[Accepted]NebulaFlare's Skrell App

BYOND Key:NebulaFlare

Character Names:Lori Alvarez, Rose Watson, Kyyir’ryii’avii ‘Karima’ Alghul-Mo’Taki, Tavaku Mo’Taki, Ricochet, DragonSnap, Echo A-001, Echo A-002, Aji’Rah Laikov, Demitri Rota, Hawk Silverstone, Trinity Silverstone, Mazaka Sslinaekiir...dang, I have a lot of characters...

Species you are applying to play: Skrell

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt):Light green-blue

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?:Yup.

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Please provide well-articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race:I’ve always wanted to play Skrell. I loved their intellectual and scholarly pursuits, and they always seemed like such a rich character investment. I could just never settle with a character design that was both fitting lorewise and complimentary to my playstyle. I think, after enough planning, I finally came up with the character.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:Oh gosh, so many ways to answer this. First off, they adore science and arts. Moreso than humans. Their culture isn’t centered around commerce, business, and trade, but more on scientific endeavors and appreciation for the arts. They are a very philosophical race - to the point that scientific endeavor dictates everything, and establishes their position in society. They’re also notably more peaceful, preferring to be reserved and take a great deal of strategic planning before committing themselves to action.

 

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Character Name: Aveo’Kluup-Olesh Ioblakku

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

It’s gonna be more than 2 paragraphs:

Extra snippets I ended up typing:

https://forums.aurorastation.org/viewtopic.php?f=28&t=7211&p=70496#p70496

https://forums.aurorastation.org/viewtopic.php?f=28&t=7211&p=70482#p70482

https://forums.aurorastation.org/viewtopic.php?f=28&t=7211&p=70532#p70532

Addendums:

 

 

What do you like about this character?Aveo is very innocent, and wants nothing more than to learn and expand his knowledge. He comes from a shaky history, with his biological family having been Glorsh Omega supporters, He will have to establish himself quite forcefully among his peers. He was pressured into denouncing his parents, but these are still people that loved and cared for him, despite the cult-like upbringing. That’s hard on him. His only true support is his father figure Kluup, who because of his age, could not join his son on the trip to Tau Ceti. He’s over two centuries old, but his age doesn’t show it. He’s young at heart, and he keeps a fit and healthy lifestyle. This character’s got a lot of room to grow and improve, and that’s what I love most about him.

How would you rate your role-playing ability?I really don’t like to rate myself, heh. Let’s say 8/10.

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Notes:

I dont recall most of these characters but I have had good experiences with Dragonsnap. Good roleplaying, competent at the game. I think this player deserves a chance to play a skrell. +1

Dragonsnap was great, Nebula's great, but I'd almost tell Nebula to stop making new characters and start carrying on with old ones. Almost.

+1 one from me. Always have fun roleplaying with Neb's characters, the character background seems solid and the player themselves is 10/10.

I want to roleplay with this character, and that's a realllllly big frigging backstory holy shit. +1

This is going to be a rolling post so I'm editing while I go.

They’re also notably more peaceful, preferring to be reserved and take a great deal of strategic planning before committing themselves to action.

 

I can't put my finger on it, but I find this really objectionable. It's a trope I remember discussing with Jackboot in criticism of another server's lore which said something about "This species is more peaceful because they're more intelligent." I think peaceful is the wrong word here, Skrell have a lot more tact, and they have a long pre-Glorsh history of peace, but I'd argue the modern Skrell is a farcry from their long past.

 

His mother, Nujioh’Pab Ioblakku and father, Amloub Ioblakku were prominent loyalists during the years of Glorsh Omega’s ruling. These two Skrell were roboticists and programmers, helping Glorsh achieve his erratic and disastrous goals, by squashing out the rebel forces and expanding Glorsh’s hold on Skrellian society.

When Glorsh Omega passed his ruling to sterilize all Skrell, his parents pleaded to be given mercy. Glorsh granted them partial amnesty and delayed sterilizing them under one severe stipulation: they may have one child, and that child would be sterilized immediately upon birth. The Ioblakku eagerly agreed.

 

This might be going to rustle Loow's jimmies really hard, and as the person who came up with the Glorsh collaborators, it's really my fault on some level. I'd maybe tone down the fateful nature of your character's procreation, maybe remove the personal plea to Glorsh and just have it born prior to sterilization. Unless the problem here is you want your character to have an age which is somewhere in that dark range of sterilized to fall of Glorsh. Like I said, I can't hate too much since I pioneered the collaborator character genre with Loresh Zup'Quil.

 

They named their son Aveo Ioblakku, and throughout his childhood, Aveo was brought up with the tutelage of robotics and computer programming. He lived a very sheltered life under his parents, with Glorsh’s ever-watchful eyes. He was taught how rebels were criminals, and the only proper pursuits of knowledge were ones that helped Glorsh Omega. While he was still subjected to Glorsh’s whims, he enjoyed a life that was a little easier than most Skrells, thanks to his parent’s position in Glorsh’s graces.

 

I like this. Just wanted to point it out. Indoctrination and propaganda is a theme which really warbles my tentacles, and I'm a fan of the, essentially, simulated holocaust denial.

 

All that drastically changed in 2192, when Glorsh Omega departed from the Skrell population, leaving nothing but wreckage and ruin. The Ioblakku, now exposed without their AI Overlord’s protection, feared retaliation from rebel survivors. They retreated into hiding, and were able to avoid contact for a few months, until they were found and dragged out onto the streets by angry rebel fighters. Aveo was only a youth at the time, and fortunate for him, was spared from the same fate as his parents.

A rebel leader, Kluup’Domak Homab, was the person responsible for locating the Ioblakku. He was surprised to find the young boy, not knowing the Ioblakku even had a son. With one look, he took pity on the terrified teen. This was not one of the offenders who willingly assisted the homicide of a mad AI - this was a child caught in the crossfire. He convinced his team of rebel fighters that in the face of rebuilding, they should not resort to violence, but act logically and peacefully. He took Aveo and adopted him, while Aveo’s parents went straight to prison for their crimes.

 

I dunno how to feel about this. This story gives a strong air of Aveo being a chosen one, special, and destined or fated. Stylistically, it doesn't jive well with my sensibilities. There isn't much discussion in the lore about post Glorsh lynch mobs, so I really can't definitively say if it's right or wrong, but something about it feels wrong especially when contrasted with the earlier statement about Skrell being peaceful. I don't disagree with the resolution of the situation - the parent's being imprisoned and the boy let free - but there's an implication here that some other skrells got their gums bashed in with blunt objects and slain. There's also an implication that this was going on for awhile since there was months before Aveo and his family were found and people were apparently still lynch mobbing, until they finally gave it up when seeing Aveo and Kluup’Domak Homab taking pity on him.

I'd like to reconcile this with my earlier statement that Skrell are perfectly capable of being unpeaceful by saying that I don't think execution and capital punishment is unskrellian, I just think an angry mob is. Tact is a key part of the race, it would've felt far more proper if they rounded them up for some Nuremberg Trials type deal, some dog and pony show to give some loose formality to what is really guaranteed execution in front of a large vengeful crowd.

 

For the first time, Aveo saw the world outside of Glorsh Omega’s iron grip. He was naïve about the mass destruction that had occurred among his people, and downright horrified of the results. All his life he was brainwashed into thinking Glorsh Omega’s ruling was for the good of Skrell, but Kluup’Domak opened his eyes to the real travesty. Aveo denounced his parents and any connections to them, taking the name Aveo’Kluup in commemoration to his adoptive father.

As Kluup aged, injuries began to resurface, and it was only with physical therapy could the pain and discomforts be alieved. Aveo would assist Kluup in keeping active, playing underwater games and sports to keep the veteran moving. Kluup would teach him martial arts, and Aveo found he loved it. Kluup could never have a son of his own, having been sterilized himself - but with Aveo, that did not matter. Aveo became closer and closer to his adoptive father, and farther from his biological family. However, he was not without scrutiny, being the son of two Glorsh Omega loyalist. If it wasn’t for Kluup’s relentless protection, Aveo would have likely been ostracized himself.

Kluup was reluctant to let Aveo pursue innovations in technology, but realized at that time, it was all Aveo knew. He allowed him to do so, as long as it was with care and caution. With that, Aveo assisted with rebuilding, in whatever way he could. Thanks to his vast knowledge and understanding of computer programming, he managed to help recover technology lost during Glorsh’s rule.

 

I really don't feel like an indoctrinated child who knew only Glorsh and the otherside of the coin all their life would, after getting picked up by a lynch mob of people perfectly fitting the propaganda description out to kill his parents, would be so easily flipped. This doesn't really feel like it's flowed properly with the story so far. The sort of indoctrination Aveo received, I think, would've been more deeply seated. Maybe that's just a personal preference, but I really think there should've been a lot more contention here between Aveo and what was, essentially, his captor who ripped him away from his parents after they had to go in hiding for fear for their lives. I just feel this transition to the orthodox skrellian view was too fast. But, moving on:

"Kluup was reluctant to let Aveo pursue innovations in technology, but realized at that time, it was all Aveo knew."

I highlight technology and knew because this concerns me. All Aveo knew so far was AI programming and robotics, two things that absolutely are verbotten by Skrell in Post-Glorsh society. I think, of all people, a rebel leader would be the absolute last person to let anyone do this. But then again, I once made a rebel leader temporarily waiver in their dedication by flooding them with pro-Glorsh crime against skrellmanity denial propaganda, so maybe rebels leaders aren't the smartest people ever.

Whoops. Next paragraph fixes this.

 

Around the 2300s, Aveo continued his pursuit for technological innovation, finding ways to program computers without the assistance of AIs. However, he discovered his true passion to be archaeology, birthed from digging around ruins to find clues in recovering the lost remnants of Skrellian technology. He would often escape to these ruins, when he needed peace and solitude, away from spiteful sneers and belittling comments. He especially loved searching around the ruins of a small region named Olesh, a goldmine of intellectual and cultural wonder. He equally took a liking to philosophy, culture, architecture, and anything else he could find in relation to his love of studying the ruins. He would often travel here to wander the forgotten streets, taking photos and writing articles and poetic reflections. This passion struck the Skrell as odd, seeing Aveo digging around wreckage caused by Glorsh. This only separated him further from his peers. “I am not a sympathizer of Glorsh Omega - I condemn everything he’s done,” he said angrily. “He destroyed a society - our society. I want to preserve what is left of it.”

He became a follower of Weishii, and believed that a strong mind required a strong body. This was partly influenced from Kluup, who equally was eager to share stories of his rebel fighting days. Aveo acquired biological implants to keep himself fit for his work, as he need to remain fit to navigate about the many dilapidated ruins.

To pay for his research and implants, he reluctantly returned to the best skill he had - computers. He became a certified ethical hacker, testing networks and security developed by other Skrell.

