Bobsenjr Posted November 23, 2014 Posted November 23, 2014 (edited) The Church of The Great Pizza Surprise Pack guide Deep-dish Bakers, today I will tell the tale of the Great Pizza Surprise Pack and how you should honor him if you choose to be a follower of his cheesy faith. Basic beliefs To start, it is important to recognize the fundamental beliefs of the Great Pizza Surprise Pack. They are as follows. 1. The Great Pizza Surprise Pack is the ultimate being. The supreme God. There are no other Gods. 2. The Great Pizza Surprise Pack meddles in the affairs of mortals by affecting chance. Will the pizza box contain a meat pizza or a vegetable pizza? Will you find credits on the way to work or will you trip over a rock? He changes the margins in your favor if you show him affection with prayer, pizza parties and being a good person. 3. There is no central religious authority, but it is recognized that there are some prophets of the Great Pizza Surprise Pack. There are also holy books such as the Book of Cheeses and the Book of Deliveries that describe the actions of the Great Pizza Surprise Pack (GPSP from now on) 4. Central to any believer is toppings. A chaplain/priest will often talk about how GPSP decided this or that flavor. Does a plain cheese pizza mean that the GPSP is not happy with your work? Or does it mean he has set you on a plain and peaceful path? When talking about the faith, its important to use toppings and flavors as arguments. Religious customs 1. The Chaplain is entrusted to cover the chapel in slogans. Usually it will start with the word 'SURPRISE' written in crayon along the floor. From this other combinations can be made, such as PIZZA from the P in SURPRISE. 2. Pizza is at once to be produced from Cargo and cut into slices. These slices are to be offered freely in the chapel to all visitors, regardless of faith. 3. All religious statements must be ended with 'Deep-dish'. These ancient words have long since lost their meaning, but provide a way to identify other followers. Other followers are to be called Baker [Last Name]. I.E. Baker Malvinas or Baker Winterbottom. The Chaplain/Priest's official title is 'Branch Manger'. As in Branch Manager Malvinas. 4. The Chaplain is never to deny others based on faith or creed. The GPSP compels his followers to be the best beings they can be. 5. To join the Church of the Great Pizza Surprise Pack, a person must enter the confession booth and state two truths. What is their favorite topping and what is their least favorite topping. After they have answered these questions they will officially be given the title of Baker. 6. A member of the Church must eat pizza at least 4 times during the week, and must confess their favorite topping and least favorite topping every month at a confession booth. This is to make sure that the GPSP knows what he can do to show favour and displeasure. 7. Prayer is a necessary part of every day life. However it is not to be used for wanting things at every turn, but rather to thank GPSP for his choice of toppings, and his belief in your spirit. Ceremonial tutorial A Sermon is conducted thusly. A Branch Manager usually calls a Sermon 5 minutes before it happens. When all have arrived, the Branch Manager states on the radio that the Sermon will now begin. It is very important that there is pizza slices at the sermon. The Branch Manager will start by welcoming all that have attended "Welcome to the Church of The Great Pizza Surprise Pack! Thank you to all who have attended. Deep Dish, Bakers!" Then the Branch Manager will either hold a independent sermon, wherein they talk about whatever they find important or they quote a story from one of the Holy Books (As shown further down the page). After this is done, the Branch Manager thanks the attendees once again "Thank you for attending this Sermon. Everyone please take a slice, and let us eat together" The attendees then all eat a slice. Afterwards, the Branch Manager asks for all to pray. "Let us all end the Sermon by praying to The Great Pizza Surprise Pack in our own thoughts". The attendees then pray. After a small time has passed, the Branch Manager will proclaim "Deep Dish!" And the attendees are urged to repeat this phrase. The Sermon is then over. Canon texts If you have a text you'd like added to the canon texts just PM me, i'll add them here. Of course I am not going to hunt you down if you just make your own stories, but keep them to the character of the GPSP. Book of Cheeses Go forward! Go forward and retrieve the warm bread from the oven, he commanded. For he supervised every pizza made everywhere in the universe. One day, a baker refused to heed the word of the Great Pizza Surprise Pack. 