Allakai Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 (edited) BYOND Key: Allakai Character Names: Samantha Hoover, Jazmine Hoover, Faith Wilkerson, Z.T. 7274 Species you are applying to play: Tajara What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Dark Grey (RGB 30, 30, 30) Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes, enough to have a general understanding of the species and the history. Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question Why do you wish to play this specific race: Out of all the unique alien races I found the Tajara the most interesting. When I first played SS13 I didn’t really know what they were and played along. I’ve across a couple Tajara here and there and I enjoy their characters. The reason I want to play the Tajara in particular mainly comes down to they seem extremely fun to play as given the background and history of the species. Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: Playing as a human is one the easier mindsets to get into as it’s the most identifiable. For obvious reasons you can imagine yourself as the character you play as when you’re a human. I can understand the thoughts, feelings, and reactions of my characters and develop my characters through those interactions. Playing a Tajara would be an extremely pleasant experience with hurtles of playing a race I know nothing I can relate to them with. Being a Tajara would expand my knowledge of not just role playing as a different species, but because I want to explore different territories of roleplay on the Aurora station that one doesn’t really get playing as a human character. Character Name: Ra'dmufami Ja’Siir Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs Born in 2436 near the larger cities on Adhomai, Ra’dmufami was the son of a soldier and a worker and one of the two boys of his litter. His parents both were in support of the new republic. Due to his birth just as the republic was founded he had grown up in relative peace. Wanting much to follow in his father’s footsteps to become a soldier he was always eager to hear the stories told by his father and grandfather who were both veterans of their times. His mother being Zhan-Khazan brought him some mistreatment from his peers being brawny and large and originally a subservient ethnicity. He took it in stride as it drove him to become better than those that saw him as lesser. His relationship with his family was dependent, his father had the rough relationship of fighting for his attention, his relationship with his mother was fine and he was close with her, his sisters were as one would expect from siblings. Yet he was closest to his brother, Mo’Sai. He had grown up playing and wrestling with his sibling as he had grown close with him. The two always promised each other they would join the military together and be brothers forever. To keep their promise with one another they both had matching coins given to them by their mother. As Ra reached his adulthood the sudden assassination of President Al’ Mari Hadii was deeply troubling for the young to-be soldier. As he grew up he never found himself mixed into his questioning of politics. It only brewed more trouble than it was worth. He certainly had his feelings on the situation. He never shared them lest he be berated for choosing the wrong side. His true emotions lay in where he wants the best for the Tajara people. Unfortunately his sentiment to his kind was not felt as the assassin of the president was a Zhan-Khazan. This translated poorly to the large Tajara as many saw him as potentially dangerous and at times found himself in brawls and shouting matches. Ra shrugged off the troubled emotions he had and when he reached of military age he applied. His father was immensely proud of him for joining the military as a foot soldier much as he was. His mother was much less pleased to see her son join. Counseling him of his choice, but ultimately was also happy her son had achieved his goal. He had some idea of weaponry, combat, and fighting from his father and brothers. Yet had no real experience going into the military. The civil war was a true testament of his willpower as a Tajara. His time spent fighting for the loyalist faction had twisted the soft hearted Tajara. He found himself hating those that supported the Liberation Army as well as the New Kingdom. He believed that they were misguided and foolish to even think that Adhomai could survive alone. He fought tooth and claw in the trenches and mountains against these new rebels and enemies of the people in his eyes. His brother, Mo'Sai seemed to not feel this way. Often his brother argued with him to see that those who fought for the Democratic party wanted what was best for Adhomai as well. That the Republic was violent and only making things worse. The two brothers found themselves at odds. Shouting and yelling, anger as Ra could not control himself as a fight between the two brothers finally broke out between the two beloved brothers. After the violent exchange Mo'Sai seemed to disappear. Ra worried for his brother but still held some resentment, he dared to talk low of the President and was foolish enough to believe the lies spread by the democratic army... Yet his brother's disappearance had certainly worried him. The shrieking blizzards of war had hardened him as he saw his comrades in arms die. Many of which died in his own arms, despite his heritage of Zhan-Khazan he was close to those that were in his regiment which was nearly all who were in his brigade, their shared hardships had pushed the brigade to be fearsome sentinels and counter-offensive storm troopers. A recent skirmish along an open tundra had revealed the location of a Liberation Army F.O.B.; due to this news Ra’s Division was quickly positioned