of Glorsh-Omega. They had no siblings, and spent their early years watching the continuing rebuilding of her fractured race. Every year brought the news of another contacted colony, and another group of Skrell stranded in the nearby cosmos. At the age of seventeen, in an event she still remembers to this day, Xerei was able to be a part of a newly founded Federation across Skrell space. This unification brought Xerei much hope for a brighter future, and made her determined to be a part of the many dedicated towards the healing the old wounds of synthetic opression.

As a part of this resolution Xerei began to dedicate herself to the study of medicine and genetics. First came the knowledge of the body itself, how it functioned and what could disrupt those functions. Next game the picking apart of each cell, observing and learning from the very building blocks of life itself. Then, the changing of those building blocks via direct radioactive manupulation, or the usage of viruses as a vector for gene manipulation. But Xerei knew that all these avenues had been gone down before, and that there must be another way to reverse the genophage. The answer came to her as she was mixing a compound for feeding viruses. Chemistry.

The road to mastering chemistry was not as easy as it was medicine or genetics, however. Xerei's advanced classes and projects were lead by an old professor by the name of Liixanri Klip-Weirun. Liixanri was a follower of Weishii, and brought certain views and ideas into the lessons that Xerei disagreed with. While Liixanri saw their work as a spiritual endeavour, Xerei saw Weishiian spirituality as inefficient and a waste of precious time. It seemed irrational to her that time that could be spent on peer review and extra testing was instead invested in small ceremonies and giving thanks to famous scientists of old. It was not until the submission of her final paper that Xerei made an important realisation, that the knowledge and skills gained from her professor were still valuable, even if she did not agree with some of their beleifs.

This epiphany brought with it much wisdom, and made Xerei greatful for all knowledge Liixanri had brought her, be it chemical or otherwise. She took the first part of Liixanri's name and attatched it to her own, symbolising to herself that even partial agreements can bring with them much knowledge and mutual benefit. That one does not need to totally agree with someone before accepting their advice, and to keep an open mind to those around her in order to not have her ideas and ideals stagnate. She parted ways with her professor as Xerei Quexan'Lii, naming Liixanri as her most valued Quualt'Xizos.

At the age of 41 Xerei began her work as a researcher proper in the year 2412. Luckily the Extranet was created in the very next year, allowing her to expand the limits of her research further than she ever could have imagined. Two and a half decades passed in the pursuit of her ultimate goal, the usage of chemicals in the body as a catalyst for safe and reliable genetic change in an effort to reverse the genophage. At the end of this time period she published her master thesis, conclusively proving the basis for the usage of chemicals to alter genetic structure, and paving the way for future researchers to continue her work in this vein.

After the completion of her thesis in 2437, Xerei found herself somewhat lost on what path to next take. After some deliberation she decided that she would strive to step out into the cosmos, and continue to unravel the great mysteries of her field in a new enviroment. Given Xerei's extensive experience and aptitudes she had no difficulty securing an employment contract with NanoTrasen, and was appointed as Research Director aboard the NSS Redemption. It is here that her skills in leading a team of researchers were refined, as she faced the challenges of learning to read the emotions of and command other species from around the galaxy. After years of dutiful service she was offered the position of captain, an offer she accepted. Not only did she see this step up as something she deserved, but through the years Xerei had grown more and more accustomed to stepping back and directing the efforts of others instead of directly taking part in research activities.

What do you like about this character?

Well, I put a lot of effort into the backstory, and that surely counts for something. But I also like how their long lifespan allows me to add a lot more detail to their past. The culture and customs of the Skrell were fun to weave into the character, and I feel like they have grown and changed from all of their experiences.

How would you rate your role-playing ability?

Is roleplay that thing where I get to explode people's heads with shotgun slugs? I'd rate myself pretty highly on the roleplay scale.

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Notes: https://i.imgur.com/DyS3fur.png

 

I have been drinking much and have decided to review your application due to seeing Loow's posts begging for outside feedback. The time of reckoning has come. Let's get started!

 

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt):

Body: 100 180 225

Headtails: 65 160 210

 

I have highlighted in red a discrepancy in your application. A skrell's headtails have the same skin as the rest of the skrell, get this different color business outta here.

 

Why do you wish to play this specific race: I want to expand my borders into playing a new species, and reading the lore has made me really interested in Skrell. I also want to powergame with those sweet no slip feet mechanics.

