[Accepted]MelodicVoid's Race Whitelist Application (Skrell)

[MelodicVoid]

BYOND Key: MelodicVoid

Character Names: Mae Aiiko, Koneko Suzumiya, Khloe Olphert, C.R.O.s.S(AI), T.E.R(SB) and Kara(pAI) are the current notable characters I play

Species you are applying to play: Skrell

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): I actually could not find the color options for skrell on the wiki, So she will be the normal skrell color however paler due to her being from Aloise

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Indeed

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Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race: I have been spending quite a lot of time determining what race I wanted to apply for for my first race application. After much consideration I have decided that Skrell would be that race. Skrell are intelligent and have difficulty showing emotion which could lead to some interesting role play scenarios. Their distrust or hate of Artificial Intelligence will provide some interesting interactions with IPC's and pAI's. In general I just think a Skrell would be a lot of fun to role play as.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: Humans have the ability to show a wide variety of emotions and can be role played with pretty much all freedom where as the Skrell seem to be more rude and arrogant. Humans seem more trusting then Skrell and Skrell are focused more on science and logic then most humans are. Almost like a arrogant Vulcan with emotions and less religion. They approach things logically where as humans tend to approach things more emotionally

 

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Character Name: Rilumim Feiire (Subject to be altered)

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

Rilumim Feiire was born on Aloise in the year 2403. Her father and mother worked at one of the many laboratories where they conducted further research on BlueSpace technology. Her father and mother were both alive during the times of the Synthetic Singularity and due to this they both lost many friends and family to the synthetics. They raised Rilumim to never trust a synthetic and that all synthetics are evil. Rilumim parents sent her away to a prestigious school on Aloise called the Weirun Institute of Science. She spent many years achieving a PHD in both Theoretical Physics and BlueSpace Theories. During this time she worked part time at a lab conducting research on prototype weapons for the Skrell fleet, although she herself did not conduct the development of the weapons she assisted in filing paperwork. Eventually one of the lead scientists became friends with Rilumim and they started talking theories leading to Rilumim assisting with more direct research and even submitting some of her own theories. The scientist would read over the theories and point out what he liked and what he didn’t think would work.

When Rilumim was 10 years old the Skrell first encountered Humans. Learning of the discovery of Humans Rilumim was filled with wonder about the Galaxy. She gained a deep passion to want to be out in the stars exploring and meeting new races, experiencing new things. After saving enough money to sustain her life in a new world she decided it was time to leave Aloise and make her own way in life.

Learning of a Human company called NanoTresen that was a leading corporation for research and the company responsible for BlueSpace gates decided it would be the best company to apply to considering her desire to research in the stars. Nanotresen accepted her application and assigned her to study anomalies on the Aurora. At the age of 57 she set off to Human Space. She was introduced to a new strange world where the integration of Synthetics was common, so much so that people carried synthetics in their pockets. She found this very unsettling as she was raised and taught by her parents and other Skrell who had a deep hate for synthetics, she was always told they were evil abominations that should not exist. After a month in human space she went boarded a shuttle leaving heading to the Odin, her new life in this strange world had begun.

What do you like about this character? They are a young skrell (Compared to how old some skrell can be) and that leaves open many doors for improvement and development of her character as she ages along. She approaches every situation logically which I tend to do in real life. I have wanted a character that I could get set up in science that would be enjoyable to play, and Skrell are very well suited to Science and Medical in my opinion

How would you rate your role-playing ability? I am not a perfect role player, but I believe I can hold my own and make it enjoyable for those I interact with. I would give myself a 7.5-8/10 for roleplay ability. I still have a lot to learn and improve on.

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Notes:

I ask that if you read this that you don’t just +1 or -1 but give a short reason why you rated it that way so that I may improve upon my applications, characters and my in-game role playing. Thank you for reading. Have a good shift! - MelodicVoid

Edited June 10, 2018 by Guest

[Doxxmedearly]

Okay! Cool to see you applying for a race whitelist. Always happy to see you directly asking for constructive criticism, too. You took your head whitelist critique in good stride, and that speaks a lot about your maturity as a player.

Overall, I love Melodic's RP. She does a very good job with consistent and fun characters, and definitely knows her stuff with the game. Mae is one of my favorites, either hanging out with Wynter, or teaching Rafia how to do engineering stuff. Normally I'd be extremely happy to vouch for you and +1 your app based on how well I know you can RP.

