[Denied]1062 Aphelion Tajara Application

[Aphelion]

BYOND Key: 1062 Aphelion

Character Names: 

Daniel Blaze

Ruko Volvukahn

Ixtab

Lucia Humie

Yonosh Nuux

Qoklor Zet'Gox

 

Species you are applying to play: Njarir'Akhran Tajara

What color do you plan on making your first alien character: Orange

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes

Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question.

 

Why do you wish to play this specific race:

I personally quite like the Tajara, they make for an interesting species with a unique revolutionary backstory. The inner turmoil that the species experiences is a good drive for character development, motivation, and backstory. The Njarir in particular are exciting due to their noble blood and extermination as a result of it allowing for an even more turmoil filled life.

 

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:

The above paragraph goes through a few of the differences. But yes. Many of their actions are informed by knowledge of class and their revolutionary history. The modern technology of 2461 is relatively new to the species, and so they may not be aware of certain functions of technology that would be obvious unless it were their specialty. On top of that is the trademarked Tajaran way of speaking in the third person when talking with strangers. 

 

Character Name: Garilor Torin

 

Please provide a short backstory for this character 

Garilor was born in 2427 to a noble family 'Torin'. However their name has since been burned from any notable records. Given the outright collapse that almost all noble families were experiencing at the time, and in a desperate attempt at survival, Garilor's mother, known as Gar'ler Torin dyed her and her son's fur to a creamy brown pattern, hiding their noble orange colors and trimming any distinctive fluff from herself and her son whenever the need arose. His father, whom he never met passed away at the hands of the rebels. 

From early life, Garilor would live in what essentially were impoverished conditions, unaware of any noble heritage he may possess, or who his father was, being told that he died in the rebellion and being convinced that he died a hero, liberating the Hharar and all other Tajara from the glutenous Njarir nobles.  Because he grew up on what was essentially a bombed street, attending a very simple corporate ran school and under the constant care of his mother, he never suspected a thing. Assuming the reapplying of dyes and regular trimming of ear and tail fluff were just common hygienic practices that his mother had taught him. He would not discover the truth about his heritage until the age of 23, while attending the NanoTrasen University of Engineering and living within the dormitories. Having ran out of dye, and not being able to afford any due to being a student, his orange hairs and unique brown splotched pattern would begin to appear.

Garilor would make several calls to his mother through this period, utterly shocked at what was happening, and eventually he would be informed that he was in fact a Njarir, a noble, and an oppressor. This broke something in the man, prompting him to slow down his progress in university, taking breaks between degrees that would last months, if not years each time. Eventually however, he would achieve his Master's Degree in Civil Engineering at the age of 29. At this stage he had given up on hiding his heritage, wearing the orange coat with splotched patterns as a mark of shame, regularly being harassed and even in some cases assaulted by other students. As soon as he could, he would say his last goodbyes to his mother and depart Adhomai, getting as far away as possible from Tajara space, finding a contract for working aboard the NISS: Anvilfire, a necropolis industries weapons manufacturing station, as a productions line maintainer.

He would continue this work aboard Anvilfire for almost four years, attracting little attention from crew who simply did not care for the internal politics of Tajara, this made him feel comfortable, and he would let his colors continue to grow as his patterns would become more distinct and his fluff more obvious. Ultimately he requested a transfer to a more active position somewhere for Necropolis, and would find himself being subcontracted to working with NT aboard Aurora as a Station Engineer.

 

What do you like about this character?

He is a self hating Njarir who knows nothing of his people, and has grown apathetic towards the race relations between Tajara. He is running from a factor in his life that is simply inescapable, he has accepted that it is inescapable. He wants forgiveness for what his ancestors have done, but is unable to ask for it, he does not even know where to begin. I think this would just be a fun character to play... I think I have a thing for characters with tragic backstories.

 

How would you rate your role-playing ability?

6.7/10

 

Notes:

Edited June 17, 2019 by Mofo1995
Removed Garfield as the character's name.

[Garnascus]

As i said on discord this character would unfortunately break our naming and reference rules. You will need to change the name. 

[VTCobaltblood]

6 hours ago, Aphelion said:

BYOND Key: (byond key)

As a loredev, I beg you - PLEASE don't be cheeky. This just makes processing your whitelist more inconvenient.

[Aphelion]

7 minutes ago, VTCobaltblood said:

As a loredev, I beg you - PLEASE don't be cheeky. This just makes processing your whitelist more inconvenient.

Sorry. Did not mean to miss that part. That was a genuine mistake.

[DeadLantern]

The description of what makes playing this species different is quite lacking. Nothing about the 5 races of Tajara, religion, etc. It's barebones. 

You say your character goes to the Nanotrasen school of civil engineering. While it is ok to make up universities, there are a canon universities your character can go to on adhomai. Furthermore, how would your character be able to even afford going to university if they live in such abject poverty.

It is also never stated where your character lives, though I have to assume it's in the DPRA. Nanotrasen would never establish a school in the DPRA because it's not the "real" government on adhomai and the DPRA is not consistent with doing government things.

The intention is good but there are inconsistencies.

[KingOfThePing]

I've read your application with interest since your story is creative, I think most would agree with that, however, some questions arise, when reading it but I'm sure you can answer them easily. Here we go:

Quote

However their name has since been burned from any notable records.

Why and more importantly how were their names completely wiped from the records? As nobles they surely were either well known for, well something, had possesions of notable worth, maybe even land, and thus power. What happened that they were basically forgotten by those that once knew them?

 

Quote

[he lived in] a bombed street, attending a very simple corporate ran school...

So how ended up a random (seemingly) peasant Tajara, living in the streets, attending the most basic of schooling institutions, where you probably don't learn much except reading, writing and probably the history of Adhomai, in a NanoTrasen funded University, with an emphasis on Engineering? That reads as a very, very, far stretch. Even if he got a scholarship or something similar the questions still stand: How, through whom and why?

 

Quote

[...]being told that he died in the rebellion and being convinced that he died a hero, liberating the Hharar and all other Tajara from the glutenous Njarir nobles. 

So, what are his political views on the civil war? When President Hadii (bless his heart) was assasinated in 2451 Garilor was 24. How did he react? You wrote that he was made to believe that his father was a hero of the rebellion, but on what side was he supposedly on. The term "rebels" shouldn't be used loosely here, who's side did he support, if at all? The People's Republic of Adhomai or the Adhomai Liberation Army? Another question is how his view has changed after he found out about his father and his noble bloodline. What are his current views on the New Kingdom of Adhomai?

Regarding the question above, you might want to direct me to this sentence you wrote:

Quote

[...]who knows nothing of his people, and has grown apathetic towards the race relations between Tajara.

But then I ask you why. Why does he know nothing of his people? Does he not want to know? If so, why? Does he just not care? If so - how can he, when his youth and time at university was so heavily influenced about who he thought he was and who he is?

 

I'll be looking forward to your replies.

Edited June 10, 2019 by KingOfThePing

[Aphelion]

It looks like I have a lot more reading to do on the subject of Tajara.
I will be updating this within the next three days.

Thankyou all for your feedback!

[VTCobaltblood]

nvm

Edited June 11, 2019 by VTCobaltblood

[Mofo1995]

Hello! I plan on looking at this on Friday. If you have any edits to make, make sure you do so by then.

[Aphelion]

Could not find the time to edit it. Deny it if you like, I will reapply with a similar but more fleshed out character when I am able.

[Mofo1995]

All righty, after reading the app I did feel it fell short of being acceptable, so I will be denying this application. But if you had edits planned anyways, don't let this discourage you from applying again with whatever you planned.