Seon-rin Von Illdenberg what do you think of her.

[Alberyk]

Just asking out of curiosity, but isn't Seon the escaped child of illegal genetics experiments?

 

Something like that, if I remember what she once told a RD.

Also, she is annoying and gets brigged too much. At least she stopped, I think, hacking random maint doors for no reason.

[MetaphysicalPersona]

I was just practicing my hacking skills, Noob reasons...

[Ove]

This post took right the hell off-- Zero to a hundred real quick!

I've had to personally arrest Seon about seven times to my recollection, all of which were kind of silly. Silly in the sense that I was going "What is even going on." half the time. She legitimately says over comms every now and then, "Fuck cops." literally just because. I think I've heard it about four times now where there had been no reason or build-up to actually state that beforehand, literally just "Fuck Security."

With everything she does, she'd honestly get a psychiatric examination for Tourettes, ADHD, and undoubtedly some form of mental illness if she'd pull a knife on someone and start stabbing them with the intent to kill because she got her face slapped. If you were arrested for a minor crime, your file is looked at by Nanotrasen. If you're arrested for a major crime, you'd more than likely get fired less than three days after the incident occurs. If you have a long history of both, trailing back a little less than a month? Something doesn't quite add up.

It's not to say that I don't like the character, she just needs to be tweaked. Along with her flavor text. Like...really.

Adjust her behavior, adjust that flavor text, change her state of mind from a toddler to an adult.

[Guest]

I was just practicing my hacking skills, Noob reasons...

 

You couldn't do that as a separate engineer character?

[Xelnagahunter]

Lol, I don't know why people thought I was fondling with the captain I merely said, "I like his chest" but that was a joke and the reason I stripped him is so I can have someone impersonate him so we can make a falsely trade.

I was said captain... It got pretty uncomfortable a couple of times.

[MetaphysicalPersona]

What, you want a sorry?

[Zundy]

A FEW CHERRYPICKED LOGS

 

 

 

 

Having witnessed this kind of stuff all in a margin of like 10 minutes, t's amazing she hasn't been fired for sexual harassment for the way she treats coworkers.

 

10/10. The "what the fuck is wrong with you people" made it for me.

[Guest]

...Heavy roleplay, lads.

[MetaphysicalPersona]

Just asking out of curiosity, but isn't Seon the escaped child of illegal genetics experiments?

 

Who is your character?

I have a bunch, don't think I've ever interacted with Seon, though.

That was something I was able to garner from observing and medical records, am I correct?

 

Yes a little right.

[Guest]

A FEW CHERRYPICKED LOGS

 

 

 

 

Having witnessed this kind of stuff all in a margin of like 10 minutes, t's amazing she hasn't been fired for sexual harassment for the way she treats coworkers.

Like I'm watching an adultswim cartoon. Holy fuck, meh hardcore RP workplace.

[Killerhurtz]

I'd watch that. SS13 RP Superjail style? Sign me up.

[Guest]

oh god i just re-read that and saw that seon-rin mixed keyli's blood into her drink

gag

[MagnificentMelkior]

I'd watch that. SS13 RP Superjail style? Sign me up.

Part of why I am working on making a warden character.

[Zundy]

I'd watch that. SS13 RP Superjail style? Sign me up.

Part of why I am working on making a warden character.

 

M8 I just don't even

[Killerhurtz]

Okay I have to say.

Richter is a train wreck of a character.

But it's SPECIFICALLY for this reason that I'm excited to see Melkior play a warden. It's going to be ~awesome~

[Guest Marlon Phoenix]

Seon-rin is a troubled character and if you don't adjust how she is played there are probably going to be consequences.

She suffers several creative flaws, some of which overlap into toeing the line of what's acceptable in server rules.

1) Her records are extremely bizarre. She's not only a victim of genetic experiments, but she was riddled with bullets once, and violently attacked authorities during a confrontation. Not only that, but she was a star student at a research firm when she was 17, was a waitress on Mars and Earth for a combined total of 3 hours according to herself, and is now a lab assistant on the NSS Aurora at 19 despite her severe psychological and social impediments.

2) The lewd and erotic behavior is toeing the line of what's acceptable. It's clear that it makes several people that witness it uncomfortable. I'm sure uncomfortable.

