Admission

[Alias]

This is an admission of several things I have wanted to get off my chest for several months now. I am doing it anonymously, in order to preserve some good opinion you all may have of me.

1) I hate most of you. Not in a malicious way, nor one of anger. I hate you for how you make me feel about myself. Almost constantly, when I am on the server, I see you all handling yourselves with an aura of happiness and contentment. It saddens me, for I haven't felt that in years. It brings me to a point, where I hate you all, because I am jealous. I am a very jealous person, when I see others happy.

2) I spent most of my time alone on the server. Hours spent in solitude, and without speaking a word to another. Usually, I wouldn't have a problem with this, assuming I am the one secluding myself. But when I make every effort to stop that, I get shot down, or outright ignored. I do not blame anybody in this, as I know I can be a fairly depressing person to talk to, given my not-so-positive nature.

3) My time on the server, has consisted of me attempting to come to an agreement on who I am. This is most likely to reveal who I am, so I may be vague about this. I've leaped identities several times throughout my time on the server. Changed who I am, and how I feel about things, in a way to better fit in, or to achieve some form of happiness that I was able to emulate off of one of you. It hasn't worked. I still fight who I am, and who I am inside everyday. It is getting to the point to where it has become too much. I do not like feeling this way, and I do not like who I am now.

4) I've come to the conclusion, that one of the best ways to change this, is to do what I've done many times throughout my time on the internet. I have been involved in many communities, under many identities. This has caused me to fall apart in a sense about how to handle these situations (Something I wasn't entirely able to do in the first place.) My past method of handling this, was to bury, all of my emotions inside, and prevent any form of them escaping, unless I am talking to somebody I trust, and even then, they do not get the full story.

5) I enjoyed, most of the time, my stay with you all. I do not hate you, in an egregious manner. It is more of, I hate myself, for how I manage to handle situations. I hate the way I am, or how I think I am. I hate the way I fawn over the people that give me even the littlest bit of attention, or love. I hate the way that I overreact and cry, when I envy what I see inside other people. I hate the way that I hate, and despise, coming on the server and sitting, waiting for somebody, or myself to reach out, and strive for contact. I hate the way that I can't even do this with some form of conviction to let the only people I've been even remotely close to in the past year know how I truly felt.

For these reasons, I am likely going to take my departure from the server. I have said I was going to leave in the past but somethings are not best left unsaid. I needed to get this off my chest, to hopefully better myself as a person. By the off-chance, that I do return, it will likely be under a different name, at which time, the admin team will likely have already found out who I am, and either ban me, or put a note when I arrive. I hope they will give me one moment of forgiveness if that occurs.

My time with you all has been an experience, and I hope that things continue to go well for you, Aurora.

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." -Oscar Wilde

[Skull132]

You will be given that moment of forgiveness. The amount of time and effort you've placed into this community deserves, at the very least, this one thing.

Regarding the rest of the post, I may or may not reply, depending on whether or not I manage to actually process my words into concise sentences and not horrendous blobs of wargarble. Please do not think less of me if I do not reply.

Have a nice day, and a bright future.

[Tablespoon]

My honest advice is to get off of the game and focus more on Real Life.

An internet community isn't really the best place to find yourself. Text communication, respective to physical, one on one interaction, is utter shit. I might even go so far as to say people NEED physical communication.

I understand that what you're going through is tough but for the sake of your well-being you may need to seek professional help; talk to your friends (the ones you know in real life, not the one's on the internet, if you can) and/or a psychologist. There's no shame in it, lots of people do it.

[Frances]

My honest advice is to get off of the game and focus more on Real Life.

An internet community isn't really the best place to find yourself. Text communication, respective to physical, one on one interaction, is utter shit. I might even go so far as to say people NEED physical communication.

I understand that what you're going through is tough but for the sake of your well-being you may need to seek professional help; talk to your friends (the ones you know in real life, not the one's on the internet, if you can) and/or a psychologist. There's no shame in it, lots of people do it.

I have to both disagree and agree with this post.

The internet can be a good place to be when dealing with these issues. Online, you don't have to face who you are irl. It's a place when you can play pretend, and catch a temporary respite from everything you face in your daily life, since everything here is so segregated from it. It's also the best place to easily meet strangers you can confess your problems to, if you wish.

However, it can also be a pitfall. Talking to strangers, or even having a strong support group, does not replace professional help. I have no idea who you are, but online communities are no alternative or replacement to therapy.

[duck]

Good-bye. I hate goodbyes, but. Some things are not better left unsaid. I like you just fine, if that's worth anything.

Anyway.

[Guest]

Goodbye, I hope you find who you want to be and you like who that is.

You'll be... yeah.