to block any possible counter attack on an important crossroads that delivered medical supplies and ammunition to the frontlines. Ra sat in the quickly dug trenches into the snow. Sandbags stacked around him as he kept a faithful eye on the open snow whilst he sat in his foxhole. His hand pawing at the machine gun he waited. The rebels were known for their hit and run tactics. Yet none came. He found himself growing bored as hours turned into days. There was radio chatter that the frontlines had been in a constant back and forth. Yet Ra and his regiment had yet to see any action aside from target practice on the occasional roaming tundra fauna. He was shaken awake from his nap at the banshee like screams of artillery shells. It happened so quickly, fear shot through him. Adrenaline filled his veins as the explosive ordinance first hit the command bunker with near direct precision. He heard the feedback in his headset squeal as the main command radio was destroyed. A second shell hit the munition bunkers sending even more shockwaves through the trenches. Finally the third and final shell landed by his foxhole about 8 meters away directly into the trench. He was nearly blown to pieces as hot shrapnel and explosive powder filled his vision. Once the smoke had cleared the howl shrill squeals of whistles filled his ears. He grasped the mounted machine to see the rebels running across the open tundra ground. The defenses of his position were in horrid conditions as what was left of the defenders including Ra scrambled to begin firing. Ra was a machine of war as he mercilessly returned fire to the charging rebels, it was either his life or theirs. He didn’t bother to even give it thought as he adjusted himself to cover as many flanks as he possibly could. He heard the familiar clinking of something hitting the ground and saw that a grenade landed in his foxhole. He practically threw himself out and was thrown from the ensuing explosion. A rebel had landed in from of his vision, rifle raised for a shot, he heard the high pitched squeal of the laser carbine charging, the neon glow nearly blinding. Ra grasped his attacker by the leg and pulled the rebel to his back. The two wrestled and fought. Ra in a desperate attempt to retrieve his combat knife. Both Tajara wore snow breathers as their visors were coated in snow and grime. Neither could see as finally Ra had retrieved his knife and struggled. Struggling as the other Tajara, a Zhan-Khazan was fighting back with all their might. Finally with one last push Ra’s knife connected and sank into the neck of his attacker. Once the attacker stopped struggling, Ra relaxed and sighed with relief. Yet the glint of something caught his eye. Upon investigation horror grew on his face. It was a coin. He ripped the visored mask off the Tajara’s face and indeed… his deepest fears were confirmed. He grasped the dead Tajara close and wailed. He had killed his brother. Dying without ever knowing his brother was who had killed him, he was filled with anger he had never experienced. He collected the coin from his brother and repelled the rebels with a fury unbeknownst to him. Once the attack was repelled, Ra fell into a deep depression. Due to his injuries suffered from shrapnel and several wounds obtained from battle he was sent back to the city. A military parade was held in honor of his brigade, the blaring trumpets. Flashes and cheers. His mask covered his face as he scowled. He was no hero. He had murdered his own brother. It had shaken him to his core. He was awarded with several medals for his service, Valiant Honour, The Order of the Twin Suns 1st class, and one being quite the honor to have: The Medal of Brotherly Honour. The pain only grew as he was honorably discharged for his services. The Tajara had to find work. He couldn’t face the shame of telling his parents what he had done, even he could not face the ghost in which he created. He collected what little things he had and told them he must leave Adhomai, to see the universe. Yet he wanted to run from here. Escape the gasping breaths of his dying brother. With money from his service, Ra went to school to educate himself enough to leave the planet. It was difficult but he managed. He had learned enough Tau Ceti to be able enough to pass the necessary tests and finally, finally he could leave. With his military background he was eager to take any job available to him. And that so happened to be in the security field. Ra’s time out of Adhomai space has been rough for him. Generally he was unversed to speaking to other races. Often he found humans difficult to speak to. Their stiff speech, their awkward movements, their often unamusing hand gestures and crude phrases. It was a major culture shock for the Tajara. Meeting the other races was most shocking. While he knew vaguely of some aliens from his studies in school. He never had seen any aliens face to face. He is unfamiliar with many aliens and finds himself reacting awkwardly around them. He had undergone training through security forces with his application to NT security. Physically he is excellent. He is strong due to his biology of being a Zhan-Khazan. Athletically he is average, if in certain areas above at times. His military experience certainly showed during his time in the security academy as he deals extremely well in hostage situations. He is calm under stress and usually uses violence as a last resort. His soldering has him understand the chain of command and clearly he follows it to the book. His weaknesses come in some forms. Mainly due to his poor companionship skills and his lack of openness makes it difficult to maintain a conversation with him. While not impossible he talk to him of course he is not actively trying to make friends. He is most noted