3) This isn't something to be proud of. It won't make her an awesome Warden.

You said before that you had the desire to improve your character, and I believe that you're sincere. The best way to go about this would be to take an honest look at the backstory you have for her, how it shapes her as a character, and ask yourself: why? What narrative or niche are you trying to portray with the character? How do you want people to see her? How are you trying to make them see her like that?

[Guest]

MetaphysicalPersona and Magnificent Melkior are not the same person. >_>

[Skull132]

What kekboot said. I mean, no offence, but to me, Seon-rin is literally a manchild of a character, played as a manchild. And it's just bizarre. And even slightly unsettling, listening to some of the shit that's been posted or what I've seen here. Starting from the flavourtext, ending with the act of breaking people's legs and forcing them to kiss Seon. It's just. All of my whats, in a basket, have them. Have them all.

[Guest Marlon Phoenix]

MetaphysicalPersona and Magnificent Melkior are not the same person. >_>

 

OOPS

[Eliot Clef]

Alright. So, I'm going to cover a few different subjects here. Before I get more in-depth, I want to say: I like Seon, and I want to see her stick around.

Moving right along, let's talk your description (put behind spoilers for size):

 

She is well built at 5'11" (180 CM) great athletic and very slightly muscular body type her skin is a bit paleish and very unnaturally hairy it's very silghtly a bit fur like she's rather wild looking...

She's seems to be always scratching her body and shifting uncomfortably from time to time which gives her a unhygenic look but she doesn't necessarily look "that" dirty... much.

Her proprtions are a bit weird and so is her overall posture, she has a imposing look and a wild essence to her but yet it's welcoming but the more you look deeper at her... you see interesting details and characteristics...

[similar Facial Appearance]

https://puu.sh/l6jhI/9b1a8d2053.jpg

-Imagine with eyes of gold and jet black hair-

Face]

She has a rough, vicious but somehow gentle looking face despite her fit toned body, her brows are short, very thick and fuzzy but also neat looking Her inner brow is pointed inward giving a slight angry look with every face she makes.

Abnormally she has long silky yet wild side burns going down her jaw making her appeal more... "Feral" and unkempt along with other facial hairs around her cheek and jaw area.

Her ears are pointed and pierced but there are no rings, her nose is short yet protruding it's a little cute. Her nostrals slanted up a bit and septum falls slightly low to her upper lip. her upper lip has more protrusion than her bottom lip by a small ammout it is also a bit darker compared to her bottom lip which is a dark pink like color.

Her teeth has huge canines they are visably long when her mouth opens; in some instances it makes her talk in a weird manner, along with her teeth she has a abnormally long pointy like tounge.

Her face wild yet... gentle.

[Hands]

Her hands are feminine yet odd, her hands are slightly long figered/palmed and have long smooth thick black hairs on the top of her fist but the fingers are bare with no hairs.

Her nails are clear polished and healthy looking but the nails are pointed very slim in width and hooked off the finger tip it looks claw like in nature...

Her palms looks soft her digits/ fingertips are a bit round at the end, her hands are not really calloused but looks worked but then again soft looking.

 

Several people have mentioned being unsettled by this description. The first thing I want to note is, this is a 400 word description on BYOND of all things. If you were on a roleplay MUD or a MUCK/MUSH/MOO this might be reasonable, but as-is this is probably going to fall in TL;DR category for a lot of players.

Based on your posts in this thread you don't mean for her to be like Wolverine or a Wookie, but in your description you state that she is "Unnaturally hairy, it's very slightly a bit fur like" which is somewhat contradictory to your stated intentions. The description itself also contains internal contradictions, like "An imposing look and a wild essence to her but yet it's welcoming but the more you look deeper at her... you see interesting details and characteristics..."

So, she's intimidating/wild but welcoming? This is a very odd combination, and it continues into your facial features: "Rough and vicious, but gentle looking", and you repeat yourself a fair amount on this count. "Her face wild yet... gentle." This continues into the hands with "not really calloused but looks worked but then again soft looking."