'Nay!' He said 'I will not bake this pizza with cheddar cheese, it shall be with blue cheese' And so he tried to bake the pizza with blue cheese, but behold, from out the oven came the pizza with cheddar flowing like a wild untamed sea. And so the pizza-baker once again called forth 'Nay! My pizza shall and WILL be with blue cheese' and so he baked a pizza again. But behold, the pizza came once again with cheddar. And a third time he said 'Behold my powers o' Great Pizza Surprise Pack, for I shall bake a pizza with blue cheese for I am stronger than you' and so he tried once more, and thrice was he disappointed, for the pizza remained made of Cheddar. And so the Great Pizza Surprise Pack spoke 'My son, I guideth all pizza. I guideth all toppings. You cannot deny me, for I stand taller than anyone, for I decide for thy pepperoni or thy salad dressing. I am not an angry God, I am but merciful, ask me for blue cheese and I shall grant it. And so it was the fourth time, after the Baker had asked The Great Pizza Surprise Pack in prayer. And the baker cried fourth 'Deep-dish! Deep-dish!' Book of Expectations Alas! The Baker said. For he had promised prompt delivery under 15 minutes, but now that amount of minutes hadth passed and yet no pizza was done. What could he do? If he increased the heat in the oven, it would burn. If he took it out now, it would be too doughy. If he waited longer the recipient from the valley of pineapples would be quite cross. So indeed you can see the pickle the Baker was in. He walked around the oven, waiting and waiting. Why was the pizza not done? Never before had it been as such. He had worked the ancient oven for many years, and now it had failed him. He cursed the Great Pizza Surprise Pack 'Curse you Great Pizza Surprise Pack' he said 'You have failed me after all these years of service' And so at the 25th minute, the pizza finally was done. He packaged it and quickly went away, rushing towards the recipients accommodation deep in the valley. And as he rushed there, upon the road he saw two men shot to death with arrows. He ran past them. Further on he saw a great snake that had eaten a man whole. He ran past it. And finally he saw a great big pit with spikes that had been covered by a fallen tree. He rushed over the tree. When he finally arrived at the house in the valley of pineapples, he handed the pizza over and was glad, for he had delivered it. But then he spoke loudly 'Why have you forsaken me, o Great Pizza Surprise Pack? I had only asked for being able to deliver this in a timely manner' A great crack of pepperoni came upon him, and the voice of He spoke. 'As with the golden crust and the bubbling cheese, I direct all time and all matters. Did you not see the men shot to death by arrows?' 'Yes' answered the Baker. 'Did you not see the snake that had swallowed a man whole?' 'Yes' answered the Baker again 'And the tree that had fallen, did you not use it to cross the pit?' 'Yes I did' Answered the Baker, for it was true. 'I delayed the pizzas baking so that you would avoid all of these fates. Indeed, the pizza you delivered will be the best you have ever made, and your life is still intact. Is all of this not to your liking, Baker?' And all the Baker could do was nod, for he knew it was true. He had been fortunate, for it was indeed all true, and the pizza had been quite good. And so he apologized and lived a long and prosper life, for the Great Pizza Surprise Pack is not vengeful nor is he an angry god. Deep-dish. Book of Dish Lo' he stood upon the hill overlooking the valley of the red peppers. From the river of cheddar flowth the red-orangey cheese long into the lands of Dominos where from he of anchovies hail. And upon the hill he called upon The Great Pizza Surprise Pack and said 'I bowth before thee, Great Pizza Surprise Pack. Many boxes I have opened, many surprises I have had. I wish to sacrifice my first born to thee, oh pizze-pie above.' And the Great Pizza Surprise Pack above frowned, for he was not a god that taketh, he was a god that giveth. And so he rained pizzas from above, drowning the miss-led father in a storm of margherita, vegetable and meat pizzas. And yay the father understood, for he held a great fast with his many sons, including his first born, and never again did he think such evil thoughts. Deep-dish. Book of Bread Yay, yay! The untold happiness of His bakers were many. For their pepperonis were meaty, their cheeses stringy and their deliveries on time. However, darkness was afoot. For it was told that in the ancient lands of where the bread that they used for the baking of pizzas was being produced, a great curse had befallen all. They said that the bread was moldy, the crusts meager, the flour, green. And they said upon the Great Pizza Surprise Pack 'Why have you forsaken us? Those who have struggled? Those who have prayed?' And no answer was given, for yay, the Great Pizza Surprise Pack does not act in words, it acts in changes. Behold! A great champion floated from the sky. Wearing a bowl upon his head, a wooden spoon in one hand and a pizza platter in the other. And he spoke to the people 'The bread must be pure, the food shall be grand. Behold, a path of light shall guide you on your righteous path.' And so the bakers of the entire city set off on a quest to perceive the danger that had befallen them. And lo' they wandered long, and lo' the trek was hard, they arrived in the Valley of Flour. The Capital of Bread. And so it befell them to track down the source of evil. Upon the road they tread a light shone and guided them to the highest peak, the Mountain of Pi'za-Hjut. And there, a great evil was seen. A man dressed all in black poured sickly fluids down the river that refreshed the fields of the valley below. And the Bakers beset the evil man, and threw him into the river. As he washed away, a great shine befell on him, and he rose into the sky. And the warrior of the Great Pizza Surprise Pack appeared before the Bakers. 