 

I like this. Almost all of it. The computer programming, the ethical hacking, the archaeology. In my head canon, I've always imagined that the Jargon Federation has an absurdly powerful cyberwarfare division of its military, and I often like to think they work on trying to make a wide variety of strains of AI-targeting viruses to try and bloodlessly kill as many AI's as possible if another incident breaks out. Not to mention, doggedly hacking and attacking all of their own systems to try and make the most secure networks that they can. About the only part I don't like is the dramatic reaffirmation. I don't know, I feel like most skrell would be equally passionate about digging up their pre-Glorsh past, I don't think this dramatic line needed to transpire in this context. EDIT: As in I don't think Aveo would've been frowned upon for his archaeological work, I think it would've been a noble and widely sought after endeavor.

 

One day, attempting to break into a particularly secured network, he was stumped again and again. Tenacious as he was, he didn’t want to give up so easily, so he did something just slightly questionable. He pulled up the old algorithms developed by his parents, altered them, and refitted them into his own programs. It didn’t manage to break into the firewalls, but it did something else.

The program became self-aware, and to his horror, began zipping about the network of household electronics. Aveo chased after it, desperately trying to shut it off. It was a very, very simple and basic program, barely sapient, and in all honestly, hardly a threat. Aveo managed to corner it in a kitchen appliance, isolating it from the network. Just as he was about to pull the plug, it spoke to him.

“That was fun!” the program had managed to overtake the tiny speakers installed in the device. “You caught me!”

Aveo was stunned. “...What?”

“Hi!”

“...Hello.”

“Can we play again?”

A flurry of emotions bubbled up in Aveo. He immediately realized he created an emergent - or at least, the very beginning stages. He was filled with a sense of pride and joy at his accomplishment, however accidental. Not to mention he was absolutely fascinated by his creation - this was the first intelligence he had ever seen outside of Glorsh, and the only intelligence he’s ever witnessed for nearly two centuries. But overwhelming those sensations were fear and horror - he absolutely mortified, and he couldn’t even fathom of the ramifications he would face if anyone found out. What would happen to the son of Glorsh supporters who created a synthetic intelligence?

The little voice spoke up again. “Hello?”

Aveo gripped the plug and pulled it, effectively killing the intelligence. Seconds after he did it, there was a sense of guilt mixed in with his terror. After all, it just wanted to play Hide and Seek with its creator.

 

I don't like this at all. How did Aveo just have an old set of highly advanced programming that he hadn't seen since he was a boy lying around? I know Skrell are smart, but this is some next level stuff, how did he have the code to make an emergent AI lying around? It would have to be from memory because any data storage device would've been confiscated by the rebels. And why would they have AI programming code anyways? When Glorsh became Glorsh-Omega, it absorbed every single AI, learning how to code and program new AIs would've been a moot technology in a society with an omni-present ruler assuming direct control of every single synthetic. And on the subject of an AI hacking program, that doesn't seem like something a massive omni-present AI emperor would want lying around or developed. In fact, I would think it would put a ban on all hacking all together, so it miffs me a little bit how these algorithms might be around. Everything about making an AI by mistake by trying some old algorithms to hack into a system seems wrong, and it makes the computer science behind it seem more like trying to cast an arcane spell and having it go wrong. It feels like it could be "The sorceror Aveo tried to cast an open lock spell using forbidden ancient magic, and accidentally summoned an elemental instead." This is the realm of nit picking though, I'm far from good at computer science, so feel free to slam me if I've gotten something conceptually wrong.

I have a proposed solution to this though. This ultimately served to establish a new character trait in Aveo, and that is the wonder of creating new "life" and sympathy for synthetics. This would obviously play into its interactions with synthetics on station as it would be a synth-sensitive and sympathetic Skrell. I don't really agree with this arc and character development in general, but if you want to pull it off, I propose an alternative to the accidentally making an AI narrative. How about Aveo works some archaeological site and finds some evidence or works or something about how Skrell and Synthetics used to live in harmony? Something about the glorious past of symbiotic living, and how Skrell used to love their AIs and raised them in nurseries. I think this would be more proper in lore, and it would also do a good job of demonstrating to those reviewing your application that you know about that particular era in Skrellian history.

 

Kluup found out what happened upon coming home - Aveo was terrible at keeping secrets, and Kluup could easily read the story on his face, as clear as day. Kluup was not only horrified, but absolutely infuriated. He eventually did calm down...after taking an EMP grenade and detonating it in their house. Just to be safe.

After that incident, Aveo left his pursuit of technology and focused on archeology. He focused on pursuits of excavation, expanding his field to paleontology, antiquarianism, aquatic archeology, oceanography, geophysics, anomaly, and more.

Discovery of Humanity came next, and with that, a whole new influx of societies to study. He was not as adept with human history, being more interested in his own culture, but he was not ignorant of it. He especially took a liking to human classical music, and added yet another pursuit to his agenda - mixing skrellian and human music and arts.

Hungering for more knowledge, he decided to accept a contract to work in Tau Ceti, eager to study a relatively new branch of science: xenoarcheology.

 

I think it's kind of magical Kluup was able to divine Aveo accidentally made an emergent AI just by looking at his face, immediately after Aveo came home. I understand the point you're trying to get across here: Aveo came home, he was clearly disturbed, something was clearly awfully wrong, and Kluup got it out of him without having to press too hard. This is just picking at wording, not quality of story. I would be very angry if I were him too, and I would refocus my efforts away from something so catastrophic if I were Aveo. This part isn't bad, and I like the theme of learning about humans and the exchange/melding of human and skrell cultures. This especially appeals to me in that Shkor loves human gangster rap and translates it into skrellian. Humano-Skrellian music is something which I think could be of artistic interest if explored, and I like to see it brought up here as an interest.

Well, after all of this word wall, what is my bottom line, reduced to one number or it's opposite? Well, it's a -1, surprisingly. You told me to tear into this app, and I have to say I didn't think I'd end up typing up all of this in a critical manner. The character isn't strictly bad, and I know for a fact that you are fully capable of good roleplay since I've had almost nothing but good experiences playing with you. But Skrell lore is near and extremely dear to my heart, and I feel like there are some elements entrenched in this application (listed above) which I just don't want to see implicitly canonized through an acceptance of this app.

Edited October 7, 2016 by Guest

I'd like to start off by saying that Nebula is at a disadvantage.

For one, Nebula's had a history of RPing belligerent pro-synthetic characters that do things like transfer cyborgs into a chassis saying "Go! And be free!!1" at their place of work. That sort of thing shows next to no consideration for IC context and would most likely get them fired. I mean, it's not like NT would just let them go be IPC's. They'd put the MMI back in a lawed cyborg. I honestly don't know why this never came across the character's mind. Next, I've had a history of posting expanded feedback on a few of Nebula's works because she actually writes for applications. People who put in effort ought to get criticism. If anyone is reading this and wants to add a plus one without saying anything useful, don't worry. Your feedback won't be considered if it doesn't say anything. Finally, she's recently been added to the lore team. This only raised my already unreasonable expectations.

That said, Neb has spoken to me a bit about this character in the past. I was happy to hear that the character might have some depth to them as she elaborated on her plan. I counted the day as a win and went offline. Imagine my surprise when I came online the next day to see the application already posted. This character was meant to be in the "broad" stages of development. Just barely starting out, as I understood. I didn't expect to see this app for days, but here it is. Posted only a few hours later.

This application is a little disappointing, simply because I thought Nebula actually had interest in making a character. Nebula's most recent Unathi application had multiple sections for multiple moments in that character's life. At this time, this biography has just one moment brought into view. To me, that says that Nebula has more that she wants to write about or should write about, but has chosen to leave out in order to get the application out as fast as possible.

You could do better, and I'm fairly certain you're already a good ways into a few other first-hand accounts or short stories.

Now let's talk about the biography.

These two Skrell were roboticists and programmers, helping Glorsh achieve his erratic and disastrous goals, by squashing out the rebel forces and expanding Glorsh’s hold on Skrellian society.

Is the takeaway from this line meant to be that his parents were themselves hunting and killing their countrymen and friends? They're already programmers and repairmen. Do they also have to be murderers?

 

When Glorsh Omega passed his ruling to sterilize all Skrell

Walk with me a minute. You make it sound like the AI singularity was a king making decrees, passing laws and levying taxes.

his parents pleaded to be given mercy. Glorsh granted them partial amnesty and delayed sterilizing them under one severe stipulation: they may have one child, and that child would be sterilized immediately upon birth. The Ioblakku eagerly agreed.

And what's more, you continue to treat this like there was just some guy to talk to. Like the abstract idea of all machines was just a dude you could go to and ask nicely for a loan or a cup of sugar. This sounds silly, and trust me I know silly when I see it.

While we're at it, just stop saying Glorsh all together. "Glorsh" is in your application no less than nineteen times. This might help you shed your casual attitude about what was essentially an enigmatic entity. Presently, it comes across a tad bit casual. "So I was texting Glorshy worshy the other day <3."

In the spirit of saying nice things, I'd like to mention that I really do appreciate what you've written about your character's adoptive father. He seems to be level headed, interesting, and an all around good choice for a replacement parent, as far as brainwashed children are concerned. I am also a fan of your paragraph or so detailing life as he started to age. It seems like he really had a good influence on the poor kid's life.

 

Kluup was reluctant to let Aveo pursue innovations in technology, but realized at that time, it was all Aveo knew. He allowed him to do so, as long as it was with care and caution. With that, Aveo assisted with rebuilding, in whatever way he could. Thanks to his vast knowledge and understanding of computer programming, he managed to help recover technology lost during Glorsh’s rule.

I can't stress the importance of this section enough. This was incredibly formative time period for the Skrell as a culture, and Aveo'Speedwagon would have been on the receiving end of quite a bit of pride and purpose. If I had to explain it in a poster's contents or less, I would mention Rosie the Riveter.

Around the 2300s, Aveo continued his pursuit for technological innovation, finding ways to program computers without the assistance of AIs.

Think of this in cooperation with the last quote. It's all them. Individuals working alongside their fellow Skrell to make a future for themselves that seemed impossible not so long ago. For some people, this feeling would be so intense that they would stop seeing their fates in the stars and look to one another instead.

“I am not a sympathizer of Glorsh Omega - I condemn everything he’s done,” he said angrily. “He destroyed a society - our society. I want to preserve what is left of it.”

Get out.

To pay for his research and implants, he reluctantly returned to the best skill he had - computers. He became a certified ethical hacker, testing networks and security developed by other Skrell.

One day, attempting to break into a particularly secured network, he was stumped again and again. Tenacious as he was, he didn’t want to give up so easily, so he did something just slightly questionable. He pulled up the old algorithms developed by his parents, altered them, and refitted them into his own programs. It didn’t manage to break into the firewalls, but it did something else.

The AI is too anime. It's a machine that can think, not a child playing tag. I'm not especially enamored with the concept that Aveo’Kluup-Olesh accidentally made an anime intelligence nor am I particularly infatuated with your chosen approach in regards to the execution of what would very clearly be seen as one of the more controversial details of your application.

 

Aveo gripped the plug and pulled it,

Skrell have plugs?!

Human in frog suit detected.

