[Denied]Pauls4eva's Tajara App 2

[Pauls4eva]

BYOND Key: Pauls4eva

Character Names: Bob Dolf

Species you are applying to play: Tajara

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Orange

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes

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Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race:

EDIT : Tajara are my favorite lore, they have the longest lore as far as I know. Making roleplay have some more fun to it.

Also, as before this edit, they do more brute TBH, and high rp gets raided/griefed some times. And I consider myself semi-robust.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:

It is different because I gotta roll r's. Also, Imma catbeast, so I get racism.

EDIT : Racism a strong roleplay subject, which will be a slight challenge for me to roleplay.

 

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Character Name: Muir' Jkar

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

Muir is a young tajara, he studied in science, primarily xenoarchaeology. He enjoyed digging for stuff in his back yard when he was little.

Several years later, he learned about the NSS Exodus. He soon learned about their science department, and applied for xenoarcheology.

Then his life took a turn at 21, when he was working at his job at a gas station, a gas leak occured. Many died in the explosion, but he survived with only his legs removed.

He was luckily accepted into NT's science department at age 23, where he works now at the NSS Exodus.

What do you like about this character? He aint got no legs

How would you rate your role-playing ability? Medium

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Notes: I come from low RPish areas

Edited April 1, 2017 by Guest

[Faris]

I'm not sure if this application is supposed to be serious or not, and that's not a good thing. I'm also getting the vibe this may be for the mechanical advantages as opposed to role playing potentional. Your story is all over the place, I don't see how a xeno archaeologist can be 21 years old, I'm fairly certain this doesn't meet the minimum qualification of that job. The answer to the questions after the story have no substance either. I don't see a single staple of anything resembling the Tajara lore aside from you mentioning it's a Tajara, remove that and I wouldn't know it was a Tajara application.

I don't usually do this but I'm giving you a -1. There's a chance I'll change my opinion assuming you work on this application to make it presentable.

[DatBerry]

well, that's a short app, so let's keep answers short too, starting with this

 

Why do you wish to play this specific race:

Tajara does more brute damage. More brute damage means I can defend myself easier.

More defense means more grief protection. More grief protection means more fun.

ironically, you take more brute damage and still deal the same damage as humans, ignoring the fact that applying for a race over it's mechanical buffs is a big red flag

 

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:

It is different because I gotta roll r's. Also, Imma catbeast, so I get racism.

Basically, I have to roleplay a strong independent tajara, fighting for my rights, while also working on a station and keeping to myself, doing my job

 

all you need to do is switch r with s and cat with ligger and it's the same response to a lizard app, this barely shows any understanding on the species or what truly makes them different

 

Muir is a young tajara, he studied in science, primarily xenoarchaeology. He enjoyed digging for stuff in his back yard when he was little.

Several years later, he learned about the NSS Exodus. He soon learned about their science department, and applied for xenoarcheology.

Then his life took a turn at 21, when he was working at his job at a gas station, a gas leak occured. Many died in the explosion, but he survived with only his legs removed.

He was luckily accepted into NT's science department at age 23, where he works now at the NSS Exodus.

 

where did he study "science", at what level? highschool? most of adhomai is still lacking behind in technology and education, was he the son of an old noble so he managed to get the funds for the education needed, how did being a nijarir effect him in the post nobility rule era? does this cat even know his planet is in a civil war. do you even know the planet's name? how did he come to know of a obscure private research station at the edge of another solar system? why did he want to work there over any other place?

 

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Orange

Then his life took a turn at 21, when he was working at his job at a gas station, a gas leak occured. Many died in the explosion, but he survived with only his legs removed.

when he was working at his job at a gas station, a gas leak occured. Many died in the explosion

his job at a gas station

Species you are applying to play: Tajara

He was luckily accepted into NT's science department at age 23, where he works now at the NSS Exodus.

