The fight against lesbay.

[hivefleetchicken]

All of my characters have one hated in common.

That hatred is lesbay.

Since I joined the server, I vowed to fight with every ounce of strength I had to take back Aurora from the lesbian menace. It has been 636 days since I made this vow, and the fight is still far from over.

Below I will post my many moments in which my characters drunkenly broke into an outrage at the sight of two lesbians ignoring their work, and decided to make shit get real.

I am not including names, but possibly descriptions, to better paint a picture of the character.

This is merely for documentation and fair enjoyment as you laugh off any hostile encounters your lesbian character might have had with me. No discussions, please.

[Guest]

first

[Jboy2000000]

Remember when someone got perma-banned for doing something similar to this that was in private, and not even on our server?

Just saying.

[Mofo1995]

Ohhhhhh I'm laffin. This is gonna be good.

[hivefleetchicken]

Index ##001

Player:

Hivefleetchicken.

Character:

Joey Mortadeliano.

It's an ordinary shift. I, assistant Joey Mortadeliano, search for a fun way to help out any departments before running into the cargo department.

Inside, I see a polite quartermaster and a dog. The dog runs to me, and I pet it gracefully. I ask the quartermaster if I can keep it. He accepts my offer and lets me adopt the animal. While the quartermaster decides to deliver the dog to my dorm, I watch as two lesbians step out of the kitchen and halt the quartermaster. They both begin talking in sign language to one another, before cursing wildly at the Quartermaster. One of them grabs the dog. I run in, shouting, "HEY, HEY! Don't yell at my friend! And that is my dog". Before I know it, the blonde lesbian with gentle hair and albino skin tells me to "Get the fuck out, baldie." At this, I am outraged. To have my own kind dishonored so bluntly... I was craving to regain my honor and dignity. I knew what I had to do.

I mustered all the courage I could, and shouted, "Well, maybe you could be just like me, if you shaved that hairy head and face of yours, you dyke!" The comms go silent, as if everyone on the station just heard it. We stare at one another for a good ten seconds, each party staring on in awe. There are three lesbian assistants in the kitchen. I stand outside with the quartermaster and my dog.

Out of nowhere, they spring out of the kitchen, and without a word are bashing me with a rolling pin and stabbing me with a knife. My friend, the quartermaster, is running for his life as they gut him on the ground. "No," I growl. "Not like this." My hand instinctively reaches for the fire cabinet. I rip an extinguisher free, and grip it with all my might as the trio approaches me. In a flash of movement, I have run through the lines, bashing them all over the head multiple times. But my sides and head are ripped horribly. I begin my retreat, as they all scream for help from security, they also conveniently chase me down the hall, with the clear intent to kill me. I am no longer the aggressor, but I will defend myself if needed. Two of them split off to kidnap the dog. A third chases me. I lay down to prove my passive intentions and tell her to calm down, and she instantly jumps to stabbing me whilst I lay on the ground. "This will not do," I postulate, as I stand and instantly bash her to the ground with the extinguisher until she no longer moves. She frequently makes gurgled gasps as I watch security approach. I get PMs like mad that I attacked a group of people who were RPing in privacy without any provocation, and whoever that baldy is must be banned.

After they all receive surgery from my pummeling and I receive a bandage whilst being neglected of my broken bones, I rouse the soldiers. The quartermaster, the other assistants, we're all furious. I offer them a rousing speech that proves that this will be the day we stick it to the man.

We honorably file a bunch of paperwork, like true warriors of the pen, and get the lesbians fired. As they head to their demotion, the gang of five assistants, each armed with a toolbox, silently escorts the group. Hostile verbal interactions are thrown back and forth, and each party grows tense. I lick my lips quietly as my fists burn with a tingling anticipation of the first hit. The albino woman, with her previously soft, but now broken and bandaged features, shoots me a daggered stare of sass. I comment on it, we get in eachother's faces, and before I know it, my comrade has swung a toolbox through her head. The whole group descends on the group of screaming and scratching females as we slaughter their ranks to the floor. We do not kill a single one of them, and we allow medical to take them away after such an unfair fight. We apologise to the head of personnel about the spell of violence, turn in our toolboxes, and spend the rest of the round doing real work.

