[Accepted] Aboshehab/Sharp - Unathi Application

[Faris]

BYOND Key:Aboshehab

Character Names:

Species you are applying to play: Unathi

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Black

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?:Yes

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Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race: I'm a very curious person when it comes to lore, I like to delve into things and think about what's written and what's out the box. My most recent endeavor was the Unathi, I dove head first and I've already got so many what if's and possibilities in my head. The Unathi are a race I've become exceptionally curious about, especially with the story progression shown in the story line that is presented on the news articles. This race is split between so many different groups of different ideologies and allegiances, which I don't think a couple of paragraphs will ever be enough to express this. Then you've got the social system from the Guwans, females, Guwandi to how the skin color effects how society perceives them. Then there's the body language and mannerism, if anything I find the Unathi to be akin to Feudal Japanese Krogans. With the above in mind, I’d like to play this specific race because I love their headstrong personality and social structure, it gives so much room for conflict and story progression, like the concept of the female Unathi HoS, a person struggling against a redundant social system, or at least considered so among humanity, they are trying to rise against the shackles that has been instilled into them from a young age and it seems rather successful from what I saw, that character actually inspired me to make this app for the Unathi rather than the other ones I haven’t seen yet.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: I answered this a bit in the previous question as the differences is what really has me interested in them. Here we have something akin to a Feudal Japan Krogans, Krogans in the sense of their tragedy, whom are transitioning into the space age. They are not necessarily in their own eyes, it's that they have a code of honor that they must adhere to. Their biology includes a stronger digestive system allowing to sustain a very strong carnivorous diet and their sheer size means their physical strength is also superb. When speaking Ceti Common, any pronunciation of the letter "s" is extended, to simulate the Unathi hissing, this also extends to one that has a thick accent with the letter "x" being extended with an "s" to simulate the thick accent. Generally speaking, Humans have had a relatively stable timeline as a race compared to the Unathi, whom during the contact war annihilated almost two billion of their own dropping it from eight billion to approximately 6 billion, which as far as I know is an unprecedented loss of life second only to the Skrell lose of life during Glorsh's reign of terror. I find the Unathi to be this headstrong race, the kind that has thus far used the method of “If you beat a rock hard enough with another rock, it’ll crack”.

 

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Character Name: Kark'zir Sirvikya Kek'zir Guwan

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

Kark'zir Sirvikya, a black Unathi hailing from the town of Tzonia, where he lived with his parents. His father was part of the fishing enterprises in the region and his mother like all other females on Moghes was a housewife, taking care of her hatchlings. He spent most of his early childhood in school, with very little interest in his education, barely able to pass most stages of education. Kark’zirs passion was instead focused on fishing and cooking, he’d often go on fishing trips whether in company and alone. Yet not all was well in reality, with the conflict on Moghes still raging around the globe, settlements were starting to become more barren, his father being drafted into the levy and fought in the conflict for the Hegemon, being found dead after the fateful battle that ended the war.

The war did not leave many survivors, some clans were struggling to care of their own, with many widowed having to take care of their own with little to no support, including Kark’zir mother. She spent her time either taking care of her children or on a job, mostly menial ones, but during the early parts of 2458, she acquired a sickness that was only worse due to her being physically weak and fatigued from all the effort she exerted and one morning, she simply did not wake up. It was at this time that he figured out that there was very little remaining that he can relate it. His close family is dead, his clan numbers dwindling, Moghes will become uninhabitable soon enough and Ouerea became filled with slums.

For Kark’zir, there presented a few opportunities for his kind, feared in the frontier for raiding group and considered to be brutes in other areas in the known galaxy. One place held a chance for him, and that place was Tau Ceti, a conglomerate of species from around the galaxy with untold job opportunities that did not involve radioactive wastelands, and perhaps he might be able to establish a place for his clan. By the end of 2458, Kark’zir had signed an employment contract with the Corporate giant known as Nanotrasen. He would arrive a month before the official embargo started and would enroll Ceti Basic proficiency classes before starting his his first day aboard the NSS Exodus during the early days of February in the year 2459.

What do you like about this character? I believe Kark’zir is a good example of pragmatism and perseverance. Instead of what many of his kind are doing by staying behind, he’s planning ahead to find a good place for himself that he can establish and perhaps to help his people when more arrive in the foreseeable future. He also has a bit of a young naiveness to him that I think I'll be fond of him, I plan to have him possibly around the age of 20.

How would you rate your role-playing ability?I generally answer this the same way. I dislike rating myself as I find this to be a question more suited for the people reviewing my application, but if I would rate myself, I feel like a 7/10 would be a decent approximation.

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Notes:I’ve revamped most of the application, specifically I redid the entire character concept and edited the other questions.

Edited January 26, 2017 by Guest

[whiterabit]

Kark'zir Guwan, a dark blue Unathi

 

You dirty fucking snowflake, get out of here.

