[Denied] Eternias' Tajaran Whitelist Application

[Eternias]

BYOND Key: Eternias

Character Names:

Theodore Shcnider, Muse, Terra Arashi

Species you are applying to play:

The Tajara

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt):

A light cream, as typical of the M'sai

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?:

Read, and enjoyed.

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Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race:

Because the race provides interesting opportunities to roleplay people used to a civil war, Because they'rrrre superrrr-cutsies, Because i'm interested in attempting a slightly more cold and militaristic character and i feel the Tajaran culture supports that;

Because the PRA lurking in the back of your head at all times seems terrifying, and forces you to constantly doubt if running to them was a better option than staying with the rebels, Because not only are you afraid you'll let down your parents either way but you're a deviant at heart no matter how you try to fight it, and you've managed to hide it from everyone for now but what if it gets out? Nobody would take you in after they found out. You have to remain a rock for both your own sake but also for the sake of the people as a whole...

Because the Tajarans offer multiple opportunities for a dualistic and reserved character with their tradition and family focused culture, and their militaristic shadowy government.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:

Cultural and technological differences mostly, as the conservative values of Tajaran are deeply rooted in their traditions, and they've shown little propensity as a race to change that. The paranoid constant looking over you shoulder for big-brother, or the warm feeling knowing that they're always watching over you is not something i feel you get with a human. Not to mention the Rrrrr's. (More R's than a drunken pirate trying to request more rum.)

 

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Character Name:

Esfir Rytsar

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

Esfir grew up as the typical Tajaran child, in a village outside the city of Mezurrra. Her family was not poor, but far from the new standard in the large cities that have started taking root in Adhomai. The few unique things she showed propensity for was being rather scrappy for a young lady, a fascination with both the great war, and the idea of being a protector. She enjoyed spending time with the male children, play-fighting with ‘Rrak'narrr’, pretending to be sailors warding off the Hma'trra Zivr lurking in the deep waters. One point, to prove herself to her friends, as children often do; she stole her father’s rifle which he had kept from the great war, ventured out into the wilderness to try to kill a Nav’twir, like the old M’sai hunters. She was only eleven at the time (in human years) and shortly after she managed to shoot and kill the beast, a blizzard struck. She was lost inside of it for two days, only barely keeping major frostbite at bay with fire and extra warm from the corpse she had collected. The village found her after that length, and brought her home to treat her injuries.

When she was 12, about a year after the strider incident; her town and the city of Mezurrra at large fell into the hands of the new rebels, the Adhomai Liberation Army. Nearly her entire village was drafted into their ranks, given rudimentary training and sent off to fight in the name of 'liberation'. She fought for four years, in a few skirmishes, taking only minor injuries until in one of these battles, a childhood friend was in danger. She attempted to save him, at the cost of her arm, but failed. Soon after that battle, her parents were accused of feeding information to the PRA all this time, which was actually the case. They were summarily executed.

The shock of all the prior events caused Esfir to gather what intel she could over the course of the next week, before taking a rifle and coat, and dashing into the blizzards to defect to the PRA. That was two years ago.

Since then, she has rejoined the PRA as an official citizen, whom has aided efforts by supplying valuable intel on rebel plans and habits. To reward her for her efforts and seeing potential in a young soldier who ran back to aid her original government, they educated Esfir and began teaching her how to work in law enforcement. As part of her training, they’ve sent her to work for Nanotrasen to work in a more professional environment aboard the Exodus.

She’s an extremely focused individual, driven to complete any task set in her way. Discipline and restraint are important concepts to her, as she’s adopted the militaristic attitude of the ALA from her time with them. She may at first seem standoffish and reserved, but even with the trauma she’s experienced in the past, underneath the routines and passion for her work, she still manages to cling to the rowdy little girl who loved to play pretend.

What do you like about this character?

I've wanted to play a more driven character, who has a distinct purpose at least in her mind for quite a while. I think a character who struggles with her own beliefs and those of her people contrasting with baser feelings and the overall attitudes of the humans she'll work with, and perhaps even the more 'human' Tajara would give room for a lot of dynamic roleplay. Also, i think Esfir may have a simple set of characteristics, but i've tried to balance those out with a multitude of smaller quirks and hidden struggles that could give more flavour to an otherwise standard M'sai sec char.