A victory.

I was defiant. Do not lose faith, brothers. They will know we are the good guys soon.

Edited November 13, 2015 by Guest

[hivefleetchicken]

Remember when someone got perma-banned for doing something similar to this that was in private, and not even on our server?

Just saying.

 

This is not ERP. And I'm not including names. This is 100% just for shits and giggles and things that I was directly involved in, whereas their intention was to mock players who they caught minding their own business (even if their business broke the rules of the server and-- YEAH WE'RE NOT GETTING INTO THIS ONE).

[FinalVerdict3]

Dis gon be gud

I DEMAND MORE NAKED PANCAKES.

Heheh, this is gonna be really good. More stories to share, brother? Stay strong!

[hivefleetchicken]

Feel free to post

Only requirements:

1. You cannot state any names besides your own, and even that is optional

2. You must document a fight against lesbians who are either distastefully neglecting their job to drink beer and talk/blush/huggle in maintenance, or are fucking around in a clique and decide to get aggressive with you. You must not fight a tajaran who's minding their own business, and have your only reason be due to their species.

3. It has to have been on a bald character. This is about a triumph of bald kind over lesbian kind in self-defense scenarios, not about a bunch of your characters suddenly ganking lesbians out of nowhere for being homosex.

4. This thread is a privilege, and will be taken down when it gets taken down. And that will be the end of it. We don't need anyone else running around screaming for it to get taken down in the actual thread; it's just inevitable. Mind your own business and enjoy your lesbian RP somewhere else, aye.

5. Put your stories under a spoiler, just in case people don't want to read one of them but want to read other posts.

Edited November 13, 2015 by Guest

[LetzShake]

I almost never see female characters in medbay anymore. and when I do one of them is Phoebe.

[hivefleetchicken]

Index ##002

Player:

Hivefleetchicken

Character:

Confidential/!@$!@$Traitor!@$!%

 

The shift starts as another other might. I am tending to my crops in the botanical gardens, having fun. I order a bee crate to help the plants flourish. Things are going well. Then I notice my hydroponicist ally stepping out of maintenance with another girl in tow. They both have floorlength braids, one of which is bright pink, the other being a hazelnut colour. The pink-haired one is my botanist coworker. I have not seen them all shift, and I am a traitor.

I insult them both for their incompetence and inability to do anything but bone. They pull out fucking sleep toxin and a straight jacket (!) and tie me up in maintenance, spitting on me and kicking me for insulting them. They take me to another lesbian and literally ask them to throw me into the singularity. "The only use for a bald scum like him". They accept.

The botanist lesbian group stays behind as the engineer one gives me oxygen and a space suit. "Don't want you dying on the way past the containment field, eheh." She places a revolver against my back, cocking back the hammer, and forces me forward as I wrestle with my cuffs in the airlock. I just manage to get them off in time as I smash the force airlock button and jettison the room as I turn on my magboots. They are all unprepared and begin flying out the airlock as I grab the revolver, their identification, and throw them all into the singularity. I then grab the last one in an aggressive hold, and thrust myself, with them, into the containment field and fly across the map into the research outpost.

As I hit the research outpost, I notice I have no access in. And my oxygen is already out, as they didn't plan on me surviving more than fifteen seconds. I begin to panick, smashing open a window near the entryway. My vision fades, and my barely keep from collapsing as I break inside. But then, the room is vacuumed and the firelocks are all shutting down. I'm just about trapped in a zero pressure zone, before I see a single crowbar flying past my head. It leaves to space, and I chase out after it. I extend one tile past the grille and barely hang onto my position as I catch the crowbar before it leaves my reach, before I return, cram open a few firelocks until I'm in a pressurized area, and take a breather.

I am exhausted. But my lungs somehow survived, so I owe it to at least them to not let my life to go waste. I sneak onto the research shuttle and head back to the station, before busting open the armory. I head to the bridge and tell of my survival, before casually walking down the hall. Before me are the two original lesbians, who are armed with security gear after our last encounter. They both take aim on me, approaching from each direction. "I'm surrounded?" I question, before noticing one last thing. One of them is right next to me. I run around them quickly, and by the time the second lesbian decides to shoot, I'm already using the other as a meat shield. Every shot impacts on the other lesbian, and the two shoot eachother to the ground. One of them gets up and pursues me as I run, and I enter a maintenance tunnel. I turn around, smile at them, and laugh as their gun comes up empty. I was the only one who noticed they fired every round into their partner.