'You have ventured on a great quest and succeeded. Behold the enemy who ventured to destroy you. He will be brought before the Great Pizza Surprise Pack and judged as he sees fit, as only he can judge.' The Bakers bowed before his great wisdom. 'You left your villages as friends, but have arrived as comrades. The Great Pizza Surprise Pack shines greatly within you all, and all his bakers are his heroes. His angels. His icons. Deep Dish.' And so he spoke, and so it was for all time. Deep Dish. [/untold] Books with formatting Book of Cheeses Go forward! Go forward and retrieve the warm bread from the oven, he commanded. For he supervised every pizza made everywhere in the universe. One day, a baker refused to heed the word of the Great Pizza Surprise Pack. 'Nay!' He said 'I will not bake this pizza with cheddar cheese, it shall be with blue cheese' And so he tried to bake the pizza with blue cheese, but behold, from out the oven came the pizza with cheddar flowing like a wild untamed sea. And so the pizza-baker once again called forth 'Nay! My pizza shall and WILL be with blue cheese' and so he baked a pizza again. But behold, the pizza came once again with cheddar. And a third time he said 'Behold my powers o' Great Pizza Surprise Pack, for I shall bake a pizza with blue cheese for I am stronger than you' and so he tried once more, and thrice was he disappointed, for the pizza remained made of Cheddar.[br][br] And so the Great Pizza Surprise Pack spoke 'My son, I guideth all pizza. I guideth all toppings. You cannot deny me, for I stand taller than anyone, for I decide for thy pepperoni or thy salad dressing. I am not an angry God, I am but merciful, ask me for blue cheese and I shall grant it. And so it was the fourth time, after the Baker had asked The Great Pizza Surprise Pack in prayer. And the baker cried fourth 'Deep-dish! Deep-dish!' Book of Expectations Alas! The Baker said. For he had promised prompt delivery under 15 minutes, but now that amount of minutes hadth passed and yet no pizza was done. What could he do? If he increased the heat in the oven, it would burn. If he took it out now, it would be too doughy. If he waited longer the recipient from the valley of pineapples would be quite cross. So indeed you can see the pickle the Baker was in. He walked around the oven, waiting and waiting. Why was the pizza not done? Never before had it been as such. He had worked the ancient oven for many years, and now it had failed him. He cursed the Great Pizza Surprise Pack 'Curse you Great Pizza Surprise Pack' he said 'You have failed me after all these years of service' And so at the 25th minute, the pizza finally was done.[br][br] He packaged it and quickly went away, rushing towards the recipients accommodation deep in the valley. And as he rushed there, upon the road he saw two men shot to death with arrows. He ran past them. Further on he saw a great snake that had eaten a man whole. He ran past it. And finally he saw a great big pit with spikes that had been covered by a fallen tree. He rushed over the tree.[br][br] When he finally arrived at the house in the valley of pineapples, he handed the pizza over and was glad, for he had delivered it. But then he spoke loudly 'Why have you forsaken me, o Great Pizza Surprise Pack? I had only asked for being able to deliver this in a timely manner' A great crack of pepperoni came upon him, and the voice of He spoke. 'As with the golden crust and the bubbling cheese, I direct all time and all matters. Did you not see the men shot to death by arrows?' 'Yes' answered the Baker. 'Did you not see the snake that had swallowed a man whole?' 'Yes' answered the Baker again 'And the tree that had fallen, did you not use it to cross the pit?' 'Yes I did' Answered the Baker, for it was true. 'I delayed the pizzas baking so that you would avoid all of these fates. Indeed, the pizza you delivered will be the best you have ever made, and your life is still intact. Is all of this not to your liking, Baker?' And all the Baker could do was nod, for he knew it was true. He had been fortunate, for it was indeed all true, and the pizza had been quite good. And so he apologized and lived a long and prosper life, for the Great Pizza Surprise Pack is not vengeful nor is he an angry god. Deep-dish. Book of Dish Lo' he stood upon the hill overlooking the valley of the red peppers. From the river of cheddar flowth the red-orangey cheese long into the lands of Dominos where from he of anchovies hail. And upon the hill he called upon The Great Pizza Surprise Pack and said 'I bowth before thee, Great Pizza Surprise Pack. Many boxes I have opened, many surprises I have had.