Seon-rin Von Illdenberg what do you think of her.

[MetaphysicalPersona]

This post won't die will it... I tweak my flavors now and then but I'm going to change it greatly soon to simplify things I guess and for "Eliot Chef" My character is a walking contradiction something that is hard to predict. She has the body of a athlete yet she's not a guard (Well once she was... was a fiasco ) the mind of a child yet quite brilliant, and the heart of rose but somehow always end up hurting others. she's gets her anger from feeling different and not being understood she feels inhuman most of the time and tries her best to appeal to others but always messes up to the point that she angers and become rude a bit to others... She doesn't have completely human thoughts keep that in mind.

 

She's a human though, right?

 

You tell me, but I'm remaking her to make her simple.

[MetaphysicalPersona]

Also I don't mind that it's open... I just thought it wouldn't last so long.

[Mofo1995]

Also I don't mind that it's open... I just thought it wouldn't last so long.

I wish I could post such a simple thread and get so many responses. Brb.

[MetaphysicalPersona]

What does my character look like to you guys?

I'm once again remaking my character...

[Frances]

Conceptually speaking, she's got a really rough shell. This is what I think is her main flaw, tbh.

I spent a while observing her interacting with Safiya in genetics yesterday, and honestly... she's not a bad character. Yeah. Surprisingly. We've had our share of disturbed, mentally questionable young adults on Aurora, and not all of them have been terrible, so yolo. And I don't think there's anything inherently flawed with the kind of character you're trying to have (it certainly delves into fantasies, but hey, that's why we roleplay, to create a fun narrative that appeals to us.)

The problem is with the presentation. As people pointed out, there's actually a ton of unstable or weird characters (in a good or at least interesting way) on station, but the difference is most of them play the trope in a realistic and much more subtle way. There's no two ways to go about it, the issues with Seon-rin lie with the attributes she displays outwardly. A history of mental illness or questionable behavior in her records. Lewd comments to strangers or coworkers. Her constantly defiant attitude towards the law, which seems to be landing her into the brig quite regularly.

This isn't a problem because of her nature - it's because of the way she displays this nature. She should make a greater effort to blend in. Reduce the clashes with authority figures, reduce the outwards creepiness. You don't have to get rid of it. But it's something a character like her would probably camouflage. You can have a very fucked up nature but it's something you would hide if you expect to survive in society. That way, it's much less likely to get onto people's nerves all the time, and when you do reveal it, it's all the more striking and impressive (because it's actually fresh, rather than the same old routine we're already accustomed to.)

[Spider]

Didn't know Seon was a sore loser

She's a bit creepy too, things like

"You have strong arms, I admire that."

[MetaphysicalPersona]

Okay I need some help... So now my character is now deemed unbelievable by a admin, mostly in my character's knowledge I was told and other areas probably.

So it would be nice if you guys told me what you think about my back story/records and say what you think about it or at least tell me what to change too make it more acceptable...

http://aurorastation.org/r/records/index.php?uid=metaphysicalpersona_seon-rinvonilldenberg

And as a bonus did you even care about my records tell me?

Lastly I'm banned until resolved

Edited December 27, 2015 by Guest

[Dea Tacita]

Okay I need some help

 

You asked for it. I'm not going to be gentle. (Note that this is my opinion as a player and does not constitute "This is what he needs to do")

You're trying to be unique, I get it. I really do, but you're doing it in such a horribly cringe-worthy, low-RP way. Instead of making a believable character with an interesting and complicated personality, well-thought out backstory and developed persona. You went with "genetically engineered snowflake", not the best move.

Here's a list of what I think needs to be changed.

- Nineteen years old AND competant in multiple fields of science, plus has combat training and CQC training.

No. Just no. Your character isn't old enough to know a SINGLE field of college-level science, let alone the multiple fields that Seon was competant in. Also lose the combat training, she just has no reason to know that. As for CQC, that can be okay if she does a martial art as a hobby or something.

- Genetically Engineered to only be 40% Human/Covered in thick black repulsive hair.

This is probably the most unbelievable thing to me. That level of engineering would leave Seon as a mentally damaged half lizard cripple sitting in a hospital bed and drooling all over herself in the best circumstance. Make her a normal Human, or give her a MODEST level of genetic engineering (To correct a genetic disease without going to extremes or something, but get rid of the hair. Jesus.)

-Golden/Yellow eyes

Really not that big of a deal, but it's just a small little snowflake thing that adds to the pile.

-Acting like an animal/being aggressive

This ties in with the genetic engineering thing. Again, I get what you are going for. You want her to be unique and different, but this just isn't the way to go about it.

-Gunshot wounds at nineteen

Again, another possibly justifiable thing that just adds to the pile.

-Experience

She's 19 years old, but you have 20 years of experience listed on her records.

-Records

Another thing that's not a huge issue. But you take a REALLY informal tone on records, these are supposed to be the formal, NT made work records for your character and should be serious.