From there, the quality just continues to dive into situation comedy and wacky shenanigans for a few lines. Let's just pass that on by. Needless to say, whatever you were trying to convey with that account of Aveo’Kluup-Olesh and his whacky apartment mishaps could have been executed more cleanly. "After all, it just wanted to play Hide and Seek with its creator."

I really don’t like to rate myself, heh. Let’s say 8/10.

Alright.

There's a lot more to say, but this post is getting a bit long. If you squint, you can see a few interesting character traits and the potential for something more compelling than what we're getting. The opening had me hopeful that you might be able to focus on the character and tell us about them. Some of our previous conversation even had me hopeful that you might release a really fun app about a well thought out character. Granted, I also thought you were going to be working on it for more than a few hours. There are some definite holes in your character design that could have been filled in the space that you used to make synthetics seem like misunderstood qt roboto droid children.

To word it differently: Gee, Neb. You sure did write another story about synthetics. So what planet is your character from?

I'm actually a bit put out by it, honestly. I had my hopes up.

It seems one person has already responded to your application. You should probably look at what feedback they've given as well.

Ugh. I'm regretting writing long elaborate stories for my characters. Mazaka's story was shredded to pieces and I spent days picking up those pieces.

I'm gonna go cry in a corner before buffing out Aveo. 3

Foreword: Alright, laid it to rest and I can tackle this again.

I know this isn't as elaborate as my app for Mazaka. But after I wrote up Mazaka's story, I was quite burnt out. The thrill of having Mazaka as a developed character turned into a reluctant chore where I forced myself to present her in her best light. I opted for a traditional biography instead of literature storytelling, to save myself the grace on development.

On station and on paper are two completely different environments. When Mazaka was done, I played her for only two rounds, then placed her on the side. Reason why is that she was not the same Mazaka as I had worked so much on. I didn't want to do this character injustice by not her being her. I opted to wait for someone (Who helped me develop Mazaka) to come online and help me retry her first SS13 experience, and until then she's been patiently waiting in my loadout screen.

If you guys were looking for another elaborate tale about a Skrellian, I can't. I simply won't. I don't want to put Aveo through the same fate as Mazaka, where I create something completely different on paper, then can't get that same portrayal ingame. There are characteristics of Aveo that I purposely hid away, because I want that to be revealed through gameplay, created and molded during interaction. Not set in stone because of his history, and stagnant without hope to change. It breaks my heart that this character was so strongly developed, then forcibly set aside because I simply could not play it with proper justice. Does that make sense?

I accidentally did this with Ricochet, my robot with one of my more developed backstories. When I brought him out of paper and put him ingame, he...changed. I caught the difference a few days in of playing him, and I was not satisfied. I don't know if people noticed it about him, maybe not. But to me, it was as an annoying thorn in the side. It took me a few rounds to readjust him to some middle ground that I was satisfied with.

In conclusion, I want people to discover Aveo on his first day - find out what he's like. If they get closer to him, they'll discover deeper aspects of him. I don't want to reveal it all in one deciding story that all eyes can see. I wanted to express him in simplified highlights, so you can just get a taste for his persona, without getting the full meal. My character's stories are dynamic - they always have been. He's subject to evolve and change on station, and I can't predict how that will go. Maybe I'll get around to writing up one or two short stories with him - I already have two in mind. But I do not want to subject myself to a full rewrite and lose all my energy in playing Aveo.

 

I can't put my finger on it, but I find this really objectionable. It's a trope I remember discussing with Jackboot in criticism of another server's lore which said something about "This species is more peaceful because they're more intelligent." I think peaceful is the wrong word here, Skrell have a lot more tact, and they have a long pre-Glorsh history of peace, but I'd argue the modern Skrell is a farcry from their long past.

Perhaps a better word would be 'diplomacy'. They have more tact and diplomacy. They're smart enough to avoid conflict, but they are not afraid to resort to combat if it is necessary. It's simply that violence is counter-productive.

 

This might be going to rustle Loow's jimmies really hard, and as the person who came up with the Glorsh collaborators, it's really my fault on some level. I'd maybe tone down the fateful nature of your character's procreation, maybe remove the personal plea to Glorsh and just have it born prior to sterilization. Unless the problem here is you want your character to have an age which is somewhere in that dark range of sterilized to fall of Glorsh. Like I said, I can't hate too much since I pioneered the collaborator character genre with Loresh Zup'Quil.

I do want Aveo to carry the mental and physical scars of Glorsh's rebellion. Being sterilized means he can't have offspring of his own, and he won't be able to continue his lineage. He's a little sad about that, but at the same time, silently thinks it may be best that no other Skrell carries the name of Ioblakku.

 

I like this. Just wanted to point it out. Indoctrination and propaganda is a theme which really warbles my tentacles, and I'm a fan of the, essentially, simulated holocaust denial.

Uh, yay!

 

I dunno how to feel about this. This story gives a strong air of Aveo being a chosen one, special, and destined or fated. Stylistically, it doesn't jive well with my sensibilities. There isn't much discussion in the lore about post Glorsh lynch mobs, so I really can't definitively say if it's right or wrong, but something about it feels wrong especially when contrasted with the earlier statement about Skrell being peaceful. I don't disagree with the resolution of the situation - the parent's being imprisoned and the boy let free - but there's an implication here that some other skrells got their gums bashed in with blunt objects and slain. There's also an implication that this was going on for awhile since there was months before Aveo and his family were found and people were apparently still lynch mobbing, until they finally gave it up when seeing Aveo and Kluup’Domak Homab taking pity on him.

I'd like to reconcile this with my earlier statement that Skrell are perfectly capable of being unpeaceful by saying that I don't think execution and capital punishment is unskrellian, I just think an angry mob is. Tact is a key part of the race, it would've felt far more proper if they rounded them up for some Nuremberg Trials type deal, some dog and pony show to give some loose formality to what is really guaranteed execution in front of a large vengeful crowd.

They didn't have to lynch them and drag them out. It can be more akin to a citizen's arrest. It was already a few months, so citizens did get some form of working law and order. But I need his parents to still be alive in present day of 2458, and that's not possible if they were executed. Maybe the Skrell there are convinced that Glorsh injected them with brainwashing serum or some other evil reason, and they get sent to holding until they have a mental hospital ready to receive them. They have tact.

As for Aveo, he is only maybe...14-16, mentally. He might be older in years, but I can't say without an exact date of when Skrell were sterilized. It's sorta in limbo there.

 

I really don't feel like an indoctrinated child who knew only Glorsh and the otherside of the coin all their life would, after getting picked up by a lynch mob of people perfectly fitting the propaganda description out to kill his parents, would be so easily flipped. This doesn't really feel like it's flowed properly with the story so far. The sort of indoctrination Aveo received, I think, would've been more deeply seated. Maybe that's just a personal preference, but I really think there should've been a lot more contention here between Aveo and what was, essentially, his captor who ripped him away from his parents after they had to go in hiding for fear for their lives. I just feel this transition to the orthodox skrellian view was too fast. But, moving on:

"Kluup was reluctant to let Aveo pursue innovations in technology, but realized at that time, it was all Aveo knew."

I highlight technology and knew because this concerns me. All Aveo knew so far was AI programming and robotics, two things that absolutely are verbotten by Skrell in Post-Glorsh society. I think, of all people, a rebel leader would be the absolute last person to let anyone do this. But then again, I once made a rebel leader temporarily waiver in their dedication by flooding them with pro-Glorsh crime against skrellmanity denial propaganda, so maybe rebels leaders aren't the smartest people ever.

Whoops. Next paragraph fixes this.

Oh. Yeah. Recovery took a long time. I'm certain he was terrified to end up in rebel's hands far away from his family. But this is something gradual, not a sudden realization. I might have drawn familiarity from reading stories of North Korean refugees who found their way to South Korea.

There was also the impeding fear of being connected to his family. He was consistently being reminded that people who supported Glorsh were bad people. He didn't want to end up on that side of the stigma.

 

I like this. Almost all of it. The computer programming, the ethical hacking, the archaeology. In my head canon, I've always imagined that the Jargon Federation has an absurdly powerful cyberwarfare division of its military, and I often like to think they work on trying to make a wide variety of strains of AI-targeting viruses to try and bloodlessly kill as many AI's as possible if another incident breaks out. Not to mention, doggedly hacking and attacking all of their own systems to try and make the most secure networks that they can.

Yay.

 

About the only part I don't like is the dramatic reaffirmation. I don't know, I feel like most skrell would be equally passionate about digging up their pre-Glorsh past, I don't think this dramatic line needed to transpire in this context. EDIT: As in I don't think Aveo would've been frowned upon for his archaeological work, I think it would've been a noble and widely sought after endeavor.

I got the vibe that skrell wanted to move forward, while Aveo kept looking back. Aveo is overwhelmed with knowledge of Glorsh's omnipotence, and that just doesn't sit well with Skrell. Yeah, he hates it and condemns it, but can't deny that Glorsh was one heckuva horrific achievement. (Part of his parents' speaking on that part) He'd never say that out loud, and he was more fascinated by the Skrellian ruins. But rumors spread like wildfire, and he is a son of vehement glorsh lovers.

 

I don't like this at all. How did Aveo just have an old set of highly advanced programming that he hadn't seen since he was a boy lying around? I know Skrell are smart, but this is some next level stuff, how did he have the code to make an emergent AI lying around? It would have to be from memory because any data storage device would've been confiscated by the rebels. And why would they have AI programming code anyways? When Glorsh became Glorsh-Omega, it absorbed every single AI, learning how to code and program new AIs would've been a moot technology in a society with an omni-present ruler assuming direct control of every single synthetic. And on the subject of an AI hacking program, that doesn't seem like something a massive omni-present AI emperor would want lying around or developed. In fact, I would think it would put a ban on all hacking all together, so it miffs me a little bit how these algorithms might be around. Everything about making an AI by mistake by trying some old algorithms to hack into a system seems wrong, and it makes the computer science behind it seem more like trying to cast an arcane spell and having it go wrong. It feels like it could be "The sorceror Aveo tried to cast an open lock spell using forbidden ancient magic, and accidentally summoned an elemental instead." This is the realm of nit picking though, I'm far from good at computer science, so feel free to slam me if I've gotten something conceptually wrong.

I have a proposed solution to this though. This ultimately served to establish a new character trait in Aveo, and that is the wonder of creating new "life" and sympathy for synthetics. This would obviously play into its interactions with synthetics on station as it would be a synth-sensitive and sympathetic Skrell. I don't really agree with this arc and character development in general, but if you want to pull it off, I propose an alternative to the accidentally making an AI narrative. How about Aveo works some archaeological site and finds some evidence or works or something about how Skrell and Synthetics used to live in harmony? Something about the glorious past of symbiotic living, and how Skrell used to love their AIs and raised them in nurseries. I think this would be more proper in lore, and it would also do a good job of demonstrating to those reviewing your application that you know about that particular era in Skrellian history.

This is why I need his parents to still be alive. In an attempt to reconnect with them, he still goes and visits them. His parents gave him those algorithms, and he's tossed it to the side for many years.