How would you rate your role-playing ability?

I'd rate it above average. I've roleplayed for most of my life on a variety of mediums, all across the gaming spectrum (Tabletops, text-based gaming, roleplaying communities in games like warcraft and starcraft, etc.) As well as quite a bit on SS13. Its more than just a hobby of mine, but i wouldnt say i am extraordinary or overly better than anyone else. Just slightly better than everyone else

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Notes:

As clarification, i have not showed all of her character traits in the backstory, as i'd enjoy having little quirks for people to discover during RP.

Ontop of this, i have re-written the backstory to be more cohesive and generally make more sense.

Please note, all listed ages are in human years, so for a more accurate representation of her 'mental age' per say, apply a 1.3x multiplier.

Edited October 19, 2016 by Guest

[NebulaFlare]

Is she homosexual? Or is she just a tomboy? Because I have to point something out: Simply because a person acts in the opposite gender, doesn't nail them as a homosexual. Equally, someone who acts according to their birth gender, doesn't necessarily make them heterosexual. Homosexuality is an orientation, not a personality. I don't know if that's the idea you're trying to convey, if she is homosexual or not.

Also, sneaking off to shoot an animal at the age of 11, and then surviving a blizzard with nothing but the skin of her prey to keep her warm - that's pretty snowflakey. How did she ever acquire the skills to survive that?

I'm curious as to how old is she. My own M'Sai would probably like to meet this young warrior. It would be a really great encounter.

[Fire and Glory]

As Nebula pointed out, the bit about shooting an animal and surviving through a blizzard rings a little oddly.

I feel too indifferent to actually support or thumbsdown, so I'll ask about a couple things I'm a bit curious about.

How old is she right now?

 

in one of which she failed to save one of her friends from her village from a laser blast, but it still took her left arm for the attempt.

Did she get a prosthetic from somewhere or does she only have one arm?

Oh and...

 

Currently null, but i have played IPC's in the past. (too long to remember specifics.)

Just a little something, did you play a bit of Aurora a while ago and disappear and now you're coming back? Just clarifying for my curiosity.

[Eternias]

Hey there, it seems my reply was eaten or something. To answer your questions:

Is she homosexual? Yes, though she'd never admit it and the idea of being a deviant eats her up on the inside. I tried not to add everything about her feelings, thoughts, etc in the application because it diddnt necessarily ask for that. (Which is why i then noted other things about her afterwards.)

Is she missing an arm, or does she have a prosthesis? She did go one-armed for a while, but after signing on with NT she got a prosthesis which she'll pay off whilst working for NT.

Did you play Aurora in the past and disappear, coming back now? Yes, my prior characters were roboticists and my second character, an IPC, was created by the first.

How old is she? I plan to start playing her at age 18, as a Security Cadet (Both for the character's sake and my own, to learn security a bit more before becoming an officer. I've read a lot about it, but its always smart to get a feel before playing the full version. Which is why i've been shadowing Tajara players on the server )

Surviving perfectly in the wilderness at a young age seems snowflake-y. I'd agree, but i was attempting to make it sound both 'not that bad' and 'she wasnt -fine-' at the same time. Killing the strider was more luck than skill, which i think is the most 'unreasonable' part of the situation, but possible.

However the actual survival aspect isnt that extraordinary, two days isnt enough to starve or dehydrate to the point of death, and with traditional heavy clothing, being naturally insulated with fur, extra warmth from the carcass, and the ability to make fire with a rifle would probably be more than enough to keep a child at least alive, not necessarily in good shape. She was found, in bad shape, by the village.

Not to mention that from what I've gathered from the wiki, M'sai (Which she is) are naturally skilled in survival and hunting. [which could help if true, if not my prior points still should cover it.]

[sonicgotnuked]

surviving perfectly in the wilderness at a young age seems snowflake-y.

It is kinda snowfakey BUT, I did make my tajaran application with surviving in the wild for multiple years... that was my first tajaran character,it did get accepted with the little backstory I made.

