DeadLantern

This would make it quite easy, but you would have to add multiple places of birth and remove the "other" feature to the character select screen. Right now you choose the system you were born in, not the planet. This would make Sol common same for everyone--Martians, Eartheans, outer colony-men, which are assumed to have different sounding accents or even dialects. You would probably have to make it planet, and seeing Earth, even that may be too non specific.

1. A language is only a language if it has native speakers. Until then, it's considered a pidgin. Since it's not told, it could be assumed that there are at least a few native speakers of tradeband, perhaps those raised on a trading station. 2. What you can do to fix the problem of different accents for the same language is to not use my number system, but use a menu. There will be a menu next to Tau Ceti Basic in the select screen, and you can choose your accent there. Martian Sol Common, Elryan Sol Common, etc. 3. If your accent changes, then simply change the accent you have. You don't really have a mixture of two accents if you've been in two places. You'll grow to the accent that other people around you speak. 4. It would be implemented the same way xeno accents are implemented. No font change, no color change. It's not a new language, it's an accent in another language. You would extend or shorten or add or take away letters when you type out one. It's like when you type X as Unathi, and get Kss. 5. Yes, correct, accent differences in xenos are there to make xenos feel different. By adding this in, we will make humans, an extremely diverse group, feel separate from each other. This will create more differences and more chance for RP, as well as showing lore in game. 6. It doesn't only have to be basic, but we should start with basic. This will take a lot of work, so we should start here. Also, no matter how easy you make the language, it's always going to have new sounds and new vowels and new everything. So an accent would still be present.

We should implement with the same intensity the xeno races have. Enough to be recognized, but not enough to make their speech impossible to understand. Maybe a few letters are switched around, a few expanded or missing.

We currently have Auto Hiss for only alien species speaking Basic. These all make sense, and I believe they are well implemented and not too annoying. However, we seemed to have forgotten that Humans speak a variety of first languages, and for many Basic would be a 2nd language. Here is what I propose: In the character select screen, when you are choosing the amount of languages your character speaks, there will be some numerals on the side. You can can change the language's number, which would select if it was a 2nd learned language, their mother language, 3rd langauge, etc. Accents in Basic would be decided through which language is number 1, or their native tongue. There would be a distinct accent for those speaking Basic. You could, of course, apply this for every single language in the game. I think this is the opposite of necessary, but could happen. What I want right now is accents in Basic, because everyone speaks Basic. Onto what would the accents be. Sol Common could have a slight Asian accent. Other than that, I have no idea on how Free speak, tradeband, etc, etc would speak like. You could also have differences within each language (Earth accent, Martian accent, outer colony accent). But that would be a lot more work. Thanks for reading

I actually forgot this existed. Again, full support. Love this so much. We need this, it is a small change to putting lore in game.

It is an iconic design, yes, but it does not make sense and it is immersion breaking for a HRP server. Why are there purple SPACE FISH swimming around. They bear too much similarity to actual carp. Changing their design to be actually alien makes sense for what type of immersion we're trying to achieve. Crazy space monsters? Ok. Crazy space fish? Nah.

I agree completely. More space inherently means less interaction.

You do not list the mechanics and biological differences in what makes this species different (such as hissing and uses of M and other letters) and do not list many social differences (no hugging, thwumping of tail, showing if throat, etc). That should be rectified, to truly show you have read the wiki. Of course you don't need every little detail, but some would be preferred. One of my main gripes of the previous story is that the motive was not a very good one. You use the same motive in that story as in this story, meaning, you did not change it. It is the same. "I do not love this person," or, "I did not choose to marry this person", is the motive for your character. And that is lacking. Many, perhaps even all Unathi would be extremely happy with the marriage of a nobleman. All Unathi are used to arranged marriages, and the luxury of choosing a suitor would not be one the character thinks about (which she tries to do anyway). Being wed to a nobleman has more gain than loss. You effectively gaurentee that you will live in luxury and with riches. Your children will survive. You will be respected (relatively). Most female Unathi would wish to marry a nobleman. And you don't even add anything else to the motive. You do not mention if the nobleman is evil to her, or might of provoked the leaving of her. You even mention that she lies about the nobleman being bad, so he might as well be a saint. In reality, when she leaves, she is not cursing the nobleman, she is cursing herself. I would like more of a motive. Perhaps there is financial gain to be had to leaving. Maybe the Mazerrite order declared him a heretic. Something, anything. And we still do not get a glimpse of personality. We are only implied personality, not stated. And when we infer personality, it is broad and unspecific, which is not what you want to base your character upon. But we gain much more of the personality than compared to your last story. We can see that she is devoted, polite, risk taking, and probably a mitläufer. I would like these things to be distinctly stated, however. You still need to make changes. You do not show enough improvement as of now.