 

NORMIES GET OFF MY NO SLIP! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

 

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: Well there is of course the general speech manerisms that Skrell display when speaking languages other than Nral'Malic. That is, somewhat emotionless and leaving out grammar in favor of being more efficient. They are also reknown for being rather prideful, and not rising to the insults of others. They also place value in logic above other pursuits.

 

*Mannerisms

*Renown

*fursuits

I'm just glad you didn't include Glorsh and the Era of Synthetic Oppression. While it is obviously a big whoop for Skrell, I feel like it shouldn't fundamentally alter the average skrell as a person, particularly skrell who didn't experience it. The pity party gets old really quickly, and I cringe when situations call for me to RP it.

 

Xerei Quexan was born on Qerrbalak in the year 2371 to a world still crippled after the downfall of Glorsh-Omega.

 

Oh. I want to state right here and now that I had not read your biography before typing the previous line, lmao. I'm just going through typing bit by bit. Previous line not edited because I thought this was so funny, I can't bring myself to edit it.

 

They had no siblings, and spent their early years watching the continuing rebuilding of her fractured race. Every year brought the news of another contacted colony, and another group of Skrell stranded in the nearby cosmos. At the age of seventeen, in an event she still remembers to this day, Xerei was able to be a part of a newly founded Federation across Skrell space. This unification brought Xerei much hope for a brighter future, and made her determined to be a part of the many dedicated towards the healing the old wounds of synthetic opression.

 

Acceptable. It's a nice echo of how Skrell felt like they were able to really spread their wings and fly again after being grounded for so long. It's really got the right sentiment.

 

As a part of this resolution Xerei began to dedicate herself to the study of medicine and genetics. First came the knowledge of the body itself, how it functioned and what could disrupt those functions. Next game the picking apart of each cell, observing and learning from the very building blocks of life itself. Then, the changing of those building blocks via direct radioactive manupulation, or the usage of viruses as a vector for gene manipulation. But Xerei knew that all these avenues had been gone down before, and that there must be another way to reverse the genophage. The answer came to her as she was mixing a compound for feeding viruses. Chemistry.

 

 

I really wish [mention]Loow[/mention] would remove this mass effect meme word from the wiki. Get the krogan outta here. But that's not your fault.

So Xerei started off being a geneticist? Then a virologist? Then she felt that chemistry was the means by which she could undo the sterilization of her race? I dunno, the whole skrell desperately trying to find a way to undo Glorsh's work seems cliche. And chemistry just seems to imply physical chemistry to me, I think that maybe saying pharmacy might have been more accurate.

 

The road to mastering chemistry was not as easy as it was medicine or genetics, however. Xerei's advanced classes and projects were lead by an old professor by the name of Liixanri Klip-Weirun. Liixanri was a follower of Weishii, and brought certain views and ideas into the lessons that Xerei disagreed with. While Liixanri saw their work as a spiritual endeavour, Xerei saw Weishiian spirituality as inefficient and a waste of precious time. It seemed irrational to her that time that could be spent on peer review and extra testing was instead invested in small ceremonies and giving thanks to famous scientists of old. It was not until the submission of her final paper that Xerei made an important realisation, that the knowledge and skills gained from her professor were still valuable, even if she did not agree with some of their beleifs.

 

I have no idea whatsoever how she gained additional skills or knowledge from weird new religion ceremonies that she wouldn't have gained more of and better from extra studies. Unless Liixanri Kip-Weirun[Tup] is Mr. Miyagi. Did Xerei crane kick her final exam? I feel like this arc could have been executed better. The leap from finding the time spent in class to be dumb to somehow having learnt chemistry from it and valuing it and naming herself after the professor who named himself after Tup is kind of sudden. It's really told and not shown, and I just don't understand how doing ceremonies praising Dmitrii Mendelev can make me a better chemist.

 

This epiphany brought with it much wisdom, and made Xerei greatful for all knowledge Liixanri had brought her, be it chemical or otherwise. She took the first part of Liixanri's name and attatched it to her own, symbolising to herself that even partial agreements can bring with them much knowledge and mutual benefit. That one does not need to totally agree with someone before accepting their advice, and to keep an open mind to those around her in order to not have her ideas and ideals stagnate. She parted ways with her professor as Xerei Quexan'Lii, naming Liixanri as her most valued Quualt'Xizos.