There's one concern, though, and that's with the type of RP you do. Aiiko, Kara, and TER (and maybe even Koneko) are all very upbeat characters. You're great at playing childish wonder, fun curiosity, spontaneity, and chipper attitudes, all while maintaining work professionalism and getting things done. This is far, far from a bad thing. It's great, and a joy to interact with! But this type of RP doesn't exactly fit Skrell characters. I don't know that I've seen you play a more serious, logic-oriented character. I think you could, but at the same time I'm a little skeptical just because I haven't witnessed it.

I'm not 100% up on Skrell lore, so I don't have any hard criticisms on the app itself. I'd like to see you expand on your answers about what makes Skrell different than humans. As well, the backstory seems very... bare-bones to me. Maybe because I overwrite, maybe not. I don't really get a feeling for the character itself; I'd like to know a bit more about her personality, and see you show us you know details about Skrell lore/characters through it. So far all I know is that she's curious about anomalies and dislikes synthetics (which is what is expected of most Skrell). I don't see much of what makes her unique as an individual; it doesn't have to be anything extreme, just a more detailed-out personality. There's nothing wrong with "Lived a normal life, went to school, no horrible tragedies" as a story, but coupled with my earlier paragraphs, I'd like to see you express that you understand Skrell as much as I think you do.

(Edit: Owened in the post below raises the really key details that I would like to see.)

Overall, as the app stands, I'm not offering a +/- 1 yet. It feels incomplete to me, which is a shame because I know you're a very capable RPer.

Edited June 5, 2018 by Guest

[Owen]

After reading the application, I have found that the backstory is extremely bare bones and could use some work. There is not much too specific, no real details about who Rilumim is. A couple questions that come to mind are:

• How old is Rilumim?
• Does she have any family?
  
• Are there specific reasons that Rilumim distrusts synthetics?
  
• Does Rilumim have any notable experiences throughout her life before the NSS Aurora?
  
• How did the environment that she grew up in impact her? (depending on age, could be war-torn recovery, newer generations of skrell, discovery of humanity. There are many notable events that could be incorporated into backstory)
  
• Does Rilumim have any living family? Children?
  

 

Those are just a few questions that I could think of off of the top of my head. You hopefully get the point though that detail is very nice to see in showing that you understand the species. As it is now, it is not a horrible application, but I'd very much like to see more substance. I'd like it to seem like Rilumim is a living character, rather than someone that has been thought up with very little explanation.

There were a few more concerns that I had while reading the application.

Humans have the ability to show a wide variety of emotions and can be role played with pretty much all freedom where as the Skrell seem to be more rude and arrogant. Humans seem more trusting then Skrell and Skrell are focused more on science and logic then most humans are.

 

It is important to keep in mind that Skrell do indeed have a wide range of emotions, but many of their social ques are very difficult for non-Skrell to pick up. It can be simple things such as the change of inflection in their voice. They do show their emotion much better when speaking in Nral'Malic (Skrellian), as that is what they are more familiar with generally. It is not that the Skrell are lacking of emotion, or overall arrogant (while some may be), but it is just difficulties in displaying it to Humans.

If you want to get an idea about how specific to make your application, I'd recommend looking back at some previous Skrell applications to see how in depth many would go. I look forward to see what you can do!

[MelodicVoid]

That was actually intentional. the back story being so.. vague. as dox sated my current characters other then TER and Koneko and very upity and most people. my intentions for this character where almost as very bland canvas. the idea was something like a typical life with no real complications. Although I suppose that is not a good way to get accepted or to even make a interesting and enjoyable character to roleplay as. I will add more detail within the next 24 hours and make a more fleshed out application like my command app was. Unfortuantley I got called in to work a midnight and have to try and catch some shut eye now before the shift. so I will update it when I can. Apologies

[Doxxmedearly]

I think it's important to understand that having a character with a typical life is not exactly a bad thing, and that's not our criticism at all. Not everyone has to experience horrific, life-altering tragedies. What we're looking for is more detail. Details like answering the questions Owened posed just tells us that you put thought into this character, understand them enough to play them, and understand what a Skrell's life would be like.