You, apparently, have no posts on discord from a simple check.

As said before, wrong format. The explanation of RP is fine, but the explanation of the current state of Tau Ceti is lacking. Nothing about the main factors of Tau Ceti-- Biesel, megacorps, recent invasion of Sol, haven for xenos, etc, etc. And, you give no reason of wanting to play IPC other than "heads" are too hard. I'm a bit weirded out that you would think this app would pass. Yes, you used the wrong format, but it still lacks a lot of basic things that you would normally expect to write about. Nothing about why you want to play an IPC, the differences of an IPC to a human, and, most importantly, a description of your character. Make sure to edit this app with the right format and keep those things in mind.

Staff complaints are made when the person disagrees with the staff's conduct in their job, so a moderator banning someone unfairly, or an admin abusing their powers, etc. Player complaints are over RP issues and behavior issues. Most of the time staff complaints are instigated from abuse of power or misuse of power, then backed up by bad behavior in game. This is just bad behavior, nothing about their job.

Ablative Armor

I understand the deal with sending the heir out. That makes sense. I am still not on board for the blue scale thing. Yes, it's apparently in the mythos for this clan that blue scales = good. Why would that king choose his concubine to be blue? A man with strange likes no doubt, and he still had children with this concubine even if it may defile his bloodline? Surely, people didn't revere blue scales before that time. I don't know. But I like the other parts of the app.

I'd like to see more in the "what make this species different". You list a few things, and a few things that might relate to your character. You also say that they have different mannerisms... That is vague. Describe those different mannerisms and actions. Other than that the story is unique. You see a lot of exile Unathi applications and characters, but this is a strange spin on it. But there are a few flaws. The character's "perfect" brother would not be "perfect" if he was blue. Being blue is insanely weird and you don't want a weird guy ruling everything. You don't even want a blue heir. You also don't want to remove heirs. Ever. I would believe casting away this character if perhaps they were female. This is a heavily patriarchal society, and even if that heir is short, deaf, and blind, you better keep him. So there are a few flaws with this story. I'd recommend switching the colors of the two sons. And then your character proving his worthlessness more. You need to prove to us (and the king) that that heir is completely unfit to be an heir and will cause more trouble than good if he stays here. When you address these points, I'll look at this app again.

I will answer these questions on account of all bug-men everywhere. 1. Yes, because they are certified by the queen. Those from K'lax and Zo'ra are given to Nanotrasen--whether bound or unbound, for money to the Queens. However I I believe vac can go to other companies on their own will if the queen is fine with it. 2. I don't think non-vac live in the hives. You'd have to check with bygone. They are certainly unfit for non-vac.

In the NBT, will it not be a little mini colony?

IPC names can be anything.

The story is evident, and the personality fine. It's all very realistic in a lore sense, too. I see that you're using your own character to move along RP. That's... Fine. But it's always better naturally. It would be much more rewarding if the nickname happened naturally instead of just appearing because you wanted to. Other than that, I have no qualms. And, it's a little unclear, what chassis are you going to be using?

I know she chose, but needlessly renaming yourself Guwan will lead her to some inevitable discrimination and justice. I understand the purpose, but it would also make sense if she didn't.