for his rather unfriendly dialogue to Tajara that are openly anti-PRA. While he never instigates a fight he usually becomes vocal and stands his ground when President Njadrasanukii Hadii’s name is spoken ill of. One of Ra’s largest flaws comes in the form of how he copes with the past in a rather unhealthy way. Generally he finds comfort in alcohol to forget his problems. Though he doesn’t drink to an unhealthy standard to put him out of action, but it does cause worry and unnecessary stress to his liver. What do you like about this character? As I wrote the backstory of Ra I imagined himself as a Tajara that has a heart of stone. His soldiering is something I want to establish in his character as rough and difficult to open up. I imagine him as a character that comes off as a huge jerk, but is a loyal to those that trust him. How would you rate your role-playing ability? My roleplaying abilities I believe are in good condition. Like anything it always needs to be improved and worked on, but I can quickly fall into the role of creating a story with another players to enjoy. I can quickly adapt to a situation in a roleplay as I love writing stories. Notes: His backstory I am still a little iffy on considering that the state of the war I am uncertain of. I do want to establish him as a soldier that has been scarred by war is something I want to keep, but if there is a discrepancy in lore I can change it. Edited September 29, 2018 by Guest Link to comment
AmoryBlaine Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 No comment on Tajara content, but the player has pretty nice characters in my experiences. Given they understand Tajara stuff, I'd like to see this go through. Link to comment
Guest Marlon Phoenix Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 Haha geeze your battle was pretty descriptive. What faith does his family follow, and how does this shape his experiences? Do you have specific jobs he would be doing on the Aurora? Would he be in 'retail' in the service departments, or move to the security departments? Link to comment
Allakai Posted September 23, 2018 Author Share Posted September 23, 2018 hey! Thank you for the speedy comments! I edited my post to add his religious guidelines/ beliefs down and I added what his role I had in mind! Link to comment
Doxxmedearly Posted September 24, 2018 Share Posted September 24, 2018 Faith Wilkerson is a pretty decent character. I was ERT once for a rev round in which she surrendered, providing some good RP about wanting to go home to her son, apologizing to the HoS, etc. Very well played. On the other hand, I did witness some pretty concerning behavior about her trying to arrest a monkey at departures for the OOC laughs. It was pretty LRP move-wise, though I'm willing to believe this is an isolated incident. The battle was, indeed, more descriptive than probably necessary, but hey, better than having a barebones app. I am concerned about this "machine of war" combined with a security position. I don't want to see a single security officer opening fire wordlessly on heavily armed troops with his pistol. So I want to ask you a few questions I'd like honest answers to. How will he operate as security? How will his military attitude affect how he interacts with crew and hostiles? What will be his reactions to fear and fear-rp in general, such as being alone with 4 mercs pointing guns at him? I like the war depression/PTSD. How much will this affect him? And, lore-wise, how did he feel about the PRA's prejudice and scapegoating of Zhan after the assassination of Hadii? Did it conflict him? Did he buy into it? Did he experience prejudice while enlisted? And how does this affect his views of other Tajara? Finally, he will meet ALA and NKA supporters on the Aurora, some of who are quite outspoken. How will he handle this? There aren't any right or wrong answers, and I am not a lore dev, so you don't need to address them. However I feel like this will really improve your sense of the character, so I'm curious! For now, a tentative +1, based on your RP thus far. Link to comment
Allakai Posted September 24, 2018 Author Share Posted September 24, 2018 Thank you again for the comments and ideas! I apologize the rather goofy encounter with the monkey as it was a boring shift and it is certainly a one off encounter just for a couple laughs. It wont happen again and I sincerely apologize! I will take your suggestions into heart and begin to rewrite some parts of his sheet to add his thoughts and feelings into it. Rereading over it there are already a handful of spelling errors I would immediately like to deal with in my sheet and add more to his character to take into account other Tajara emotions and feelings. Thank you very much! Link to comment
Doxxmedearly Posted September 24, 2018 Share Posted September 24, 2018 You're definitely open to criticism and improvement, which does a lot in showing your ability to be responsible as a whitelisted player. You don't need to rewrite the story to include all that! Just answering the questions is good enough, or acknowledging them (as you have); several of them are about how he will interact on the Aurora, so don't feel as though you need to shoehorn it into your character history. You seem to have a grip on the lore and are willing to accept critique and assistance. Don't be afraid to ask the lore team or whitelisted players for any questions: they're all quite friendly. Change my tentative +1 to a supportive +1. I hope to see you continue to improve and enjoy exploring the species. Link to comment