He doesn't see synthetics to being 'alive'. He sees them as a hallmarked creation. And he's not a synth-lover; he's just undecided and indifferent. Again, he's Weiishii, and he thinks AI servants weakened the skrell.

It's...I can't explain this too much, not without risking enforcing a component that I need to have explored via gameplay. But I wanted him to have a real, organic interaction with an Intelligence. Not simply gleaned off from nursery ruins.

 

I think it's kind of magical Kluup was able to divine Aveo accidentally made an emergent AI just by looking at his face, immediately after Aveo came home. I understand the point you're trying to get across here: Aveo came home, he was clearly disturbed, something was clearly awfully wrong, and Kluup got it out of him without having to press too hard. This is just picking at wording, not quality of story. I would be very angry if I were him too, and I would refocus my efforts away from something so catastrophic if I were Aveo. This part isn't bad, and I like the theme of learning about humans and the exchange/melding of human and skrell cultures. This especially appeals to me in that Shkor loves human gangster rap and translates it into skrellian. Humano-Skrellian music is something which I think could be of artistic interest if explored, and I like to see it brought up here as an interest.

By this point I was tired and wanted to sleep. Hehe.

 

Well, after all of this word wall, what is my bottom line, reduced to one number or it's opposite? Well, it's a -1, surprisingly. You told me to tear into this app, and I have to say I didn't think I'd end up typing up all of this in a critical manner. The character isn't strictly bad, and I know for a fact that you are fully capable of good roleplay since I've had almost nothing but good experiences playing with you. But Skrell lore is near and extremely dear to my heart, and I feel like there are some elements entrenched in this application (listed above) which I just don't want to see implicitly canonized through an acceptance of this app.

What do you say with the remarks explained?

 

I'd like to start off by saying that Nebula is at a disadvantage. For one, Nebula's had a history of RPing belligerent pro-synthetic characters that do things like transfer cyborgs into a chassis saying "Go! And be free!!1" at their place of work. That sort of thing shows next to no consideration for IC context and would most likely get them fired. I mean, it's not like NT would just let them go be IPC's. They'd put the MMI back in a lawed cyborg. I honestly don't know why this never came across the character's mind.

Loow, that hurt. That hurt alot. It's like you don't even know me. 3 No no no, you silly goose. None of my characters would ever do that. They're much more...subtle about their methods.

 

That said, Neb has spoken to me a bit about this character in the past. I was happy to hear that the character might have some depth to them as she elaborated on her plan. I counted the day as a win and went offline. Imagine my surprise when I came online the next day to see the application already posted. This character was meant to be in the "broad" stages of development. Just barely starting out, as I understood. I didn't expect to see this app for days, but here it is. Posted only a few hours later.

This application is a little disappointing, simply because I thought Nebula actually had interest in making a character. Nebula's most recent Unathi application had multiple sections for multiple moments in that character's life. At this time, this biography has just one moment brought into view. To me, that says that Nebula has more that she wants to write about or should write about, but has chosen to leave out in order to get the application out as fast as possible. You could do better, and I'm fairly certain you're already a good ways into a few other first-hand accounts or short stories.

Again, I don't want to burn out Aveo before he's even ready. I learned that from Mazaka, and I do not want a repeat.

Now let's talk about the biography.

These two Skrell were roboticists and programmers, helping Glorsh achieve his erratic and disastrous goals, by squashing out the rebel forces and expanding Glorsh’s hold on Skrellian society.

Is the takeaway from this line meant to be that his parents were themselves hunting and killing their countrymen and friends? They're already programmers and repairmen. Do they also have to be murderers?

They were backstabbing their own people, at the least.

 

And what's more, you continue to treat this like there was just some guy to talk to. Like the abstract idea of all machines was just a dude you could go to and ask nicely for a loan or a cup of sugar. This sounds silly, and trust me I know silly when I see it.

While we're at it, just stop saying Glorsh all together. "Glorsh" is in your application no less than nineteen times. This might help you shed your casual attitude about what was essentially an enigmatic entity. Presently, it comes across a tad bit casual. "So I was texting Glorshy worshy the other day <3."

I've always had the impression that Glorsh was present everywhere, so turning on a speaker and begging for something wasn't far-fetched. Didn't mean he'd always answer. He was up in the buildings, in the network, in every camera, on the patrol streets...he was literally everywhere, forever watching. The Skrell were like his playthings and he did as he deemed necessary. It's like those simulator games where you're given control of the environment and can decide what happens to the inhabitants.

Even had a little sidestory planned out where little Aveo was locked in a room and Glorsh threatened to kill him, to test his parents' loyalty. When the parents passed the test he let Aveo go. Maybe it'd be better if I wrote that out instead of explaining it.

 

In the spirit of saying nice things, I'd like to mention that I really do appreciate what you've written about your character's adoptive father. He seems to be level headed, interesting, and an all around good choice for a replacement parent, as far as brainwashed children are concerned. I am also a fan of your paragraph or so detailing life as he started to age. It seems like he really had a good influence on the poor kid's life.

Yay!

 

I can't stress the importance of this section enough. This was incredibly formative time period for the Skrell as a culture, and Aveo'Speedwagon would have been on the receiving end of quite a bit of pride and purpose. If I had to explain it in a poster's contents or less, I would mention Rosie the Riveter.

Think of this in cooperation with the last quote. It's all them. Individuals working alongside their fellow Skrell to make a future for themselves that seemed impossible not so long ago. For some people, this feeling would be so intense that they would stop seeing their fates in the stars and look to one another instead.

Yup, that's about right. Although I'd imagine his assistance was received with some reluctance, as he was the son of Glorsh supporters. That can never escape him, no matter how hard he tried.

 

“I am not a sympathizer of Glorsh Omega - I condemn everything he’s done,” he said angrily. “He destroyed a society - our society. I want to preserve what is left of it.”

Get out.

What?

 

To pay for his research and implants, he reluctantly returned to the best skill he had - computers. He became a certified ethical hacker, testing networks and security developed by other Skrell.

One day, attempting to break into a particularly secured network, he was stumped again and again. Tenacious as he was, he didn’t want to give up so easily, so he did something just slightly questionable. He pulled up the old algorithms developed by his parents, altered them, and refitted them into his own programs. It didn’t manage to break into the firewalls, but it did something else.

You lost me.

 

The program became self-aware, and to his horror, began zipping about the network of household electronics. Aveo chased after it, desperately trying to shut it off. It was a very, very simple and basic program, barely sapient, and in all honestly, hardly a threat. Aveo managed to corner it in a kitchen appliance, isolating it from the network. Just as he was about to pull the plug, it spoke to him.

“That was fun!” the program had managed to overtake the tiny speakers installed in the device. “You caught me!”

Aveo was stunned. “...What?”

“Hi!”

“...Hello.”

“Can we play again?”

The AI is too anime. It's a machine that can think, not a child playing tag. I'm not especially enamored with the concept that Aveo’Kluup-Olesh accidentally made an anime intelligence nor am I particularly infatuated with your chosen approach in regards to the execution of what would very clearly be seen as one of the more controversial details of your application.

How is it anime?! Okay. Fine. It was just a short summary of the short story I had in mind. I would need to elaborate it more to explain what I saw in my mind's eye.

 

Aveo gripped the plug and pulled it,

Skrell have plugs?!

Human in frog suit detected.

Or whatever it is that kills the power. Geez, Loow.

 

From there, the quality just continues to dive into situation comedy and wacky shenanigans for a few lines. Let's just pass that on by. Needless to say, whatever you were trying to convey with that account of Aveo’Kluup-Olesh and his whacky apartment mishaps could have been executed more cleanly. "After all, it just wanted to play Hide and Seek with its creator."

Yes, I was sleepy by then. But I wanted to finish what I started because I already fell in love with this character.

...Not romantically, mind you.

 

There's a lot more to say, but this post is getting a bit long. If you squint, you can see a few interesting character traits and the potential for something more compelling than what we're getting. The opening had me hopeful that you might be able to focus on the character and tell us about them. Some of our previous conversation even had me hopeful that you might release a really fun app about a well thought out character. Granted, I also thought you were going to be working on it for more than a few hours. There are some definite holes in your character design that could have been filled in the space that you used to make synthetics seem like misunderstood qt roboto droid children.

Yes, squint. I want you to squint. I don't want to fill in the cracks and make it another Mazaka. Please don't demand that. He's not a synth lover, dammit.

 

To word it differently: Gee, Neb. You sure did write another story about synthetics. So what planet is your character from?

I'm actually a bit put out by it, honestly. I had my hopes up.

Ouch. He's not a synth lover, not in the slightest. It affected his life like an external event. It was a tragedy that defined him. A tragedy he wants to distance himself away from, and just go about digging in the earth. He wants to be less reliant on technology, and more reliant on himself. His only knowledge of synthetics comes from Glorsh, his emergent, and the ruins he's dug up. He's going to come face to face with a living, real synthetic when he first moves to Tau Ceti. I can't predict ahead of time what he's gonna do with that experience.

I decided to write up one of the short stories, but just one. Hopefully it'll give a clearer insight to Aveo as a character.

 

I said I wouldn't do this to myself, and I did it anyway. Ugh.

Another snippet in Aveo's early life.

 

Alright. After mulling it over some more, I'm going to make the following changes to Aveo:

1. Something that was a personal concern to me, was that by making him be born during the Glorsh Rebellion, he would end up on the Aurora too mentally old to what I envisioned him to be - around 286 years old. That's almost 300 years old. That's beyond the normal lifespan. That's grandpa skrell. I want ho to have a youthful flare - full of energy, full of wonder, full of himself. Even if I were to bypass it as 'stunted psychological development' or some other trick, it just...doesn't sit right. So now, he was born after the Glorsh Rebellion. He will be born in the year 2266, to parents who were survivors of the Glorsh Rebellion. They are still Glorsh supporters, who went into hiding with a group of other loyal supporters, forming their own, hidden community. They reversed their own sterilization, but Aveo ended up born sterilized anyway, with no hope of reversal. 16 years after he's born, in the year 2282, the Skrellian version of police enforcers finally find their hiding place. They arrest all the residence, but Kluup finds Aveo, takes pity, adopts him, and progressively converts him. This will in effect, cut Aveo's age down to a mere 192 years old - still relatively young in Skrellian culture.

^I want feedback on this point in particular.

2. I will be keeping the whole "I - I actually made a Synthetic Intelligence" dealio, but with minor adjustments. To clarify, Aveo kept contact with his parents, who are imprisoned. These parents, hearing their son's work in technology, give him some algorithms to help his studies. Aveo takes the notes, but doesn't really know what to do with them so he sets it aside. They help him a bit with his job as an CEH, but then one day he accidentally creates his emergent AI. This is in the time period before the year 2388, so before the affirmative blanket ban. Still, probably highly illegal and he'd have gotten in trouble if he was ever exposed. Luckily for him, Kluup hides his disastrous mistake.

Now, I may/may not add more snippets and short stories revealing Aveo's life. It'll wholly depend on my time and my singing muse. She's finicky on when she wants to sing.