I was mistaken. There is now more motivation, but I do still dislike the violence. It would be much more likely if she escaped and not killing her husband. Also, the title of Guwan carries a heavy load. An equivalent would be renaming your name to "rapist" or "murderer". I don't think anyone would want to be named Daniel Murderer. I would think reverting her name back to her maiden name would make more sense, or perhaps she could choose it. And you are correct, I have not interacted with your characters. Thanks for addressing my concerns. I still think she should have more personality. Maybe more about how it is being forcibly wed to this nobleman. More about her character would make it solid.

Every single one of these comments say nothing on the actual story, instead praising the person of the app. However, I do not think you need a whitelist or lore knowledge to spot the overt flaws in this story. I doubt you have looked at other whitelists of the Unathi, for a few reasons, one consisting that this is very generic in terms of the whitelist and not very groundbreaking. The other reason that I'll talk about here is that the other whitelists are often much... Longer. More detailed. I will cast away the relatively cliche character simply because I do not know enough. In a heavily patriarchal society, the bride of a RICH and NOBLE person would very well off if compared to the lower wives of men. And she got fed up, and she stabbed him? If she hated this society, the fact that she would be forced to do the work of a female and do what is expected of her, why would she work so hard to get it? If she knew she would not like being wed, why would she work so hard finding the love of the males? Was she willfully ignorant of the duties she'd have to do in order to be wed? You see, in your "why you like your character" section, you seem to only want the whitelist to be an "underdog". To go against the norm, to be different. This is a motif that you can notice among normal characters and whitelist. The ability to stand and cry "I am considered inferior, I want to rise up!" is a right sought after by many. It's the reason why we see many many independent females on station, many many Guwan on station, and many other dregs of society. But if you lust after the whitelist only to fulfill this purpose, it is misguided and broken. You should flesh out the character more. Give her more of a personality, because right now, I see nothing. Find another reason other than wanting to play someone who is oppressed to play this character. And actually give her a reason for killing her husband, because that part does not make sense. Wouldn't she just leave if she was fed up? Sneak away? I do not think this can be passed in its current state.

It's a lot better. Still, a few problems are present. The words don't really flow with the story, and there are multiple grammar mistakes. This does not impede comprehension, but it's a bit outstanding when you are reading it. With the story itself, it's much longer, and clearly had at least some thought put into it. However, from my understanding, it doesn't make sense in some parts. So, I believe that the mother ran away. Why would she not take the daughter with her too? Wouldn't she at least say goodbye, there are no signs of unloving to at least, the daughter. And wouldn't those ALA soldiers be speaking Siik'tajr? The story is overwhelmed with a lot of details that don't add much to the story or the character. Most of the details are about specific situations, not the character or her thoughts. I personally think that the character is still a bit generic. We've seen children of the war over and over again. I think that the character's father is actually well developed, even when the focus is not him, and believe he would be a better suit for the Aurora. He has proven medical experience, unlike this character, probably a degree or some form of medical education, and we don't see many Tajara of his age on the station. If you do choose the daughter. She's probably going to be unalligned in her politics, which is another cliche but not something too serious. She'd probably have a very limited understanding of Tau Basic, so make sure to put that in. She wouldn't know much about Adhomai. The story is definitely better.

I understand that you are rewriting the backstory, but some things to consider: Expand on "what makes this species different to RP than humans". You don't even mention the language difference "she, he, they) and the racial and political differences. The fast fluff stuff doesn't help your case either. Into some backstory things, race mixing in tajara culture is seen as taboo. While there is some leniance in the DPRA, a Njarari with anyone but a Njarari is very strange and bad, and would be looked down upon by virtually everyone. You do reflect this in your story, but it would be much more extreme then what you say. I don't even think they could start a business or a hospital without it being burned down. And, this application is very safe and doesn't really do much different. Take a look at the other apps for Tajara. You fall into a cliche with The military involvement Experienced bad things due to race related issues Somehow lived through the war without gaining injury nor trauma Escaping the military with no consequences and not being discharged Little to no special things happening outside of Adhomai Easily gaining access to a first world planet and going to a revered and expensive college without proof of prior education And etc etc. I am happy that you are undergoing the rework, keep these things in mind.

Is this your redemption arc?

sure.