 

The epiphany is still left... nebulous. In my previous line I guess this epiphany is what I'm asking about. There's a lot of talk about some greater enlightenment she came across, but I still don't see it. Also, if she likes him so much why doesn't she become his Quualt'Shriapt, nerd?

 

At the age of 41 Xerei began her work as a researcher proper in the year 2412. Luckily the Extranet was created in the very next year, allowing her to expand the limits of her research further than she ever could have imagined.

 

Yes. Research.

 

Two and a half decades passed in the pursuit of her ultimate goal, the usage of chemicals in the body as a catalyst for safe and reliable genetic change in an effort to reverse the genophage. At the end of this time period she published her master thesis, conclusively proving the basis for the usage of chemicals to alter genetic structure, and paving the way for future researchers to continue her work in this vein.

 

I dunno how I feel about someone taking credit for being responsible for modern fertility treatments that allow skrell to have children. It just feels like putting your character at a place that's toooooo important in the setting.

 

After the completion of her thesis in 2437, Xerei found herself somewhat lost on what path to next take. After some deliberation she decided that she would strive to step out into the cosmos, and continue to unravel the great mysteries of her field in a new enviroment. Given Xerei's extensive experience and aptitudes she had no difficulty securing an employment contract with NanoTrasen, and was appointed as Research Director aboard the NSS Redemption. It is here that her skills in leading a team of researchers were refined, as she faced the challenges of learning to read the emotions of and command other species from around the galaxy. After years of dutiful service she was offered the position of captain, an offer she accepted. Not only did she see this step up as something she deserved, but through the years Xerei had grown more and more accustomed to stepping back and directing the efforts of others instead of directly taking part in research activities.

 

After becoming the hero who saved her race from extinction, she was such a great scientist that she was made a captain. I'm just not really feeling it, Xerei just seems too potent and too important and too infallible. Everything just kinda seems to either go right or come as a blessing disguised as a distraction. I mean, the first line did mistakenly set the tone that made me dread it would be a pity story about the evil Glorsh, and I was pleasantly surprised and happy the bio didn't follow that vein, but the character concept just seems one dimensional and hollow. It went on and on until she did something that directly lead to fertility treatment, and then just kind of shoehorned in the circumstances about how she ended up on station and was great at everything. It just seems to lack pizzazz. The only thing we really get about Xerei as a person is that she has a former disliked professor turned close friend and mentor who really wanted skrell to have children. What music does she listen to? What does she like to do for fun? What's her personality like? Why are her headtails mysteriously a different color than the rest of her skin? I've been memeing without really being serious for most of my review, but in all seriousness, I feel like Xerei isn't really described here as a person but as a lifeless emotionless portrayal of a dedicated ideologue.

 

 

Eweeeeeeeeh. Brrrraaaaaaaagging.

Everyone else who provided feedback is a thot :/ "Good RP +1" or "I liked the backstory +1" isn't very helpful. Though I guess it does give context that Ezuo isn't a powergaming chucklefuck or anything zany like that, it clearly describes our boy as a amiable fella.

I'm not typing +1 or -1, read the whole post for my opinion, nerds. No tl;dr on this train.

[Loow]

Just so you know, you did type +1 AND -1. [mention]Mofo1995[/mention]

[Mofo1995]

Just so you know, you did type +1 AND -1. @Mofo1995

 

Mofo1995 BTFO, how will he ever recover!?!?

[Ezuo]

I suppose I should clear up the misconceptions that Mofo has with this character, as there are a lot of them.

God this notepad document has been sitting open on my PC for at least 72 hours or so while I finish Mass Effect 1 and 2 but DAMMIT I NEED TO FINISH AND POST THIS.

 

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt):

Body: 100 180 225

Headtails: 65 160 210

 

I have highlighted in red a discrepancy in your application. A skrell's headtails have the same skin as the rest of the skrell, get this different color business outta here.

The reason that there is a very slight color change is to make the sprite more pleasing to look at. I took input from some skrell players and worked with them to develop a good color set. It isn't too obvious in game, but side by side the difference is noticeable and the slightly darker head tails look much nicer.

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So Xerei started off being a geneticist? Then a virologist? Then she felt that chemistry was the means by which she could undo the sterilization of her race? I dunno, the whole skrell desperately trying to find a way to undo Glorsh's work seems cliche. And chemistry just seems to imply physical chemistry to me, I think that maybe saying pharmacy might have been more accurate.