[br][br] I wish to sacrifice my first born to thee, oh pizze-pie above.' And the Great Pizza Surprise Pack above frowned, for he was not a god that taketh, he was a god that giveth. And so he rained pizzas from above, drowning the miss-led father in a storm of margherita, vegetable and meat pizzas. And yay the father understood, for he held a great fast with his many sons, including his first born, and never again did he think such evil thoughts. Deep-dish. Book of Bread. Yay, yay! The untold happiness of His bakers were many. For their pepperonis were meaty, their cheeses stringy and their deliveries on time. However, darkness was afoot. For it was told that in the ancient lands of where the bread that they used for the baking of pizzas was being produced, a great curse had befallen all. They said that the bread was moldy, the crusts meager, the flour, green. And they said upon the Great Pizza Surprise Pack 'Why have you forsaken us? Those who have struggled? Those who have prayed?' And no answer was given, for yay, the Great Pizza Surprise Pack does not act in words, it acts in changes. Behold! A great champion floated from the sky. Wearing a bowl upon his head, a wooden spoon in one hand and a pizza platter in the other. And he spoke to the people 'The bread must be pure, the food shall be grand. Behold, a path of light shall guide you on your righteous path.'[br][br] And so the bakers of the entire city set off on a quest to perceive the danger that had befallen them. And lo' they wandered long, and lo' the trek was hard, they arrived in the Valley of Flour. The Capital of Bread. And so it befell them to track down the source of evil. Upon the road they tread a light shone and guided them to the highest peak, the Mountain of Pi'za-Hjut. And there, a great evil was seen. A man dressed all in black poured sickly fluids down the river that refreshed the fields of the valley below. And the Bakers beset the evil man, and threw him into the river. [br][br] As he washed away, a great shine befell on him, and he rose into the sky. And the warrior of the Great Pizza Surprise Pack appeared before the Bakers. 'You have ventured on a great quest and succeeded. Behold the enemy who ventured to destroy you. He will be brought before the Great Pizza Surprise Pack and judged as he sees fit, as only he can judge.' The Bakers bowed before his great wisdom. 'You left your villages as friends, but have arrived as comrades. The Great Pizza Surprise Pack shines greatly within you all, and all his bakers are his heroes. His angels. His icons. Deep Dish.' And so he spoke, and so it was for all time. Deep Dish.[br][br] Recognized branch managers Melvin Malvinas Kevin Winterbottom Recognized Bakers Anton Erikson - Favorite: Kebab - Least Favorite: Pineapple and ham Thoughts? Comments? I'd love to hear feedback. This is a living document and i'll probably be editing as I refine the faith. Edited November 29, 2014 by Guest Quote
LetzShake Posted November 23, 2014 Posted November 23, 2014 It's silly, stupid, and amazing, and I love it. Some people want the game to be all srs bsns, but I think a bit of space crazy adds spice to the game. Quote
Guest Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 This is literally... the only silly religion that is so dam acceptable. I can say safely majority of the staff love this religion and are actually very thankful of you creating this. You've brought quite a chunk of rp, especially noting that one round with security. Thank you. Just thank you. Quote
Skull132 Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 Duck needs to eventually see this. But. Okay, I understand that we're a HeavyRP server, but this is just comical relief, and amazing at that. Quote
duck Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Hi. I saw this and it's amazing. amazing. Quote
Bobsenjr Posted November 28, 2014 Author Posted November 28, 2014 Hey thanks guys, I am really glad you are enjoying it as much as I am! I wanted to know if it was possible that the books could be added to the permanent book database? That way I can just ask a librarian every round to print them out for me. Also, I added that the Priest/Chaplain's new religious title is Branch Manager. Just add some extra spice. Quote
Guest Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Hey thanks guys, I am really glad you are enjoying it as much as I am! I wanted to know if it was possible that the books could be added to the permanent book database? That way I can just ask a librarian every round to print them out for me. Also, I added that the Priest/Chaplain's new religious title is Branch Manager. Just add some extra spice. Unfortunately the SQL for the library doesn't work at this moment in time. Quote
Farcry11 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 This is amazing. But I have an idea to make it even more in-depth. Thin Crust Heretics. They're followers of GPSP that assert that thin-crust pizza is the only pizza truly favored by the Great One. They despise all those that swear by the "deep dish" and, in an act of defiance, choose to end their religious statements with "thin crust" instead. The movement has also been known to call jihads upon those that offend them, though they are usually very short and end in an extremely comical manner. Praise thin crust. Quote
Valkrae Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 This just keeps getting better and better. I quite enjoy all of this, and yes. Quote
Outboarduniform Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 I saw this as a warden and I aware I almost told the HoS the chaplain was a cultist worshipping pizza Quote
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