I don't care if your character is just a lifetime scientist who had a stable life or a person who experiences hundreds of years of horrible traumas, tragedies, etc. And most people don't. What's important to us is that your character has depth through details. (And when writing them, you might discover some things you didn't know about her!) Depth is what makes characters interesting, not past events.

Take some time and think about the details, then edit them in. Key point in bold. I know you are capable of making well-rounded characters, now just prove it to everyone else reading the app.

[AmoryBlaine]

My interactions with MelodicVoid, have been great. They're a good roleplayer. Whether they actually know much about Skrell or not is something I can't comment on.

[Saudus]

Unfortunately I haven't played with your chars very much. I've seen Mae around loads of times and I was once terrorized by your pAI Kara when your master gave you the directive to be my friend and follow me around (was a synthophobic Skrell, the narcissist in me concludes that my excellent RP from there gave you the push to whitelist for Skrell xD)

So I'll focus on your app rather.

 

I actually could not find the color options for skrell on the wiki, So she will be the normal skrell color however paler due to her being from Aloise

I've also never found anything on that, use use common sense and you'll be fine.

 

Skrell are intelligent and have difficulty showing emotion which could lead to some interesting role play scenarios.

As long as you're meaning difficulty showing to other species I very much agree.

 

Being not of the 33% of skrell who can have children Rilumim holds a great distrust and dislike of Synthetic life froms.

Is this because it serves as a constant reminder of Glorsh's genophage? Does the character particularly want kids or just a general feel of having been impaired?

 

attending a notable Skrellian school. When she graduated from the institution

Which school and what degree? Can of course just make something up and should sooner or later for employment records so might as well now.

I get wanting to keep the backstory a bit vague but is always a risk behaviors from other characters will seep into the gaps, good that you'll flesh it out a bit more. I'm in particular curious of:

• Age
  
• Family
  
• If have been working before (seen assistant during studies but mean after degree, looks like this is the first job after the degree but just want to make sure)
  
• If new to human space
  
• If the concern of synthetics is more like fear, anger or sadness
  

[MelodicVoid]

I have rewritten her back story, keeping the story the same but including more personal details, I believe I answered all of the points given in the above comments. Thank you for that it was very helpful. so to summarize my edits she is 31, very new to human space. her distrust of synthetics is from how she was raised. Her school and areas of study where implemented.. I removed the part about not being able to have children as I deemed it unnecessary for her background but it is still factual about her. Her family are mentioned briefly and are still alive, very old but alive. I believe that covers most concerns. Thank you for your feedback

[MelodicVoid]

Unfortunately I haven't played with your chars very much. I've seen Mae around loads of times and I was once terrorized by your pAI Kara when your master gave you the directive to be my friend and follow me around (was a synthophobic Skrell, the narcissist in me concludes that my excellent RP from there gave you the push to whitelist for Skrell xD)

 

Actually this was a major factor in me choosing skrell. I was originally going to go for Tajara because cats, but then after roleplaying with a skrell (My interaction with them has been limited but enough) I learned of the synthetic war and I thought that was probably the coolest thing any race had.

[Saudus]

Solid +1 after the rework (and having gotten my ego stroked). Looking forward to meet this char ICly with my sci skrell.

[Doxxmedearly]

Wayyyy better! I still would like to know why she stayed on this station in particular given her fear of synths (I assume it's because of how cutting edge it is, that her curiosity outweighs her fear? If so, that's really solid). You took time and criticism and put them to good use.

The reworked app plus your roleplaying skills leave me with a solid +1 for this app. Good luck!

[Bygonehero]

Always good interactions with your characters. Looking over your application it conveys a sense of the lore. From what I can tell you can roleplay, and you know how to roleplay skrell, these meet both of my primary criteria for accepting an application, let's hope others feel the same!

[MelodicVoid]

I'm glad the rework was well received. And your exactly right doxx. Her curiosity and being on the forefront are some of the things driving her to stay, not to mention there are other skrell on the Aurora as well to further comfort her

[Coalf]

Why do you wish to play this specific race:

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:

So far so good!

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Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

Oh.

