[Denied]Tajara whitelist submission

[Angery_Cat]

BYOND Key:angerycat

Character Names:Ned Wolfe

Species you are applying to play:Tajara

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt):

Dark Gray (RGB 30, 30, 30)

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?:Yes, twice.

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Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race:

Mostly because they're history and lore is well thought out,

So is theyre language and even the revolution experience Tajaran might have.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:

You mostly talk in a third person perspective about yourself.

You do need to take naps to make sure you are working at maximum.

You are way more resistant to the cold, not to the heat.

You see better in the dark than humans.

 

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Character Name:Narson Al'mas

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

Being born in the Al'mas tribe, which is a small tribe of cave dwellers, made him like the dark.

Of course he needed to see in the dark to hunt and of course be hidden in huttings, became grey.

The tribe was barely alive so they went out for resources.

They're bad luck lead them to the Adhomai Liberation Army, they took they're resources.

They justified it with ""Freedom" of Tajaran and Adhomai"

Of course they thought they were just bandits and walked away as they were defensless.

Freezing in the cold and the shortage of hide made half of the tribe die, but they did find the People's republic of Adhomai, where they were greeted with open arms.

Most of the tribe got split into other jobs but they lived in the same home, some of which getting an

education in some of the Nanotrasen schools and getting medical help in the hospitals.

Alot of the Al'mas tribe was uneducated so most of the jobs they got were mining.

Learning about the revolutions that took place in Tajaran history and the sol common.

Nanotrasen took some of the Al'mas tribe members and other various tribes members into job interviews in space.

Passing the check to be able to communicate and getting a job was difficult.

Especially trying to speak in first person perspective.

Job was gotten. New life began in space.

What do you like about this character?

Cant answer that.

How would you rate your role-playing ability?

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Quite good.

Notes:I cant answer the like the character question well because of how I get attached and then like the character. Also yes 2 weeks playtime.

Sorry for the text being randomly spaced out that isnt my doing

Edited September 8, 2017 by Guest

[Angery_Cat]

Almost forgot to add my ckey.

Edited September 8, 2017 by Guest

[Butterrobber202]

I recommend taking a good hard look at other successful tajara apps then revisit your story.

And don't expect this to pass unless you give him a name.

[Diggey]

Um,a few parts of the application are a little rough,the language you are referring to is most likely Tau Cet Basic

there's also some grammatical and spelling errors

get to it before a moderator sees x-x

[MattAtlas]

This application is far too short and lacks a name. The backstory also seems rather empty.

I can't support this, you're lacking a name and a good backstory that shows understanding of the lore. Of course, that's just my opinion.

[ToasterStrudel]

I'm going to have to -1 this myself, it just seems a bit lackluster.

After reading over this application, it doesn't really show any details about the Tajara lore itself, most of it seems to be assumptions and vague statements. The only thing I can see directly FROM the wiki is the color, while that is good, you don't even mention anything about the Zhan-Khazan or anything of the sort.

This application in general shows a severe lack of understanding of the species, in addition to the grammar mistakes and other things I do not believe it will be accepted in current form.

If I were you, I'd take a bit of time to read the Tajara lore page in detail, and completely rewrite this application. You seem to be a newer player, so i'll be frank with you, we don't hand out whitelist applications like they are candy, Some applications take at least a bit of effort to get, and always have the chance of being revoked. Our lore-people work hard writing interesting and unique lore to keep players interested, these Tajara aren't just Humans with a fursuit, they are a different species, with a different history, and different customs.

Also the plural for Tajara is either 'Tajara', or when referring to the speciecies itself 'Tajaran', not 'Tajaras'

Tl;dr: This needs to be reworked majorly, -1

edit: also your Byond Ckey is incorrect.

[Angery_Cat]

It is reworked...

[Angery_Cat]

Tl;dr: This needs to be reworked majorly, -1

 

 

I have reworked it, alot.

[Diggey]

See,these reworks are much much better,I like this far more and once I see your roleplaying in action I'd even consider giving you a +1 now

[Angery_Cat]

See,these reworks are much much better,I like this far more and once I see your roleplaying in action I'd even consider giving you a +1 now

 

Thanks. I just had to rush it the last time cause I was in the middle of the night.

[Butterrobber202]

Much better, it feels like you need abit more practice with RP, but the story is 10x better. Neutral leaning towards +1

[Mofo1995]

I will be responding to this tomorrow night (in about 20 hours). Sorry for the delay!

[Mofo1995]

Gonna have to delay this one more day. Sorry again for the delay!

[Angery_Cat]

Gonna have to delay this one more day. Sorry again for the delay!

 

i cant wait anymore pls :c

[Mofo1995]

While your rework is a lot better, being a primitive cave dwelling tribe prior to introduction to society is... strange to say the very least. I mean, imagine on being on post-globalist Earth with humans across the galaxy and not knowing anything beyond a cave on the modernizing homeworld. It's a bit goofy to me. Tajara by and large haven't been cave-dweller hunter-gatherers for thousands of years. But, putting aside just the premise, and I reiterate that your changes were a large jump in the right direction, the application is still a bit... simplistic? It gives more of a brief story about a tribe and less about who the character is. My advice would be to play a little bit more and redesign your character concept. I think a whitelist isn't out of your reach.

Application denied.