For really reals, Abo is good shit and I'd be happy to see what he could do with the whitelist. Despite having an unathi whitelist myself, I'm rusty as all hell on the lore and am definitely not the best to speak about that side of the app. But I know Abo as a player, I know how he's used his other whitelists and I think he'd be a good fit to the Unathi playerbase so long as he knows what's expected.

that is all

Edited January 24, 2017 by Guest

[Pyrociraptor]

While lizerdpeople's lore isn't much of my speciality (all I know is that they roll their "s", they beat their women into the kitchen and that you shouldn't call them by their first name), I know that Abosh/Sharp (Abosharp?) is more than capable of roleplaying non-human, as he have shown with his skrellian and IPCs characters.

[Tequilajoe]

I want to give you a -1 so that you'll be more likely to play Raymond. He's my favorite.

But I can't do that, you're a phenomenal player with a level head and excellent RP. The kind of person who will stop and ask questions before acting.

Your application looks good to me, I dont know a thing about Unathi, but I dont see any glaring issues. Go ahead, take your +1, but make sure you don't forget to play dear old Raymond every so often, okay?

[Owen]

Alright, I just so happen to be utter shit in Unathi lore even though I somehow managed to get a whitelist.

But besides that, Abosh is a p good roleplaer. I enjoy a lot of his characters and he could definitely handle an Unathi Whitelist. He seems to understand the Unathi lore but there are some points that could be fleshed out a little bit more. I feel that he will be able to bring in bits of the lore into his roleplay in a good way.

Giving this a +1.

Edited January 23, 2017 by Guest

[Fire and Glory]

I do admit the backstory is lacking a certain something, mystery or not, but I guess it is alright and not necessarily lore breaking.

Abosh is also competent in lore and roleplay from what I've seen, but I do not have much experience.

I do have one or two questions though, for now, how old is Kark'zir?

[Scheveningen]

Support on my end. A very good security player and head of staff. Good role model for people to look up to, keeps chill and remains... Sharp.

In all seriousness, approve this man.

[Omega5102]

I like. +1

[Loow]

You know why I'm here.

First paragraph.

Why do you wish to play this specific race: I'm a very curious person when it comes to lore, I like to delve into things and think about what's written and what's out the box. My most recent endeavor was the Unathi, I dived (dove)head first and I've already got so many what if's and possibilities in my head. The Unathi are a race I've become exceptionally curious about, especially with the story progression shown in the story line that is presented on the news articles. This race is a race split between so many different groups of different ideologies and allegiances, which I don't think a couple of paragraphs will ever be enough to express this. Then you've got the social system from the Guwans, females, Guwandi to how the skin color effects how society perceives them. Then there's the body language and mannerism, if anything I find the Unathi to be akin to Feudal Japanese Korgans.

"This race is a race..."

While not horrid, repeating the same word a few times in a short space can one's work seem less sharp. The sentence as a whole would flow much "better" with a shift away from this repetition. Repeating one's self usually does not sound as good as when one is not repeating one's self.

...if anything I find the Unathi to be akin to Feudal Japanese Korgans.

Krogan.

Overall, your answer to the first question is fine. It's certainly not the worst I've seen. Let's take a second and consider something simple. You're answering a question. You've done swell, but you could stand to spend more time giving an answer rather than listing facts or little details about the race. How do you feel about those things you've listed? You find them interesting? What makes them interesting to you? I believe this paragraph has mentioned that you're not so sure that you can explain how you feel in a few paragraphs.

Try it.

Might be fun.

I know JB would appreciate hearing what you like. Let the record show that this doesn't mean pass out compliments like candy. If you have any critical commentary, I'm sure JB would love to read it. You know the species' overseer is going to read your app. This is your chance to give him something to think about, if you have anything to say.

They are not necessarily in their own eyes...

Explain the idea you are trying to get across here. If you mean, "they don't see themselves as the race from Mass Effect" then I'm inclined to agree. I have a good idea of what you're trying to say, but that doesn't mean everyone else will.

Also check your utilization of the phrase "loss of life." Consider spelling and repetition.

Let's briefly talk about this backstory. It's very short, but not terrible. If you feel compelled to write more content, I would love to see more. It can't hurt.

Forgive me for not going into greater detail, but I'd love to see more people talk about their thoughts on the character's life. You wrote a story. I bet you'd like to hear what people think about it.

You took the time to write this application before posting. Likewise, I took the time to read it before responding.

Anyone who didn't is doing you a disservice.

I've seen you on the station. Your characters are fine. Your Skrell in particular left an impression, but I haven't seen enough of your RP to know if you have a healthy diversity between your characters.

You have bones for a character here. Flesh it out.

[Faris]

I've listened to all my reviews over the forums, discord and etc. and revamped my application with a better character concept better suited for an application like this, hopefully it is better as I admittedly didn't put that much effort in my original draft and would feel bad to keep it as it is with my support thus far.

[Guest Marlon Phoenix]

Your previous character was solid, and your current character is even more solid. With that and your positive feedback I'll be glad to see you play Unathi characters! Application accepted.