Allakai Posted September 24, 2018 Author Share Posted September 24, 2018 Again thank you very much for your criticism and for relieving my issues haha! But yes I do want a couple of things involving other Tajara to affect Ra. The population of Tajara is pretty varying sometimes on the Aurora and through my characters such as Faith and Samantha I've already gathered a couple different opinions and emotions. Ra is not openly violent or ill-willed to other Tajara but would be less inclined to be pleasant or polite. As he grew up under PRA propaganda fed to him since he was young and I find him to be a heavy supporter of the PRA seeing them as the saviors of Adhomai and that the ALA and NKA do not understand the gravity that their species is in, that they are foolish and will lead to the destruction and enslavement of their species yet again. As for how he interacts in security he is a solder. He knows when to push objectives and when to wait and listen. Despite if he may or may not like you he is a soldier and a living being. He wont be rolled over but he certainly will not do anything rash to put others in harms way. He can keep his cool and tends to not panic when under stress. As for his PTSD I want that certainly to affect his character. Possibly in the form of being an alcoholic that desperately wants to run from his past (possibly like Hank from Detroit: Become Human). He comes off as rugged and needlessly rude at times but he is hurt and wants to forget his past. Though if someone does manage to crack his shell and become a friend he is loyal and treats them well. I will continue to think of more ways to improve his character and think of ways to flesh him out some more! Link to comment
Allakai Posted September 24, 2018 Author Share Posted September 24, 2018 Okay! So after spending a couple hours taking in the commentary I've received I made notable changes and shifts in my OC's character (Let's call him Ra'Ja cause Im lazy and don't wanna pronounce his name) So I rewrote some things and kept most of it. I adjusted somethings in his bio for clarification and easier understanding as my first draft was immensely difficult to keep up with. I am always open for more critiques and commentary so please tell me if something doesn't make sense or should be looked at! Thank you so much, guys! Link to comment
Doxxmedearly Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 Rescinding my +1, and will remain neutral. This is due to your OOC conduct after that really bad round with the LRP AI. Yes, the antags were VERY BAD and greytidey. Yes, people salt. Many of us did, to an extent. However, this is not good conduct from someone who is held to a higher standard by being whitelisted. https://i.gyazo.com/c7bf1bece23e38867b9df7b2ae2203fc.png https://i.gyazo.com/c82b128a5730747418b600f4b71d6891.png https://i.gyazo.com/4d3f6db25953a2ee342e0cbfbfd3b4f1.png You need to tone this sort of thing down. Having a whitelist means you're expected to be a bit more responsible than others. You're held to a higher standard, and this does not just mean your IC conduct. Please dial back this behavior. Instead of cussing them out, ahelp the problems. While I respect that you have a grasp of lore, and are willing to accept criticism, please take a look at your OOC conduct. I'm not giving this app a -1 because one instance does not mean it's standard for you, but it makes me too hesitant to support you with a +1. Link to comment
Allakai Posted September 25, 2018 Author Share Posted September 25, 2018 I am very sorry about my behavior. I got extremely heated about that entire situation. That was my fault for blowing up like that. I accept your judgement and will work to improve my behavior and better control myself next time. I am very sorry about that. Truly. I just take behavior like that way more personally than I'd like. I like this server a lot and I understand that was just one round. I understand what I did was wrong and will do better to improve my reaction to such an extremely rash over reaction. I am sorry for calling the antags extremely rude phrases and being inflammatory and unproductive with what I was doing and saying. Link to comment
Mofo1995 Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 Tomorrow is the big day. Link to comment
Doxxmedearly Posted September 27, 2018 Share Posted September 27, 2018 From interacting with you and seeing the rest of your conduct, I believe you are sincerely dedicated to improving yourself. I still remain neutral, but I hope this trend continues. You are not a bad player. Good luck! Link to comment
Mofo1995 Posted September 29, 2018 Share Posted September 29, 2018 So, were Ra and his brother in the same unit? Or at some point in the story did Ra's brother join the ALA, and they happened to fight each other in the same battle? The backstory does a good job of following Ra's exploits, but his brother completely phases out of the story for several paragraphs until Ra kills him in battle. IT's unclear to me if it was friendly fire and they were in the same unit, or if his brother joined the rebels and got HEEMed. Other than that clarification, the last thing I need before I'll process this application is for "litter mate" to be changed to sibling, or childhood friend, or something. Link to comment
Allakai Posted September 29, 2018 Author Share Posted September 29, 2018 okay! Thank you I will get to that as soon as possible! Link to comment
Allakai Posted September 29, 2018 Author Share Posted September 29, 2018 and there we go added a new paragraph describing what exactly happened to Mo'Sai and changed litter mate to sibling Link to comment
Mofo1995 Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 Hey! There we go. You have plenty of playtime under your belt despite being a new member to the community, and you seem really enthusiastic over the course of this past week. I think you're going to be a good addition, and I enjoy your large backstory. Enjoy your whitelist! Link to comment
Recommended Posts