Ok, so the main focus of the work was genetics. That's the most obvious path in order to try and cure the species wide sterilization that the Skrell have going on. They're not a fully fledged virologist by any stretch of the imagination, they just know the theory behind attaching shit to a virus and setting it loose in the body to change genes, which has a foot firmly planted in the science of today. The idea of using chemistry came from the notion of "Well nobody's really tried this before because they're all focused on established methods, lets try something new."

-

 

I have no idea whatsoever how she gained additional skills or knowledge from weird new religion ceremonies that she wouldn't have gained more of and better from extra studies. Unless Liixanri Kip-Weirun[Tup] is Mr. Miyagi. Did Xerei crane kick her final exam? I feel like this arc could have been executed better. The leap from finding the time spent in class to be dumb to somehow having learnt chemistry from it and valuing it and naming herself after the professor who named himself after Tup is kind of sudden. It's really told and not shown, and I just don't understand how doing ceremonies praising Dmitrii Mendelev can make me a better chemist.

The app was already pretty long so I did need to cut out some bits, or just leave them as they were. The chemistry classes were separate from the Weishii stuff, so learning still happened in class, there was just some extra shit tacked on that Xerei thought could be spent doing other shit. Once she finally graduated she realised that she still learnt shit from this professor, even if she thought the Weishii was bullshit. Which links into the partial agreement and partial name taking.

-

 

The epiphany is still left... nebulous. In my previous line I guess this epiphany is what I'm asking about. There's a lot of talk about some greater enlightenment she came across, but I still don't see it. Also, if she likes him so much why doesn't she become his Quualt'Shriapt, nerd?

I was being flowery with my language when I said epiphany, since the basis for writing a good story is good use of language. But the premise for a lesson learned is still there, the idea that you can still value shit even if you don't like the person that made it. Also, I don't think being taught chemistry and a moral is enough of a reason to marry someone, it seems kind of shallow and short lived.

-

 

I dunno how I feel about someone taking credit for being responsible for modern fertility treatments that allow skrell to have children. It just feels like putting your character at a place that's toooooo important in the setting.

You misunderstand what I said. Proving that there is a basis for a certain technique to be viable avenue in the future isn't me saying "And then Mary Sue solved all the problems of her race". It's saying that a contribution was made towards the progress of the final goal (Which fulfils a character arc), but not enough to be noteworthy or named in lore. What am I, someone that demands my character be placed in the notable persons section of their species lore page?

-

 

After becoming the hero who saved her race from extinction, she was such a great scientist that she was made a captain. I'm just not really feeling it, Xerei just seems too potent and too important and too infallible. Everything just kinda seems to either go right or come as a blessing disguised as a distraction. I mean, the first line did mistakenly set the tone that made me dread it would be a pity story about the evil Glorsh, and I was pleasantly surprised and happy the bio didn't follow that vein, but the character concept just seems one dimensional and hollow. It went on and on until she did something that directly lead to fertility treatment, and then just kind of shoehorned in the circumstances about how she ended up on station and was great at everything.

I'll glaze over the comment about Mary-Suing the genophage since I've already explained that part of your gripes. After the completion of the master thesis I started to make a soft transition from hardcore scientist into leader position. Once again, the app was already getting long so I might've glazed over some details, but the arc is still there. During work on the thesis Xerei would have presumably overseen a small team in the hardcore research phase, doing some task delegation. When signing on with Nanotrasen she started to slowly step back from being an active scientist to more of a leader. After all, it's generaly expected that heads of staff delegate instead of doing everything themselves. This change in her work would have slowly changed her attitude and manner over the years, leading her towards a more command focused position like captain.

-

 

It just seems to lack pizzazz. The only thing we really get about Xerei as a person is that she has a former disliked professor turned close friend and mentor who really wanted skrell to have children. What music does she listen to? What does she like to do for fun? What's her personality like? Why are her headtails mysteriously a different color than the rest of her skin? I've been memeing without really being serious for most of my review, but in all seriousness, I feel like Xerei isn't really described here as a person but as a lifeless emotionless portrayal of a dedicated ideologue.

So you'd like to know more about the smaller details of Xerei's life? Well, I suggest that you... Find out ICly.

Seriously though, your understanding and comprehension skills go right out the window when you drink. I really suggest being sober when trying to seriously analyse a big block of text.