-Flavor text

I too like writing long, detailed flavor texts. But you DO NOT need to include EVERY detail (I.E. leave the pubic hair out please.). Make it an objective description of your character that describes what they look like in a short, but detailed manner. Leave out "Thought forcing" I.E. "You think she looks wild" or "You think she's attractive" that sort of thing. Different people have different definitions of "Wild" or "attractive" so... just describe your character, and let them decide if you are wild or attractive.

I'll add anything else I think of later.

[MetaphysicalPersona]

Dea, tell me how you would make my character, fix my mistakes and show me how and show me what it should look like in your eyes.

[Lady_of_Ravens]

Illdinberg is a snowflake, there isn't much to be done about that without rewriting the whole character to be someone else. But that's fine, half of Aurora's characters are snowflakes, LiLITH very much included. What makes Illdenberg so unbelievable is, mostly, her skill levels and level of inappropriate activity.

I've already noticed you've been playing her a lot more calmly, which is good... now you have to play her as less skilled, too. Any fool can learn to shoot a gun or do martial arts, even children, so a teenager who has some degree of skill with both is plausible enough. But a 19-year-old who can do genetic research would be an almost impossibly huge prodigy even if they had gone to college at an absurdly young age. Add in the ability to do R&D as well and you've got a character who would be questionable if they had a 210 IQ and a background that involved being sent off to university before puberty.

So, fix her skills, and maybe tweak some of the weirdness in her background (like, having work experience that goes back to before her birth) and the admins will probably let you back.

[MetaphysicalPersona]

Time for a new character it seems... Villia 3.0

[MetaphysicalPersona]

By the way what's a snow flake?

[MagnificentMelkior]

Illdinberg is a snowflake, there isn't much to be done about that without rewriting the whole character to be someone else. But that's fine, half of Aurora's characters are snowflakes, LiLITH very much included. What makes Illdenberg so unbelievable is, mostly, her skill levels and level of inappropriate activity.

I've already noticed you've been playing her a lot more calmly, which is good... now you have to play her as less skilled, too. Any fool can learn to shoot a gun or do martial arts, even children, so a teenager who has some degree of skill with both is plausible enough. But a 19-year-old who can do genetic research would be an almost impossibly huge prodigy even if they had gone to college at an absurdly young age. Add in the ability to do R&D as well and you've got a character who would be questionable if they had a 210 IQ and a background that involved being sent off to university before puberty.

So, fix her skills, and maybe tweak some of the weirdness in her background (like, having work experience that goes back to before her birth) and the admins will probably let you back.

I don't know what to say about the skill situation. Everything Seon and Metaphysical know about genetics was taught to her by Richter/me in game. I focused on teaching her how to do the most labor intensive parts of genetics to save me the effort, like a good lab assistant, but she really does make a lot of mistakes when she tries to operate by herself because the secondary knowledge that comes with experience/formal training in genetics just isn't there for her. Now, isn't this actually ideal for an experienced lab assistant? They can save their supervising scientist a lot of effort but they aren't qualified enough to be trusted to run the lab by themselves.

If this level of skill that Seon has in genetics (I know nothing about her RnD experiences so I won't address that) is still considered too high, then what was Metaphysical supposed to do, during the multiple shifts where I trained her in character? Should she have played dumb? Refused to learn ICly despite my rather hardcore training sessions? What then is the purpose of a lab assistant if they can't be taught to do the gruntwork in a lab?

[MagnificentMelkior]

To that I'd just like to add: Seon's skill level would be unrealistic if she came into the server with it, or independently "figured it out" by just being in the lab (and reading a guide or something - although i will say the genetics guide was pretty unrobust when I read it). But that's not what happened, she was given the knowledge by a character who had the ability to give it. Shouldn't any ability she has for genetics just be a testament to Richter's ability to teach, and accepted for the reason that more important events happen during the runtime of a story than in its backstory?

[Mofo1995]

(I know nothing about her RnD experiences so I won't address that)

I can attest to this. She knows very near next to nothing. Sure she tries to learn and I try to make her do the gruntwork, but it's literally 3x faster when I do it myself than when I guide her, and just simply doesn't get done if I'm not around to help.

[Dreamix]

(...)

I don't know what to say about the skill situation. Everything Seon and Metaphysical know about genetics was taught to her by Richter/me in game. (...)

Huh. According to this:

EXPERIENCE: Top geneticist lab assistant/student for Korean bio technology industry 바이오 기술 baio gisul (Bio Tech) 4 years

TRAINED IN THE FOLLOWING: Genetics (Was taught by father at a young age and also put to work at Bio Tech, as a addition a geneticist named Martin .R on NSS aurora showed some basic tech usage)

Assuming that "4 years" means something.

Personally, I believe that genetics are not just pushing buttons, instantly making hulks out of people, without any complex calculations or thinking involved. These are years, and years of tedious work and slow understanding of how genetic code works. Just like surgery isn't just poking someones insides with surgical tools, or like RnD isn't just pushing buttons, "inventing" new things, researching "new" (or not) technology in mere minutes (or that's what RnD should be, at least).

