Frances Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 Good. Now that we've got the overdramatic, attention-grabby title out of the way, onto the actual issue. Being a mod is hard. I say mod, because there's really no difference between mods and admins in the most essential aspect - we're all here for the same reason. And I'm certain some of you can share the sentiment - if you've ever modded for a SS13 server, after some time, it gets really easy to forget about the game. You start to care less and less for who you're playing, because between all the ahelps about conflicts, disputes, bugs and griefers, there's work to be done. Modding is a hobby. Obviously, people who do it do so because they like it - we're not getting paid, after all. And some of it is rewarding. You get to kick back, relax with other mods, while looking over the server and helping people with their issues. And there tends to be a lot more angry people than grateful ones (But don't worry, they're just the most vocal ones!), though you get the satisfaction of making the angry ones disappear with a button - when they're fuckups, anyway. It's sort of a different game - one with a lot less roleplaying and a lot more drama - kinda like working in a call center or a complaints desk, but with a lot more interesting and wacky situations. At least, the angry customers here shout about Hitler and Jihads, not about their toaster that's not working; and you can always swat them away when you've had enough (actually, that's even what you're here for.) It is a neat experience, but it takes over the game. And sure, you can turn off the voices for a bit, but even when you deadmin yourself, you're left with the nagging thought that you're letting all your buddies down, and while you know all they want is for you to go out and enjoy yourself through some roleplay, you start to worry that maybe you'd really be better off helping them, that what if they don't have enough staff to cover all the players, that maybe it's your duty to go and be a mod rather than play. And don't think of enjoying yourself ever again - you already know who the antagonists are, because you need to look over them. You don't immerse yourself in RP anymore, because you start looking at others' characters instead of your own, wondering if they're being proper, wondering what could be breaking the rule and what's showing a future risk for it. And all your plans of being surprised or meeting something unexpected (along with the anticipation that comes from dealing with the unknown) get slowly crushed as you become more and more aware of the inner workings of not only the game, but the community behind it (which once seemed so organic and limitless). End of the line is, I've been wanting to play a new character for over a month, but have never made it as far as even meeting anyone else in the game. Every time I play, I see an issue, or run into a problem myself, that I find I want to solve more than I want to play. Because I tell myself if I don't solve it, nobody will. And maybe it's a personal problem - between staff and external conflicts, staff overhauls, whitelists, a complete map rework and trying to consult and help on the lore where I can, I've been spreading my efforts so thin and wide that I don't even have enough time to moderate the actual server. Which isn't good. But I don't think I'm alone. It's a constant I've observed; players who join the staff tend to play less and less. There used to be a time that I'd sign on when I woke up, and play round after round for a solid 8, 10 consecutive hours as the same character before I had to go anywhere (summer will do that). Now, I'm running from meeting to meeting instead, with server obligations slowly piling up behind me. And playing the game itself isn't fun anymore; I feel like a mother looking after her children, and thus unable to lose herself in playtime anymore. It's a bit like growing up. Finding out that Christmas isn't fun anymore. And part of you wishes you could go back, but part of you doesn't, because you find yourself looking at the new interests you've found, the new hobbies you have, and wonder: "Was it really better before? Or am I better off now?" I decided I'd try to bring some of this to light, because I know it's a sentiment shared among many of us, but it doesn't really get talked about, as a whole. And it's one of the few discussions I think are really worth having as a community. I feel like I've done my job - but sometimes I feel upset that I can't do more. What about you? Quote Link to comment
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