[Mofo1995]

 

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt):

Body: 100 180 225

Headtails: 65 160 210

 

I have highlighted in red a discrepancy in your application. A skrell's headtails have the same skin as the rest of the skrell, get this different color business outta here.

The reason that there is a very slight color change is to make the sprite more pleasing to look at. I took input from some skrell players and worked with them to develop a good color set. It isn't too obvious in game, but side by side the difference is noticeable and the slightly darker head tails look much nicer.

I still don't like it.

 

So Xerei started off being a geneticist? Then a virologist? Then she felt that chemistry was the means by which she could undo the sterilization of her race? I dunno, the whole skrell desperately trying to find a way to undo Glorsh's work seems cliche. And chemistry just seems to imply physical chemistry to me, I think that maybe saying pharmacy might have been more accurate.

Ok, so the main focus of the work was genetics. That's the most obvious path in order to try and cure the species wide sterilization that the Skrell have going on. They're not a fully fledged virologist by any stretch of the imagination, they just know the theory behind attaching shit to a virus and setting it loose in the body to change genes, which has a foot firmly planted in the science of today. The idea of using chemistry came from the notion of "Well nobody's really tried this before because they're all focused on established methods, lets try something new."

 

I getcha, one of the strengths of Skrell is that unlike other races they're more able to work multiple high difficulty jobs at once.

I have no idea whatsoever how she gained additional skills or knowledge from weird new religion ceremonies that she wouldn't have gained more of and better from extra studies. Unless Liixanri Kip-Weirun[Tup] is Mr. Miyagi. Did Xerei crane kick her final exam? I feel like this arc could have been executed better. The leap from finding the time spent in class to be dumb to somehow having learnt chemistry from it and valuing it and naming herself after the professor who named himself after Tup is kind of sudden. It's really told and not shown, and I just don't understand how doing ceremonies praising Dmitrii Mendelev can make me a better chemist.

The app was already pretty long so I did need to cut out some bits, or just leave them as they were. The chemistry classes were separate from the Weishii stuff, so learning still happened in class, there was just some extra shit tacked on that Xerei thought could be spent doing other shit. Once she finally graduated she realised that she still learnt shit from this professor, even if she thought the Weishii was bullshit. Which links into the partial agreement and partial name taking.

 

That's fine, but the original application wasn't very clear on that, it made it seem as though the Weishii stuff had directly contributed some sort of greater knowledge in the field of chemistry and in of itself.

The epiphany is still left... nebulous. In my previous line I guess this epiphany is what I'm asking about. There's a lot of talk about some greater enlightenment she came across, but I still don't see it. Also, if she likes him so much why doesn't she become his Quualt'Shriapt, nerd?

I was being flowery with my language when I said epiphany, since the basis for writing a good story is good use of language. But the premise for a lesson learned is still there, the idea that you can still value shit even if you don't like the person that made it. Also, I don't think being taught chemistry and a moral is enough of a reason to marry someone, it seems kind of shallow and short lived.

 

The lesson that you can value something if you don't like the person seems like a non-sequitur here. What is the person and what is the something? We already know she values chemistry, and after awhile she values her professor, and after awhile she values the ceremonies taught by her professor too. The closest combination I can gleam from the story as it is is that you can value a person even if you don't value the things they do, with the person being her professor and the thing being the religion of Weishii. Now, I'm speculating so don't think I'm putting words in your mouth, but is what you mean that the history lessons showed that not all famous scientists were savory people but the work they put out is valuable? Fulfilling the lesson that you can value things even if you don't like the person that made it?

On the subject of marraige, it was a "if you like them so much why don't you marry them" joke. And in a lesser sense, a showing of appreciation that you used the Quaalt system in your application.

I dunno how I feel about someone taking credit for being responsible for modern fertility treatments that allow skrell to have children. It just feels like putting your character at a place that's toooooo important in the setting.

You misunderstand what I said. Proving that there is a basis for a certain technique to be viable avenue in the future isn't me saying "And then Mary Sue solved all the problems of her race". It's saying that a contribution was made towards the progress of the final goal (Which fulfils a character arc), but not enough to be noteworthy or named in lore. What am I, someone that demands my character be placed in the notable persons section of their species lore page?