 

Rilumim Feiire was born on Aloise in the year 2428. Her father and mother worked at one of the many laborites where they conducted further research on BlueSpace technology. Her father and mother were both alive during the times of the Synthetic Singularity and due to this they both lost many friends and family to the synthetics. They raised Rilumim to never trust a synthetic and that all synthetics are evil. Rilumim parents sent her away to a prestigious school on Aloise called the Weirun Institute of Science. She spent many years achieving a PHD in both Theoretical Physics and BlueSpace Theories. During this time she worked part time at a lab conducting research on prototype weapons for the Skrell fleet, although she herself did not conduct the development of the weapons she assisted in filing paperwork. Eventually one of the lead scientists became friends with Rilumim and they started talking theories leading to Rilumim assisting with more direct research and even submitting some of her own theories for future development. When Rilumim finished her second PHD she decided that the place she really wanted to be was on the front line of discovery.

Okay breaking this part, first laboratories it's your whitelist application and you're trying to make a good first impression, while spelling is not necessary for a good story it gives the application of feeling that you put effort and care into it.

Second when you're "Conducting research" it usually means you're actively taking part in it, I guess you meant she was taking research notes?

But then she does get involved more because she was talking to the lead scientist which led to her submitting her own theories for future and yada yada

Further this kinda boggles my mind, you tell us that you don't want to saymuch about your character but you give me the information that she knows PERSONALLY one of the LEAD SCIENTISTS in THE SKRELL FLEET who develops PROTOTYPE WEAPONS.

This is like knowing Albert Einstein during the development of the Nuclear Bomb! This is incredible! And probably one of the biggest influences on her entire life and it ends up as a footnote, this is a lot of wasted potential! And on the subject of weapons.

She is working on Theoretical Physics and Bluespace and decides to go design and research weapons? This is very questionable.

Learning of a Human company called NanoTresen that was a leading corporation for research and he company responsible for Bluespace gates decided it would be the best company to apply to considering her desire to research in the stars. Nanotresen accepted her application and assigned her to study anomalies on the Aurora. At the age of 31 she set off to Human Space. She was introduced to a new strange world where the integration of Synthetics was common, so much so that people carried synthetics in their pockets. She found this very unsettling as she was terrified of synthetics due to the horror stories and hatred her parents had for them. After a month in human space she went boarded a shuttle leaving heading to the Odin, her new life in this strange world had begun.

And here is the biggest crux and what breaks my suspension of disbelief, this character, this girl that personally knows the lead researcher of the Skrell Fleet and is horrified of Synths decides to completely leave behind EVERYTHING and move a few thousand lightyears to work in a human company and a company that is not in the best standing with the Skrell goverment and is FAMOUSLY liberal with its use of synthetics.

Did your character just not do any research on her workplace that she was so suprised synths were integrated like this? And if indeed they did do no research, why would they go into human space in the first place? Skrell do their own research and she knows the lead scientists on one of the projects, you would think she would use a recommendation from him to get a good job in the fleet.

Then you hit is with the curveball of "After a month in human space", well what did she do for a month? Why did it take so long to start working? Was she getting acclimated? If yes where did she get the money? Do her parents send her money? Wouldn't her parents disagree with working around a bunch of robots? Why didn't she just decide to move back as soon as she discovered synths are so rampant? (Assuming she didn't know there would be this many beforehand). Lastly, NanoTrasen not NanoTresen, don't worry I called it NanoTransen myself for a long time before someone told me it's Trasen.

I don't like being the bad guy and I don't know you much in-game so I cannot comment on your in-game ability, but this story was very very weak and I cannot give a nod of approval to a character like this.

I don't want you to turn away from this remember that but you need to realize that this is an application that is supposed to show off your knowledge and ability to use lore in the story, you have not done that.

Your character is young to juxtapose the older skrell on the station, yes I approve of this it's an interesting storypoint but it also undermines your application in the fact that your character is not actually a Skrell, there is nothing about them that would suggest that.

Sure you write they're scared of synths but you never capitalize on it, she completely seems to ignore or overcome her fears in an extremely small amount of time with absolutely no struggle I could EASILY put a human instead of skrell and I have still the same character to the T.

Witholding information because you want people to know your character in game is fine, but you have sabotaged yourself with this, by not showing or describing the struggles of your character you have effectively hidden the part that would have made this character a skrell, do mind skrell have SUPRESSED emotions but they still DO have them they DO feel fear they just don't show it as expressively as humans or other species.