The airlock closes.

I return to the bridge, fortify it, make it a base of operations. The entire crew comes knocking, and I return the favour. I pummel literally. Every. Last. Crew member. In the station. To a husked pulp. Before calling a shuttle and staying behind as the empty shuttle took off. Traitor wins.

A victory.

Edited November 13, 2015 by Guest

[hivefleetchicken]

Index ##003

 

This one is a bit different, as it includes some aggressive text to warp into my HoS personality. Don't worry, no one did anything wrong this round, I'm just telling it from their eyes.

Player:

Hivefleetchicken.

Character:

Confidential/!@$!@$HOS!@$!%

 

The round begins as I settle into my HoS office. Nice smell; I always enjoyed the scent of cherrywood. I train my officers using vicious discipline and training on multiple emergency occasions. We receive a distress call from a local unknown vessel. I volunteer to go ahead with a soldier; one of my most disciplined. We arrive and find a nurse in a hardsuit frolicking around with an unknown entity wearing iron armor and carrying a sword. The sight sickens me. There are corpses everywhere. "Why are they being so fucking cringey already?"

I tell the alien to watch himself while I check his cargo. Inside I find bodies in assistant's uniforms; we've had many people going missing in space. I immediately demand safe transfer back to xenobiology to find out what this thing is. We dump the bodies into space, and the admins complain we were actually supposed to clone and hug and kiss the body because it was an event for medbay to be snowflakey in. Fair enough. I take the body back too. The medical doctors and nurses set the alien free once it is back, and it goes around smashing windows and being a brute. I decide to make the round interesting by RPing paranoia. I go to the cloning lab and request they not clone the second alien while we still have a living one rampant on the station. They get in my face, threatening me to stop and check my cissecurity privilege. I peacefully leave, but still request their transfer to xenobiology when they are cloned. They don't respond.

I wait for it to get cloned, get scanned, get put in cryo, everything. A nurse with blue hair tells me they need more time to heal. I call bullshit. "I'm the head of security, Ma'am. I know how to read when a scanner says one-hundred-percent-healthy." They roll their eyes and wheel the alien to a bed, where they begin to snuggle with it. The alien is a female little girl. My stomach churns.

I step in, and demand its transfer to xenobiology. The entire medical bay surrounds me, all ordering me to mind my own business and "leave the poor dear alone." I get desperate. I ask them not to make me beg. My officers grow worried for my safety. I get in a calm argument with the entire medbay staff, until the Chief Medical Officer beats me with a stun baton and ties me to a chair with cable ties. The medical bay cheers and begins looting my items, and I send alert to my men to initiate one of our coded practices, and they do so. Comms go quiet, right as my headset is removed. I sit there, pretending to be cornered. "You'll never get away with this!" I mime, trying my best to sound convincing. My detective, an inside agent, comes inside. He states he sympathizes with them, and asks if he can take me elsewhere to keep them all safe from me. Me and the detective share a silent glance, both aware of what to do. He walks me into the next room, uncuffs me, hands me his radio and his revolver, and I scream for my men to execute the last phase of the technique as over four security officers that were patrolling medbay to "protect the alien from the HoS" suddenly draw laser rifles and riot shields, boxing in all the doctors in the patient rooms. I enter the room, and instantly take fire from the doctors who have looted my previous weapons. My men gun them all down in a firing-squad fashion, taking maybe three or four volleys for their line of fire to cut down or kill every doctor that was trying to rush us with my own baton, taser, pepperspray, etc. The survivors were cuffed, shipped to Central Command, and I was instated as a hero of the station for halting a power coup and destroying two dangerous xeno entities in the process. My men were all given a week's worth of free alcohol on me.

A Decisive Victory.

 

Every day we grow in numbers and in spirit, brothers. Keep up the good fight, and we may instate our own, true aurora faction, free of hedonism and poorly drafted erotic naivety.

[Guest]

This is fucking gold.

