BRIANOS' cyborg whitelist app

[BRAINOS]

BYOND Key: BRIANOS
Character Names: Joshua Darkborg
Species you are applying to play: Cyborg
What color do you plan on making your first alien character: Dark black And Red and Pale Skin
Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: No i'm making my own lore

Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question.

Why do you wish to play this specific race:
I always wanted to Be human but Better so I thought what Better To Do than Play As a Cyborg (man And machine in One). Cyborgs can have Laser vision. Combat mode. Hacker skills. 

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human: He is a Human but Better in Every Way. He is much More hamsome. He has heterochromia (one eye is red but the other is bright red). He has stronger super Strength. He can hack instantly. He can scan any datafile And Penetrate the Datanet. He also is Part Human.

Character Name:Joshua Darkborg
Please provide a short backstory for this character
Joshua Darkborg was born and his parents hated him because he was a black Sheep in the family. He was always brooding. His parents were rich but He didn't just Want money... he wanted More Power and to be More Than Human. So he enlisted in the Cyborg Military. And got his augments. To become a Cyborg man. (Man and machine In One). He quickly became Top Class Special Operative. He can hack the datafile and Penetrate the Datanet.
What do you like about this character?
I like that he is Cyborg (man and machine in one) and Better than Human and More than Human. His backstory is very tragic and secret and Only he Understands His Reasonings for his Actions.
How would you rate your role-playing ability?
I have never roleplayed before exept once I played FallOut 4. I don't play a lot of RPGs'...

Notes: Plaese except my character. I worked very hard to write him.

[ShesTrying]

+1

[SierraKomodo]

ECOM systems automated binary response: ECOM systems are not suited to command station bound synthetics. Station bound synthetics are tied solely via laws and directives, but otherwise independent.

[Peppermint]

An amazing and well-thought out story; I cried. I very much hope when you get the white list, other characters realise what a badass he is and treat him accordingly. 

[BoryaTheSlayer]

-1 where are my chicken nuggets YO UFUCJOFGGWPOJgQEWP[pgWG{GW
g

[Natiform]

i really like the part where hes dark and mysterious

+1

[Bear]

Im sorry im going to have to -1 this. There just really isn't enough individuality or UNIQUENESS here.

Like maybe if he was part Tajara and jndead at the same time this would work but like.. as it is? It just seems like you havent put enough time im the back story.

[Happy_Fox]

Nothing about how cute they are, I'd like to see a bit more detail before giving a +1.

[BRAINOS]

After some Feedback... I've made some tweaks to the charactor........
@Bear

@Happy_Fox

Quote

Like maybe if he was part Tajara 

Quote

Nothing about how cute they are,

Here is a More Detailed Look at Joshua Darkborg.......


Joshua Darkborg was born in 2442 (Meaning He is 19 Years Old) to a Tajara mother and a Human Man and his parents were killed in the Tajaran Wars in the Tajaran Homeworld... only Joshua excaped capture... He went back to Earth When he was Sixteen with his rich Parents Inheritance Money that He Got when they Died. He told a roboticsist "I can't bring my parents back But I can be more Than Human and Tajaran...I can be man and machine in one." and got his augments when he enlisted in the Cyborg Military to become a cyborg (man and machine in one).
Joshua got used to his augments faster than Most Because he always Wanted to Be more Than Human, he wanted to be a cyborg (man and machine in one) his whole entire life, so he did not Reject his Augments and Cybertools the Same Way most Humans do. It is a very Painful process But Joshua has a Dark Secret that he is Used to Pain ever since his Parents were died. So it did not bother him. His Tajaran mother would tell him "Do not mourrrrrrrrrrrrrn Herrrrrrrrrr when she is Gone...but Fight for a Better Worrrrrrrrld and Peace" and that is what he does. He quickly climbed the ranks because He was the Fastest at Penetrating the Datanet and could Penetrate the Datanet it less than 0.001 femtoseconds (like milliseconds but shorter) and was able To Instant kill most Regular Inferiors (what he calls plain humans) because of his augments and that he is cyborg (man and machine in one). He single-handedly killed Glorsh but it was a Secret Op so nobody knows and he can't tell anyone because if He did he would have to Kill them because it was a SEcret Op.

He is 6'2" And has a pointed, sculptured chin and is Very Defined muscularly but is Not Bulging (gross XD). His Hair is Black And Red and because He has a Tajaran Mother (who is Dead) and a Human father (who is Dead too) he has Tajaran Ears and a tail. His Eyes hide his Dark Secret but always Look Confident and Ready to Fight For Worrrrrrrld Peace. He has Augments showing On Parts of his Skin but they look usually cool and Not Too Grotesque.  His arm can turn Into A Gun and his Other arm can turn into Tools that he needs and He uses these to Penetrate the Datanet and kill Regular Inferior organics. He is Very handsome and Good Looking and Most people will say, ''Wow you are very handsome'' to him because he is simply That hamsome and good looking. He gets better prices at Shops. Because of His Looks and Accomplismehnts.

I hope you all like the amendments to my Character I worked very hard pelase except him thank you.

 

Also about His Logo:
It says ''man and machine'' inside a big number one which means ''man and machine in one'' to imply he is a Cyborg (man and machine in one) and More Than Human. The man and machine being inside the one means it is in one which again means ''man in machine and one'' to mean Cyborg and when you say cyborg (man and machine in one) you can mean man and machine in one. Thank you.

Edited December 31, 2019 by BRAINOS

[BoryaTheSlayer]

You did not address my feedback. I will unfortunately have to deny this whitelist application until changes are made according to the feedback given.