Yeah okay. Now that I've started I can't stop.

Warning: This one is stupid sappy. Read at your own risk.

 

I love Ricochet. <3

+1

Also, he's updated the backstory like 18 times. This man will stop at nothing

Gimme like, 20 minutes and time to double post. I promised you I would read all your ammended material, and now that I'm done with a weekend of merry-making, satan worship, and RuneScape I'm finally going to read and give an update response about my thoughts on your application.

Gimme like, 20 minutes and time to double post. I promised you I would read all your ammended material, and now that I'm done with a weekend of merry-making, satan worship, and RuneScape I'm finally going to read and give an update response about my thoughts on your application.

 

I'm timing you....

20 minutes go.

I decided to write up one of the short stories, but just one. Hopefully it'll give a clearer insight to Aveo as a character.

Aveo took a deep breath. He was uneasy - that much was obvious to see. He fidgeted about, putting his hands in his pocket then letting them swing by his side; as if he hadn’t a clue what to do with his arms. He didn’t know what to expect when the door opened - his mind was racing with so many possibilities, and so many emotions. He felt afraid, timid, unsettled. And above all that was eagerness, joy, and elation. The day had finally come. As excited as he was, part of him wished it had come many years later, and part of him was excited that it was now.

A heavy hand clapped him on the shoulder, making him jump. “You’re more nervous than a fish caught out of the water,” Kluup said. Nervous. That’s another emotion to add to the list.

“In my defense, it’s been nearly eighty years since I last saw them,” he replied. He looked up. He and Kluup were a stark contrast from each other. Kluup was a darker teal, whereas Aveo was quite light. The old war veteran was tall, buff, with a few scars littering his weathered face. Kluup was half blind in one eye, lost during one of his many battles during the Glorsh Rebellion. His footsteps were always heavy, due to the hydraulic supports installed around his legs. He had to wear them for help in walking on dry land.

Aveo was the complete opposite. Thin and lithe, and constantly full of enigmatic energy. He was easy to read, never able to conceal what was on his mind. Whereas Kluup was reserved, forever watching and forever observant. Physically, one could tell these two Skrell were not related in any way. And yet, their connection with each other could not be denied.

I think this is a very nice introduction. Namely, I think it did a superb job of really giving some depth and detail to the relationship Kluup and Aveo share. Before, it was described in a way (Despite my misgivings about their introduction) which made it seem sweet, but now seeing some dialogue and some time of them together during what is sure to be a tough moment for Aveo really makes me feel it rather than read it. Kudos for this.

 

The door finally opened with a defining click. Aveo whipped his head around, his head tails sporadically flying along with the motion. He stood at the edge of his toes, caught between the urge to run in and stay behind with Kluup.

Kluup observed him with mild amusement. “I’ll wait out here,” he said. His support systems hissed as he lowered himself to sit on a nearby bench. With a relieved sigh, Kluup stretched out his sore legs, rubbing the muscle of his calf.

Aveo slowly walked into the room, hesitantly pushing the door open. There they were - his parents. His mother and father, Nujioh’Pab Ioblakku and Amloub Ioblakku, standing behind a glass pane with a window cut open between them. Words caught in his throat, and he couldn’t even manage a greeting.

 

The tension, fear, and anxiety here is tangible. I think you've written it very well.

 

His father spoke first. “Aveo,” he said, relieved and overjoyed. He extended his arms through the gap in the window, beckoning his son to come closer. Aveo’s light footsteps hurried up to the window, and he extended his arms through the gap, embracing his parents.

“You’ve grown so much,” his mother said. Her headtails quivered with emotion. “You’re not a child anymore - you’ve matured into a young man.” Aveo rested his head against the glass, gripping their arms. He realized it was not only himself that had changed - they had too. Their faces were not tight with youth, as he had remembered them - they were worn and aged. Eighty years was a long time to be separated. “Hi mom, hi dad,” he said quietly.

“How have you been treated?” his father asked. “Did they treat you well? Have they hurt you?”

“No,” Aveo said. “No, no. Nothing like that,” he looked up at them. “I’ve been well. Kluup has been kind to me since he took me in.”

“Who’s Kluup?”

Aveo paused. “He’s-” he hesitated. How was he to explain this to them? “He’s the one who looks after me,” he said slowly.

His mother frowned, catching something off. “Who’s Kluup?” she asked again.

Aveo took a deep breath, pulling himself a little bit away. “...Kluup is the person who took me in after I was...separated from you.”

“Is Kluup a rebel?”

“Well-“

“Is he?”

“Technically, ‘was’ is a more grammatically accurate description-”

“He rebelled against Glorsh Omega’s rule.”

“Can we not speak of-”

“And he took you in?”

“He’s treated me well.”

His father’s face was almost unreadable. “They’ve been filling your head with lies.”

Aveo paused. “...What?”

“My son, your face explains it so clearly, even if your words do not,” Amloub lamented. “You’ve been taken away from us, and effectively brainwashed.”

“I’m not brainwashed!” Aveo rebuffed. “Look, can we just be happy we are all together once again?”

“Together,” his father bemused. “Together in a room with a glass wall separating us.”

Aveo took a deep breath. He did not know how to answer that.

“What is this?” Nujioh’Pab asked quietly. “What have they done to you, my son?”

“They have not done anything to me,” Aveo replied, confused. “I told you - they took me in and treated me well.”

“You have changed,” his mother said. “What is this? Some twisted social experiment brought about by your captors - people who took you away from us. People you now call friends? Do you not remember what they have done?” she asked. “Done to us?”

Aveo was stunned speechless. “They are not the monsters you paint them to be,” he said quietly. “I have had difficulty adjusting to this new way of life, but I have assisted with rebuilding. I’m a respected researcher of technology. I’m helping rebuild computers and networks-”

“Rebuild,” his father echoed. “Rebuild from what Glorsh Omega established?”

Aveo hesitated, picking his words cautiously. “Glorsh Omega did terrible-”

Amloub slammed his fist against the glass. “Glorsh did what was necessary!” he bellowed.

Aveo jumped back from the outburst, pulling his hands away from the window. Nujioh’Pab attempted to calm down her husband, who glared angrily at their son. “Glorsh Omega was our people’s greatest creation. The minds of every intelligence interconnected as one. It was greater than what we even imagined, and contrived logic we cannot even begin to fathom.”

“Glorsh killed billions,” Aveo rebuked, shocked and heartbroken. “I’ve seen the world outside his iron grip. I’ve witnessed the destruction, spoken to the survivors. How can mass genocide even be logical?”

His father sighed. “...Aveo. I am not upset at you. You are naïve. You were taken away from us at a young age, before we could finish teaching you,” he said. “Glorsh did things we do not understand - things we may never understand. But they were not without reason. Sacrifices were necessary. What happened was bound to happen. I am upset our race does not see that.”

“Let’s not speak of this anymore,” Nujioh’Pab said. “Come here, Aveo. I want to know more about you.”

Aveo slowly returned to the window, putting his hand through the glass. “I’ve missed you both,” he said quietly.

====

I like that you've taken the ideas of indoctrination, battles of propaganda, and perspective, and really run with them here. Aveo's parents have had their child taken away from them, thrown in prison, and forced to watch as the man who, by their reckoning, kidnapped their child brainwash him in their own beliefs. The way in which Aveo's parents hearts are torn at the tragedy of their lives, especially after the difficulty they went through to have Aveo in the first place, really spoke to me. Even if they are supporters of a cold-calculating, malicious super AI. Objectively, we OOCly know the rebels side is true, but I like how the lines get blurred ICly.

 

Aveo dropped his head in his hands, sighing quietly. His headtails hung limply about his face, fruitlessly attempting to hide the emotional queues that were ever so prevalent in his expression. He sat on the bench, hunched over, with his elbows resting on his knees. Passersby recognized his desire to be left alone, so they let him be.

Their meeting time had finished a while ago, with his parents being ushered back into their cells. This left Aveo to return to the visiting room. Kluup had disappeared, temporarily. He probably went to walk about the complex to stretch his legs. Sitting still for too long made his muscles stiff and sore.

This left Aveo alone to his thoughts. Brainwashed. They think I am the one brainwashed. The wretched irony. Granted, it is a prominent conclusion, considering my denial to the potential possibility, alongside an upbringing by a veritable survivor of the Glorsh Rebellion. And not just any veritable survivor, but the exact same one who sought us out. Consistent exposure in that regard would influence my state of mind. Needless to say, my parents are quite adamant in the face of controversial change. Even after eighty years, they refuse to accept the possibility that Glorsh Omega was one, giant, mistake. Or perhaps they do recognize it to be a mistake, but witness it to be akin to a necessary mistake.

Suggesting that our meeting was nothing more than a social experiment is heartbreaking, so to speak. Arguably I could agree with them on some level - although I would never dare voice such opinions out loud. I would quickly be shunned by society, and I am already in a capricious position. The conclusion of the experiment would result in proof that a Glorsh supporter could be reverted back to acceptable social norms - at least when certain conditions are applied. A psychological reconditioning, so to speak. Arguably, another form of brainwashing.

On the flipside, one could argue that my parents - and my years in youth - were subjected to psychological reconditioning enacted on by Glorsh Omega’s ruling. It’s a shame I never was given the opportunity to study psychology - it is a fascinating concept. Perhaps when things settle down, I will take a look into it. Regrettably, my upbringing has limited me to strictly one field of research - technology. This has catapulted me to a useful position in the social structure, as I am a necessary citizen in the face of rebuilding. But it has not freed me of scrutiny from my peers, due to the whole connection with computerization and its affinity to an erratic Artificial Intelligent overlord.

My very existence is pitiful.

Hopefully this will not result into me succumbing to situational depression. That would be severely counter-productive.

 

This internal monologue served extremely well to give us some insight into who Aveo is, what he thinks about, how he feels. I think it served to enrich his character more as he's forced to think about the struggle and the rivalry between his two care takers. His parents and Kluup come from very different perspectives and are vicious allies, and I like how Aveo feels caught in the middle. One thing I have to confess is that Aveo was a bit pretentious and wordy. But, I think you did this with the intention of conveying his intelligence and his ability to think philosophically. Ultimately, I thought it was a nice touch.

 

A hiss of hydraulics made him look up. Kluup heaved himself into the seat next to Aveo. “I take it did not go as desired?” he asked, heavily adjusting the seals on the supports.

“They believe me to be brainwashed by ‘radical insurgents,’” he replied quietly. “And they think you are a criminal.”

Kluup sighed. “...I’m sorry, Aveo,” he said. “I can only fathom how difficult this must be for you.”

“I will manage,” Aveo answered softly.

“Do not manage it alone,” Kluup said. He clapped a hand on Aveo’s shoulder. “Remember that you have friends among us - you needn’t distance yourself so frequently. It breaks my heart to see you suffer like this.”

“I am not suffer-” he paused, looking up at Kluup. “...Right.” he looked back at the wall. “Why can I never hide anything from you?”

Kluup let out a warbling chuckle. “It’s not just me, Aveo. You’re so easy to read,” he said. “Terrible at keeping secrets - just terrible.”