 

TL;DR of description criticism: You're going too detailed, repeating yourself a lot, and also contradicting yourself a lot. I think you'd do really well to simplify this description and decide more concretely what you're looking for. What you have is a bit difficult for people to wrap their heads around. Everyone's imagination is different, but people are pretty consistently confused by this description it looks like.

Now, from here I'm going to remark on your character's actual behavior. Most of the time you seem to be fairly reasonable, but sometimes you do stuff that is simply crazy like get brigged briefly and beat yourself into detached corneas, head fractures, and chest fractures.

This is a concrete example of what not to do, because it's just insane behavior. I like the idea of a character who has been irreparably damaged by illegal genemodding (because it plays with an oft-unexplored consequence of certain fields of research in SS13), but I think you should focus the bad behavior that results from this more than you apparently do.

Phoebe Essel is actually a good example of a character that is widely liked but which got very outrageously nasty at times, and she was able to reel it in and fix things. I believe you can do the same. But, you DO need to reel it in. Don't be so violent, be more cooperative with station authority figures, at least to their faces. It's ok to be defiant sometimes, but you've gotta know when to stop.

[Guest]

yep, when it comes to flavor text and you're doing a personal review of it, keep this one guideline in mind.

if it sounds like a serial killer could've written it, you should seriously consider scrapping it and starting over until it seems sensible and sane.

[Hackie]

yep, when it comes to flavor text and you're doing a personal review of it, keep this one guideline in mind.

if it sounds like a serial killer could've written it, you should seriously consider scrapping it and starting over until it seems sensible and sane.

 

But I uh, I won't have any flavor texts then.

Anyways, homie. Just be simple. Lay out the basics for a character, add some cool things. Don't try to be like, 'at one point she was a lab assistant, then a doctor, then a scientist and a surgeon and became a wardengineer!2./2@'. Focus on one department. Try not to rely on pictures you like, or find online to show how your character looks. They're a nice touch, but don't rely on them as a crutch. Don't try to describe feeling, like 'warm, cuddly, soft'. Remember to kind of keep reading your flavor text, adding touches and changes as you play the game. If you're playing a very boisterous, light-hearted dude make your flavor text reflect it. Also, try to be realistic when come to your proportions and such. Lads usually won't be taller than six feet, and ladies usually should be a lil' shorter than average. Don't try to be special, be a cool decent dude and most people will be like, 'I like this guy, he's good.' Just keep working at it.

[MetaphysicalPersona]

This post won't die will it... I tweak my flavors now and then but I'm going to change it greatly soon to simplify things I guess and for "Eliot Chef" My character is a walking contradiction something that is hard to predict. She has the body of a athlete yet she's not a guard (Well once she was... was a fiasco ) the mind of a child yet quite brilliant, and the heart of rose but somehow always end up hurting others. she's gets her anger from feeling different and not being understood she feels inhuman most of the time and tries her best to appeal to others but always messes up to the point that she angers and become rude a bit to others... She doesn't have completely human thoughts keep that in mind.

[hivefleetchicken]

This post won't die will it... I tweak my flavors now and then but I'm going to change it greatly soon to simplify things I guess and for "Eliot Chef" My character is a walking contradiction something that is hard to predict. She has the body of a athlete yet she's not a guard (Well once she was... was a fiasco ) the mind of a child yet quite brilliant, and the heart of rose but somehow always end up hurting others. she's gets her anger from feeling different and not being understood she feels inhuman most of the time and tries her best to appeal to others but always messes up to the point that she angers and become rude a bit to others... She doesn't have completely human thoughts keep that in mind.

 

SOUNDS GREAT

She's a human though, right?

[Eliot Clef]

This post won't die will it... I tweak my flavors now and then but I'm going to change it greatly soon to simplify things I guess and for "Eliot Chef" My character is a walking contradiction something that is hard to predict. She has the body of a athlete yet she's not a guard (Well once she was... was a fiasco ) the mind of a child yet quite brilliant, and the heart of rose but somehow always end up hurting others. she's gets her anger from feeling different and not being understood she feels inhuman most of the time and tries her best to appeal to others but always messes up to the point that she angers and become rude a bit to others... She doesn't have completely human thoughts keep that in mind.

 

If you ask, the admin will lock your threads for you, I think.