She had no money and home so turned back to the icy plains to hunt and live on many of Adhomai's wild life and her parents teachings while hiding from fear of the contant booms of the giant artillery cannons. when she was 23 and it was year 2432 (About 10 more years later) another M'sai hunting party found her

I mean.. It is possible to make one with the "wilderness" but this was like 3 months ago.

Anyway, I do not know who you play. Some names would be nice. Story seems nice. I am going to stay neutral on this

+/- 1

[Eternias]

Hey, i havent been playing anyone for a while, i recently have played a few rounds as a human roboticist/scientist Theodore Schnider.

Also, as a response to your agreement that 'surviving perfectly in the wilderness at a young age is snowflakey', i'd like to point attention again to how i've said she diddnt survive 'perfectly', she was in rough shape, and it wasnt for any amount of extended time.

Two days with multiple ways of keeping warm.

If anyone else would care to give input, perhaps on other parts of the backstory, i'd definitely appreciate it, and if any mods/admins feel they should decline the app, i'd appreciate some good input afterwards so i can revise and make a better attempt later.

Thanks for the input so far, everyone.

[Synnono]

On 'snowflakeyness' and other such verbage:

Despite what people sometimes voice, it is not a bad thing to have interesting or especially notable qualities in a backstory. They help make characters interesting and notable. The trick is making them both believable and in service to the character, and whitelist characters tend to get scrutinized a little more closely for it because they go on display ahead of time.

I think the hunting anecdote was a nice touch, and would enjoy to see a more detailed story about it on the forums sometime. Someone passionate about warrior or hunting tradition might reasonably take that foolish risk, especially if they were also a foolish child at the time.

You may want to be especially careful with Esfir's homosexuality, though. My understanding is that it was (somewhat) recently rewritten to be a severe cultural taboo, and puts Tajara at risk for punitive action by PRA authorities. You acknowledge that it's deviant, though, so if she can portray that conflict, be discreet, and remain the rest of what's written here (a PRA patriot, it seems), then it's also believable.

I'd almost recommend taking it out of the application though, and playing it very, very secret-like on station. It seems to be mentioned as more of an afterthought than a useful piece of her development. Maybe it's a tidge late for that now.

[Eternias]

To Synnono:

Thanks for the vote of support concerning the tad bit of being slightly more advanced in a field than most children! (Just teasing the others on this)

Regarding the homosexuality, and the 'afterthought' feeling, that was by design. i wanted to include the trait in the whitelist app, but i diddnt want to really -bring it up-. As i've said, it eats her up, she believes she is a deviant, and with the PRA loyalist thing you mentioned... Yeah she'd probably report other Tajaran to the KGBKitties for deviancy. Or at least express her disgust and warn them beforehand. On the station, nobody would know. She's hidden it from everyone, and tbh i was wondering if i should even include it in here (but again, i figured i should considering the lore behind how it's deviancy to Tajara.).

I've been wondering if i'm going to have to re-do the application because of the semi-negative response i've gotten so far, and if i do, then i'll probably omit some things, and rework some others. Probably include a bit more 'story' in the backstory as well.

Thanks again to everyone who's given a reply, they've all been helpful.

[Serveris]

The fact that this character 'defected' to the main government of Ahdomai makes me a little bit leery. You are aware that the PRA controls most of Ahdomai, and is officially recognized as the "tajaran government," so to speak? I mean, they're M'sai - which would be welcome in Republic controlled territories - so what exactly were they defecting from? That's like saying you live in America and defected to the United States of America. It simply doesn't make that much sense. That and several other aspects of your character's backstory - the "child combatant at age 12" make me rather leery towards the character concept as a whole.

[Eternias]

I'm aware the PRA controls most of Adhomai. Most, but not all, and the ALA is a big threat, and if you look at the city i mentioned my character is from, that city is currently controlled by the ALA, which i said specifically so i could then defect to the PRA.

Also, i dont see why being a child-combatant makes you leery, its not actually specified in the lore but considering the guerrilla warfare undoubtedly taking place, and the unfunded nature of the ALA, its fairly reasonable. (also the lore tidbits elude to them kind of doing whatever they want.)

