Chen Yakumo Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 (edited) BYOND Key: Chen Yakumo Character Names: Chip Dawkins, Alissa Ali, more recently Camila Scherer and Anna Clark Species you are applying to play: Tajara What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): I'm deeply torn between a M'Sai and a Hharar Tajaran at the moment. If I choose to play a M'Sai, they'll be silver, using the exact RGB code from the lore page. If a Hharar, I'll fiddle with the color options in-game to get something either slightly lighter or darker than the Kochiba color. I don't actually know what body markings I'll have to choose from, so for now I'm thinking none. Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yep! Just got done. It and the Tajaran Ethnicities page. Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question Why do you wish to play this specific race: I've been observing Tajaran players on this server for quite some time. I've wanted to make one for a while. If I'm being absolutely honest, I was first drawn to them because the initial reaction I had was "Ok so they're Elder Scrolls Khajit, but in Space." After reading the lore, I'm a bit less interested in that and a bit more interested in the unique civil war aspect that the species as a whole has. That, and admittedly, I want to play a M'Sai EMT and be there so fast they haven't called for help yet. Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: There are a lot of unique things pertaining to Tajarans that don't particularly apply to humans. Tajara have, for most of their history, lived as a very distinct Upper and Lower class society, with the upper class (the Nobles) ruling the lower class with a progressively tighter and tighter grasp. Their history essentially shows that, prior to being overthrown, the Nobles treated the rest of their species as slaves. While nowhere near as bad in the current day, Tajaran society as a whole is still significantly different from the modern, open-minded Human society. It'll be fun playing a character that is still coming to grips with galactic life as a whole. Character Name: Yasmin El-Tusi Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs: Yasmin El-Tusi was born on 29/06/2438 in a city a bit off the beaten path. From a young age, her family taught her the importance of keeping a level head, informing her of the atrocities committed in the rebellion that overthrew the noble houses shortly before her birth. Her parents believed personally that while the rebellion was much needed, there was far too much innocent blood shed in the conflict, a view that Yasmin herself has adopted. Early on in her life, she decided she didn't want to be a fighter. She wanted to help people. While she got into a few fights during her childhood, she held true to that ideal, and the moment she was old enough she began studying medicine, hoping to one day become a doctor. During her studies, the civil war raged on. While her city was off the beaten path and away from the large majority of the conflict, it was still occupied by the Adhomai Liberation Army. She didn't want to take sides; to take a side meant making enemies in a conflict she had no desire to participate in. In a hasty decision, she shifted her studies from becoming a doctor to becoming a first responder, and began seeking passage off-world. Her search didn't last long, as she found herself swept into Nanotrasen's waiting arms. What do you like about this character?: I like the concept of playing a neutral party in a situation where neutrality isn't expected. Both the ALA and the PRA will happily put supporters of the other faction to death, which Yasmin doesn't believe in. She just wants to help people, and believes that shedding blood just isn't justifiable when alternatives exist. Her alternative is Nanotrasen; get off world until she can one day come back, when she's had more time to debate the conflict Adhomai suffers and truly decides where she fits in with her people. How would you rate your role-playing ability?: I'm not a bad roleplayer. I've mentioned this in my other whitelist applications. I'd rate myself a solid "Above Average" when I'm on the ball. Notes: This is a note about me being tired. I have work in 5 hours, and I've been awake for 19. Hooray for muggy yucky weather that's impossible to sleep in. Edit: typo Edit 2: Typozzz, zzzer. BYOND Key: Chen Yakumo Character Names: Chip Dawkins, Alissa Ali, more recently Camila Scherer and Anna Clark Species you are applying to play: Tajara What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): As I'll be playing a Zhan-Khazan, I intend to be completely black. Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes. I've also reviewed it again prior to rewriting my application. Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question Why do you wish to play this specific race: As said previously, I've been observing the various Tajaran players on the server and how they interact. The thing that caught my eye, originally, was the third person speech, and the rolling "r" in their words. It reminded me a bit of the Khajit in Elder Scrolls. After reading the lore (for a second time), I've not lost interest in that little bit, but that's all it is; a little tidbit. I've gained more of an interest in the civil war aspect and the notion of playing a relatively new player in the galaxy as a whole. Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: The icy planet Adhomai was only discovered in the last 50 years. Prior to this, the Tajara had no interaction with the galaxy; they didn't have any kind of technology that would permit it. In fact, if not for the Sol Expedition, they likely wouldn't be space fairing to this day. The noble leaders of Adhomai had been subjugating their workers and peasants, treating them like slaves for centuries before the expedition's arrival, and civil war was inevitable. Since 2421, the planet and it's people have largely been at war with themselves, with a brief 20 years of uneasy peace between the end of the first revolution and the assassination of President Rhagrrhuzau. On a non-military level, Tajaran life is significantly different from Humanity's. Living on a planet of snow and ice, Tajara have adapted both through evolution and through their lifestyle. Literacy is a relatively new thing to the whole species, due to the heavy restrictions placed on libraries by the ruling noble class. As a result, much of Tajaran history is preserved through song and theater, rather than books, and is also how the working class entertained themselves when they weren't hard at work. Prior to better heating and insulation becoming the norm, a working-class tajara would have a hot meal that could be downed swiftly, as the planet's atmosphere doesn't provide a conducive environment to longer meals. After all, it's kind of hard to cook and eat a steak if it turns to ice before you can. Character Name: Zahid Al-Barik Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs: Zahid was born at the tail end of the first revolution, barely being old enough to speak a complete sentence by the time it reached it's official conclusion. He was born into a smaller village in the mountains, home mostly to miners and farmers. It was there that he got his first steps. His mind often comes back to here; a time when things were simple. He picked up his first pickaxe at the age of 14, and began his official career as a miner as soon as he was old enough. However, he always felt that he was out of place. He was good at what he did, but Zahid felt there was something more that he could be doing. He remembers the details of that fateful day in 2451 vividly. A Zhan-Khazan had assassinated the president. Zahid didn't know him, personally or otherwise, but soon members of his village began to disappear. Laws were passed punishing the Zhan-Khazan specifically. "This is an outrrrage." He had said at the time. The Hadii government had backed out of it's dealings with Nanotrasen, denying people like him the ability to get more money for themselves and their family, and now he was being punished not for who he was or what he had done, but for what he was born as? Word of rebellion began to reach his ears, and with each passing day in the mines he felt more and more curious. When the Adhomai Liberation Army arrived and took occupation of his village, he was all to eager to join their ranks. Casting aside his pickaxe, he learned the basics of combat. Before long, he had an idea. "If He werrre to join Nanotrrrasen's Securrrity deparrrtment, he could learn theirrr combat style. He could learrn theirr technology, and brrring that knowledge back." He had said. His superior at the time agreed, and Zahid found himself applying for, and joining Nanotrasen as an official member of their security team. What do you like about this character?: I had the idea for Zahid a day or so after I wrote my original application, but chose to withhold him since I had already written and submitted it. I really like the overall idea of the character; everything about him is entirely new ground that I've yet to cover. All of my characters have been loyal to Nanotrasen, and view their employment aboard the Aurora as just that; their employment. Zahid sees his employment as a means to an end. Rather than signing on to have a job to pay for a home, and other such luxuries, he's signed on to get more experience and more knowledge in combat and firearms so that he can better aid the ALA. Of course, he'll help the company as best he can during his employment; antagonizing his employer and getting on their bad side, as well as the bad sides of his coworkers, isn't exactly going to help the ALA at all, is it? How would you rate your role-playing ability?: I'd rate myself above average, on average. Though I tend to vary wildly from day to day. Kind of like throwing dice. It's weird. Notes: The application has been rewritten to be more backstory heavy and focused more on the unique portions of Tajaran society following criticisms from Loow. Thanks for offering your criticisms! Everyone who did criticize it at all said a few short words of "The backstory is kind of bland" or similar. I was able to work harder with the information you gave me, so thank you. Edited June 6, 2018 by Guest
AmoryBlaine Posted June 3, 2018 Posted June 3, 2018 Seen some of their characters around. They're good at RP. Can't comment on Taj stuff, though. But I think they can handle it.
cloud Posted June 3, 2018 Posted June 3, 2018 Seen Camila around and they seemed like a very good character capable of behaving realistically, and their emotes were great as well. Can't speak for the others but I'm sure Chen can handle a cat whitelist! Good luck
JKJudgeX Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 Chen Yakumo has been with us a while and I've had a few positive interactions. Most recently it was with Anna Clark, a chef who worked very hard to make a spicy burrito for me, but, I was unable to receive it due to in-game issues as well as IRL issues. Regardless, our interactions were solid, good RP on Chen's part playing Anna, and, my only hesitation in giving this +1 is that I don't want to stop seeing Chen's other characters around, so, definitely a +1 from me. .