 

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

[Ornias]

+1, well thought out character

[whiterabit]

I have to concur with Ornias, the level of detail put into the development of this character prior to its implementation on server is very impressive. Lets start from the top, shall we? Combat is often an RNG fuckfest, something I'm sure Pauls4eva has dealt with in the many toolbox brawls of Bob Dolf's adventures. As expected, Muir' Jkar will be at a great advantage with his claws and increased brute damage so long as he can channel the m'sai for speed in order to juke the fully loaded toolboxes the griefers may swing in his direction, and as we all know, successfully protecting yourself from the griefers is the absolute pinnacle of robusting. Furthermore, I can only see these skills going to even better use as Muir' Jkar fights for his rights on station, putting down his human oppressors through force if they won't see reason through their corrupted conservative blindfolds. While some may wonder about the ethical concerns of bringing such violence to the workplace, they are reminded that Muir' Jkar is an intellectual, assigning meaning to the artifacts found in the astral dumping grounds of the galaxy as a xenoarcheologist at age 23, only 2 years after seeing his legs tragically lost in a gas explosion. "Gas the Tajara" will be a phrase this man takes personally and I for one look forward to seeing it wiped from the face of the server.

Just make sure you don't get banned for yiffy behavior, I know it may not seem like it but this server has rules against it too.

[sonicgotnuked]

OOCly he sounds like a nice dude and I feel like he honestly wants a tajaran app, but this application shows zero understanding of the lore and was really honestly made in 5 minutes. I suggest you talk to the #lore channel about tajaran lore. It will help get you a better understanding of it and not just the mechanics of the race.

Here are my things I think you should do/hit

• Have your application character to be born sometime before the first civil war, it would give you more opertunity to show your knowledge of the lore.
• Talk about the experiences the character had during the time of the first war and his reactions.
• Talk about more lore fluff

 

Remember that your character that you make and apply with does not need to be your first character. Those are some of my suggestions.

I will have to give a - 1 for now, I suggest you spend some time to edit your application to add more detail and show knowledge of the lore.

[Scheveningen]

This doesn't look like a serious application, nor does it look like much effort went into it. Not endorsing.

[Skull132]

With this in mind: https://forums.aurorastation.org/viewtopic.php?f=32&t=1663

I can never really tell if you're just a low-key troll/chucklefuck, or really don't understand what people expect of you.

[Scheveningen]

I'll never know why you denied him, those chairs really encapsulated the exact look of ss13 chairs rotated and flipped to appear as if they were kicked over.

@OP, your recent edit only changed two lines to the initial application.

[Pauls4eva]

I edited it

[MoondancerPony]

It's not enough to say that the lore is your favourite and that it makes roleplay fun, but it's a good start. Mind going a bit more in-depth on why that is?

Also, here's something that might help:

https://aurorastation.org/wiki/index.php?title=NanoTrasen_Occupation_Qualifications#Tier_8m.2Fr

This gives you the minimum requirements for a xenoarchaeologist employed by NanoTrasen. You could either make him a lab assistant and keep him 23, or make him older and keep him a xenoarchaeologist.

[Mofo1995]

BYOND Key: Pauls4eva

Character Names: Bob Dolf

Species you are applying to play: Tajara

What color do you plan on making your first alien character (Dionaea & IPCs exempt): Orange

Have you read our lore section's page on this species?: Yes

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Please provide well articulated answers to the following questions in a paragraph format. One paragraph minimum per question

Why do you wish to play this specific race:

EDIT : Tajara are my favorite lore, they have the longest lore as far as I know. Making roleplay have some more fun to it.

Also, as before this edit, they do more brute TBH, and high rp gets raided/griefed some times. And I consider myself semi-robust.

Identify what makes role-playing this species different than role-playing a Human:

It is different because I gotta roll r's. Also, Imma catbeast, so I get racism.

EDIT : Racism a strong roleplay subject, which will be a slight challenge for me to roleplay.

 

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Character Name: Muir' Jkar

Please provide a short backstory for this character, approximately 2 paragraphs

Muir is a young tajara, he studied in science, primarily xenoarchaeology. He enjoyed digging for stuff in his back yard when he was little.

Several years later, he learned about the NSS Exodus. He soon learned about their science department, and applied for xenoarcheology.

Then his life took a turn at 21, when he was working at his job at a gas station, a gas leak occured. Many died in the explosion, but he survived with only his legs removed.

He was luckily accepted into NT's science department at age 23, where he works now at the NSS Exodus.