Could you specify your 'several other aspects'? I'd love to respond to them to clear up any further possible misconceptions, or just learn more on how to improve. Thanks for the reply, Serveris.

[NebulaFlare]

Okay, looking at it again, I notice that the 'survive the night' might be plausible on one thing: In the app, this happened when she was 11 years old. Was this 11 Tajaran years old, or 11 human years old? Because an 11 year old Tajara is about the same as a 15 year old human. I can see a 15 year old having the smarts enough to survive a night, while being cocky enough to end up in the situation in the first place.

Second, the PRA claims citizenship for all Tajarans, even if they are from NKA or ALA. Obviously, this doesn't sit well with the other two factions. PRA is the only 'officially' recognized government of NT, but NT are also accepting of Tajarans from other government. With all the war and fighting going on, it's a bit of a limbo thing. NT doesn't support either side - they're letting the Tajarans fight it out, and whoever is the winner, they want to maintain good standing with them. I just hope you didn't take the idea of 'All Tajarans MUST be PRA' and box yourself in with that. There are ALA supporters, they're just...not as vocal. (My own cat Laikov actually supports the NKA). More flavor means more conflict, and conflict generates roleplay.

[Eternias]

Yes, all the ages posted are human-years, which means she's a bit older to Tajara, at least effectively. I actually asked in a separate thread (before i made the app) to see if NT required other races to be specifically 18 standard years, or 18 'effective' years, based on the races' different aging, the response i got said that it was 18 years no exceptions (which is fine) and so I've put all listed ages in human years to make everything easy to grasp. I am aware of the 1.3x aging rate of Tajara.

Again for the second thing, I've responded to this sort of thing a few times, and i'm pretty firmly set here. Originally, (Like all people who could work for NT and therefor every taj character made) she was a citizen of the PRA (Both legally and in territory) until the second revolution. Her city was captured, and as of the current date, still is, and she has ran from this back to the PRA for stability and to get away from a horrible life.

She may enjoy fighting in a more casual sense, but armed conflict that she never wanted to participate with in the first place? No thanks.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to stress the fact that this is not a broken character. Esfir has passed all of the mandatory psychological testing, and is mentally sound. The revolution is a topic which is sore for her, as you might guess, but she's definitely a strong character who in game i'm oping to show as quiet and loyal most of the time, with notes of being strong-willed and eager to prove herself in this new environment.

On a last note, if someone could inform me if i'm allowed to make changes to the OP to add characters i've made since the post, and other small edits to better reflect the character i'm trying to convey, i'd greatly appreciate it. I've held off so far as to not break any rules or confuse anyone, Thanks.

[Mofo1995]

Hello! Just dropping in to let you know that your application is not forgotten, and that I will be reviewing it tonight.

[Snoopy11]

I had the delight of Theo pulling my slightly warm brain, from my going cold corpse during an antag round. He portrayed the not want to do it, the regret, and continued the RP though altered into later rounds which I thought was very neat and proved the ability to play someone with conflicting emotions.

The backstory seems a little iffy with the survival thing, but we all make characters that can be a bit snowflakey, on an RP server.

+1

[Mofo1995]

Hello! I dropped in as promised in order to review this application. Having a homosexual character is a risky approach. Allowed, but I'm very glad that in your application you painted a proper picture of the persecution and difficulties such a character would face, and attempt to conceal it. Before I go further in-depth, I'd like to answer a question first.

On a last note, if someone could inform me if i'm allowed to make changes to the OP to add characters i've made since the post, and other small edits to better reflect the character i'm trying to convey, i'd greatly appreciate it. I've held off so far as to not break any rules or confuse anyone, Thanks.

 

Yes, you are allowed to and I encourage you to in response to any criticisms which you find to be helpful. A lot of people have come into this thread and given helpful advice, and you seem very responsive and pliable to it. As far as support goes, you haven't gathered very much. Remember to advertise you application once a round in OOC while you're on the server.