Worthy Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 Chen's alright. They are capable of staying in character and maintaining a proper quality of RP. I think they'd be able to handle a Tajara whitelist just fine. +1
Loow Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 Hey there. Loow here. You're welcome. BYOND Key: Chen Yakumo Character Names: Chip Dawkins, Alissa Ali, more recently Camila Scherer and Anna Clark Species you are applying to play: Tajara What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): I'm deeply torn between a M'Sai and a Hharar Tajaran at the moment. If I choose to play a M'Sai, they'll be silver, using the exact RGB code from the lore page. If a Hharar, I'll fiddle with the color options in-game to get something either slightly lighter or darker than the Kochiba color. I don't actually know what body markings I'll have to choose from, so for now I'm thinking none. Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yep! Just got done. It and the Tajaran Ethnicities page. Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question Why do you wish to play this specific race: I've been observing Tajaran players on this server for quite some time. I've wanted to make one for a while. If I'm being absolutely honest, I was first drawn to them because the initial reaction I had was "Ok so they're Elder Scrolls Khajit, but in Space." After reading the lore, I'm a bit less interested in that and a bit more interested in the unique civil war aspect that the species as a whole has. That, and admittedly, I want to play a M'Sai EMT and be there so fast they haven't called for help yet. Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: There are a lot of unique things pertaining to Tajarans that don't particularly apply to humans. Tajara have, for most of their history, lived as a very distinct Upper and Lower class society, with the upper class (the Nobles) ruling the lower class with a progressively tighter and tighter grasp. Their history essentially shows that, prior to being overthrown, the Nobles treated the rest of their species as slaves. While nowhere near as bad in the current day, Tajaran society as a whole is still significantly different from the modern, open-minded Human society. It'll be fun playing a character that is still coming to grips with galactic life as a whole. Character Name: Yasmin El-Tusi Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs: Yasmin El-Tusi was born on 29/06/2438 in a city a bit off the beaten path. From a young age, her family taught her the importance of keeping a level head, informing her of the atrocities committed in the rebellion that overthrew the noble houses shortly before her birth. Her parents believed personally that while the rebellion was much needed, there was far too much innocent blood shed in the conflict, a view that Yasmin herself has adopted. Early on in her life, she decided she didn't want to be a fighter. She wanted to help people. While she got into a few fights during her childhood, she held true to that ideal, and the moment she was old enough she began studying medicine, hoping to one day become a doctor. During her studies, the civil war raged on. While her city was off the beaten path and away from the large majority of the conflict, it was still occupied by the Adhomai Liberation Army. She didn't want to take sides; to take a side meant making enemies in a conflict she had no desire to participate in. In a hasty decision, she shifted her studies from becoming a doctor to becoming a first responder, and began seeking passage off-world. Her search didn't last long, as she found herself swept into Nanotrasen's waiting arms. What do you like about this character?: I like the concept of playing a neutral party in a situation where neutrality isn't expected. Both the ALA and the PRA will happily put supporters of the other faction to death, which Yasmin doesn't believe in. She just wants to help people, and believes that shedding blood just isn't justifiable when alternatives exist. Her alternative is Nanotrasen; get off world until she can one day come back, when she's had more time to debate the conflict Adhomai suffers and truly decides where she fits in with her people. How would you rate your role-playing ability?: I'm not a bad roleplayer. I've mentioned this in my other whitelist applications. I'd rate myself a solid "Above Average" when I'm on the ball. Notes: This is a note about me being tired. I have work in 5 hours, and I've been awake for 19. Hooray for muggy yucky weather that's impossible to sleep in. Edit: typo Edit 2: Typozzz, zzzer. "I'm deeply torn between a M'Sai and a Hharar" Pick one. It actually matters. "unique civil war aspect" Well what do you like about it? What about it appeals to you? It seems like you stay very far away from it. "There are a lot of unique things pertaining to Tajarans that don't particularly apply to humans. Tajara have, for most of their history, lived as a very distinct Upper and Lower class society..." "It'll be fun playing a character that is still coming to grips with galactic life as a whole." ^Best part of that whole answer imho Wow nobody said anything at all about the backstory or character concept, eh? "Early on in her life, she decided she didn't want to be a fighter. She wanted to help people. While she got into a few fights during her childhood, she held true to that ideal..." Why fight if she doesn't want to be a fighter? "She didn't want to take sides" "to take a side meant making enemies in a conflict she had no desire to participate in." So you like the "unique" civil war conflict, but want absolutely no part in it? Mate, let's be real. I'm not feeling love dripping off of this app. It's clear people are coming in to say "give whitelist" but nobody's even cared enough to point out, comment on, or chat about even the most minor of details in the backstory here. This app suffers for it. Conflict averse kitty with no fur color stays far away from conflict and moves to space after going to school. I personally don't like this app. It looks like you don't care about this application, at least to me. To me, that says you wouldn't enjoy having the whitelist. To me, that means you shouldn't bother. There's room for improvement. Maybe you do care a lot and I'm mistaken. Maybe you're capable of writing a really cool app that drips with feeling and leaves an impression. But this isn't that app.