What do you like about this character? He aint got no legs

How would you rate your role-playing ability? Medium

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Notes: I come from low RPish areas

 

It's been three days, so time for a review of the material- what little of it there is.

Firstly, let's start with the good parts of your application. I really enjoy your enthusiasm and I take compliments to the depth of the lore and my abilities as a writer to heart. So I appreciate that! A gas station explosion (presumably) on Adhomai is a very interesting take on things, as gas stations certainly exist on Adhomai despite all the inclinations of the planet tending to apply a vector to using older robust technologies as opposed to newer and less reliable ones.

But now we must move onto the less than admirable qualities of this application. You said you come from a low RPish area, so it's understandable why this application is a bit bear bones. Higher RP environments tend to enforce higher standards and demand adherence to formalities such as the length of whitelist applications. What I mean to say is that, I don't really need a full paragraph telling me why someone wants to play a Tajara and what's different about Tajara from other species in every application, particularly if it's going to be the same answers as every other application. However, even with that said, what few sentences which might supplant an unnecessary full paragraph need to have enough substance to at least clear the low bar set on those questions, and:

they do more brute TBH, and high rp gets raided/griefed some times. And I consider myself semi-robust.

isn't a proper substitute even when paired with "They have my favorite lore on the server."

Likewise:

It is different because I gotta roll r's. Also, Imma catbeast, so I get racism.

EDIT : Racism a strong roleplay subject, which will be a slight challenge for me to roleplay.

Isn't a strong enough answer to justify not leaving a full paragraph response. While I appreciate the mention and understanding of the fact that Tajara are designed to face racism from other more technologically advanced species, this really didn't provide me with a satisfactory explanation of the biological, cultural, and societal differences between Tajara and other species. Here is the spot where you're supposed to demonstrate for me that you understand the differences, and while I appreciate that only 50% of it focuses on mechanical differences, I need more than this to truly buy that you really make the distinction.

Onto the backstory of Muir' Jkar, firstly, where is he from? As far as this application is concerned, he was born in Anytown, USA. We currently have a rule in effect that all Tajara whitelist applications must feature a Tajaran character who was born on Adhomai, a planet currently embroiled in its second world war after a violent three way conflict broke out a decade ago, claiming millions of lives since then. And all of this a mere two decades or so after the planet's first world war which saw the death of over 60 million Tajara. That isn't to say that the setting is grimdark, in fact I heavily prefer when people find creative ways to have Tajara who just weathered the situation well or lived doing something outside of fighting, however the war has a tangible effect on all Tajara in some larger or lesser degree. In this backstory, I don't see it at all. Someone in the middle of Adhomai, it's really unlikely that Muir' Jkar would just suddenly learn of a 60 person maximum occupancy space station in some far flung corner of space away from himself. I appreciate the childish wonder of enjoying digging in one's backyard growing into becoming their lifetime profession of archaeology, I think it's the strongest part of your application, but it comes off as more of a simplistic hand-wavey justification rather than a properly fleshed out character considering your character's only other trait in the whole world is "lost his legs in a gas station explosion."

A much more likely backstory is that Muir' Jkar studied xenoarchaeology on Adhomai and learned that NanoTrasen had openings for Xenoarcaheology studies, joining up with them and getting assigned to the NSS Exodus. Another item which has been addressed by others in this thread is that your character needs to be 25 years or older to be a xenoarcaheologist and to have a doctorate in the field. It's unclear how old Muir is based on this application, but supposing he's 23, he's too young.

 

What do you like about this character? He aint got no legs

 

This section is usually stupid anyways, and I chuckled when I read this. The character is so lacking in backstory, personality, and life events that "he aint got no legs" is essentially his defining trait. What else is there to like? He aint got no legs. That's Muir' Jkar.

I don't mean to come off as harsh, I think this has potential, it's just that this application is so barebones that I cannot accept it. You need to put meat on this bones, flesh it out, fatten it up. Give me a story, showcase your knowledge of Tajaran lore for me. The most important function of a whitelist application is to communicate through example to the lore overseer that you have a proper understanding of the species' lore and a willingness to adhere to narrative.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to deny this application, but you're encouraged to apply again in the future.