Personality-wise, a young stand-offish strong homosexual Tajaran with a dark past fits into a stereotype which in the past, which I feel, hasn't been conducive to good roleplay. I recommend dialing back the personality traits a bit. Tajara, especially refugees on work visas, are expected to demonstrate a certain degree of reasonable subservience to their alien hosts, or else they risk getting shipped back. The character's history isn't strictly bad. Personally, I'm a fan of the child soldier concept, and it especially fits extremely well with the Adhomai Liberation Army which often acts more like a terror organization than an organized army. The defection to the PRA was a nice touch, since it's one of the few times I've seen someone utilize the purported advantages of living under the PRA: Stability.

You've got a lot of good elements here, and I'm going to leave the application open for another three days so that you can make any changes you wish, since it seems you didn't realize you could. I also encourage you once again to advertise in OOC once a round so that the feedback people leave can give me a better understanding of your qualities as a roleplayer.

[Eternias]

This is just a notification that the application was edited so some things may be different than a prior reader remembers.

[Mofo1995]

Esfir grew up as the typical Tajaran child, in a village outside the city of Mezurrra. Her family was not poor, but far from the new standard in the large cities that have started taking root in Adhomai. The few unique things she showed propensity for was being rather scrappy for a young lady, a fascination with both the great war, and the idea of being a protector. She enjoyed spending time with the male children, play-fighting with ‘Rrak'narrr’, pretending to be sailors warding off the Hma'trra Zivr lurking in the deep waters. One point, to prove herself to her friends, as children often do; she stole her father’s rifle which he had kept from the great war, ventured out into the wilderness to try to kill a Nav’twir, like the old M’sai hunters. She was only eleven at the time (in human years) and shortly after she managed to shoot and kill the beast, a blizzard struck. She was lost inside of it for two days, only barely keeping major frostbite at bay with fire and extra warm from the corpse she had collected. The village found her after that length, and brought her home to treat her injuries.

Nothing wrong here. I actually really like it. She wanted to go out and prove she was a proper M'sai. Having the fire and the using the corpse dramatically increases the viability of the narrative of surviving a two day blizzard. It's much more believable now.

 

When she was 12, about a year after the strider incident; her town and the city of Mezurrra at large fell into the hands of the new rebels, the Adhomai Liberation Army. Nearly her entire village was drafted into their ranks, given rudimentary training and sent off to fight in the name of 'liberation'. She fought for four years, in a few skirmishes, taking only minor injuries until in one of these battles, a childhood friend was in danger. She attempted to save him, at the cost of her arm, but failed. Soon after that battle, her parents were accused of feeding information to the PRA all this time, which was actually the case. They were summarily executed.

The shock of all the prior events caused Esfir to gather what intel she could over the course of the next week, before taking a rifle and coat, and dashing into the blizzards to defect to the PRA. That was two years ago.

Since then, she has rejoined the PRA as an official citizen, whom has aided efforts by supplying valuable intel on rebel plans and habits. To reward her for her efforts and seeing potential in a young soldier who ran back to aid her original government, they educated Esfir and began teaching her how to work in law enforcement. As part of her training, they’ve sent her to work for Nanotrasen to work in a more professional environment aboard the Exodus.

Nothing wrong with this section either. I think it did a really good job of capturing the horrors of the war, the tactics and style of the Adhomai Liberation Army, and the difficulties many Tajara grapple with in the context of shifting borders and loyalties. All though all Tajara are de jure citizens of the People's Republic of Adhomai, it really is a de facto defection between nations, so I wouldn't rag on you at all for using that terminology.

 

She’s an extremely focused individual, driven to complete any task set in her way. Discipline and restraint are important concepts to her, as she’s adopted the militaristic attitude of the ALA from her time with them. She may at first seem standoffish and reserved, but even with the trauma she’s experienced in the past, underneath the routines and passion for her work, she still manages to cling to the rowdy little girl who loved to play pretend.

This seems like decent personality design. I think you did a fantastic job of toning it back and making a more realistic and well rounded character in the way of personality. She's a woman whose lost her innocence in the horrors of war, and she longs to be the playful little girl she once was. Just be careful to not turn her into a fuzzy cuddle monster on station, make sure you keep those scars of war in mind during roleplay on the server, I really don't want to see another goofy silly meme cat.