 

I understand there's an abstraction here between being the person who discovered successful fertility treatments and the person who discovered a building block for these treatments. My issue still remains that I feel as though being someone who discovers a part of the whole is still too important for a race as focused on advancement and growth as the skrell. It would still be a massive and heroic achievement which would place them on an absurdly high pedestal among their skrell peers.

After becoming the hero who saved her race from extinction, she was such a great scientist that she was made a captain. I'm just not really feeling it, Xerei just seems too potent and too important and too infallible. Everything just kinda seems to either go right or come as a blessing disguised as a distraction. I mean, the first line did mistakenly set the tone that made me dread it would be a pity story about the evil Glorsh, and I was pleasantly surprised and happy the bio didn't follow that vein, but the character concept just seems one dimensional and hollow. It went on and on until she did something that directly lead to fertility treatment, and then just kind of shoehorned in the circumstances about how she ended up on station and was great at everything.

I'll glaze over the comment about Mary-Suing the genophage since I've already explained that part of your gripes. After the completion of the master thesis I started to make a soft transition from hardcore scientist into leader position. Once again, the app was already getting long so I might've glazed over some details, but the arc is still there. During work on the thesis Xerei would have presumably overseen a small team in the hardcore research phase, doing some task delegation. When signing on with Nanotrasen she started to slowly step back from being an active scientist to more of a leader. After all, it's generaly expected that heads of staff delegate instead of doing everything themselves. This change in her work would have slowly changed her attitude and manner over the years, leading her towards a more command focused position like captain.

 

Respectable! This was the explanation I wanted, I'm satisfied there.

It just seems to lack pizzazz. The only thing we really get about Xerei as a person is that she has a former disliked professor turned close friend and mentor who really wanted skrell to have children. What music does she listen to? What does she like to do for fun? What's her personality like? Why are her headtails mysteriously a different color than the rest of her skin? I've been memeing without really being serious for most of my review, but in all seriousness, I feel like Xerei isn't really described here as a person but as a lifeless emotionless portrayal of a dedicated ideologue.

So you'd like to know more about the smaller details of Xerei's life? Well, I suggest that you... Find out ICly.

Seriously though, your understanding and comprehension skills go right out the window when you drink. I really suggest being sober when trying to seriously analyse a big block of text.

 

"Find out ICly" is not acceptable here. All we have is Xerei's professional history here, that's great for employment records but who she is as a character is absolutely essential to determining if she's a skrell I think should exist or not. The purposes of a whitelist application are to exhibit understanding of lore and to show everyone a character to see if they want it around. Xerei has almost no personality and other than her quest to undo sterilization being distinctly Skrell in nature, could just as easily be a robot carrying out a straightforward task and then getting re-purposed later. If for whatever reason you wanted her entire personal life obfuscated for some reason by reason of story, then I'm sure you've already cleared it with the lore dev to make sure there was nothing lore breaking or wrong there. But otherwise I see no reason to avoid including something which takes your application and puts it above most others by injecting some serious character into your, well, character.

[Ezuo]

The lesson that you can value something if you don't like the person seems like a non-sequitur here. What is the person and what is the something? We already know she values chemistry, and after awhile she values her professor, and after awhile she values the ceremonies taught by her professor too. The closest combination I can gleam from the story as it is is that you can value a person even if you don't value the things they do, with the person being her professor and the thing being the religion of Weishii. Now, I'm speculating so don't think I'm putting words in your mouth, but is what you mean that the history lessons showed that not all famous scientists were savory people but the work they put out is valuable? Fulfilling the lesson that you can value things even if you don't like the person that made it?

You seem to have missed the entire point of the paragraph. To avoid any more confusion I'll break it down into its base components.

>Xerei has a chemistry professor

>Professor is a follower of Weishii

>Xerei doesn't believe in Weishii and thinks that any extra curricular rituals are a waste of time

>Once the course was completed Xerei realised that the Weishii stuff didn't actually impact on her learning

>This makes Xerei rethink her usual prideful reaction and conceede that what she learnt was valuable, even if she disagreed with some of the professor's views

The whole point of this revaltion was to subvert her beforehand prideful thinking that would influence her to disregard information or lessons from people that weren't considered valuable.

I'm probably mincing the fuck out of what I mean, but hopefully that should be enough.