[hivefleetchicken]

It is time, gentlemen.

In these times of strife, this council of nations has decided to organize the LES-COM initiative once more.

We are again this server's first and last line of defense.

Get hunting.

[Guest]

But how? Their numbers have spread into the research department. There'd be too much collateral damage to war against them now, innocents could be harmed!

[hivefleetchicken]

Any innocents caught within such a vicinity of them are to be prosecuted justly as sympathizers.

It will take drastic measures to win this war, but we can't take the same chances we did last time. It has not worked.

[CampinKiller]

Remember, we will be watching.

[Rechkalov]

[swat43]

Why do i feel like sneezing everytime i see another big shitpost with no logic, and anything intelectual to talk about. Go people out of SS13 and get a fresh air in your brains once in a while. Who knows how much you rotted yourself in your moms basement.

[hivefleetchicken]

[...] i feel like sneezing [...] another big shit[...] to talk about. Go people [...] and get a fresh [...] moms basement.

 

Noted.

Please submit yourself to the nearest collection facility for purging.

Edited January 9, 2016 by Guest

[hivefleetchicken]

Why do i feel like sneezing [...] in your moms basement.

 

Ps why would you sneeze do I need to dust or something

Jeez you shoulda told me Rech now look what your inaction has caused

[Dreamix]

I fixed it for you:

Why do I feel like sneezing every time I see another big-breasted lesbian character with nothing roleplay-worthy besides cuddling in maintenance as another security officer or a lesbay with her, and anything non-ERP related to talk about. Go people out of science, robotics and the medbay and get a fresh robusting in your brains once in a while. Who knows how much you rotted yourself in your maintenance ERP closet.

Don't you think, these people don't mindlessly hate every lesbian character, just because? Aren't those fun, maybe a little sarcastic or ironic, but after all, just joke posts? Do you even know those people, you're insulting? I'm sure, posts of theirs that actually had some effort put into writing them, actually make sense, 'hold some ground', and aren't "shitposts with no logic".

Now, call me a meme-army sympathizer. Because, that's totally how it works.

[Rechkalov]

Assuming Dreamix has a point and this is all in good-humored nature; let's, for one round, all create purely lust-driven braid-maids, seduce all of the lesbians in question and break their hearts to pieces.

Edit: Seriously. Use your superior roleplaying abilities. Write poems. Make gifts. Jiggle sexy butt cheeks. Show them how virtual love is PROPERLY done, and how unforgiving and indifferent is space!

[swat43]

I fixed it for you:

Why do I feel like sneezing every time I see another big-breasted lesbian character with nothing roleplay-worthy besides cuddling in maintenance as another security officer or a lesbay with her, and anything non-ERP related to talk about. Go people out of science, robotics and the medbay and get a fresh robusting in your brains once in a while. Who knows how much you rotted yourself in your maintenance ERP closet.

Don't you think, these people don't mindlessly hate every lesbian character, just because? Aren't those fun, maybe a little sarcastic or ironic, but after all, just joke posts? Do you even know those people, you're insulting? I'm sure, posts of theirs that actually had some effort put into writing them, actually make sense, 'hold some ground', and aren't "shitposts with no logic".

Now, call me a meme-army sympathizer. Because, that's totally how it works.

 

Let me just be clear in simpler words for ya then.

I dont give a single flying f**k on everyones feelings.

Never will, and never will change my mind. Shits and giggles can be fun, but when it's overdone and the meme's being reincarnated from the dead when they are no longer funny, is just blatantly stupid, and unnecesary. We're not 12 year olds, grow up.

[swat43]

While the shit post is going on, have another nice picture.

 

To prove my point that i dont give to shits on what you're gona think of this.

[hivefleetchicken]

Unfortunately breaking up with one of the lesbay harlots and using actual RP just enables them to continue their behavior because it got them a HOT BABE in the first place. It drives them to be more aggressive and cliquey.

I was asked to a lesbian fucking by a librarian once and when I denied she hired her two friends to mug me.

EDIT: It didn't go so well for them.

And btw Swat you'd best sleep with one eye open if ur gonna come @ me on station in ur mechs and KITSUNE robot suits

These streets ain't gon be safe 4 long if u catch my drift