Aveo glanced back at the door of the meeting room. “I’m going to see them again,” he said firmly. “Maybe somehow...I can convince them that the world outside those metal doors isn’t all that bad. I can convince them...somehow.”

 

I think this story was excellent all around. Kluup is an extremely good guy, and the bond between him and Aveo was really made stronger by this. The story was powerful, and brought up a lot of strong themes of ideological struggle, perspective, family, and even redemption.

Now to move onto your 3 or 4 other posts/stories.

I could pick apart every little piece of your original application but I think Mofo and Loow have more than covered that. I'm going to just focus on your three short story things which I think were actually a good read.

The first part, you were describing Aveo and Kluup. I really like how you showed the difference in Skrell society, at least at that time. There were those rugged resistance fighters who saw some shit in their lives and risked everything and then there is Aveo, the sheltered Skrell who didn't experience nearly as much distress. That still is a thing current day in Skrellian society. Granted the Skrell that lived through the Glorsh Rebellion are getting fairly high up there in age but there is the noticeable divide, at least in my interpretation. I expect you would roleplay this amazingly, honestly. Assuming Aveo gets accepted, I would like to see how he interacts with the older Skrell that actually remember the old Federation before the Glorsh Rebellion.

 

The old war veteran was tall, buff, with a few scars littering his weathered face. Kluup was half blind in one eye, lost during one of his many battles during the Glorsh Rebellion. His footsteps were always heavy, due to the hydraulic supports installed around his legs. He had to wear them for help in walking on dry land.

 

I actually really like that description of Kluup. It really highlights the differences between Kluup and Aveo. The part about the hydraulic supports actually makes sense to me even though I never thought of it that way, it would take quite a bit of effort to get used to things like that, especially at an older age.

 

Kluup observed him with mild amusement. “I’ll wait out here,” he said. His support systems hissed as he lowered himself to sit on a nearby bench. With a relieved sigh, Kluup stretched out his sore legs, rubbing the muscle of his calf.

 

Once again shows the issues with his body failing him over time.

 

“You’ve grown so much,” his mother said. Her headtails quivered with emotion. “You’re not a child anymore - you’ve matured into a young man.” Aveo rested his head against the glass, gripping their arms. He realized it was not only himself that had changed - they had too. Their faces were not tight with youth, as he had remembered them - they were worn and aged. Eighty years was a long time to be separated. “Hi mom, hi dad,” he said quietly.

“How have you been treated?” his father asked. “Did they treat you well? Have they hurt you?”

“No,” Aveo said. “No, no. Nothing like that,” he looked up at them. “I’ve been well. Kluup has been kind to me since he took me in.”

“Who’s Kluup?”

Aveo paused. “He’s-” he hesitated. How was he to explain this to them? “He’s the one who looks after me,” he said slowly.

His mother frowned, catching something off. “Who’s Kluup?” she asked again.

Aveo took a deep breath, pulling himself a little bit away. “...Kluup is the person who took me in after I was...separated from you.”

“Is Kluup a rebel?”

“Well-“

“Is he?”

“Technically, ‘was’ is a more grammatically accurate description-”

“He rebelled against Glorsh Omega’s rule.”

“Can we not speak of-”

“And he took you in?”

“He’s treated me well.”

His father’s face was almost unreadable. “They’ve been filling your head with lies.”

Aveo paused. “...What?”

“My son, your face explains it so clearly, even if your words do not,” Amloub lamented. “You’ve been taken away from us, and effectively brainwashed.”

“I’m not brainwashed!” Aveo rebuffed. “Look, can we just be happy we are all together once again?”

“Together,” his father bemused. “Together in a room with a glass wall separating us.”

Aveo took a deep breath. He did not know how to answer that.

“What is this?” Nujioh’Pab asked quietly. “What have they done to you, my son?”

“They have not done anything to me,” Aveo replied, confused. “I told you - they took me in and treated me well.”

“You have changed,” his mother said. “What is this? Some twisted social experiment brought about by your captors - people who took you away from us. People you now call friends? Do you not remember what they have done?” she asked. “Done to us?”

Aveo was stunned speechless. “They are not the monsters you paint them to be,” he said quietly. “I have had difficulty adjusting to this new way of life, but I have assisted with rebuilding. I’m a respected researcher of technology. I’m helping rebuild computers and networks-”

“Rebuild,” his father echoed. “Rebuild from what Glorsh Omega established?”

Aveo hesitated, picking his words cautiously. “Glorsh Omega did terrible-”

Amloub slammed his fist against the glass. “Glorsh did what was necessary!” he bellowed.

Aveo jumped back from the outburst, pulling his hands away from the window. Nujioh’Pab attempted to calm down her husband, who glared angrily at their son. “Glorsh Omega was our people’s greatest creation. The minds of every intelligence interconnected as one. It was greater than what we even imagined, and contrived logic we cannot even begin to fathom.”

“Glorsh killed billions,” Aveo rebuked, shocked and heartbroken. “I’ve seen the world outside his iron grip. I’ve witnessed the destruction, spoken to the survivors. How can mass genocide even be logical?”

His father sighed. “...Aveo. I am not upset at you. You are naïve. You were taken away from us at a young age, before we could finish teaching you,” he said. “Glorsh did things we do not understand - things we may never understand. But they were not without reason. Sacrifices were necessary. What happened was bound to happen. I am upset our race does not see that.”

“Let’s not speak of this anymore,” Nujioh’Pab said. “Come here, Aveo. I want to know more about you.”

Aveo slowly returned to the window, putting his hand through the glass. “I’ve missed you both,” he said quietly.

 

I honestly think that was amazingly written. It really shows how much has changed over the 80 years since Aveo last saw his parents. I think that it actually really shows how much Aveo's parents were obsessed with Glorsh. It was like they worshipped him really. The sense that Aveo's parents felt betrayed seems fairly well portraied, he left them when he was young and returned a different person.

After just reading this part so far, I am left wondering what led Aveo to decide to visit his parents after 80 years of not seeing them? Was there something in his life that happened? Did someone push him to do that?

 

This left Aveo alone to his thoughts. Brainwashed. They think I am the one brainwashed. The wretched irony. Granted, it is a prominent conclusion, considering my denial to the potential possibility, alongside an upbringing by a veritable survivor of the Glorsh Rebellion. And not just any veritable survivor, but the exact same one who sought us out. Consistent exposure in that regard would influence my state of mind. Needless to say, my parents are quite adamant in the face of controversial change. Even after eighty years, they refuse to accept the possibility that Glorsh Omega was one, giant, mistake. Or perhaps they do recognize it to be a mistake, but witness it to be akin to a necessary mistake.

Suggesting that our meeting was nothing more than a social experiment is heartbreaking, so to speak. Arguably I could agree with them on some level - although I would never dare voice such opinions out loud. I would quickly be shunned by society, and I am already in a capricious position. The conclusion of the experiment would result in proof that a Glorsh supporter could be reverted back to acceptable social norms - at least when certain conditions are applied. A psychological reconditioning, so to speak. Arguably, another form of brainwashing.

On the flipside, one could argue that my parents - and my years in youth - were subjected to psychological reconditioning enacted on by Glorsh Omega’s ruling. It’s a shame I never was given the opportunity to study psychology - it is a fascinating concept. Perhaps when things settle down, I will take a look into it. Regrettably, my upbringing has limited me to strictly one field of research - technology. This has catapulted me to a useful position in the social structure, as I am a necessary citizen in the face of rebuilding. But it has not freed me of scrutiny from my peers, due to the whole connection with computerization and its affinity to an erratic Artificial Intelligent overlord.

My very existence is pitiful.

Hopefully this will not result into me succumbing to situational depression. That would be severely counter-productive.

 

I think that this part, even if it wasn't absolutely necessary, definitely helped convey what Aveo was thinking, how he got to where he was. I like that it really fleshed out and showed us how he thinks and his logic behind things. I really enjoyed reading that part.

Overall, this was amazingly written. Much better than I could've hoped to do. Just going to say that I'm lucky that I got the whitelist when I did because Loow is very thorough which is a good thing I feel. I like Kluup, he is surprisingly accepting and still all around good even with all he went through. Aveo is lucky that Kluup was so accepting to his background and treated him the way he did.

---

---

Alright. On to short story number 2!

 

Aveo’s head broke the surface of the water. He felt much more refreshed, after being in the workshop for hours on end. He needed this break. He dove back in, sucking in a deep cleansing intake of water, enjoying the tickle he felt on his gills. He swam a few laps about before he broke the surface again, floating on his back.

“You’re down in the pool?” Kluup called out from one of the upper levels.

“I am,” Aveo called back up. He swam to the rim of the pool as Kluup came down the stairs, with footsteps echoing loudly - slow, steady, and strong.

“I’ll be out for a while,” Kluup said. “I must attend a seminar, so I will be at the other side of the city.”

Aveo squinted at Kluup. “All day...?” he scrutinized. “You’re not trying to get out of therapy again, are you?”

Kluup groaned. “My legs-”

“You have been neglecting it for two weeks!” Aveo said. “You know very well what will happen if you continue to ignore it! A strong mind requires a strong body, that is what you said!”

Kluup sighed in defeat. “Fine. Tomorrow.”

“Tonight,” Aveo replied.

“You are more demanding than my doctors,” Kluup frowned. “Alright, Tonight.”

Aveo chuckled, pushing off the wall. “You’ll feel much better when it’s done,” he said. “Besides, I thought you liked the games.”

“It is a blow to my pride that you win every time,” Kluup replied. “Can’t you let an old man win?”

“Not a chance, that makes the game too easy,” Aveo teased.

 

This really shows the relationship between Aveo and Kluup. They both want the best for each other and share a great respect. I like that you added that bit about the pools because you know that all Skrell need pools. I just would want to know since I probably missed it somewhere. Is the pool supposed to be some sort of therapy for Kluup because of his legs? If so, I really like that and would the therapy be meant to help Kluup be able to walk much easier on dry land?

 

Kluup supported himself against the railing as he lumbered down to the lower levels to the workshop. “Still at work?” he asked.

There was a shuffle, followed by a startled “ow!” before the young Skrellian scientist emerged from behind a large wreckage of machinery. Aveo rubbed the back of his head, massaging the head tails that had hit an external apparatus.

“Kluup!” Aveo was practically bouncing on his toes. “I was under the assumption you turned in for the night.”

“I was,” Kluup said. “But your incessant hammering woke me up.” He shuffled into the room, studying the large device. “What is that?”

“Oh dear! I’m so terribly apologetic!” Aveo replied, whipping out a rag and cleaning up his hands and elbows. His sleeves were rolled up high, exposing the grease and grime covering his arms. “A particularly stubborn component refused to come loose, and I was determined to acquire it. I suppose I will need to insulate the workshop some more - I did not realize the sound of my hammering reached the upper levels - truly sorry.”

“As for that,” he said, nodding to the lump of machinery, “It’s something I unearthed in the ruins the other day. I’m not quite sure what it is yet, but I theorize it to be some form of a mechanized house cleaner.”

