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Elder Scrolls & Why The Imperials Are The Best

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This is (kinda) a joke. Please don't get upset over my jokes.


Alright, so look here. People seem to think that the Khajiit, or the Nords are "good guys", when in reality, they aren't.

The good guys are the Imperials (both Nibeneans and Colovians, of course), as everybody should know.

Look, we got the Khajiit. Who likes these guys? They're just cats, who deals drugs and steals stuff. Like, what? They're just petty criminals, all of them too. They're lucky that they haven't gotten wiped out yet. Man, just look at them. They're so dumb.




On the subject of animals as "races" (ha), we got the Argonians, which is another race that needs to just go away. Hell, just get the dragons to come back, and get them to raze Black Marsh. They're also thieves, like the Khajiit, but this time they're like frogs or lizards, and some of them have horns to look cool, but they don't look cool.




Next, we have the useless Nords. They can't even control their own land, so the Imperials had to come and try to civilize these savages.Some of their peasants knew better, and sided with the Legion, but some of them thought they could do whatever they wanted. Like, what now? Even worse, they decided that because they can't cope with the sheer intelligence, strength, and wealth of the Empire (which, mind you, the slow "collapse" was just a joke to make the lesser races feel special), that they had to try and become terrorists and attack the peaceful Legion soldiers.




Next, we have all the Mer races, but come on. Do I really need to tell you why the elf races are bad? Seriously? They call each other different names, but they all mean the same thing. They're lazy, and try to abuse the Empire's trust for their own gain. Is it possible to say "I trust a Mer" with a straight face? I didn't think so. It's one of the oldest jokes in the book, because it's also the one that has the most truth to it. Also, I'm going to throw in Breton with the Mers, because they're pretty much idiotic Mer who thought by being with somebody superior to them (humans) their kids would be liked. Ha.




For this next one, I'm pretty sure they're just some Imperial mage's joke that got out of hand. The "orsimer" are probably worse than the Nords, and that's literally saying a lot. If you're worse than them, you know you're really pretty bad. First off, they have these underbites, because I guess they don't know how to fix that? They're also all green, because I guess they fell into a lake full of pollen or something. They also look like they could have been a troll or giant. They're probably dumb enough to, anyways.




Next, we have the Redguards. I mean, they could be fine if they hadn't left the Empire they could have been cool. They don't know how to use magic, because they think they're strong enough without it (another funny joke). Anyways, the Redguards are probably going to fight the Nords, and two lesser groups will be wiped out, so that the Empire doesn't have to deal with these guys anymore.




So, this comes to the Imperials. What do they have? Well, they know how to do everything the other races do, and know how to do it better. Charm, intelligence, strength. All of that, times like twenty. They commonly try to save these savages from themselves, but "no" they say. They don't want to be brought up from their poverty and plague-driven farms by the "evil" Empire. What else does the Empire have? Wealth. What does wealth buy? Power, and importance. How important is High Rock, Skyrim, or Elsweyr. The answer is not at all. The Empire and the Emporers have been gratious enough to let these guys, like the lizards, or the cats, or the terrorists, believe that they were important. One day, they will have to realize that the Empire is the Alpha and the Omega, the be-all-end-all. Until then, those who have the honor of calling themselves an Imperial can enjoy life with actual food and clothes, while everybody else tries to live off skooma and rags.




Discuss why the Imperials are the best around.

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What Voltage is saying is true. I have only played Imperials in all of the TES games, I just can't get into the spirit of playing an Argonian or a Khajiit.

Well, actually.

The Dunmer are still the best, hands down. Their ancestral culture is inherently fascinating and I thought Morrowind to be an awesomely immersive atmosphere.

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