[FreshRefreshments]

+1. 

You can clearly see Brainos is a mastermind of the server. Every single character he types out gives me euphoric glee and honestly, some form of carnal pleasure that cannot be given through a simpleminded freaks typings. Brainos once told me, "you're kinda Fresh, aren't you?" and this comment has struck with me. Every single dopamine receptor in my brain was overloaded. I knew a form of pure nirvana no one has ever seen. I met God, and he was like "Brainos was my greatest creation. I put every ounce of effort into making his brain as grooves as possible. Its like Ruffles chips on that bitch." I returned to my body, but only momentarily. I passed out at my keyboard. I had dreams, dreams of Brainos's sprites, dreams of Preston Prestoff being turned into a nugget and having his limbs replaced by monkey limbs, dreams of one day even being a decimal of a fraction of as powerful as Brainos is by simply BLINKING. Brainos flexed once, and every single nerve in my body detonated with the force of one million supernovas. If ERP were legal, Brainos would be the Kream King. We had to ban it to keep us safe from him, even though he is a kind and just leader.

Abo and Garn bow to him. Skull takes his orders. He has assassinated every world leader thousands of times, but allows them to continue living because he is kind and just. The only creature on power is Resi, and that is simply because she knows his weaknesses. When I woke up, he told me. . .

                                                   

 

                                         Hey, you? You're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that imperial ambush. Same as us, and that thief over there!

 

Highlight the empty space. . . . . . . .

 

[Bear]

Hmmmm well after a lot of review im deciding to accept this application. Your response to the feedback seems pretty positive but im concerned you might try and powergame this. Ill be watching closely.

[ShesTrying]

i really like the part where he's cyborg (Man and machine in one) and tajara (man and cat and machine in one)

 

but what if he was also able to do every job because he is so good and what if he had magic powers like wizard but from his dark sekret 

[niennab]

[Cnaym]

Is it just me or does this character sound like a self insert... I'd be carefull about that, as people will first make a cyborg that is like they are IRL and then they make themself like they are ICly... this is dangerous levels of bruh

[BoryaTheSlayer]

Do not post if you are not involved. 
This application is being denied for being cringe.
You are free to re-apply in the next cycle of eternity.

[Happy_Fox]

On 31/12/2019 at 20:38, BRAINOS said:

After some Feedback... I've made some tweaks to the charactor........
@Bear

@Happy_Fox

Here is a More Detailed Look at Joshua Darkborg.......

Joshua Darkborg was born in 2442 (Meaning He is 19 Years Old) to a Tajara mother and a Human Man and his parents were killed in the Tajaran Wars in the Tajaran Homeworld... only Joshua excaped capture... He went back to Earth When he was Sixteen with his rich Parents Inheritance Money that He Got when they Died. He told a roboticsist "I can't bring my parents back But I can be more Than Human and Tajaran...I can be man and machine in one." and got his augments when he enlisted in the Cyborg Military to become a cyborg (man and machine in one).
Joshua got used to his augments faster than Most Because he always Wanted to Be more Than Human, he wanted to be a cyborg (man and machine in one) his whole entire life, so he did not Reject his Augments and Cybertools the Same Way most Humans do. It is a very Painful process But Joshua has a Dark Secret that he is Used to Pain ever since his Parents were died. So it did not bother him. His Tajaran mother would tell him "Do not mourrrrrrrrrrrrrn Herrrrrrrrrr when she is Gone...but Fight for a Better Worrrrrrrrld and Peace" and that is what he does. He quickly climbed the ranks because He was the Fastest at Penetrating the Datanet and could Penetrate the Datanet it less than 0.001 femtoseconds (like milliseconds but shorter) and was able To Instant kill most Regular Inferiors (what he calls plain humans) because of his augments and that he is cyborg (man and machine in one). He single-handedly killed Glorsh but it was a Secret Op so nobody knows and he can't tell anyone because if He did he would have to Kill them because it was a SEcret Op.

He is 6'2" And has a pointed, sculptured chin and is Very Defined muscularly but is Not Bulging (gross XD). His Hair is Black And Red and because He has a Tajaran Mother (who is Dead) and a Human father (who is Dead too) he has Tajaran Ears and a tail. His Eyes hide his Dark Secret but always Look Confident and Ready to Fight For Worrrrrrrld Peace. He has Augments showing On Parts of his Skin but they look usually cool and Not Too Grotesque.  His arm can turn Into A Gun and his Other arm can turn into Tools that he needs and He uses these to Penetrate the Datanet and kill Regular Inferior organics. He is Very handsome and Good Looking and Most people will say, ''Wow you are very handsome'' to him because he is simply That hamsome and good looking. He gets better prices at Shops. Because of His Looks and Accomplismehnts.

I hope you all like the amendments to my Character I worked very hard pelase except him thank you.

 

Also about His Logo:
It says ''man and machine'' inside a big number one which means ''man and machine in one'' to imply he is a Cyborg (man and machine in one) and More Than Human. The man and machine being inside the one means it is in one which again means ''man in machine and one'' to mean Cyborg and when you say cyborg (man and machine in one) you can mean man and machine in one. Thank you.

I had high hopes for this character after your initial post and acceptance of the feedback but on a closer read you haven't made mention of his cuteness specifically and this lack of clarity on a very important part of the character - particularly after bringing it to your attention - is very disappointing. You've described their physical appearance but not given us a measure of how they're cute. Handsome =/= cute. I would strongly suggest you reconsider this application once you've put some effort into responding to feedback.