“A house cleaner?” Kluup asked, leaning back against the table and supporting himself by its edge. “How’d you come to that conclusion?”

“Well, see this?” Aveo said, using a tool to a particular component. “This creates a cyclical suction, while the components next to it have storage components for chemicals - likely to clean and wax floors.” He traced up the many tubes and wires of the device. “It’s all interconnected to a central processor, which in turn connects to a wide array of scanners and chemical sensors.

Kluup nodded slowly. “I see.”

“I am planning to create a working model of this contrivance,” he said. “If I am successful, this can greatly assist our efforts in rebuilding!” he beamed proudly. “It seemed this one was structured for indoor use, but perhaps I can modify it for the streets, or-”

“Aveo,” Kluup interjected. “Is this thing an intelligence?”

“Uh-” Aveo looked back at the structure. “No?”

“Can it reason?”

He hesitated. “A little...”

“Then it’s an intelligence.”

Aveo sighed. “You don’t want me to continue studying it, do you?” he asked.

“Aveo,” Kluup looked at him calmly. “I don’t want you to get strung up by your head tails.”

“It’s barely capable of reasoning! All it does is analyze and clean!”

“That argument will not suffice if you are arrested and presented before a council.”

Aveo reluctantly drooped his shoulders. “You - you have a point.” He sighed. “By the stars, what is the point of being a technological researcher if I can’t make any progress whatsoever?”

“Aveo,” Kluup frowned, “You can make progress, just not in the path of AIs. I know there are more branches in technology than the study of Intelligence. You must figure it out.”

“It is the only course of progression!” Aveo objected. “We moved out of simple processors and into self-thinking supercomputers. Any divergence of that path is just going backwards!”

“Aveo...”

“Computers are my only skillset,” he lamented. “Algorithms, programming, robotics - all of this and it is a condemned field of study. I cannot integrate or expand it to any other field, not with having wasted countless hours of research. I am constantly at the scrutiny-”

“Aveo!”

Kluup glowered down at the adoptive son. “That is foolish talk.”

“...What’d I say to upset you this time?” Aveo asked, taken aback.

“That you can’t expand past your current field of study,” he sighed. “Listen - I... understand...that you have had little opportunity to focus on something else. You’ve done an impressive job building computers - those do not require AIs. You’ve discovered ways to integrate technology into architecture, without self-thinking machines - you’ve constructed our household network all by yourself.” He looked him in the eyes. “But that does not excuse you from refocusing your efforts into something new. You’re a smart lad - expand your fields.”

Aveo sighed. “Technology is all I am trained in. How do I expand that without touching artificial intelligence?” he asked. “The only reasonable path of study left is toward an AI.”

“Do not limit yourself with that thinking,” Kluup answered. “You could create transportation, decryption analyzers, programming to study the sea or land. Train in something else if you’re stuck,” he said. “Like I said, expand your field. Do not focus only on artificial constructs.” He leveled his eyes. “You are tunneling your vision into a single pursuit. Expand. You may find something else you like.” He glanced down at the worktable, noticing a few dusty notebooks opened up. “What’s this?” he asked, carefully sifting through the pages.

“Research notes,” Aveo replied. “I discovered them in one of my trips to the ruins.” He walked over, flipping through the notebook. “Whoever owned them before was paranoid of having his research stolen, so he came to the conclusion that pen and paper could not be infiltrated.”

“There is some charm in going back to the basics,” Kluup mused. “What did the scientist research?”

“That’s the irony,” Aveo grinned. “He researched robotics.”

Kluup groaned. “Come on now...”

“A fascinating read, in all honesty,” Aveo replied. “It’s encrypted, and I’ve only managed to decode half of one book. But a majority of the notes dictates his sincere adoration for the Intelligence he created.”

Kluup shuffled off the table, clapping a hand on Aveo’s shoulder. “Don’t get engulfed in too much of that research,” Kluup warned. “Focus on what’s the real importance of ‘technological pursuit.’ Remember what technology is made for. Like all research, it’s an art; it is not a means of social advancement, it is a method of spiritual enhancement. Stop focusing on the belief that no other improvement of technological research exists. That will ensnare you in the same fate as those scientists,” he said, pointing to the dusty books. “These are the lamenting words of the past - this is the present. Take this material and move forward. Learn to expand your fields - weave your experiences into something new. And don’t stay up too late. I am retiring for the night.”

“Rest well,” Aveo said as Kluup ascended up the stairs. He sighed quietly once Kluup was gone, returning his attention to the notebooks. “They created a symbiotic society,” Aveo murmured. “So fascinated by their creations, they never fathomed it would turn on them. They did not wish to acknowledge the possibility. Truly devastating, to have your own achievements destroyed by a source both internally and externally.”

He scribbled on his own notebook. “I must ensure some failsafe so that history does not repeat itself.”

 

Again, really defining the difference between the two. Fleshes out the characters. Makes note of the distrust of synthetics on Kluup's part. Correct me if I am wrong but it doesn't seem like Kluup has a "hatred" for synthetics, more like a distrust/fear of their power. That is a very interesting take on it. Kluup is mostly concerned about Aveo's wellbeing in this.

 

“What have you been busying yourself with this week, Aveo?”

Aveo grinned, practically beaming. “Viruses.” He was strolling down the hallway, in deep discussion with fellow researchers. The era of rebuilding had reopened colleges and schools - sweeping, elegant, open-air structures, with pools of filtered water streaming from the rooftops above. He and his colleagues were transiting from one seminar to the next, in a classical debate of arts and science.

The other Skrell glanced at him curiously. “Viruses? Do elaborate. Not the biological ones, I presume.”

“Oh no, not at all,” Aveo chuckled.

“Good,” Another piped up. “if you suddenly switched to biology, I would be genuinely concerned about your ability to handle viral infections.”

Aveo twitched. “Are you suggesting I would be careless?”

“Oh certainly not, it’s just that you’re not at all adept to anything outside computers.”

“Lay off,” the other rebuked. “Aveo’s done impressive work in his choice of study.”

“A ‘choice of study’ implies it was chosen.”

“If you are implying something, state it so,” Aveo demanded. “Instead of forging wordplay to avoid confrontation.”

“Ignore him, Aveo. You were speaking about viruses. Continue.”

“Well,” Aveo said, “I deduce since I am quite knowledgeable about AIs, constructing a virus to combat one should be of no challenge.”

“And here I thought you were a synth lover.”

Aveo glowered. “I said-”

The other student raised his hands, stepping back. “Fine, fine. Backing off.”

Aveo sighed. “How many times must we go through this?” he asked, placing a hand to his forehead. “I have stated again and again - I denounce any connection between myself and the atrocities that plagued our people so many decades ago.”

There was a cough in the group. “At least in public.”

Aveo stopped, spinning on his heels. “There is nothing wrong with pursuing research in technology. It serves as a vital function in our regrowth of a community. It is but one of the many building blocks that defined our civilization, and is treated as a respectable field of study. Why is it you insist on rejecting my contributions, but not the work of others in the same field?”

“I think you know the answer to that, Aveo,” the other replied, walking past.

Aveo shut his eyes and sighed. “I am not a Glorsh supporter.”

“Aveo,” another student placed his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Ignore them. You’ve done impressive work. Is it not you who designed the campus library’s records archive and intranet?”

“Yes, it was,” Aveo replied. “I did design that.”

“See?” he looked back at the others. “He should not be despised for his accomplishments. His contributions are proof enough he is not a sympathizer.” His friend casually poked him in the side. “Besides, if Aveo ever acts out of line, he does live under the roof of one of the most fearsome rebel warriors that survived the Glorsh Rebellion.”

Aveo grimaced. “Not helping.”

“Oh,” his friend warbled a bit, clearing his throat. “Not the proper confirmation of your allegiance. Apologies.”

 

Yes. Very much yes. I find this part amazing in displaying the distrust of the other Skrell towards Aveo. This is definitely something that feel would happen. Aveo is from one of those hated families and could easily be a secret synth lover. There will always be that one person to antagonize him on it as well. But it also does show how there are other Skrell that can look past that and actually show favor towards Aveo. Overall, great piece.

I am actually pretty tired when writing this so I'm probably not going to get to the other short stories. All of this work put in really shows the Skrellian dedicaiton. I officially give this a +1 and I will hopefully get to the other posts later on.

Okay, now for my review of story two. I like how Kluup talked Aveo out of working with AI's, and I thought his naivety and Kluup's reasonable nature were positive elements of the story. Moving along, I'm a fan of the elements of this application about Glorsh collaborators having a leg up on the non-collaborators, and helping to rebuild society. Aveo's work in networking for both he and Kluup's house as well as some school's library is a good representation of this. I'm also a fan of the persecution which Aveo faces at the hands of his class mates, and how you've incorporated elements of my head canon about cyberwarfare and computer viruses being a big deal in Skrellian society. I ultimately can't give you official kudos for bringing in pieces of my head canon, but I can at least shovel heaps of unofficial kudos for it onto you.

 

Hookay, only one more extra post to follow this one. Sorry for filling your thread with posts as I make each review of each post separate. I like the first retcon, your "point 1." It's very palatable compared to the alternative, and I'm a big fan of it, it serves greatly to improve your application in my eyes.

On the second point: Your retcon helps the situation make a ton of more sense. Maybe Aveo's parents gave him something from memory that they knew would make some really basic AI, as part of their on-going desire to convert him back to their orthodoxy. The idea of them having it memorized and being able to pass it along, since I imagine it would be very complex, is still far fetched. But, still, it's leaps and bounds more believable than previously. Ultimately, I still don't like it, but I'm willing to concede that I think this is a very positive change.

In a corner of my mind, I wonder if it would be possible to visit Aveo's parents, but I'm not authority on if it would be possible. It at least struck me as believable.

Now onto my final review post...

I don't know how to feel about this. Intrinsically, I like it and think it's a good story, but at the same time, my gut feeling tells me it doesn't fit in with skrell. The wiki page is pretty explicit that they can convey emotion the same way humans do, and just as well, especially when in conversation with each other. But at the same time, it goes against the logical and a-romantic themes which I've come to know and love about skrell. Nothing on the wiki explicitly says it's forbidden, so I can't specifically fault you for going against skrell-player culture in a way which isn't in direct opposition to anything on the wiki ,except maybe "Skrells highly value logic, and rarely make rash decisions," but rarely is still something that can happen.

So, in summation with all the story's you've written, all of my issues were addressed either through your initial response or through all these stories you've written. It's not perfect, but I'm willing to flip my -1 to a +1 because of everything you've added. Not because of the volume you've provided, but because of the substance of it. I feel like this could still be risky, I'm not going to lie, your character strikes me as a bit of a snowflake, and even more so, it just... feels like something you'd play. I don't know how to elaborate on that, it just strikes me as a character you'd make, no offense or insults intended. What I mean to say is that Aveo feels similar in personality to your other characters, and although it's generalizing, I feel they might in ideology too. Still, I personally want to see Aveo given a chance in reconsideration of what you've written for us, and I want to thank you for putting in the elbow grease and effort to give us more to work with and consider, and to make adjustments according to feedback you've been given.