-

 

I understand there's an abstraction here between being the person who discovered successful fertility treatments and the person who discovered a building block for these treatments. My issue still remains that I feel as though being someone who discovers a part of the whole is still too important for a race as focused on advancement and growth as the skrell. It would still be a massive and heroic achievement which would place them on an absurdly high pedestal among their skrell peers.

The intention was to never make Xerei really important or noteworthy. I wanted to give them closure in that particular arc without disturbing overreaching lore too much, but I can see your concerns. I thought of it more like developing something similar to Ryetalyn, or making a foundation technology that had a use but didn't actually yet have any application outside of the lab. If it would put any fears at rest I could specify that this work was only acheived in Neaera, and that no actual Skrellian test subjects were used because of ethical concerns. This still gives Xerei a thesis to put into records, but isn't so groundbreaking that it would mess up lore in general.

-

 

"Find out ICly" is not acceptable here. All we have is Xerei's professional history here, that's great for employment records but who she is as a character is absolutely essential to determining if she's a skrell I think should exist or not. The purposes of a whitelist application are to exhibit understanding of lore and to show everyone a character to see if they want it around. Xerei has almost no personality and other than her quest to undo sterilization being distinctly Skrell in nature, could just as easily be a robot carrying out a straightforward task and then getting re-purposed later. If for whatever reason you wanted her entire personal life obfuscated for some reason by reason of story, then I'm sure you've already cleared it with the lore dev to make sure there was nothing lore breaking or wrong there. But otherwise I see no reason to avoid including something which takes your application and puts it above most others by injecting some serious character into your, well, character.

I dont believe in directly inputting all of those fine details into an application that is meant to show general backstory and understanding of the lore. If you want to find out what food she likes, or what music she listens to, then I think that you should interact with them ICly to find out. Whats the point in putting up every detail and blueprint of the character for everyone to see? Theres no development or intercharacter relationships built by doing that, and I would much rather people take the time ICly to find things out about a character. Besides, trying to insert details like that would be clunky at best, as I would have to shoehorn them in.

[Loow]

This is a little disappointing.

Let's go through a blow-by-blow.

0. I acknowledge that I've seen the app and encourage Ezuo to seek feedback.

1.A few people stepped up to say they had faith in Ezuo, liked Ezuo's previous RP, and liked that there was a lot written in the bio. They spoke only in general terms about the character design.

2. I step in and point out that there is very little discussion about the character design/biography. I ping people who gave some feedback previously in the app and give not-so-subtle HINTS at the beginning, middle, and end of this message that it's very, very important. This goes as far as saying things like "I'd love to get some more perspectives on this character design" and underlining such phrases. The pings encouraged that people who responded to the app already should respond again, maybe with more insight onto the app itself. Nobody other than Ezuo, Mofo, or myself have posted multiple times in the app, pings or no.

I even go as far as to talk about one thing I thought was "neat" in the character design in the hopes of sparking discussion. This doesn't prove very effective.

3. More feedback arrives, but it's just as "safe" and general as previous responses.

4. Mofo posts the best feedback in this entire application. He goes as far as to point out things he personally dislikes about the lore, the character's physical look, weak-points he sees in the character's design, a perceived lack of personality in the character, and more. He is, as some might say, cheeky about much of it. I was under the impression, upon reading this lengthy response, that Ezuo would be able to "handle it" and respond to some surprisingly valid critique appropriately.

Mofo even shows he is self-aware of just how he's presenting many of his points.

"I've been memeing without really being serious for most of my review, but in all seriousness, I feel like Xerei isn't really described here as a person but as a lifeless emotionless portrayal of a dedicated ideologue."

5. I draw attention to Mofo's post.

6. Mofo responds with appropriate meme response number 5. I'll be honest, this post didn't add much to the discussion as a whole, but it did help draw attention back up.

7. Ezuo responds to Mofo's feedback. Not too happily. Let's look at a rough description of Mofo's points next to Ezuo's responses. Reminder: This is the applicant's interaction with the one and only post which gave him any useful critique on his application.

"A skrell's headtails have the same skin as the rest of the skrell..." Mofo is saying the head should not be a different color from the body.

" It isn't too obvious in game, but side by side the difference is noticeable and the slightly darker head tails look much nicer."

Ezuo says that having this discrepancy it isn't obvious and looks better, so he's doing it anyway.

Mofo, in many words, points out that parts of the character's story seem rushed or don't make sense to him.