Or else, why does it take "At least 30 years of age, PhD from accredited university in applicable field, Preferred at least 5 years experience in related field, Advanced Level-2 Psychological screening" to be employed as a "Genetics Researcher" and to know genetics OR just one shift (or more) spent in the lab as a lab assistant.

edit: A good definition on what a special snowflake is.

This may also be helpful.

And this.

[Blingx3]

here is my adivse for you :

Increase her age so you can fit all the things you want, like genetics, RnD and all the shabang you want. you'll have more room to work with instead of being a 19 year old know it all snowflake.

[Dreamix]

Here is my advise for you :

Increase her age so you can fit all the things you want, like genetics, RnD and all the shabang you want. you'll have more room to work with instead of being a 19 year old know it all snowflake.

 

At this rate of people finding more and more Seon's flaws, errors and defects, you'd better just bin/kill her, and make an entirely new character, MetaphysicalPersona. Because, huh, if people think that Seon is bad, terrible, the worst, snowflake, and/or mary sue right now, they probably won't change their minds, later.

[Mofo1995]

At this rate of people finding more and more Seon's flaws, errors and defects, you'd better just bin/kill her, and make an entirely new character, MetaphysicalPersona. Because, huh, if people think that Seon is bad, terrible, the worst, snowflake, and/or mary sue right now, they probably won't change their minds, later.

I actually really like Seon though, and I'd be really sad to see her go. I just thought I'd bring to light, in her defense, that she's no professional at R&D, since people had a lot of problems with her skills.

[Guest]

Here is my advise for you :

Increase her age so you can fit all the things you want, like genetics, RnD and all the shabang you want. you'll have more room to work with instead of being a 19 year old know it all snowflake.

 

At this rate of people finding more and more Seon's flaws, errors and defects, you'd better just bin/kill her, and make an entirely new character, MetaphysicalPersona. Because, huh, if people think that Seon is bad, terrible, the worst, snowflake, and/or mary sue right now, they probably won't change their minds, later.

 

Pff, speak for yourself. You'd be surprised to hear how little people actually care about silly snowflakes.

There are some issues that make Seon-rin a rather implausible and a bit of a cringey character to be around (at least, awhile ago, yes, recently she's been behaving which is good in my book), but doesn't it sound rather inflated of you to say something that just boils down to "permakill your character because ''''people'''' don't like her"?

[Xelnagahunter]

I agree with Delta here. The character doesn't need to be killed off or taken off station just yet. She needs to operate within expected standards. Fix up records to a realistic level. You graduate highschool at 18 and begin college. Seon can easily have a 2 year degree and begin working for a four year and have genetics skillsets. In the mean time, perhaps she did odd jobs in retail/serving/cooking that help her qualify for some civilian positions, such as cargo and cook. Maybe she takes a martial arts hobby, this would make her "trained" at most in melee. The reason it really is pushing it to call her trained and impossible to call her professional is that she's likely had little time to practice it outside of a controled environment, whereas a soldier would have. Rather than making her capable of lots of things on a minor level, focus on a few things. Make her 20-21 with a 2 year degree and still in college and working a paid internship with NT's science division. When you are ready to do more, age her some more and out her in a specialized field, perhaps with a 4 to 8 year degree. Just think about what a human can do, reliably, in a given time frame and age period. NT also has standards, you have to be such and such age for blah role. It's the minimum for people doing school at regular rates, finishing school faster doesn't lift NT age gates.

[Dreamix]

(...)but doesn't it sound rather inflated of you to say something that just boils down to "permakill your character because ''''people'''' don't like her"?

Huh. I don't really know. If '''people''' are suggesting changes (for the past 8 pages), and '''people''' banned Seon/player for '''things''', there probably is a problem with Seon?

Because, how I see it, if you change a character's looks, behavior, personality, backstory, qualifications, schools, past, diseases...

Is it still the same character, after all? Or a new one, but with the name of the previous one? Wouldn't making a new character be easier for everyone?

[Guest]

last i checked they were banned for self-antagonizing which is actually against server rules

[MagnificentMelkior]

(...)

I don't know what to say about the skill situation. Everything Seon and Metaphysical know about genetics was taught to her by Richter/me in game. (...)

Huh. According to this:

EXPERIENCE: Top geneticist lab assistant/student for Korean bio technology industry 바이오 기술 baio gisul (Bio Tech) 4 years

TRAINED IN THE FOLLOWING: Genetics (Was taught by father at a young age and also put to work at Bio Tech, as a addition a geneticist named Martin .R on NSS aurora showed some basic tech usage)

Assuming that "4 years" means something.

Yes, I did notice that too and I think she probably added that into her backstory as a misguided attempt to justify it, but she often IC says things like "Richter taught me everything I know (about genetics)." I'm curious what Meta's response to that is.

[Dea Tacita]

last i checked they were banned for self-antagonizing which is actually against server rules

 

They took a temp ban for self-antagging, but later staff collectively decided that after multiple (4-6) times of being talked to about having a completely unbelievable, crude and horribly rounded character, that a ban was in-order if they did not improve. Two days later, after almost no changes being made. A perm ban was issued until Meta proves that they can create a character that is well-rounded, and believable.