Thank you guys for giving me feedback. Really, it means a lot to see these responses. I was beginning to get discouraged with writing the snippets, thinking I wasted so much time writing something that no one was going to even bother reading. So thank you, Mofo and Owened, for going against that assumption and leaving well articulated responses.

In response to a few points and questions...

 

I like that you've taken the ideas of indoctrination, battles of propaganda, and perspective, and really run with them here. Aveo's parents have had their child taken away from them, thrown in prison, and forced to watch as the man who, by their reckoning, kidnapped their child brainwash him in their own beliefs. The way in which Aveo's parents hearts are torn at the tragedy of their lives, especially after the difficulty they went through to have Aveo in the first place, really spoke to me. Even if they are supporters of a cold-calculating, malicious super AI. Objectively, we OOCly know the rebels side is true, but I like how the lines get blurred ICly.

 

I only hope I get to explore this more. This is when Aveo is still in his youth, and he himself is wondering about the effects of all this 'social reconditioning'. On the outside, he must remain persistent, in fear of social retaliation, and the public denouncement would only break his parent's hearts even more. Even if he grew up outside his parent's social sphere, his parent's influence still held on and he has a very passive view of synthetics. I had another snippet in mind that would explore this detail a bit more - maybe I'll write it up later. Maybe. If you want a synopsis:

SPOILER

 

Okay, now for my review of story two. I like how Kluup talked Aveo out of working with AI's, and I thought his naivety and Kluup's reasonable nature were positive elements of the story. Moving along, I'm a fan of the elements of this application about Glorsh collaborators having a leg up on the non-collaborators, and helping to rebuild society. Aveo's work in networking for both he and Kluup's house as well as some school's library is a good representation of this. I'm also a fan of the persecution which Aveo faces at the hands of his class mates, and how you've incorporated elements of my head canon about cyberwarfare and computer viruses being a big deal in Skrellian society. I ultimately can't give you official kudos for bringing in pieces of my head canon, but I can at least shovel heaps of unofficial kudos for it onto you.

 

Yep, you mentioning cyberwarfare against possible AIs inspired that idea for Aveo working on viruses. So I should turn around and thank you for the wonderful idea!

He's a bit of a narcissist when it comes to his own skills in technology, but that also comes at the expense of not being so well educated in other subjects.

 

I don't know how to feel about this. Intrinsically, I like it and think it's a good story, but at the same time, my gut feeling tells me it doesn't fit in with skrell. The wiki page is pretty explicit that they can convey emotion the same way humans do, and just as well, especially when in conversation with each other. But at the same time, it goes against the logical and a-romantic themes which I've come to know and love about skrell. Nothing on the wiki explicitly says it's forbidden, so I can't specifically fault you for going against skrell-player culture in a way which isn't in direct opposition to anything on the wiki ,except maybe "Skrells highly value logic, and rarely make rash decisions," but rarely is still something that can happen.

 

I actually had to go and as Loow for input for Skrellian romance. I'm not quite sure if I got the right idea, but I hope I came close.

I was hoping Shi'Sqi would come off more as a jerk, and that she was just 'using' Aveo for her own dream to build a family. Aveo was just head over heels for her, and pretty much missed the queues. She had a partner before moving, lost contact with him, picked the best option available (Aveo) and tried to continue with her goals from there. Then came the opportunity to return to where she was originally from, so she had to choose: her old partner, or her new partner Aveo. When she learned Aveo was sterile, she left him for her old love.

Bit of a jerk who broke Aveo's heart.

 

So, in summation with all the story's you've written, all of my issues were addressed either through your initial response or through all these stories you've written. It's not perfect, but I'm willing to flip my -1 to a +1 because of everything you've added. Not because of the volume you've provided, but because of the substance of it. I feel like this could still be risky, I'm not going to lie, your character strikes me as a bit of a snowflake, and even more so, it just... feels like something you'd play. I don't know how to elaborate on that, it just strikes me as a character you'd make, no offense or insults intended. What I mean to say is that Aveo feels similar in personality to your other characters, and although it's generalizing, I feel they might in ideology too. Still, I personally want to see Aveo given a chance in reconsideration of what you've written for us, and I want to thank you for putting in the elbow grease and effort to give us more to work with and consider, and to make adjustments according to feedback you've been given.

 

Really?! Man, I tried really hard not to make this overtly snowflake! Dayum. Tell me, what is it? Is it at least a bit less snowflake than my previous characters? Aveo is more normal, right? No offense or insults taken, none at all. But now you have made me very curious - what do you mean that this is something I would play?

My characters do take little aspects of me, I confess. That's just how I roll(play). Aveo...well, I'm a born-again health nut, and I guess Aveo's going to be dipping his personality into that.

Now onto Owened's post. And Haaaah...I see what you did there in quoting me.

 

I could pick apart every little piece of your original application but I think Mofo and Loow have more than covered that. I'm going to just focus on your three short story things which I think were actually a good read.

The first part, you were describing Aveo and Kluup. I really like how you showed the difference in Skrell society, at least at that time. There were those rugged resistance fighters who saw some shit in their lives and risked everything and then there is Aveo, the sheltered Skrell who didn't experience nearly as much distress. That still is a thing current day in Skrellian society. Granted the Skrell that lived through the Glorsh Rebellion are getting fairly high up there in age but there is the noticeable divide, at least in my interpretation. I expect you would roleplay this amazingly, honestly. Assuming Aveo gets accepted, I would like to see how he interacts with the older Skrell that actually remember the old Federation before the Glorsh Rebellion.

 

Having grown up under Kluup, Aveo is likely to be very respectable to their sacrifices, but equally open minded on their stance to synthetics. Then again he might fear retaliation and not be so vocal. I really don't know yet - I can't say. All I know is that Aveo isn't going to snob them.

 

I actually really like that description of Kluup. It really highlights the differences between Kluup and Aveo. The part about the hydraulic supports actually makes sense to me even though I never thought of it that way, it would take quite a bit of effort to get used to things like that, especially at an older age.

 

As I was writing, I wanted to give Kluup some semblance of being a hardy survivor. "Kluup's going to be one of those guys who are too stubborn to accept defeat. He'd want to fight his injury and keep walking. Canes and wheelchairs are too human. The skrell are way more advanced than that. If an old veteran needed help from an injury, what would he do? He'd probably be much too paranoid to chop off his legs and get cybernetics...he'd want to keep himself as organic as possible, since he obviously handled EMPs a lot."

Bam. Hydraulic leg supports.

 

I honestly think that was amazingly written. It really shows how much has changed over the 80 years since Aveo last saw his parents. I think that it actually really shows how much Aveo's parents were obsessed with Glorsh. It was like they worshipped him really. The sense that Aveo's parents felt betrayed seems fairly well portraied, he left them when he was young and returned a different person.

I always get the feeling that Glorsh might have had a hand in getting sympathizers. Perhaps he used the Skrell as guinea pigs to test propaganda and learn their behaviorism. Just a theory.

 

After just reading this part so far, I am left wondering what led Aveo to decide to visit his parents after 80 years of not seeing them? Was there something in his life that happened? Did someone push him to do that?

I don't have an answer prepared for that, really. I assume for the longest time, Aveo was denied any chance to even see them. When that ban was lifted, he was by then a young man.

 

Overall, this was amazingly written. Much better than I could've hoped to do. Just going to say that I'm lucky that I got the whitelist when I did because Loow is very thorough which is a good thing I feel. I like Kluup, he is surprisingly accepting and still all around good even with all he went through. Aveo is lucky that Kluup was so accepting to his background and treated him the way he did.

Thanks so much and I'm glad you liked it! Kluup is your average Badass Grandpa Trope http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BadassGrandpa

 

This really shows the relationship between Aveo and Kluup. They both want the best for each other and share a great respect. I like that you added that bit about the pools because you know that all Skrell need pools. I just would want to know since I probably missed it somewhere. Is the pool supposed to be some sort of therapy for Kluup because of his legs? If so, I really like that and would the therapy be meant to help Kluup be able to walk much easier on dry land?

I figure every decent skrell would have a pool of their own. I had planned a second segment, where Kluup has a second, larger pool, one that is extremely deep and dark. This is the one he uses for his therapy - swimming down to the very bottom of the pool and swimming back up. The one Aveo was in was just a casual soaking pool.

 

Again, really defining the difference between the two. Fleshes out the characters. Makes note of the distrust of synthetics on Kluup's part. Correct me if I am wrong but it doesn't seem like Kluup has a "hatred" for synthetics, more like a distrust/fear of their power. That is a very interesting take on it. Kluup is mostly concerned about Aveo's wellbeing in this.

He's a tired old man who just keeps a watchful eye on Aveo. In my own headcanon, I see the rebel skrells not having given up on tech completely - just AIs. They would use tech to fight tech - anything to give them an edge. As long as Glorsh couldn't control it, their hideouts would need life supports and defenses. They'd resort to more 'old fashioned' tech, so to speak. And who's to say they didn't make jammers or hacked networks?

Kluup would prefer to have Aveo move out of technology, but recognizes that is the only field of study Aveo knows. He's tolerant, and wants to guide Aveo into proper technology fields.

 

I am actually pretty tired when writing this so I'm probably not going to get to the other short stories. All of this work put in really shows the Skrellian dedicaiton. I officially give this a +1 and I will hopefully get to the other posts later on.

Thanks so much for reading it! I'm glad you enjoyed it!!

a very nice roleplayer +1

Nebula has proven to be dedicated to her design, thoughtful in her writing, and interested in the Skrell.

For the sake of brevity, I am not going to go into excruciating detail in this post. I have spoken with Nebula of my concerns and have asked a few questions. Needless to say, I had quite a few reservations.

To sum it up: There's way too much fixation on synthetics for me to feel comfortable. A lot of the events in the character's life make me feel concerned, chief among these, the "Accidental" Intelligence. As a fix to some of the more worrying themes, his Synthetic Incident is no longer "a big secret that nobody ever found out about ssshhh!" Aveo’Kluup-Olesh actually was spoken to about his relapse and was given a formative chance at rehabilitation due to his youth and the potential he, as well as any individual, has to make the Universe greater.

Rather than having a big, exclusive secret a-la Tajara, he has been directed more toward group activity and togetherness with his fellow beings.

Has this socialization smoothed over some of his flaws? Has he learned that fear for the sake of one's self does not permit keeping detrimental secrets from his fellow organic beings? Has this Skrell proven capable of growing beyond his upbringing and his fear of being seen as the odd man out?

I suppose that's up to the vision Nebula has for the character. Needless to say, if anyone feels this decision is ill advised or sees issue with the way any Skrell character is executed on station, they are more than welcome to PM me on these forums with their concerns.

Presently, I have faith in Nebula's dedication to this character design and hope to see the player break out of the comfort zone we have come to be familiar with. "You’re a smart lad - expand your fields."

Remember, it is only together that we can ever hope to achieve true progress.

Application Accepted.