Mofo1995 Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 I'm going to give this another day to stew now that some criticism has swooped in before me. I'll give you time to respond and make any changes you see fit before I make my review. Edit : It's going to be somewhere between 23 to 36 hours, depending on if any changes are made or ensuing discussion had.
Chen Yakumo Posted June 6, 2018 Author Posted June 6, 2018 Original post rewritten following criticisms. Thank you!
Bygonehero Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 I have had good interactions with your characters and believe you could play a tajaran well if given the chance. The only reticence I have would have concerning this application is your intent as you made it clear playing a zoom zoom kitty EMT would be the first thing you would play. While not technically a violation, it colors perspective somewhat. Despite this, I believe your application to have a solid understanding of tajara lore, as well as enough roleplay knowhow to play them to an acceptable standard. All considerations to me are secondary to this, so either of your applications are fine with me.
Mofo1995 Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 BYOND Key: Chen Yakumo Character Names: Chip Dawkins, Alissa Ali, more recently Camila Scherer and Anna Clark Species you are applying to play: Tajara What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): As I'll be playing a Zhan-Khazan, I intend to be completely black. Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes. I've also reviewed it again prior to rewriting my application. Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question Why do you wish to play this specific race: As said previously, I've been observing the various Tajaran players on the server and how they interact. The thing that caught my eye, originally, was the third person speech, and the rolling "r" in their words. It reminded me a bit of the Khajit in Elder Scrolls. After reading the lore (for a second time), I've not lost interest in that little bit, but that's all it is; a little tidbit. I've gained more of an interest in the civil war aspect and the notion of playing a relatively new player in the galaxy as a whole. Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: The icy planet Adhomai was only discovered in the last 50 years. Prior to this, the Tajara had no interaction with the galaxy; they didn't have any kind of technology that would permit it. In fact, if not for the Sol Expedition, they likely wouldn't be space fairing to this day. The noble leaders of Adhomai had been subjugating their workers and peasants, treating them like slaves for centuries before the expedition's arrival, and civil war was inevitable. Since 2421, the planet and it's people have largely been at war with themselves, with a brief 20 years of uneasy peace between the end of the first revolution and the assassination of President Rhagrrhuzau. On a non-military level, Tajaran life is significantly different from Humanity's. Living on a planet of snow and ice, Tajara have adapted both through evolution and through their lifestyle. Literacy is a relatively new thing to the whole species, due to the heavy restrictions placed on libraries by the ruling noble class. As a result, much of Tajaran history is preserved through song and theater, rather than books, and is also how the working class entertained themselves when they weren't hard at work. Prior to better heating and insulation becoming the norm, a working-class tajara would have a hot meal that could be downed swiftly, as the planet's atmosphere doesn't provide a conducive environment to longer meals. After all, it's kind of hard to cook and eat a steak if it turns to ice before you can. Character Name: Zahid Al-Barik Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs: Zahid was born at the tail end of the first revolution, barely being old enough to speak a complete sentence by the time it reached it's official conclusion. He was born into a smaller village in the mountains, home mostly to miners and farmers. It was there that he got his first steps. His mind often comes back to here; a time when things were simple. He picked up his first pickaxe at the age of 14, and began his official career as a miner as soon as he was old enough. However, he always felt that he was out of place. He was good at what he did, but Zahid felt there was something more that he could be doing. He remembers the details of that fateful day in 2451 vividly. A Zhan-Khazan had assassinated the president. Zahid didn't know him, personally or otherwise, but soon members of his village began to disappear. Laws were passed punishing the Zhan-Khazan specifically. "This is an outrrrage." He had said at the time. The Hadii government had backed out of it's dealings with Nanotrasen, denying people like him the ability to get more money for themselves and their family, and now he was being punished not for who he was or what he had done, but for what he was born as? Word of rebellion began to reach his ears, and with each passing day in the mines he felt more and more curious. When the Adhomai Liberation Army arrived and took occupation of his village, he was all to eager to join their ranks. Casting aside his pickaxe, he learned the basics of combat. Before long, he had an idea. "If He werrre to join Nanotrrrasen's Securrrity deparrrtment, he could learn theirrr combat style. He