Ezuo specifies what certain parts of his app were meant to convey, but does so while assuring readers that Mofo's feedback is simple or otherwise illegitimate or unimportant. Essentially, the "blame" for any misunderstandings is pushed away from Ezuo by Ezuo. Otherwise, some parts come off as defensive.

Examples include

"The app was already pretty long so I did need to cut out some bits, or just leave them as they were."

"I was being flowery with my language when I said epiphany, since the basis for writing a good story is good use of language."

"Also, I don't think being taught chemistry and a moral is enough of a reason to marry someone, it seems kind of shallow and short lived."

I've never been a big fan of acting as the old-west tone-police, but there was one part that stuck out as a particularly red flag.

"So you'd like to know more about the smaller details of Xerei's life? Well, I suggest that you... Find out ICly.

Seriously though, your understanding and comprehension skills go right out the window when you drink. I really suggest being sober when trying to seriously analyse a big block of text."

Evidently Mofo was sober enough to crack wise with a few jokes that went right over the applicant's head due to his (possibly offended) state. "Well why doesn't she just /marry him/?" Sober enough also to make some stellar commentary which is not just ignored, but snubbed.

Ezuo, you could have picked apart your only source of feedback as harshly and with as much venom as you may have liked if you had only treated it as critique through-and-through.

You really pull it together on the points which involve literal readings of your application and implied development of the character as an employee.

Where you slack is anything involving making this character feel like a person.

Take this paragraph here:

"I dont believe in directly inputting all of those fine details into an application that is meant to show general backstory and understanding of the lore. If you want to find out what food she likes, or what music she listens to, then I think that you should interact with them ICly to find out. Whats the point in putting up every detail and blueprint of the character for everyone to see? Theres no development or intercharacter relationships built by doing that, and I would much rather people take the time ICly to find things out about a character. Besides, trying to insert details like that would be clunky at best, as I would have to shoehorn them in."

This entire train of thought hinges on the assumption that your application is going to be accepted. That's a risk which, in my opinion, nobody should ever take. As far as I can tell, one person read your application. One person gave you in-depth feedback. You responded to technicalities regarding the character's life story readily, but there's not a person here.

You didn't need to write a big all-encompassing personality chart with likes and dislikes. But something. Anything would have been a help. Mofo even came back to talk about your response to his feedback. He asserted how important he thought it was to take at least one part of the feedback seriously.

As you read:

"Find out ICly" is not acceptable here. All we have is Xerei's professional history here, that's great for employment records but who she is as a character is absolutely essential to determining if she's a skrell I think should exist or not. The purposes of a whitelist application are to exhibit understanding of lore and to show everyone a character to see if they want it around. Xerei has almost no personality and other than her quest to undo sterilization being distinctly Skrell in nature, could just as easily be a robot carrying out a straightforward task and then getting re-purposed later. If for whatever reason you wanted her entire personal life obfuscated for some reason by reason of story, then I'm sure you've already cleared it with the lore dev to make sure there was nothing lore breaking or wrong there. But otherwise I see no reason to avoid including something which takes your application and puts it above most others by injecting some serious character into your, well, character.

Passion is something I look for. I don't have telepathy. The only way I have to see if someone genuinely cares about their character design or is just going through the motions is an applicant's application. I try and see if people care about their character design. There's a good map written here for a Skrell's professional career. There is not a person here. In the past, I have been completely turned around by how people respond to feedback for the better, with decent applications being carried by strong discussions. This application does not come across as a labor of love.

If the existing feedback had been handled differently and/or if the app had more in-depth feedback to go off of and discuss, things might have gone differently.

I suggest holding off for a while if you decide you want to apply again, Ezuo. You care about having a whitelist, yes, but it doesn't feel like you care about the character you've applied with.

What if I'm wrong and you do care? What if you feel like this is the best character you've ever written and you think I totally missed the mark? This application was your chance to prove that. To show off. To make big statements and get a guarantee that at least one person would read it. As it stands, we don't even get a mention of Xerei's family other than to specify that she has no siblings. In any future applications, I suggest you don't be afraid to take chances and delve into what makes a character interesting to you. (Other than the size of their biography)

Remember that it's not the end of the world, and that there's quite a bit of fun to be had on the station. Considering I was getting pings from Ezuo to accept this app within 3 days, I think this application has been open quite long enough. The biggest statements which could have helped this application have already been said, responded to by the applicant, and ignored.

Application denied.