While the application has undergone a lot of improvements, I would like to see more community feedback on the new revised application since I do not have a good understanding of your capabilities as a roleyplayer. I'll be giving this another three day extension, and I heavily encourage you to advertise this application in OOC and tell everyone you've revised it. I will make a formal decision at the end of the next three days.

[Eternias]

Hey again Mofo, thanks for the input! I honestly didn't change much of the actual... 'content' of the application, just more re-organized it and told it in a more clear way. That said, if you really want to see my roleplaying capability first hand, i play a lot in the dark hours of the day, 8pm-2am EST.

Regarding the 'goofy little memecat' statement, I fully intend on making certain the first things players think when they meet her is; 'Soldier'. The only time i want to bring out that 'inner child' is when she knows you, she trusts you, and nobody else is around or it slips out of her. She takes orders, she not only follows them but she carries them out as efficiently as she can.

As a final note in response, i can promise at the very least, that i have a passion for bringing this character, and all of my characters to life. I will do my best to really bring out the attributes i have listed here, whilst slipping in little extras to bring depth to her. I know just words dont mean much, but i want to state it for the record as roleplaying means a lot to me in general, and i want to make my desire clear. Thanks for the response so far.

[maurleur]

Even though I'm not exactly a huge fan of the 'tough, war veteran types of characters'. It isn't written too badly. So I'd say I would mostly approve it.

The only thing I'm curious about is how she would act on the space station as a normal civilian. And what sort of roles do you think she would fill?

[Eternias]

Even though I'm not exactly a huge fan of the 'tough, war veteran types of characters'. It isn't written too badly. So I'd say I would mostly approve it.

The only thing I'm curious about is how she would act on the space station as a normal civilian. And what sort of roles do you think she would fill?

 

Well, firstly thanks for the reply. Secondly, I don't think i'd describe her as a 'tough' character. I imagine her more as cold unless she knows you, or you're her superior, in which case she'd be very attentive to you. As I've described, a conversation with her would be business like even when you're just asking "How's your day?" in the hall.

She's going into Sec for a reason though, it's all she knows. Medicine, Science, engineering are all foreign to her, the closest she's gotten to any is maintaining her weapons in the frigid Adhomai snow. I don't even think she considers herself a Civilian, even though now she technically is.

Hope that made sense, as i'm writing this in a tired and semi-sick state

[Mofo1995]

Hello! This application has sat for about three weeks now, and so I should make a ruling now.

I've given quite a few extensions to give you time to get more feedback, but I'm afraid the results have been underwhelming. The application has been improved a lot with criticisms offered up by other players, but it isn't a particularly strong application. I play on the server very frequently and I almost never see your characters. There's very little feedback about yourself as a player with Snoopy providing the only real input about it, and so I have very little information to go off of here about how you'll pilot your character when you've got it. There's a lot of mentions of "snowflake" floating around in the responses to this application, and I would like to assure you that uniqueness is not an inherently bad trait and that using this term as a criticism should always come with explanation. That said, there's a lot of potential for this character design to go in the wrong way. I understand that you want people to find out personality traits and quirks, but it doesn't sit well with me that obfuscating aspects of the character which everyone found negative is an improvement to the application. I know I asked for some of her traits to be dialed back and toned down, but now I feel like I don't have enough information about her character. In other words, it doesn't feel dialed back, it just feels removed with little assurance. As it currently stands, the answer for why you like your character when combined with the hidden aspects of the character leaves me with a feeling that it's going to go from Tajara to humanized Tajara in 1-2-3.

As I said before, this was hard to reach a decision on. You've given a lot of good assurances and handled criticisms very well, but I'm afraid this doesn't meet my standards until I can get a better feeling for your roleplay abilities either first hand or through the testimonies of others. The character has a lot of potential to be good, but it stands on a knife's edge and on the boundary of acceptability, and I need to know through testimonies that you could handle a character like this properly. Child soldier homosexual turned traitor spy turned corporate security officer because the PRA government singled her out to send for training is within the possibilities of our lore, but it's veryexceptional for what should be the average person picking up a NanoTrasen work contract. I think it could be serviced by pulling back on at least one of the chain of traits above which I listed as making it exceptional. I'm afraid I'm going to have to deny this application, but I strongly encourage you to enhance your server presence and apply again in the future.