could learrn theirr technology, and brrring that knowledge back." He had said. His superior at the time agreed, and Zahid found himself applying for, and joining Nanotrasen as an official member of their security team. What do you like about this character?: I had the idea for Zahid a day or so after I wrote my original application, but chose to withhold him since I had already written and submitted it. I really like the overall idea of the character; everything about him is entirely new ground that I've yet to cover. All of my characters have been loyal to Nanotrasen, and view their employment aboard the Aurora as just that; their employment. Zahid sees his employment as a means to an end. Rather than signing on to have a job to pay for a home, and other such luxuries, he's signed on to get more experience and more knowledge in combat and firearms so that he can better aid the ALA. Of course, he'll help the company as best he can during his employment; antagonizing his employer and getting on their bad side, as well as the bad sides of his coworkers, isn't exactly going to help the ALA at all, is it? How would you rate your role-playing ability?: I'd rate myself above average, on average. Though I tend to vary wildly from day to day. Kind of like throwing dice. It's weird. Notes: The application has been rewritten to be more backstory heavy and focused more on the unique portions of Tajaran society following criticisms from Loow. Thanks for offering your criticisms! Everyone who did criticize it at all said a few short words of "The backstory is kind of bland" or similar. I was able to work harder with the information you gave me, so thank you. Wowee, I wasn't expecting a full rewrites. Since the comments before Loows were more focused on testifying about your quality as a roleplayer rather than analaysis of your application and backstory, I'll just roll 'em over and still consider them valid for this since I'm going to assume you didn't magically become bad at RP as part of your rewrite. Okay, let's take it from the top. As I'll be playing a Zhan-Khazan, I intend to be completely black. I uncomfortably shifted in my chair as I realized how too on the nose making the oppressed Tajaran race have the color black is. I had added it to justify some of the paintings of black cats on the wiki and threw them in with Zhan because of their description for dark fur patterns, but it took until just now for me to fully realize the implication. Strong app so far, made me reflect on my own lore already. Zahid was born at the tail end of the first revolution, barely being old enough to speak a complete sentence by the time it reached it's official conclusion. He was born into a smaller village in the mountains, home mostly to miners and farmers. It was there that he got his first steps. His mind often comes back to here; a time when things were simple. He picked up his first pickaxe at the age of 14, and began his official career as a miner as soon as he was old enough. However, he always felt that he was out of place. He was good at what he did, but Zahid felt there was something more that he could be doing. Truly the golden age of Al-Mari. The ho-hum life of the modernizing Tajara. I like how it picked up on and expressed the mundanity of peacetime interwar Adhomai with simplicity, much like the times themselves were simple. He remembers the details of that fateful day in 2451 vividly. A Zhan-Khazan had assassinated the president. Zahid didn't know him, personally or otherwise, but soon members of his village began to disappear. Laws were passed punishing the Zhan-Khazan specifically. "This is an outrrrage." He had said at the time. The Hadii government had backed out of it's dealings with Nanotrasen, denying people like him the ability to get more money for themselves and their family, and now he was being punished not for who he was or what he had done, but for what he was born as? Word of rebellion began to reach his ears, and with each passing day in the mines he felt more and more curious. When the Adhomai Liberation Army arrived and took occupation of his village, he was all to eager to join their ranks. Casting aside his pickaxe, he learned the basics of combat. Before long, he had an idea. "If He werrre to join Nanotrrrasen's Securrrity deparrrtment, he could learn theirrr combat style. He could learrn theirr technology, and brrring that knowledge back." He had said. His superior at the time agreed, and Zahid found himself applying for, and joining Nanotrasen as an official member of their security team. I like this a lot! It absolutely captures how life-changing the assassination of Al-Mari was to all Tajara. My only serious concern, which could be explained away as a an IC misunderstanding on your character's part is the thought that Malik Hadii had pulled out of deals with NanoTrasen. Al-Mari had been the one to pull out of trade deals which really gave Tajara the shaft, only really making the more capitalists profiteers in society who were benefiting from it upset. Otherwise the move was wildly popular with the everytajara. When Malik came into power, he reinstated those same deals except on steroids. A set of moves cited by rebels as a reason for their war. Other than that, it's good stuff. I didn't get to deliver any serious criticism like I wanted to, but I have to go to bed for the work I have in 3 hours. Application accepted, thank you for your patience.
Recommended Posts