All in all I must give you a -1 at this time on the lore, I don't know you in-game or your OOC "shwey" so I cannot comment on that and I implore the lore developer to take that into regard when judging this application.

[MelodicVoid]

Thank you for the feedback Coalf, it is very helpful in pointing out my wrongs. it was not my intention to have a major Skrell scientist as her friend. the idea was someone important at that specific lab, not within the Skrell as a whole. I believe to improve her backstory to your standard would kill the character I have in mind, However if needed I can rewrite it if you think it to be best. Her character was really suppose to be a curious Skrell whom is brand new to the human ways, culture and language. I believe this character could be played as proper skrell. I apologize for her back story being so weak. my intention was a non-complex backstory for my first Skrell character, someone who would have had a "Good" life so far. Thanks again for the feedback.. I may PM you, if you don't mind

[Mofo1995]

I wanna start off by saying your profile picture is a very cute, wholesome anime girl. This had significant effect on my evaluation of your application. Secondly, you seem to take feedback very well. All throughout the thread you've been responsive and friendly.

Without futher interepution, let's celebrate, and rate some apps.

A pitfall of many applications is overfocusing on the era of synthetic oppression, as many applicants try to capture the traumatized victim approach. Your application did well to not go overboard, but while I think that it's good that it captured the msigivings your character has for synthetics I do think that the way it's painted makes her seem too terrified to even consider working with humans. I guess dial it back a bit to persistent pessimism instead of seeming to be outright terror, is how I feel.

Believe it or not, your skrell application and my own have some similarities! Mine was also an Aliosian who got degrees in bluespace research who did some bit part in research that benefited the Jargon navy, though mine was as bit part and far removed as I could make him. I think everyone has overblown the level by which you meant to describe your character's contributions (name withheld since I can't scroll down to it and forgot to quote your application). But I can see where their concerns are coming from. It's worth noting that Grand Councillor Weashbi Jrugl is considered a young superstar hotshot and overly accomplished scientist at the age of 103, but your character is 31 with some powerful education gravitas pitching ideas to a prominent scientist before even leaving to human space. At that age, pretty much all of the other skrell are going to look at yours as almost child-like. I think it might be a good idea to tack on another 20-30 years to better land in the young adult zone that I think she was meant to be depicted as. Her relationship with scientist mcJargon Fleet otherwise seems like more of a mentor-pupil friendship to me. I almost see him as being endearingly condescending, yet friendly, as little Rilumim throws novel ideas at him. Along with pushing the age to a higher number, we also reach an area where she would have been alive for the discovery of humanity. Being interested in meeting literal space aliens might make her want to come sail away to the dangerous slopes of human space.

In summary, my advice is:

• Dial-back synth terror
• dial up age
  
• dial in to xenophilic culture

[MelodicVoid]

First off, thank you! It's shirayuki from snow white with the red hair (good anime). Secondly I appreciate the advice. I agree with rasing her age, I suppose I aimed a little too low, I was aiming for someone other skrell might see as just starting her adult life, and maybe 40-50 years would be better as you said. As for the synthetic terror what I was aiming for was her rasied by her parents who despise all synthetic life. Almost like how a child becomes racist when there parents raise them that way. The idea was she was told her whole life synthetics were evil and would turn on and kill everyone and everything and then she is suddenly exposed to so much intregation with AI in this new world she has entered that she is very confused on what to think. It may not have come across that way, I'll see about editing her bio... But this is the 5th day this has been up and I am not sure if I should edit it

[MelodicVoid]

Edit complete :

Dialed up age to 57 - Young Adultish

Corrected some grammatical errors

touched on her being born before the discovery of humans instead of being born after.

Toned down her relationship and interaction with the lab she worked part time with.

[Loow]

Hey there. Loow here.

I'll try to keep this one short.

This has been some of the best discussion I've seen on an app in a while. Multiple people came in and gave their candid thoughts. The applicant reacted well, engaged with the feedback, and even took some of it to heart.

MelodicVoid clearly cares about this character design quite a bit, otherwise they wouldn't have tweaked it as much as they have. That leads me to believe that they will have fun playing this Skrell on the station.

I am under the impression that Rilumim has become something that the Applicant has put a lot of heart and effort into. We'll see how well the Aliose native adjusts to the Aurora.

Happy warbling.

Application Accepted.